Monday, July 4, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #294


NOTE: After more than 10 weeks away in Florida, upstate NY and NYC, I am back in Los Angeles seated in my living room watching the Mets. My father has moved to an senior residence upstate NY near one of my sisters. While in NY, I saw the Mets beat the Yanks in extra innings at Citi Field with my sister Anne. Last Friday, Mrs. al in la and I attended Paul McCartney's concert in the new Yankee Stadium (video).
Some great memories--but now I'm ready to get back to my regular routine which includes judging your caps each week. Here I go.



WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"He just needs someone to be little." --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rare win for the prolific but usually unfunny Utellme, this makes a statement about the type of ego needed for mid-management as well the flexibility of the English language. This was the first of several entered by Utell--the rest really sucked. Once again we see the dangers of over-capping.)
SECOND PLACE
Doctor, I'm concerned about the size and shape of his stool. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another shitty cap from Johnny, but with his gross pun maybe is also reminding men over 50 to get checked out by a doctor if their shit ain't right. Maybe Johnny isn't so full of stool after all.)
THIRD PLACERepublican nominated federal judges rarely rule in favor of "the little people." --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And why should they? Little people write little checks, lead little lives and seldom submit meaningful Anti-Caps.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Uhhhhhhh...I give up. He's easier to reach by phone? He likes to stay on top of things? We had mice last week? Look, I'm just his fucking secretary."--OB294 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here we are reminded that someone just spitballing potential caps will do better that people who ponder them for days on end. [I don't mean to hit a nerve Utellme, but if the shoe fits...]) )



"Pretend not to notice anything strange. He's very sensitive about his prescription elephantiasis desk." --David Macharell (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When I was taking care of my dad in Florida, he often wanted to go to Wal-Mart or anyplace with a shopping cart that he could push. It made it easier for him to walk. Even so, he almost always refused to use his walker because he felt it made him look like an old man. This cap made me think of that. He is doing well in his new home upstate New York.)
[Correction: As I'm sure Al will realize, my second caption above should read: "I said I'd send for you and I did. What did you expect?"] --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I was in the process of finalizing the paper work that would have banned Angus from this contest for life--but he saved himself with this red-faced mea copa. The line is, of course, from Dylan's "Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)" Let's be more careful in the future, Angus.)

It's the desk al sits in when judging his two bit contest. He's out of townso Rupert Murdoch is using it till he gets back. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but factually wrong. I usually do this in any easy chair while watching TV. This way I never have to give the judging process my complete attention. Also, there are no two-bit contests, only two-bit contestants. )
His nom de goon is al in la and sits in judgment of hapless anti-cappers. --Edward M Schupp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In fairness, I'd judge a non-hapless capper if we ever found one.)

110 comments:

Steve_O said...

"You know what they say- massive desk, minuscule dick."

JohnnyB said...

Have you seen his giant pencil?

JohnnyB said...

He always said if he got his own desk, he could make it big.

JohnnyB said...

Doctor, I'm concerned about the size and shape of his stool.

Glenn said...

"Poor bastard never outgrew his high chair."

boneguy said...

They just took out the lifeguard chair this morning.

LR said...

"FYI, he loves very tall women and the podium scene in 'Police Academy'."

Austin said...

Republican nominated federal judges rarely rule in favor of "the little people."

JohnnyB said...

Just try to maintain some perspective.

chucka said...

"Don't make any jokes about how he's so high. He has glaucoma, you know."

Richard H said...

"We have a lot of big swinging dicks around here, but none like Mr Patterson."

Damon said...

"I hate being a dwarf. Don't you?"

chucka said...

"Well, a regular-sized desk and chair just didn't seem to fit the scale of this room."

Anonymous said...

"Hey! My tits are down here."


14 captions so far....

David Macharelli said...

"Pretend not to notice anything strange. He's very sensitive about his prescription elephantiasis desk."

Anonymous said...

He likes to have a couple of highballs after lunch.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"He does all the highering." Get it!? HIGHERING!!! HaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!! Contest over.

Demetrius

chucka (cta) said...

"Did we call for Extermination Services? No, I think you want the courtroom podium downstairs.."

