Monday, January 17, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #272



WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"Now I know what it feels like to be black."--Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not funny but not supposed to be funny. I heard an old interview with Rosa Parks this morning on NPR. Turns out she was sitting in the front row of the "colored section" on that Alabama bus in 1955. When the front of the bus filled up and some white men were forced to stand, the driver ordered her and three other black people to relinquish their seats. I had always heard Rosa had defiantly sat in the front to make a statement. She didn't. The white folk just changed the rules at their whim. Getting back to the caption here, I believe it is social statement mingled and a cautionary tale. If and when, this vehicle crashes the people in front will be more likely to die than those in the back. And that too is a fitting metaphor.)

SECOND PLACE
Meanwhile, at the Crawford Ranch.... Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I know, I know, by now it's clear that W is beyond low hanging fruit. He is completely irrelevant. A festering pimple that was popped, the puss long since wiped away. Still, the sore lingers. While he lives a rich man's life of privilege and comfort, he drinks heavily to ease the pain that comes with the knowledge that millions upon millions of people hate your fucking guts. That's why this is a good Anti-Cap.)

THIRD PLACE
Maybe we should go back to celebrating Martin Luther King's birthday instead of Jackson Pollock's. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: With all that hair flying back in a horizontal direction and all those motion lines, the drawing is almost like an abstract work of art, with out the art part. It was posted on MLK day which makes it topical.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"If we lived here we'd be dead now."--Bev (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Somewhat funny and very profound statement about the dangers of excess. If I lived in Pittsburgh I'd drive like this just to hasten the inevitable. Thanks for making me smile a very slight smile, Bev.)
I promised the kids when they finished drinking they could buy some ammo at the Super Wal-Mart. --Tucson mom (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Somewhat topical. Ever notice that "ammo" and "asshole" sound a lot alike?)
"Don't blame me. I voted for the party that's not metaphorically drunk at the wheel, driving us to ruin while flinging refuse in our faces."--Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To offset the obvious leftist sentiments regularly expressed here, I thought I'd give this cap some play. That's why our team is better than theirs: we're more open minded that those narrow minded Neanderthal swine.)

Does the little piggy go whee, whee, whee all the way home: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" --geeko_pig (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references last week's comments. It always nice to know someone reads this besides me and the Mrs.)At least the Make-a-Wish Foundation could get Linsay Lohan out of rehab to grant Billy's dying wish. I just wish it didn't involve us.--Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One minute after posting this, Eric added another cap that simply said "...make that Lindsay Lohan..." Talk about low hanging fruit. Still, it's kind of funny when someone screws up trying to malign someone. If Lindsay Lohan reads this, I'm sure she would have a good laugh at Eric's expense. So clearly he has nothing to worry about.)

"Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This refers to a 1965 film by director Russ Meyer. Three (not two!) buxom strippers seeking thrills encounter a young couple in the desert. It's an out-of-left-field yet somewhat logical cap that almost no one will get. Why Tim went with bold face, who knows. But thanks man.)
I'd feel safer if he had drawn us an over-sized monster truck. --JohnnyB. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In fairness, the artist could have put them in any one of a number of settings that would spell certain doom--like, say, the hard drive on Johnny's computer where he hatches his caps. Just kidding. Welcome back! [Not to the contest, to the coveted list of Honorable Mentions, I mean])
"I am big. It's the 'cartoons' that got small." --Norma. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a bit like Johnny's cap, only more imaginative and thoughtful. I posted the cartoon as I always do, but for some reason it appears on my blog barely large than a postage stamp. I am convinced the New Yorker did something to undermine my efforts and a sabotage this contest because it puts their's to shame. What other explanation could there be?)

This is positively 4th street --Jackob's Brother Gratuitous Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure I get it. The song referenced here is widely believed to be Dylan's rant at fans who "gotta a lot of nerve" It was written decades a go. I'm sure he has gotten over it by now.)
Our highways would look something like this if Johhny B. and Kathy H. had kids.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only that were true.)
The kids prefer corked wine bottles. They're anti-cap.--Not Welker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another thing this is not is funny. Still, I feel I have to mention caps that somehow reference the contest. Consider it done.)
"I hate to think what they would have done if the Jets had WON!"--Satireguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I can let you this much: If they had. these comments would be a lot less condescending, meandering and bitter. Give me a week. I'll be fine. Sports-wise, I won't have my heart broken again until the Mets go into their annual swoon. That won't be for months. Go Green Bay!)

110 comments:

Tucson mom said...

I promised the kids when they finished drinking they could buy some ammo at the Super Wal-Mart.

Walt said...

"Don't blame me. I voted for the party that's not metaphorically drunk at the wheel, driving us to ruin while flinging refuse in our faces."

Goofy said...

Slow down kids! I'm starting to get Disney!

Mr Incredible said...

"How are you doig up there, Kids?"
"Super-Duper Dad!"

