Sunday, August 21, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #299




WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if to prove that the no-pun rule has been lifted, this gem brings a long over-due win for Kathy. Even so, why would "Juan" be introducing himself to a woman who looks like him in drag?)


SECOND PLACE I finally got a column in the New Yorker.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Congratulations! Not to piss on this lofty accomplishment, but it seems your dog also got a column. Who gets a column is very political, that's all I'm trying to say.)

THIRD PLACE 
We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is bad but it could be even worse if you assume the man's wife is named Irene and he is addressing his comments to the dog. Now that would be an anti-cap.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans." --David Macharelli (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They look like a nice enough couple and pugs are cute as hell. Remember David, ugly is as ugly does.)


"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice eye for detail and even better if you assume the dog is talking. )

"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The same week that brings Kathy a huge win she comes up with this. Win some, lose some. )

"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A included a link to Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour. A terrible cap but nice job sucking up to the judge. )

Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Post is also a breakfast cereal brand and a newspaper, so it is a very pun-prone word. Besides, I also said no waste of time caps--that one is also widely ignored.)

"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mission accomplished. This cartoon really sucks.)

78 comments:

Kay Nein said...

"Weird. Dogs usually have red shafts."

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

I don't care if she is your best friend, I'm not letting Yoko glue fruit to my naked body

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

Yeah, he's a BIG fan of the “Saw” franchise.... Hey! Where did he go?

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

Survivor: MoMA

(groan)

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

You want to dress me like Commander Data, fuck me silly and let Spot watch?

Make it so!

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

“Novel practices”? From here I can see our marriage counselor speeding off with his golf clubs sticking out of his trunk.

Unbalanced said...

"What's wrong with being a columnist?"

Walt said...

Did you really mean that, or were you just being Ionic?

Kathy H said...

"Let me introduce myself. I am Juan from Column A."

Anonymouse said...

"Strange, but true. My name is Victoria Roberts and I peed my name in the carpet below."

Tim H said...

"I don't like to brag, but I have been told more than once that I am a pillar of the community."

boneguy said...

The rest of the Parthenon should be here by Thursday.

smuck said...

"It's part of our contract - Victoria Roberts has to draw us in the same room as a couch. I'm calling my lawyer."

smuck said...

"This place sucks."

Heidi Silver said...

Honey, I've always put you on a pedestal but now I can hardly cone-tain myself. plus the dog came in third.

boneguy said...

This is how large my prostate has to get to make it into the Guinness Book of Records.

David Macharelli said...

"Fuck you and your Doric column,too!"

David Macharelli said...

"Since that's a pug, I can only assume we're on display as examples of ugly humans."

Anonymous said...

It's been 12 hours. Where the fuck is Johhny B.?

Herr Pope said...

“No one ever wins in Whack-a-Jew®. Jazz Hands!!”

Anonymouse said...

"I've run out of things to talk about. Oh, hey...Bob Dylan!"

Anonymous said...

"Why so aloof? My post is stiff for you, baby!"

Anonymous said...

"These are all Doric. Ionic and Corinthian are more ornate."

Dr Sumguy said...

"This is the answer! What was the question?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Last year, the debt ceiling was only this wide!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"So when they raised the urinal, I had 2 choices. Either let out less hose, or go for the piedistallo!"

Dr Sumguy said...

pedestal

Anonymous said...

"You are statuesque, my dear. Who was it who sculpted your bust?"

Dex said...

"Alabaster? Yes, I suppose he is at times."

Satireguy said...

"I said I wanted to be a pederast, not a pedestal."

Anonymous said...

I finally got a column in the New Yorker.

boneguy said...

Frieze sucker!

Anonymous said...

"Fraternal. What else?"

Bro

Dr Sumguy okay okay said...

"So your pussy is really this big? How big is the cat?"

Tim H said...

"...and that's why I put these columns in Virginia. Because who ever heard of an earthquake in Virginia?!"

Satireguy said...