Anonymous said...

Hey Demetrius, try to keep it original

http://alinla.blogspot.com/2010_07_01_archive.html

contest not over

Anonymous said...

"A shorter path to Tompkins goes through my vagina, Mr. Cosgrove."

Bev

Dex said...

"Yes, I'm Annette."

Rich Lather said...

"As expected, a man requiring a desk that big has virtually empty drawers."

Rich Lather said...

"As expected, a man requiring a desk that big has virtually empty drawers."

Anonymous said...

Mr.Trump will see you now.

Jm Cavanaugh

Angus Podgorny said...

He doesn't. He gets down from a goose.

Angus Podgorny said...

I said I'd call for you and I did. What did you expect?

Angus Podgorny said...

Welcome to Quebec, Mr. Mankoff.

Anonymous said...

"Uhhhhhhh...I give up. He's easier to reach by phone? He likes to stay on top of things? We had mice last week? Look, I'm just his fucking secretary."

OB294

Satireguy said...

"Mr. Ditweiler will intimidate you now."

smuck said...

"Mr. Evrolet will see you now."

smuck said...

"As Mr. Wincheler's accountant, you will be expected to balance his budget. And his chair. And occasionally his nuts on your chin."

Anonymous said...

"Make it quick. He hasn't had his 3 o'clock feeding."

Malkmus

Glenn said...

"Do you have an appointment with Mister Heinie?"

Eric G said...

His highness will see you now

Andrew said...

"Standing desks are helpful in theory, unless customized for our former CEO Manute Bol," said Curt as he fiddled with the loose hydraulic lever on the underside of his chair, "Just go on to lunch without me. My plans are up a bit up in the air."

Eric G said...

The professor holds a well-endowed chair position here

NAMBY said...

"You still have to blow the boss, but now you doing have to kneel...It was legal's idea."

boneguy said...

This happened right after he saw "Tangled".

Angus Podgorny said...

[Correction: As I'm sure Al will realize, my second caption above should read: "I said I'd send for you and I did. What did you expect?"]

Anonymous said...

"This isn't the raise he was looking for."

Jim Cavanaugh

Zeke said...

Can we interest you in some chicken fried rice?

Glenn said...

"His girlfriend refuses to get on her knees."

boneguy said...

A giant bottle of liquor. What the fuck do you think would be in a giant liquor cabinet?

Two Men Stood on a Bridge said...

"It's so he can 'go commando'. Carpet cleaning solution irritates his sensitive areas."

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Utellme said...

"He just needs someone to be little."

Utellme said...

"Get his coffee at 8:00 and do a booger check at 8:15. "

Utellme said...

"Of course he can feed himself; don't let the highchair fool you."

Utellme said...

"That sound is often mistaken for some kind of water feature. Soothing, isn't it?"

Edward M Schupp said...

His nom de goon is al in la and sits in judgment of hapless anti-cappers.

If he says “piss on you”… run like Hell

Mr. Kline had a bad experience playing “Bull Poker”

Mookie said...

Isn't that a marvy throne, Barry?

Satireguy said...

"Come in. Don't be afraid. It's all to compensate for his tiny penis."

Glenn said...

Higher The Handicapped

Richard H said...

"If you make any sudden moves, don't be surprised if he slides into his man-sized safe."

Anonymous said...

Welcome to IKEA headquarters.

Jim Cavanaugh

Glenn said...

"It's so his rather good-sized colostomy bag won't touch the floor."

Anonymous said...

"It is compensation—for a dick longer than most pythons."

peaches

Anonymous said...

"I hope you appreciate Mr. Smithers seeing you on such short notice. Most people have to wait TWO WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS!!!!!!"

boneguy said...

It's the desk al sits in when judging
his two bit contest. He's out of town
so Rupert Murdoch is using it till he gets back.

Rob Rubin said...

That's a BIG fucking desk
End of desk-cussing!

Scheiss Coffman said...

"Go stand under his chair and wait there until he shits on your head. He's our P.O.O."

Cicely T. said...

"Happy Birthday, sir. The Cakeboss sent this over for you."