Anonymous said...

They're exceeding the mead limit.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

She can't hang on to anything since she got carpool tunnel syndrome.

Jim Cavanaugh

Last Thing to Go Through a Bug's Mind said...

I'm getting bugth in my mouth.

Ph_DD said...

"Let's show the next trucker our tits!"

geeko_pig said...

Does the little piggy go whee, whee, whee all the way home: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

sir_han said...

. . . and after the Super Wal-Mart, the Redneck family heads for the James Earl Ray rally.

Ricky Bobby said...

I told you they'd be all jacked up on the Mountain Dew!

Parental Hueristics said...

"As long as they're not texting, I'm fine with all of it."

Eric G said...

At least the Make-a-Wish Foundation could get Linsay Lohan out of rehab to grant Billy's dying wish. I just wish it didn't involve us.

Eric G said...

...make that Lindsay Lohan...

boneguy said...

Maybe we should go back to celebrating Martin Luther King's birthday instead of Jackson Pollock's.

LV said...

"The kids are making me MADD!"

Anonymous said...

"It's the last time I climb into a bed with you."

Rob

Anonymous said...

"I'm just pleased we don't have homework issues with them."

---blw

Anonymous said...

“Hold on there, little lady . . . littering is against the law!”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“It’s OK . . . he has his Learner’s Permit.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“So what’s the problem??? It’s not even our car.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“I know, dear . . . but when you were a young boy, things were different.”



---blw

Satireguy said...

"Well they both did get accepted at Harvard."

Anonymous said...

"That's really your hair, Bernie? I, for one, was fooled."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"They're kids. Let them break a few bones."

PB

Austin in PA said...

Meanwhile, at the Crawford Ranch....

Austin in PA said...

No wonder GM needed a bailout. They can't even put doors on these things.

Austin in PA said...

Backstage at "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

Kathy H said...

"Son, you can pull over now. You've passed your driver's road test."

Anonymous said...

It's a Police Sting. I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.

Rocko

Glenn said...

"Let's hope she doesn't give him a blowjob now."

boneguy said...

Which one of God's commandments did you say this one was?

Anonymous said...

"Rhode Island lets you drink and drive at 18 as long as you have a fake ID."

dwilk

smuck said...

"This isn't exactly what I thought being an embedded journalist in Iraq would be like."

Damon said...

"Do you wanna go over the sales figures now, or wait until we get to the BunnyRanch?"

Norma said...

"I am big. It's the 'cartoons' that got small."

Anonymous said...

"Now I know what it feels like to be black."

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Look at the mountains over there, honey. Aren't they beautiful?"

Anonymous said...

"I'd try calling Super Nanny again, but Timmy's on my cell phone."

Utellme said...

"It's like the time the kids burgled the Robertsons and brought home that great big television, only better."

Parental Discretion Advised said...

"Life will be SWEET when we're released from jail. They'll take them away permanently this time; I'm sure of it."

Mom said...

"When are you gonna' teach them to steal?"

Jackob's Brother Gratuitous Dylan said...

This is positively 4th street

Anonymous said...

"Don't look at me. I'm not the one that bet them that the Patriots would crush the the Jets" -cta

Anonymous said...

"Do you have any backbone at all??? I can't believe you let them both pierce their ears without even asking!"


---left coast wayne

JohnnyB said...

I'd feel safer if he had drawn us an over-sized monster truck.

JohnnyB said...

On a dark, desert highway, cool wind in my hair, warm smell of colitis ... wait, that's not right...

JohnnyB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Glenn said...

"I feel like such a wetback. To the fields, where we will toil all day for $2 and lunch!"

JohnnyB said...

I was really hoping we'd see someone close to death, crawling across the desert, desperate for water. That's always good for a laugh.

JohnnyB said...

okay, now: one bottle of beer in the truck, one bottle of ... (come on, we're almost done) ... beer, drink one down, toss it around ...

Satireguy said...

"OK, maybe I should have breastfed them."

Anonymous said...

"I don't know . . . I'd just feel better if this were From a Buick 6."


---left coast wayne

Kathy H said...

Objectionable scene from the semi-fictionalized, docu-drama miniseries,The Kennedys.

Prymaat said...

"Beldar, Connie and earthling have apparently consumed mass quantities of ... ah, fuck it, this is just too stupid to even finish."

Tim H said...

"Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"

Tim H said...

"Hey, who the hell do you think you are? The Ballet Master in Chief of the New York City Ballet??"

Anonymous said...

C'mon Rex, let's celebrate, too. How about a foot rub?

Welker

Anonymous said...

The kids prefer corked wine bottles. They're anti-cap.

Not Welker

Anonymous said...

"As long as they kill me first. I couldn't stand watching you come in first."

PB

My Mom said...

"Honey, is it possible they haven't seen us? Wow, kids today are really fucking stupid."

