Sunday, June 26, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #293







Note: For those following my plight, I am out of Florida and now in upstate NY. My father has moved here permanently and I am hanging with friends and family. In fact I am headed down to NYC via a Trailwways bus. Here are the winnerfor for last week.
Gotta
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"That's Arky. He's doing an Arky logical dig." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Granted 'Arky' isn't really a name and his digging strategy seems more haphazard than logical, but this is both stupid and creative. Good enough for me.)


SECOND PLACESure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes... --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An even beter pun with the added advantage of being sacraligious. In what is some times called the "Casper Ruling," the commissioner of the Catholic league changed "Holt Ghost" to "Holy Spirit." The Vatican's marketing department decided "Spirit" played better with their key demo. )


THIRD PLACE
You're awfully busy, Slobodan. What do you plan to put in them? --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Possibly the only modern-day president who was more of a dick than W, Sebia's Slobodan Milošević ran Serbia with the management style of a Mafia don, only with less panache. Nice one Eric, Slightly cryptic with historical significance. But let's not forget that the people who fill mass graves seldom do the digging.)


HONORABLE MENTIONS"I think Mr. Palmer has had a few too many John Dalys©" --Andrew (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that a cocktail named for the portly, hard-drinking Daly, intoxicated golf legend Arnold Palmer to the point where he took to digging ditches for no reason. Got it. An ice tea and lemonade mix would have been a better choice--that's what this cap tells us. Extra credit for the copyright mark.)

Afflicted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Rodney would not stop until he transformed the surface of the Earth into a giant golf ball.--Edward M Schupp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was the first of a bunch of caps spewed fourth by this Ed person. Ironically his first was his best. Learn when to say when, Ed and remember that 70% of the earth's surface is water so your premise is faulty.)
"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?...What's the matter? His name happens to be Fusilli.""--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Possibly the lamest classic cap ever entered, but Kathy does raise a valid point--what if that really was his name and he was in fact a crazy bastard.)
When you asked me if I wanted to see a bunch of "perfect assholes" this wasn't what I had in mind. --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Assholes, perfect or other wise, do not come in "bunches." If anything they usually come from New Jersey in "gaggles." I arrive at that this conclusion because that's how geese travel and since the word "goosed" often refers to inappropriate contact with the ass, this makes perfect sense--pun wise.)
Christ, what a massive hole.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny reaches deep and pulls out a pun. We can only hope he washed his hands afterward. )
"Looks like Johnson's going to win the hole-digging race again." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Be it politics,or advertising, the race to the bottom is a well established narrative--on that much we can all agree. )
"They complained in the EastThey are paying too highThey say that your ore ain't worth digging." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy either knows a lot about Dylan or simply Googles this shit and enters it here in a desperate bid for recognition. Either way.)
"3,434 more holes and it'll be the Blackburn, Lancashire he remembers" --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The holes were rather small, so this makes no sense. Still, I picked this because I am going to see Sir Paul on the same field on which Mickey Mantle once played.)
"It's Henry the cellar dweller, looking for the L.A.Dodgers."--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is perhaps a variation on the Basement Bertha character created by the legendary, and recently deceased, Daily News sports cartoonist, Bill Gallo. And yes the Dodgers are currently in last place.--which, by the way is fine with me. )
"Every time I see al in la toiling away, making sure the Anti-Cap Contest is the best it can be, jettisoning comments from unworthies, and, well, just bein' al, I get all misty-eyed. Now, as for that guy down in the hole..." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There a few problems with this. Specifically, I don't toil, I churn. So dry your weepy eyes and enter something funny, off beat or really stupid. We clear?)
Watched your YouTube vid. Your dad looks like a very sweet guy. He really seems to appreciate and enjoy having you there. I feel all warm and fuzzy - oops - that's my crotch. --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like many people he has his peaks and valleys on the sweetness scale but he is doing well. If my time in Florida taught me any thing it that a warm and fuzzy crotch in a warm and humid environment can result in a painful rash. )
"And these are his new digs. Get it!? DIGS!!! HaHaHaHaHaHa!!! Fuck you and your contest, al.--Demetrius (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is the bitter residue of a grumpy, self loathing lazy thinker. Nothing to see here folks. Move along. )
Nice dig, Demitrius. (Get it? Dig?) Just wait 'til al buries your ass on Monday. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Monday has came and I didn't see him as a danger so for now, he lives.)
This Contest Blows Said: "I couldn't do any better, but let's just stand here all smug like and criticize." --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much the way my older sister embraced the premise that "no one picks on my little brother but me," Johnny stands up for me. There is really no need. I have long shared the concern that the contest blows but in fairness some weeks more so than others. )
I was at the Mets-Yankees game on Sunday, where the Mets made Mariano Rivera look like...well, a Met. This has nothing to do with the cartoon, but I just had to gloat a bit more. --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I too was there! My younger sister and I got there at noon and got back on the seven train back to NYC at around 6pm. It was a gray rainy day and there was a two-hour rain delay but it was a great game. Nice place )
A noun, a verb, al in la and Dylan. What do I win? --This contest blows (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Consider your self honored by someone for whom you have little regard. Feels good, doesn't it?)

