Monday, January 16, 2012

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #319
















WINNERS
FIRST PLACEOne of those rats was for me. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The other snake responds: "I know. That's why I ate it so fast, shithead." This may be a comment on greed, gluttany or the republican primaries. Think about it: When you're a predator you feel entitled to prey.When you are prey, you don't want predators in charge. This is one of Johnny's best caps ever!)
SECOND PLACELet's go over this again. Describe your greatest asset that qualifies you for a desk job.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Well," said the snake, "apart from having an enormously huge ass, I'm a slitering cold blooded vipor with sharp fangs and a nasty disposition. As such, I firmly believe I'm well qualified for a mid-management position.")
THIRD PLACE"I sure wish the Man would censor the internet and save me from being traumatized by the sight of a perfectly well-drawn snake with a ridiculous, anthropomorphized turd-cutter." --PIPA's Ass (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical and creative, yet somewhat baffleing.This is two good to ignore even if the choice of butt medaphor is a bit creepy and gross--and not in a good way. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
I told you not to eat Liza Minelli.Now you're going to be in the National Rattler! --cubshlub (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very stupid but admitedly Liza, while still a national treasure, has developed some junk in her truck ...also "Rattler" rhymes with "Tattler" so this has some juice.)


"Christ, what an asshole!" --Dex Christ, what a whole ass.--Jim Cavananaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic and a variation on a classic. The second is better that the first but they are both pretty awful.)
Fussssssssilli, you crazy backssside, how are you? --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can so easily visualize Johnny sitting in front of laptop with a bottle of gin and a pack of Luckys. He ponders and ponders and comes up with this. Supposedly they taste like chicken, Johnny. That's what I've heard about snakes.)
Spill the beans. I don't have three weeks to see if that's James or the giant peach.-- boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a variation on an entry that didn't make the cut and a comment on my tartiness. Noted.)
"We no longer crawl for OR eat their horseshit....oh, sorry, that's next week's cartoon."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Can't say I blame you for getting ahead of us. The "horseshit" part reminds me of something John Madden told his team when he was coach of the Raiders: "Don't worry if the horse is blind, just load the wagon.")

106 comments:

Dex said...

"Christ, what an asshole!"

Marc Anaconda said...

I guess it wasn't a J Lo calorie meal!

Dr Sumguy said...

"So! You've been seeing that tramp, Kim Kardashian!"

boneguy said...

Next time I'm asking the waiter for split cheeks..

Anonymous said...

"Are you a black mamba by any chance?"

Anonymous said...

"Well, they say you are what you eat."


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Go ahead and shake that money-maker. Me, I’ll stick with the tradtional rattles.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“I thought he said ‘nice asp’. Well, I guess I misunderstood the man.”


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"So! ... You had to audition for "Snakes on a Plane"! ... Sheeshsss!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"So! ... You had to audition for "Snakes on a Plane"! ... Sheeshsss!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's a step backwards! ... Now we have to find a toilet!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"What a bummer!"

Anonymous said...

"Yeah! Smells like tuna fish up ahead."

JohnnyB said...

One of those rats was for me.

JohnnyB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr Sumguy said...

"Bummer of a birth defect, Hal!"

Glenn said...

"No, I can't finger your bumhole. Remember?

boneguy said...

Let's go over this again. Describe your greatest asset that qualifies you for a desk job.

David Macharelli said...

"To be fair, you do look like a dildo."

Anonymouse said...

"I knew that Danny Shanahan was a sicko. I just didn't realize how much."

Kathy H said...

"So, you couldn't keep your ass out of the news, could you?!"

boneguy said...

Inbreeding is underrated.

Anonymous said...

Never swallow a Kardashian whole.

Jim Cavanaugh

Rudini said...

I told you not to eat Newt Gingrich.

Satireguy said...

"Yes, those genes do make your ass look big."

Rhinohorn said...

I liked you better without the implants

Anonymous said...

Dude, you really came unhinged last night.

Jim Cavanaugh

Tim H said...

"Yeah, well, I still think that Don't Tread on Me is a better slogan than Kiss My Ass.

Glenn said...

"Once she ate that apple, your mother became a real serpent slut. Who the hell knows which one was your father."

Suzanna L. said...

"Quit the bullshit, Antoine. That is a hat."

Suzanna L. said...

"Perhaps Shanahan should learn to pilot airplanes instead."

Kathy H said...

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to shop for you?"

Tim H said...

"No. You're wrong. The title of Sir Mix-A-Lot's song isn't Baby Got Diamondback."

Anonymous said...

"I hear you only come out when it's a full moon."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Look, I know it’s summer and we all shed---I just think you’ve taken it a little too far is all I'm sayin'.”


---blw

cubshlub said...

I told you not to eat Liza Minelli.
Now you're going to be in the National Rattler!

Anonymous said...

I take it your some kind of asp viper?

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

you're

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"So that's how you got him to eat from the Tree of Knowledge."


---left coast wayne

Dr Sumguy said...

"Randy! ... Your supposed to slither side to side, not Up & Down!"

Austin said...

You really should see a physician. Testicular cancer is nothing to ignore, no matter how much it's helping with the ladies.

Paul Arnold said...

You put the ass back in asp, sweetie, and that's for damned sure.

PIPA's Ass said...