Anonymous said...

"Gosh, only two years ago we were slaughtering Palestinian civilians in Gaza and getting such shit for it. Now we just wall them up and treat them like cattle and nobody cares. Life is funny for us Israelis." -- Malcolm Gladwellstein

Gary P said...

"Who's driving, Santonio Holmes?"

Satireguy said...

"It's only until he gets his adult license."

Anonymous said...

"Today is a good day to die."

--Jared S.

Kathy H said...

"Well now, they often call me Speedo
But my real name is Mr. Earl
."

Anonymous said...

"Would it kill you to stand up and say something for once in your life?"

Rob

w_back said...

"Rapido! Rapido! Immigracion! Immigracion!"

A Dr Sumguy and boneguy production said...

Did the GPS just say to overturn in a quarter mile?

Anonymous said...

"Well, they better not spill a drop or I'll be pissed . . . I just had this thing detailed."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Every radio station seems to be playing ‘Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door’. What’s the deal with that???”


---bobby z

Ghost of youthful indescretion said...

"OK. Freeze it right here. Who knew that by throwing that bottle and killing a prairie dog I would set in motion a series of events leading to our marriage but also ultimately ending the world. People really shouldn't litter."

Tim H said...

"Well, now you've done it. You've made Iron Eyes Cody cry."

Anonymous said...

bottle

Anonymous said...

"Click it or Ticket! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Satireguy said...

"At least they're not doing drugs."

Ghost of Youthful Typos said...

Acknowledged.

R. Charles said...

"We're going to the Boneyard. uh-huh, uh-huh.
We're going to the Boneyard, uh-huh, uh-huh."

Kathy H said...

"I understand that he putts for dough, but drives for show."

Anonymous said...

Screw Amy Chua. I'm certain our kids can drive better than hers.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Our highways would look something like this if Johhny B. and Kathy H. had kids.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Makes me long for simpler days when the molotov cocktail was in vogue.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Moments later an army vehicle explodes.

Anonymous said...

"You promised me a quick divorce. Where is it?"

dwilk

Gary P said...

"I want a divorce."

Anonymous said...

"If we lived here we'd be dead now."

Bev

Tim H said...

Overconfident doctors transport Rep. Giffords to new rehab facility.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, those kids . . . what're you gonna' do? Can't live with 'em . . . can't die without 'em!"


---left coast wayne

Dr Sumguy said...

Don't tell Junior but I just defecated in his truck bed.

Satireguy said...

"I wanted to vacation in France but, oh no, you insisted that we go to Baghdad."

Satireguy said...

"Well that's what happens when you adopt kids from China."

Caucasian mom said...

Kids, could you stop at the next Borders so I can pick up a copy of "Tiger Mom"?

Anonymouse said...

"J-E-T-S. Jets, Jets Jets!!"

Anonymous said...

"I'm hungry. When do we get to the tailgating part?"

Bev

Richard H said...

"I hope you're wearing sunscreen, Walter."

Richard H said...

"I'm pregnant."

West Side Jet-Queer said...

"When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way. From your first smoked pole 'cause you're all fucking gay"
-Dirty Sanchez

Dennis said...

"You win. Not only could I hear you fart, but I smelled it, too."

Utellme said...

"I know we're almost halfway to Phoenix, but next time we thumb a ride, let's not get in if the driver's an inebriated circus dwarf with an automatic rifle in his lap, shall we?"

Utellme said...

"Thanks for letting your kids drive me home, Jen. I hope our second date goes this well. 'Hey, little girl, puff, puff, give, you bitch. Puff, puff GIVE!'. You could teach the ugly one a few manners, however. One day, when I get a job and a car, I'll return the favor."

Being the 'Cool' Parents Has Its Down Side said...

"Letting little Horace pick up a child prostitute was pushing it, dontcha' think?"

Anonymous said...

"The Jets are in gear, their cylinders are clickin’.
The Pats in the rear, ‘cause all their playoff game plans are Belichickin’."

Denny the Dolphin

Glenn said...

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Bottle... Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

Hugh Jater said...

I'm getting flies in my glill.

Gary P said...

"My water just broke."

Anonymous said...

7-0

Satireguy said...

"I hate to think what they would have done if the Jets had WON!"

Anonymous said...

After our win over Indy I expected us to put our best foot forward today. Instead, we came out flat-footed. I mean, we really stepped in it. Every time we got something going, we just shot ourselves in the foot. Well, I'm not one to put his feet up and relax. We'll be back. If I have to put my foot down and step on a few toes, I will. Having gotten one foot in the door this season we know we can't let any grass grow under our feet now. We've got to stay on our toes and take the next step, and you can bet your boots we will.

Rex

lovie said...

cutler is a gutless crybaby

Anonymous said...

"Ever heard of the tuck rule, Ed? Talk about a blow job!"

dwilk

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BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.