Sunday, November 7, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #263

W
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
You might like it up there, but I'm no ceiling fan.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A groan-out-loud cap that brings us back to our roots. The edict to post "your worse possible caption" is widely ingored and/or abused. Many don't seem to grasp that "worst" is not the same as "pointless" and that "absurd" and "useless" may be close cousins, but they're hardly interchangeable. Jim should be modestly proud of this victory.)

SECOND PLACE
Jeff: "I'm sorry for saying Chris Coons ran a better Senate race."

.
Christine: "Apology accepted. You may come down now." *wiggles nose*--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can almost hear that little twinkle-twinkle-twinkle sound made when Samantha wiggled her nose on Bewithched. But If Christine O'Donnell WAS a witch, wouldn't she react to the man's rude [but accurate] comment by putting a ball-gag in his mouth and dressing him as a French maid...then have him put polish on her toe nails while he wears 6-inch stilettos that have been shackled toget....Oh!...Sorry. I'm back now. Nice cap, Demon. That's all I'm saying.)

THIRD PLACE
"You hate the Ikea lamp set that much, huh?"--Denny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Typically we only have 1st and 2nd place, but sometimes there are those caps that deserve something better than to be exiled to the Island of Broken Toys we call "Honorable Mentions." The point is Ikea has a lot of odd looking fixtures including square lamps. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"I thought you said you were going DOWN on me." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe he just brushed his teeth thought she said "go UP on me," which sounds like "throw up on me." So in way, she dodged a bullet. This is one of several caps to explore a sex act that an old friend from Staten Island used to call "makin' a deposit on a future payoff." He also referred to it as dining at the Y." Read on...)

"That's a bit too much height for a muff dive."-- Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I can just hear the guy thinking to himself: "Now she tells me." )

"If you don't want to perform oral sex, a simple 'no' would suffice." --
Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah right, and risk a reciprocal "no?" The literal translation of "quid pro quo" applies here. Also, any woman who actually says the words "perform oral sex" is either a dominatrix or an office manager.)

"Gee honey, your plan to have a threesome with a humongous, invisible, fat chick just keeps getting better. Oh boy, I am sooo horny." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is imaginative, but not in a good way. It was also posted twice so there clearly is a sense of urgency. Women dismissed as "fat chicks" often do feel as though they are invisible, so there is some unintended poignancy here. )

After that performance, you should hang your head, Tom Dooley.-- Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Oh my! This is from an old Kingston Trio song about a guy who is to be "hangin' from a white oak tree" the next day. The Kon-Man apparently assumes the man was also well hung. How else would the disappointed woman know that her man's manhood is dangling in shame? Another cap too awful to ignore. )

"Oh Honey, not another out of beddy experience" --Gern Blanston (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once we start rewarding awful, ridiculously horrible caps, when do we stop? )

"Christine, please! Cancel this spell and I PROMISE I won't touch your furry mugwump again." --Tea Party Express (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Similar to the 2nd place winner, but not as accessible to the average reader. It is, however, ambitious, topical and historical. O'Donnel is an admitted witchcraft dabbler who may or may not have had a one nighter with some guy who admits he didn't even close the deal. The Mugwumps were Republicans who supported Grover Cleveland over a corrupt Republican in the 1884 presidential election. The 22nd president would later have a baseball player AND an entire city named for him. This cap goes a long way to explain why some guy is stuck to the ceiling.)

"Honey, I'm not too keen on the bed bugs either, but you don't see me going all ape-shit." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: . There has been a bed bug infestation in many cities, so this is another cap ripped from the headlines. Kathy decided to cast the guy as a wimpy little coward, but there is no evidence that the guy is going "ape-shit." From this we can conclude that Kathy would rather stay in bed with insects than use her levitating powers. And don't tell me she doesn't have any.)

"No! Not until you promise never to do that thing you just did with your finger again."--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This cap suggests the guy is doing the talking, which is not the case. The premise is simply: The women rammed her finger so far up his butt that he leaped from the bed and is now stuck to the ceiling. This frequently happens in the early stages of a relationship, so it's good to set boundaries.)

"I'm your sexy ceiling fan. Yank my chain."-- Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As long as we're doing sex metaphors: Immediately after Nixon's daughter Tricia got married in the Rose Garden, she famously said she was "as happy as a clam." Remarkably, she wed a man named "Cox." You can't make this stuff up. )

"Paul, I thought you wrote 'One man's ceiling is another man's floor,' not "One man's ceiling is the same man's floor.'" --Gary P (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try, Gary, but Paul is far removed from stacked living. He and his wife Edie have an opulent yet tasteful estate in New Canaan, Conn. 'There Goes Rhymin' Simon" was one of the first albums I ever bought so I had to give this props.)

