Thursday, June 16, 2011

BONUS Anti Cap Contest

NOTE: In a shameless and unnecessary bid to confirm her staus as a know-it-all, Anti Capper Carol somebody provided a link to this cartoon. She was referring to a comment that referenced the riddle: "What do you do with an elephant that has three balls?" The answer appears as the winner of an old Caption Contest. Naturally, it's only Anti-Cap worthy if you somehow get the the "balls" part in there.
Since I was trolling for a cartoon to post in this idle week, I figured let's go with this. Of course, the "B" on the cap and the word "Sox on the jersey tell us this is a Red Sox game. I'm guessing it's spring training based on the assumption that that's the only time they would let an alligator pitch.



See if you can top the original cap and feel free to mock, ridicule or question the manhood of any and all of the Red Sox's players, fans, ball park or history. Just for fun.

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE"Pitch him low and outside and then rip his fuckin' head off." --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They tell pitchers to go with their strengths so this makes sense. And an angry manager ordering a purpose pitch might also say something similar. Survival tip: If chased on land by a gator, run zig-zag and it will take them slightly longer to catch you.)


SECOND PLACE"Bean him, pitch to the Marlin, then have them both with a fine Chianti (slurp slurp)."-- LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that a dominating pitcher eats hitters alive, but L.R. screwed this up by specifying "Marlin." Mariner, Pirate,Twin or even Giant would have created an image appropriate for the film. Also, no alligator would drink red wine with fish--they are reptiles not barbarians.)


THIRD PLACE
"Look. I usually wouldn't use an alligator in this situation, but you're the only left-hander we have."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that baseball's long-standing species barrier has finally come crashing down (I still say it will be broken by a gazelle brought in strictly as a pinch runner.) The gator does have a glove on his right hand (paw? claw? flipper?) so this checks out factually. It also makes sense. There is an enormus demand for lefty pitchers That's why the Mrs. and I were going to force our grandkid to use only his left hand for the first few years and give him a baseball-friendly nick name (we had settled on Bucky.) These plans changed when he was born without a penis. )

HONORABLE MENTION
"Ted Lilly, you crazy bastard! How are you?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Anony. Lilly is a well-traveled journey man pitcher who might actually hear a coach or manager say this when he appears on the mound. )













36 comments:

Jess said...

"Take it! If you were black you'd never get a chance to pitch for the Red Sox."

JohnnyB said...

Now taste this one.

Anonymous said...

"Get the fuck out of here, Greenwell!"

Morgan

JohnnyB said...

Walk the knight and pitch to the bishop.

NAMBY said...

Every day for the rest of his life, Red Sox manager "Lefty" Jones would regret his decison that fateful day.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. Buckner had alligator arms and he was good enought to play for us.

Jim Cavanaugh

Danny joe Brown RIP said...

Time to head back to the gator country, where the wine and the women are free!

Glenn said...

"Shit, Papp, why'd you go looking up the complete curse of the Bambino?"

ally gator said...

"I'm impressed. Even an alligator who can barely hold a ball can pitch a no-hitter against the Yankees."

Glenn said...

"They only found Hottovy's torso. Looks like there is a spot on the roster, local boy. Show us what you're made of."

Oil Can Void said...

"Listen ally gator, did you realize that if we won the World Series this year and every year for the next 20 years, we STILL won't have as many as the Yankees? I'm taking you out because you are a total crock."

Eric G said...

Get this guy out, or it's see you later...

Eric G said...

So you're the player to named later.

Eric G said...

make that:

"So you're the player to be named later."

Tale gator said...

I gotta pull you out, oh caiman?

LuisTiuncle said...

Hey Zimmer, you see this mound? this is where I buried the last douchebag who pulled me in the ninth.Get your Girly punchin' hand out my face fore I bite it off!

Austin said...

Dammit Wakefield, no one wants to see your naked, scaly ass around these parts.

Rex said...

"What every you do, don't let them duck tape your snout."

Tim H said...

"Look, kid, I don't give a rat's ass if your name is Carol Lou Ellen, if you can throw a slider, you're here to stay."

Kathy H said...

"Well, it's good to see that not only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun."

Ted With a Frozen Head said...

"So...you must be the Green Monster I've heard so much about."

Gary P said...

"You caiman from the bullpen?"

Gary P said...

"B - A - L - L. Ball. What are you, a Seminole or something?"

Satireguy said...

"Pitch him low and outside and then rip his fuckin' head off."

Satireguy said...

"We're only using you 'cause you're a lefty. After this, it's back to the swamp."

Anonymouse said...

"For some reason the ump thinks you're cutting the ball."

Tim H said...

"Look. I usually wouldn't use an alligator in this situation, but you're the only left-hander we have."

Anonymous said...

"Quit hitting 'em in the hands, Tebow!"

ron

Anonymous said...

"Ted Lilly, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

babe said...

"The hours of glory here are a long time in between."

Curt said...

"What do you mean you don't which guy you swallowed? Did he have two of these, or only one?"

LR said...

"Bean him, pitch to the Marlin, then have them both with a fine Chianti (slurp slurp)."

Rex said...

"I need to talk to you about your pitching, just don't bit my head off--Okay?"

Glenn said...

"I don't want you leading the league in BBP this year."

* - Bit by Pitcher

Gary P said...

Here. We're doing a Gator Ade commercial.

LR said...

Thanks for the 2nd, Al. To me, for "Animal" Lechter to be a cannibal, he would eat another animal (but no gator baseball teams, so stayed in Florida). As far as the wine pairing goes, a young chianti might work with the Boston baked and fava beans.

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.