WINNERS
FIRST PLACE "Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if to prove that the no-pun rule has been lifted, this gem brings a long over-due win for Kathy. Even so, why would "Juan" be introducing himself to a woman who looks like him in drag?)
SECOND PLACE I finally got a column in the New Yorker.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Congratulations! Not to piss on this lofty accomplishment, but it seems your dog also got a column. Who gets a column is very political, that's all I'm trying to say.)
FIRST PLACE "Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if to prove that the no-pun rule has been lifted, this gem brings a long over-due win for Kathy. Even so, why would "Juan" be introducing himself to a woman who looks like him in drag?)
SECOND PLACE I finally got a column in the New Yorker.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Congratulations! Not to piss on this lofty accomplishment, but it seems your dog also got a column. Who gets a column is very political, that's all I'm trying to say.)
THIRD PLACE
We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is bad but it could be even worse if you assume the man's wife is named Irene and he is addressing his comments to the dog. Now that would be an anti-cap.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans." --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They look like a nice enough couple and pugs are cute as hell. Remember David, ugly is as ugly does.)
"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice eye for detail and even better if you assume the dog is talking. )
"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The same week that brings Kathy a huge win she comes up with this. Win some, lose some. )
"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A included a link to Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour. A terrible cap but nice job sucking up to the judge. )
Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Post is also a breakfast cereal brand and a newspaper, so it is a very pun-prone word. Besides, I also said no waste of time caps--that one is also widely ignored.)
"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mission accomplished. This cartoon really sucks.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans." --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They look like a nice enough couple and pugs are cute as hell. Remember David, ugly is as ugly does.)
"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice eye for detail and even better if you assume the dog is talking. )
"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The same week that brings Kathy a huge win she comes up with this. Win some, lose some. )
"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A included a link to Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour. A terrible cap but nice job sucking up to the judge. )
Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Post is also a breakfast cereal brand and a newspaper, so it is a very pun-prone word. Besides, I also said no waste of time caps--that one is also widely ignored.)
"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mission accomplished. This cartoon really sucks.)
71 comments:
"Weird. Dogs usually have red shafts."
I don't care if she is your best friend, I'm not letting Yoko glue fruit to my naked body
Yeah, he's a BIG fan of the “Saw” franchise.... Hey! Where did he go?
Survivor: MoMA
(groan)
“Novel practices”? From here I can see our marriage counselor speeding off with his golf clubs sticking out of his trunk.
"What's wrong with being a columnist?"
Did you really mean that, or were you just being Ionic?
"Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A."
"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below."
"I don't like to brag, but I have been told more than once that I am a pillar of the community."
The rest of the Parthenon should be here by Thursday.
"It's part of our contract - Victoria Roberts has to draw us in the same room as a couch. I'm calling my lawyer."
"This place sucks."
Honey, I've always put you on a pedestal but now I can hardly cone-tain myself. plus the dog came in third.
This is how large my prostate has to get to make it into the Guinness Book of Records.
"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans."
It's been 12 hours. Where the fuck is Johhny B.?
“No one ever wins in Whack-a-Jew®. Jazz Hands!!”
"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!"
"Why so aloof? My post is stiff for you, baby!"
"These are all Doric. Ionic and Corinthian are more ornate."
"This is the answer! What was the question?"
"Last year, the debt ceiling was only this wide!"
"So when they raised the urinal, I had 2 choices. Either let out less hose, or go for the piedistallo!"
pedestal
"You are statuesque, my dear. Who was it who sculpted your bust?"
"Alabaster? Yes, I suppose he is at times."
"I said I wanted to be a pederast, not a pedestal."
I finally got a column in the New Yorker.
Frieze sucker!
"Fraternal. What else?"
Bro
"...and that's why I put these columns in Virginia. Because who ever heard of an earthquake in Virginia?!"
"Not only am I double-jointed, I also have a terminal case of jazz hands."
"As a statue, I have my limitations."
"Oh my God! A mouse! Karen, how can you stay so clam? And Dutchess...you should be ashamed!
"You forgot the hood and electrical cords."
"I hope he doesn't pun-ish us again."
"I'm sorry to have to tell you I'm leaving my post."
Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."
Before I waste my time and yours, explain to me why you feel worthy of instruction in the art of being shot from a cannon.
No, I thought you had the rope.
"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!"
"I think we can survive that tsunami-like wave of horrifying word play up here."
"Yes, I always get my suits at Paul Stuart because they accommodate my double-jointed elbows so well."
"Honey, no offense, but your dress is fuckin' ugly. I mean what is it? Balloons, Neopolitan ice cream? Look, just never wear it again, OK, at least not when I'm around. God, I just love loving you so much that I feel safe being this open with you.!"
"You're always looking down on me, you say. Well, I'm tired of it."
Introducing "Madame Tussauds" Hall of Arguments.
"And so this is my model of the universe. I'm at the center, orbited by lesser beings like yourself. You do have Fifi as a moon, if that's any consolation."
I'd say my love of underage Greeks boys is completely irrelevant.
"Am I OK with this? Sure, I am. If the oceans rise, I'll be the last to go."
---blw
"I'm sick of these vertically challenged jokes, i.e. yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!"
"Can you take me higher?"
"Simon says, 'do this'"
“I know he’s the last dog left in this pound, but I still say, ‘Gas him!’”
"We should never have asked your museum curator friend to put us up for the night!"
"So? Is the 'ribbed for her pleasure' one worth it?"
"Your friend says he 'created a unique piece of performance art' for us. Bah! See if I ever column back!"
"With my chiseled physique and long-standing reputation, I'm sure to win this immunity challenge!"
"Is this really the only way we can stop him from humping our legs?"
Don't get comfortable - we're just place holders for Johnny, Jimbo and Angus Podgorny
Quinctilius Varus, bring back our heros!
"I said putting you on a pedestal would be ironic, not Ionic."
Having lived in Upper East Side Manhattan for many years, Irving and Claudia Goldstein were unfamiliar with hurricane preparedness.
Really, I don't think Mom was considering earthquakes and hurricanes when she left me the telescope lens.
Al and Irene are just on a mean streak, honey. I think we can come down next week.
We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?
Jim Cavanaugh
"Okay, now I can tell you. I slept with your mother. On and off. For about 6 years. But it's over, now. Well, it was over way before she died."
"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!"
"Now's the time on Sprocket's when we dance."
"Buck, buck, buck, bakaw!!!!"
Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."
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