85 comments:

Neutral my Balls said...

"Fuck the Swiss"

Gary P said...

"Sad. Just like his brother cutting down all those trees."

Austin said...

It's just Mr. Wilpon looking for his own ass.

Austin said...

Where do think he puts the dirt?

JohnnyB said...

Christ, what a massive hole.

JohnnyB said...

Not one of these projects was as shovel ready as he thought.

JohnnyB said...

He's digging for comedy gold and he totally missed the brilliance of "Frank, Patty. Patty, Frank."

JohnnyB said...

Huh! So what looks like craters is all just chalk art?

Tim H said...

"Joe, I think we found Judge Crater."

Steve_O said...

"Hey, asshole! You're supposed to be digging your own grave- not an entire cemetary!"

Satireguy said...

"Should we tell him about the other guy filling them in?"

Kathy H said...

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?...What's the matter? His name happens to be Fusilli.""

Anonymouse said...

"Wow! Daniel Radosh sure has hit rock bottom."

smuck said...

"It's made by Swiss Jews?"

boneguy said...

See, I told you the barrier to entry into the tarsands business was ridiculously low.

Damon said...

"You might be in denial, Kanye, but I'm not. I am saying he's a hole digger."

Damon said...

"You put those holes in the box like I told ya, right?"

"Right."

"Good. Hey, Jimmy - keep diggin'! Your son's still got air."

Kathy H said...

"They complained in the East
They are paying too high
They say that your ore ain't worth digging."

smuck said...

"This place sucks."

boneguy said...

You should see the size of the Whack - A- Mole mallet.

Eric G said...

You're awfully busy, Slobodan. What do you plan to put in them?

NAMBY said...

An investigative report by the N.Y. Daily News reveals that city workers who fill in potholes during the winter months, DO NOT sit around doing nothing all summer. It is far worse than that...

Glenn said...

How God makes acne

Anonymous said...

"Each one will hold more Jews than the bunkers at St. Andrews."

Malkmus

Blonde said...

When you asked me if I wanted to see a bunch of "perfect assholes" this wasn't what I had in mind.

some altruisitic said...

'He's working for the Crater Good'

Glenn said...

"Crater, crater - Didn't... Doctor McCoy talk about a crater? A Nancy crater?"

Anonymous said...

"We'll back door those yellow fuckers and recover our treasury notes."


cinque

David Macharelli said...

"... and this is necrophiliac hell."

REX said...

"Too bad there are no Mexican people around to do this."

Tim H said...

"Yeah. But the property taxes here are killer."

Satireguy said...

"Hey, Bob, I think you dropped it over here."

Glenn said...

"That's Arky. He's doing an Arky logical dig."

Anonymous said...

"Tell Charlie you want 24 gigantic muffins—he's on it."

Rob

Vacation? said...

"Could be worse. He could be in Maui for two weeks, accompanied by his mother-in-law who simply won't shut the fuck up."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Henry the cellar dweller, looking for the L.A.Dodgers."

Jess said...

Tea Party operatives continue to look for something -- Anything! -- they can use to prevent Obama's re-election.

Anonymouse said...

"Digg it."

Andrew said...

"I think Mr. Palmer has had a few too many John Dalys©"

spowee said...

Shoving,Cheeses! This place is tits up!

Edward M. STFUp said...

Stop me before I cap again!

Edward M Schupp said...

Afflicted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Rodney would not stop until he transformed the surface of the Earth into a giant golf ball.

Meanwhile, in the next county, folks are wondering where the giant mound of dirt came from.