"Are you going to fuck around, or are you going to come to bed?"--
David D. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Typically, these activities are not mutually exclusive, but in this one case it kind of makes sense.)

Bed posts have been deleted by the author.--Amy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The italicized phrase "This post has been deleted by the author" is the scarlet letter of Anti-Cappers who screw-up. [Yeah, Utellme! I'm talkin' to you.] It is the terse little message that appears after you've gone crawling back to delete an entry. The choice of words always makes me smirk. Anti-Cappers are to "authors" what roller skating is to space travel.)

"You can come down now. The post has been removed by the author." Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In fairness, this one was posted more than 13 hours before Amy checked in with her's. But Amy married "post" with "bed" to come up with "bedpost," thus making it remotely plausible. [See how it works?] Kathy's continuing efforts are appreciated.)

"I thought when you rubbed the balloon on your head you were going to stick it on the ceiling, but I have to admit, this is much more impressive!" --
cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Pretty lame and illogical. It also trivializes the dynamics of static electricity and requires too much thought.)

Bert, that may have amused Jane and Michael, but I'm not laughing. Come down here and give me some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious loving.--
JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually no one is laughing. Whether you read this cap fast or slow, it truly sounds atrocious. )

“Instead of hitting home runs, sometimes we're going to hit singles like JohnnyB....but they're really important singles."--Barack Obama (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I've heard that Barry often takes a moment or two to post a few Anti-Caps each week, but I didn't realize he was following Johnny's tumultuous Anti-Cap career. God speed, Mr. President. Mrs. al in la and I still have your "Hope" poster proudly displayed in our humble home [and yes, it is framed]. )

Sorry. I should have told you I live under an MRI facility and didn't know you had your hip replaced.--Eric G. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The"M" stands for "magnetic " so I guess the man in this cartoon has been "drawn" to the ceiling...What? That's no more lame than this cap.)

"I've been up for over four hours. I think it's time to call the doctor. "-- Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT:I was about to point out that it is not the man who is talking, but then it hit me: Maybe this IS the woman who's speaking these words. Think about it: "Up" can mean she can't sleep and the "doctor" she wants to call could be some guy she's doing on the side. Maybe he's a PhD. If that's the case, this works. Nice job, Stevie.)

"The directions say if I stay up longer than four hours to consult a physician."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is similar, but it is not as easily attributed to the woman. So I'll simply note that it is the woman who is doing the talking.)

"Jesus, Demi gets Patrick Swayze, and I get a guy who can't even figure out how to get down to the bed." --Gary P (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This a very clumsy attempt to reference the ultimate chick flick "Ghost." Ironically it is Jesus , not Demi, who now has custody of Patrick. RIP, Vida.)

“There are no mistakes in life some people say. It is true sometimes you can see it that way. But people don't live or die, people just float . . .Say . . . what happened to your long, black coat?” ---Robert Zimmerman (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A memorable and mysterious song from "No Mercy," a highly underrated Dylan album.)

He: “A summer breeze is blowin 'A squall is setting in Sometimes it's just plain stupid To get into any kind of wind.” She: “Jeez, enough already with the lyrics, Floater . . . is it ‘too much to ask’?”---little bobby from Hibbing (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you are going to give the answer, why ask the question? I knew this was from "Floater (To much to ask)" which is included on "Love and Theft." The song, released in 2001, also says this: They say times are hard/if you don't believe it/You can just follow your nose. By the way, Anti -Cap-wise, this really blows. )


Johnny B. wins New Yorker Anti-Gravity Caption Contest, floats on air.--Awalkisasgoodasahit (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If there was such a contest, J.B. would be be a lock for an Honorable Mention. )

Peter Parker, you get your ass in this bed this instant!--Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Parker, of course, is Spiderman. If she said this to Superman, she'd find herself being shtuped in the stratosphere. [consensually, I mean.])

(turn picture upside down)

.
I don't care how many times you've traced the course of the second shot, you're still no closer to solving the Kennedy assassination.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This has an interactive component and historical significance. Even so, it's not funny and makes no sense. )


Fuceiling, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you doing that?--Rocko

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die from affixation."--Rob

The powers here are unseen. --Tinkerbell (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A trio of Anti-Cap classics. They are all pretty bad [which is why they are down here] but they continue a tradition and deserve modest recognition. Done.)

Thought bubble over the woman's head:

.
Shit! Note to self: When you buy an inflatable male love doll with 7-inch vibrating penis and vibrating, rotating tongue,* don't fill it with helium. *actual product --Jess (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The asterisk is a nice touch, but most of them that's readin' this, know all to well that these products certainly do exist. )

For months I have wondered were the anti-caption contest went. Now that I have found it, I am getting back in the game. From up here on the ceiling. --
stcoleridge (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay. You found us. No one's saying you can't hang. But now what?...Well...We're waiting.)