Anonymouse said...

"Excuse me, sir. Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He love's elevator music. His favorite is, "Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall"."

Dr Sumguy said...

"He love's elevator music. His favorite - "Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling, If You Hear Me Fall"!"

Blonde said...

Sorry - nothing's changed- we're still just waiting for word from above-

Blonde said...

Jeez- I see that ol' Al has been on that high horse of his again!!!!!

Anonymous said...

"His mother had a really big snatch, if you know what I mean."

Kathy H said...

"The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler will see you now."

Tim H said...

"You're just in time. He's just about to raise the debt limit."

Rex said...

"It happens whenever he finds a companyhe can take over."

Anonymous said...

Everyone's on vacation and this Schupp guy just sort of took over. I can't get him to come down.

Anonymous said...

Hey Schupp. We're not interested in reading your fucking memoirs!

Anonymouse said...

Aw, let's give Edward M Schupp some slack. It can't be easy having a name which anagrams into Dad Chews Mr Pup.

Grandmama said...

"He might look intimidating up there, but after two shots of schnapps he'll suck your schupp."

Kathy H said...

I believe his name was Lili von Shtupp before the sex-change operation.

Anonymous said...

Schut upp!

Malkmus

Anonymous said...

Starting to miss J.D.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is J.D.

Anonymous said...

J.D. or not J.D.? I'm schtumpped.

Anonymous said...

My God...Andy Kaufman is alive. It's ALIVE!!!

Anonymous said...

He would never schtupp to your level.

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"His desk is grotesque."

Dangling Chad said...

"My hog on knee has nothing to do with my desk, but everything to do with wood."

Anonymous said...

"What did Mick Jagger say when he walked in and saw Heffner BF'ing Schupp BF'ing Bob Eckstein BF'ing JD who was BF'ing Dennis Weaver?"

Hey, Hey Hugh Hugh get off of Schupp-Eckstein-JD-McCloud.

Tim H said...

"As you can see, Mr. Schupp is a smallish man, but his humongous ego neccessitated his having a very big desk."

Kathy H said...

You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

Anonymous said...

Kathy H, you insufferable suck-up...

Kathy H said...

In the words of Curly Howard: "I resemble that remark!"

Gary P said...

I was under there. Disgusting. Do you have any toilet paper?

Anonymous said...

"That's Descky. He's desckicating his food.

Gary P said...

"Hey! My legs are down here."

Plateau de Beille said...

"The dress, the heels, the lip gloss and the furniture wax always get a rise out of him."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"As you can see, Mr. Taxpayer, the nation's debt ceiling is stuckoed."

Front Loader said...

"If you jump high enough, you will see he is ogling Miss July."

Bass Jumper said...

"May I offer you a pogo stick?"

Glenn said...

"Are you the one who answered the ad for a top? There's been a slight change."

Aviary Johnson said...

"He's Head of Perchasing."

Tim H said...

"He's so proud of himself ever since he copyrighted the term carmageddon©."

Dan said...

You're shorter than the last guy, but we can make it work.

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to FLY... up to be interviewed, yeah of course I'm going to get you a ladder.

Gary P said...

"Are you the man from the agency? The one who pulls chairs out from under people?"

Torn Between Two Fuckers said...

"Nothing ever gets him down, except when you ask him for a raise."

Anonymous said...

"All I said to him was 'up yours.'"

Anonymous said...

"That's Higher-Arky. He thinks he just performed a hierarchaelogical climb."

Putterschein

This Contest Blows said...

Come on, Al! Pull the trigger on this pathetic chapter and post a new cartoon.

Your contest really jumped the shark this week and I doubt that Bob, Ed (or Jon) will be seen around here again.

It's official. Al, you are the sh1thouse wall of online humor.

Utellme said...

You DO know how to work the pole, don't you?

Anonymousse said...

"PERCHasing". Now I get it.

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymuss said...

"On April Fool's Day we're gonna' have an earthquake drill. HAHAHAHA! Shhhh. C'mon, I'll show you where the men's rooms are."

Max Neauciance said...

"No, that's Chip ON the old block"

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.