[NOTE: Afflicted with Obsessive Anti Capping Disorder, Ed posted a shit load of caps. I kept the two that sucked the least and jetisoned the rest. Please don't make me come down here again!--al in la]

Boyce W. said...

"DigDub the video game ruled. DigDub in real life sucks"

Dug said...

"It's Dig-Dug, digweed!"

Anonymous said...

"Why call it Dig Safe if there aren't any fucking safes?"

Malkmus

Curt said...

"Nope, don't see anybody. Let's piss on the bastard."

Anonymouse said...

"Every time I see al in la toiling away, making sure the Anti-Cap Contest is the best it can be, jettisoning comments from unworthies, and, well, just bein' al, I get all misty-eyed. Now, as for that guy down in the hole..."

Scipio Spinks said...

"It's for Clarence Clemons."

Angus Podgorny said...

This is where the New Yorker sends you if you submit a caption that's actually funny.

Angus Podgorny said...

Sure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes...

Angus Podgorny said...

For Kathy H-
"Go tell Ma it's alright if I can't please him. And bring some water to put out his tongue."

It's 1969 said...

"Of course they'll buy it."

Utellme said...

Watched your YouTube vid. Your dad looks like a very sweet guy. He really seems to appreciate and enjoy having you there.

I feel all warm and fuzzy - oops - that's my crotch.

Albert said...

"Oh, come now. Are you telling me that you can't even estimate the volume of a frustum of a hemisphere, given the radius and the depth?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Pardon. Do you know the way to 146 Moonwalk Bay?"

boneguy said...

See, Republicans believe in homeless shelters too.

Boticelli said...

"We're on Venus and that looks like a shell to me. Now he just has to get naked."

Satireguy said...

"Looks like Johnson's going to win the hole-digging race again."

Anonymous said...

"And these are his new digs. Get it!? DIGS!!! HaHaHaHaHaHa!!! Fuck you and your contest, al.


Demetrius

Anonymous said...

Nice dig, Demitrius. (Get it? Dig?) Just wait 'til al buries your ass on Monday.

Tim H said...

"I just hate his holier-than-thou attitude."

Angus Podgorny said...

Andy, did you hear about this one?

This contest blows said...

A noun, a verb, al in la and Dylan. What do I win?

Austin said...

There's just gotta be a good caption done there somewhere. Keep digging.

Anonymous said...

"C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! Whitey wants the bodies buried sometime this month."

Dick

Anonymous said...

"Flip me the keys Charlie so I can get the rope out of the trunk of your car."

Exit 16W

Satireguy said...

Once again, John, Randy and Bill get stuck with the excavation job on Titleist 6.

Anonymous said...

"Looks safe enought to me."

Don Blankenship

Richard H said...

"3,434 more holes and it'll be the Blackburn, Lancashire he remembers"

JohnnyB said...

This Contest Blows Said:
"I couldn't do any better, but let's just stand here all smug like and criticize."

Dex said...

"Digger? I barely knew her!"

Anonymous said...

"One day of fireworks, then 364 days fixing the yard."

Jim Cavanaugh

David Macharelli said...

"I didn't know there was a controversy for the Creation Museum to teach regarding the formation of the moon, but they've gone all out on this 'exhibit'."

Kathy H said...

"It's a shame he's illegal and we have to deport him in the morning."

Tim H said...

I was at the Mets-Yankees game on Sunday, where the Mets made Mariano Rivera look like...well, a Met. This has nothing to do with the cartoon, but I just had to gloat a bit more.

Steamed said...

"After Mary Anne left, Mike Mulligan has never been the same."

cta said...

Awesome! I won the anti-cap contest #292! I'm not a loser any more! Uhm, not that the rest of you are losers, but, uhm...

chucka (aka "cta") said...

"That's cta down there, digging himself in deeper and deeper. He's talented enough he can even do it with his foot in his mouth..."

chucka said...

"He's still digging? Hmm... by now I thought he would've gotten tired of the hole thing."

chucka said...

"So, no water there, either? Well, well, well..."

chucka said...

"Figures. He buries the loot in the desert outside Vegas, and now can't find it. Wait, he's hit something! Better not be another dead hooker!"

chucka said...

"Usually he does such a good job. I guess today he just doesn't fill well."

Gary P said...

Doug Dug

Can You Dig It said...

"Perhaps the map is wrong."

"Ya' think?"

JohnnyB said...

I figured Arky was Arkady Renko (the detective from "Gorky Park") digging for clues

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.