"Not only am I double-jointed, I also have a terminal case of jazz hands."

Amiga F. said...

"I'm fine with being separated, but, fuck you, I get the dog."

Dex said...

"As a statue, I have my limitations."

Jess said...

"Oh my God! A mouse! Karen, how can you stay so clam? And Dutchess...you should be ashamed!

Donald Rumsfeld said...

"You forgot the hood and electrical cords."

Anonymous said...

"I hope he doesn't pun-ish us again."

Shelly said...

"I'm sorry to have to tell you I'm leaving my post."

Anonymous said...

Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."

skeeelz said...

Before I waste my time and yours, explain to me why you feel worthy of instruction in the art of being shot from a cannon.

Austin said...

No, I thought you had the rope.

Kathy H said...

"O.K. Someone's gotta pay for miscounting the Contest number. God, I wanted to be in Contest #300 sooooo bad!"

Glenn said...

"I think we can survive that tsunami-like wave of horrifying word play up here."

Anonymouse said...

"Yes, I always get my suits at Paul Stuart because they accommodate my double-jointed elbows so well."

Gangsta Crackah said...

"Whassup, M'Bitches!?"

Tim H said...

Dog, thinking...
"Man's Best Friend, my ass!"

Dim Steve said...

"Honey, no offense, but your dress is fuckin' ugly. I mean what is it? Balloons, Neopolitan ice cream? Look, just never wear it again, OK, at least not when I'm around. God, I just love loving you so much that I feel safe being this open with you.!"

Satireguy said...

"Listen up, bitches."

AWags said...

"You're always looking down on me, you say. Well, I'm tired of it."

AWags said...

Introducing "Madame Tussauds" Hall of Arguments.

smuck said...

"And so this is my model of the universe. I'm at the center, orbited by lesser beings like yourself. You do have Fifi as a moon, if that's any consolation."

boneguy said...

I'd say my love of underage Greeks boys is completely irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

"Am I OK with this? Sure, I am. If the oceans rise, I'll be the last to go."


---blw

Dr Sumguy said...

"I'm sick of these vertically challenged jokes, i.e. yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!"

Anonymous said...

"Can you take me higher?"

Anonymous said...

"Simon says, 'do this'"

Kathy H said...

“I know he’s the last dog left in this pound, but I still say, ‘Gas him!’”

cta said...

"We should never have asked your museum curator friend to put us up for the night!"

cta said...

"So? Is the 'ribbed for her pleasure' one worth it?"

cta said...

"Your friend says he 'created a unique piece of performance art' for us. Bah! See if I ever column back!"

cta said...

"With my chiseled physique and long-standing reputation, I'm sure to win this immunity challenge!"

cta said...

"Is this really the only way we can stop him from humping our legs?"

The Chexx Mixx Kidd said...

Don't get comfortable - we're just place holders for Johnny, Jimbo and Angus Podgorny

This Contest really blows, now said...

Quinctilius Varus, bring back our heros!

Satireguy said...

"I said putting you on a pedestal would be ironic, not Ionic."

REX said...

Having lived in Upper East Side Manhattan for many years, Irving and Claudia Goldstein were unfamiliar with hurricane preparedness.

Suzanna L. said...

Really, I don't think Mom was considering earthquakes and hurricanes when she left me the telescope lens.

Suzanna L. said...

Al and Irene are just on a mean streak, honey. I think we can come down next week.

Anonymous said...

We could be stuck without food and water until Irene blows over. You still lactating?

Jim Cavanaugh

Glenn said...

"Okay, now I can tell you. I slept with your mother. On and off. For about 6 years. But it's over, now. Well, it was over way before she died."

Glenn said...

"I was trying to think of a way to pose us to get the least interest and the fewest caption submissions. I think I did damn well!"

Dieter said...

"Now's the time on Sprocket's when we dance."

Glenn said...

"Buck, buck, buck, bakaw!!!!"

Ladnerzzsd said...

Al says no puns, but right there on his blog page, it says "Links to this post."

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