BONUS Anti Cap Contest

NOTE: In a shameless and unnecessary bid to confirm her staus as a know-it-all, Anti Capper Carol somebody provided a link to this cartoon. She was referring to a comment that referenced the riddle: "What do you do with an elephant that has three balls?" The answer appears as the winner of an old Caption Contest. Naturally, it's only Anti-Cap worthy if you somehow get the the "balls" part in there.
Since I was trolling for a cartoon to post in this idle week, I figured let's go with this. Of course, the "B" on the cap and the word "Sox on the jersey tell us this is a Red Sox game. I'm guessing it's spring training based on the assumption that that's the only time they would let an alligator pitch.

See if you can top the original cap and feel free to mock, ridicule or question the manhood of any and all of the Red Sox's players, fans, ball park or history. Just for fun.

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"Pitch him low and outside and then rip his fuckin' head off." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They tell pitchers to go with their strengths so this makes sense. And an angry manager ordering a purpose pitch might also say something similar. Survival tip: If chased on land by a gator, run zig-zag and it will take them slightly longer to catch you.)


SECOND PLACE"Bean him, pitch to the Marlin, then have them both with a fine Chianti (slurp slurp)."-- LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that a dominating pitcher eats hitters alive, but L.R. screwed this up by specifying "Marlin." Mariner, Pirate,Twin or even Giant would have created an image appropriate for the film. Also, no alligator would drink red wine with fish--they are reptiles not barbarians.)

THIRD PLACE

"Look. I usually wouldn't use an alligator in this situation, but you're the only left-hander we have."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that baseball's long-standing species barrier has finally come crashing down (I still say it will be broken by a gazelle brought in strictly as a pinch runner.) The gator does have a glove on his right hand (paw? claw? flipper?) so this checks out factually. It also makes sense. There is an enormus demand for lefty pitchers That's why the Mrs. and I were going to force our grandkid to use only his left hand for the first few years and give him a baseball-friendly nick name (we had settled on Bucky.) These plans changed when he was born without a penis. )

HONORABLE MENTION

"Ted Lilly, you crazy bastard! How are you?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Anony. Lilly is a well-traveled journey man pitcher who might actually hear a coach or manager say this when he appears on the mound. )