"I sure wish the Man would censor the internet and save me from being traumatized by the sight of a perfectly well-drawn snake with a ridiculous, anthropomorphized turd-cutter."

Li Po (Cook from Bonanza) said...

"Kung Hei Fat Butt!! It's the Rear of the Snake!!"

Shelly said...

"Your backside is a big puff, adder."

boneguy said...

I don't have three months to see if that thing is really a giant peach.

Anonymouse said...

"Don't get me wrong. You're easy on the eyes and all. But, once they get their heads around the fact that they have a couple of talking snakes on their hands, this whole thing is gonna explode! Big time!"

Shelly said...

"You're so full of 'rhoid rage."

Anonymous said...

You're in my seat

Anonymous said...

"Fatassedsnakey, you crazy bastard. How are you?"

JohnnyB said...

Fussssssssilli, you crazy backssside, how are you?

Anonymous said...

"Ok, you make a run for it and I'll cover your ass."

Ghost to the Post said...

"I don't know Gary, you tell me who is going to take us seriously as a couple of real plankers"

Blond said...

No - you're wrong -I distinctly heard them screaming "Look out- Snake in the grass! Snake in the grass! " not " Snake with the ass!!!!,

Dr Sumguy said...

"A Tramp Stamp?" ... "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE SNAKELET FELL OFF!"

boneguy said...

You can focus on your abs now.

Kathy H said...

"Well, the reason it's sunburned is that it's a whole foot closer to the sun."

Tim H said...

"Just my luck. I'm a leg man."

Blonde said...

So then I told him that he could just: "Kiss my asp!!!" Get it?? snort snort!!

Blonde said...

If Eve had just kissed my asssssp when I asked her instead of eating that friggin' apple, things would be a helluva lot different today..!!

Dex said...

"Looks like somebody forgot the safe word."

Utellme said...

"Don't get cheeky with me, bitch."

Utellme said...

"If shedding your skin at the Viper Room is your life's ambition, Ana (Conda), at least have the decency to wear a boa."

Kathy H said...

"No, no , no! I will not call you Rumplesnakeskin!"

smuck said...

"It looks like the snake oil you bought actually worked."

Long Cut said...

"My favorite athlete of all-time? Hmmmm? That's a tough one, but I have to go with Mo' Cheeks."

The Gardener of Eden said...

"You told me you were getting Botox, not buttocks!"

My three year old said...

"Oh, you wish I was in your seat"

toofpick said...

Anna "Conda" Kournikova

toofpick said...

Zigmund F'Rhoid

Satireguy said...

"Hey, you are what you eat."

Gregory Hind 1/4 said...

"If I'd been drawn with a Johnson, I'd totally tap that."

Anonymous said...

Christ, what a whole ass.

Jim Cavananaugh

Steve_O said...

"You almost look like you've eaten a giant chicken that had a big ass from working a desk job."

Lawrence Wood said...

"I'm glad you liked dinner. Stop calling it 'bootylicious.'"

Anonymous said...

Hey, Satire Guy . . . how 'bout something original??? You perhaps are what you eat, but you are NOT what you purloin . . .


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"The ad will read ... Rodney! ... Large Tushmaster Armpit Viper, no STD's ... Prefers petite blondes ... "Ereptile Dysfunction", my Speciality"!

Richard H said...

"Always with the same question every time you get a new skin"

Anonymous said...

"But hey, real fools always add legs to a snake."

Glenn said...

"Jeez, what crawled up your ass and died?"

Kathy H said...

"Well, I'm glad to see that the SEC is finally off your ass."

smuck said...

"If you keep bumming cigarettes, you'll end up with some serious medical issues."

Anonymous said...

"So what was it like inside the bearded lady?"

Linez from Filmz said...

"No one wants your crack here, LOUis."

- Trading Places

Snakes on a Plain said...

"You give 'drag your ass' a whole new meaning."

Snacks on a Plane said...

"Butt nothing!"

Anonymous said...

"What can I say? At times Dad was an asshole."

Ghost to the Post said...

“For your information, the correct pronunciation is, BOADONKADONK”

Ghost to the Post said...

“Two words Sandy: appetite sssssupressssssssentssssss”

Ghost to the Post said...

“You’re still dating Richard Gere I see”

Ghost to the Post said...

♫ My milk snake brings all the boas to the yard..♫

Satireguy said...

"That's the last time I take you to an all-you-can-eat hamster buffet."

Anonymous said...

"Just because I have aspirations doesn't mean I'm a brown noser, you asshole."

Anonymous said...

"We no longer fall for OR eat their horseshit."

Anonymous said...

"We no longer crawl for OR eat their horseshit....oh, sorry, that's next week's cartoon."

Satireguy said...

"When I married you, you were a size 2 XXXXXL. Now look at you!"

boneguy said...

Spill the beans. I don't have three weeks to see if that's James or the giant peach.

Utellme said...

Look! Al in la's two weeks behind!

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

100th cap alert. Woop woop dive!

Glenn said...

"We're trying to fight the stereotype that snakes are slimy. Quit using that lube!"

Anonymous said...

"Look, there's still time to lose that huge ass . . . alinla hasn't decided yet . . ."


---blw

Ken L said...

Don't be a wise guy. You know perfectly well what I meant by "butt out".

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Dr Thunder said...

"So he said, 'My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon,' and that's when I got the surgery." -Mrs Mix-A-Lot with her friend.

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