Look, al, if judging this anti-cap contest is gonna keep you up at nights, maybe you should let someone else do it.-- Mrs. al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See below.)

Oopsie! I meant to say, up nights. Hope I didn't embarrass you dear, well no more than your lame excuse about tech problems. Really, al?--Mrs. al in la (JUDGE'S COMMENT: My wife confirms that she did not post this. But I knew that because she's not one to say "oopsie!" when something goes amiss. )

Since when is getting wasted a "tech issue"?--mrsal2 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you saw some of the new vaporizes they have now, you wouldn't make such an ignorant comment. )

Artist's rendering of alinla, 10/27/86.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes, my euphoria that day lifted me to the ceiling where I languished while a woman awaited me in my bed. Nice one, Rock. But there's another story: At that same moment, 22 miles away from my Staten Island apartment, in the Shea Stadium visitor's club house, a teary-eyed Bill Buckner wondered, "Where am I going to live?")

If you promise to actually read all the entries this week, al, I'll give you the staple remover. --Miss Judged (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I promise to give them a look-see. Its not like you need the extra time to come up with that slam dunk cap that's going to blow everyone away. I have done the research, the late arriving caps suck just as bad are no better than the early arrivals. As they say in baseball: Think long, think wrong. Now let me down!)

Hey Al,Could you like judge the contest now before you become totally inebriated so like we won't have to wait until Tuesday night to find out the results?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if! You'd have to be mental to do this with out even a buzz. And FYI, my computer totally freaked. So please. Spare me.)

Are you going to stay up all night?--Amy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The question compliments the playful absurdity of the image while making a gentle yet ambiguous commentary on relationships. In other words, what we got here is a "real contest cap." Sorry you had to waste it, Amy. I hate it. It perpetuates a bias against nocturnal people. When I was a teen trying to get some well deserved shut eye on a Saturday morning, my mom would tap on my bedroom door and say something like "Al! Do you know it's 10:03!?!" [or 11:52, or 1:08. Whatever.] In the groggy voice of a slacker teen who knows how ro push buttons, I would usually respond, "Really? Thanks... [pause for affect]...What's the temperature?" If I ever, just once, knocked on their door to inform them that, say, 3:06 am had arrived, my father would not have asked about the temperature. I tell you that much. One person's why is another's why not, I guess is what I'm saying. More important: This cap was the last one posted before my team and I, including the satellite offices in Bangkok, Oslo and Bolivia, settled for on this week's winners. Amy posted her cap Sunday evening at exactly 4:35 pm No one can say it wasn't thoroughly considered. If you read this far, please leave a comment expressing your distane, satisfation or indifference.)



152 comments:

Stu Pitt said...

Quit hogging the covers.

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"Not again!?"

Glenn said...

"Honey, it's going to straighten out up there, but it won't get any stiffer. Talk to the doctor about your E.D."

Tim H said...

"I don't believe you understand the gravity of the situation."

Kathy H said...

"Honey, I'm not too keen on the bed bugs either, but you don't see me going all ape-shit."

sam! said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
---
Turn the light off already!
--
While you're up there, could you fix the light?

sam! said...

What's that long thread going through your shirt for-- And where'd perspective go??

JohnnyB said...

You're no Fred Astaire.

JohnnyB said...

The Viagra really got a rise out of you.

Eric G said...

Turn off that Lionel Richie shit and come to bed.

Anonymous said...

Take a couple of anvils and call the doctor in the morning.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

“You’re doing it ass-backwards again.”

Rob

Eric G said...

I suppose you want to be on top again.

Anonymous said...

"Ok, so warm air rises. You made your fucking point."

Denny

Anonymous said...

Hey JohnnyB: Head down, see the ball...hit the bat.

chuck knox's daughter said...

Just once could you climb into bed like a normal person,willie anderson!

Damon said...

"BANZAI!"

Anonymous said...

"That's just a warning. Next time I'll nail your ass to the wall."

dwilk

Damon said...

"No! Not until you promise never to do that thing you just did with your finger again."

Satireguy said...

"I can see my penis from here."

K. Holmes said...

"Tom, making love to your wife shouldn't be a mission impossible."

Damon said...

"I'm your sexy ceiling fan. Yank my chain."

Gary P said...

"Paul, I thought you wrote 'One man's ceiling is another man's floor,' not "One man's ceiling is the same man's floor.'"

Damon said...

"That's terrifying. And yet, I still think we should spend the night here, even though we've been rational up until now. More like Paranormal Logic."

David D. said...

"Are you going to fuck around, or are you going to come to bed?"

David D. said...

"We've been over this! The bed's not on the ceiling; you're on the ceiling."

cta said...

"I thought when you rubbed the balloon on your head you were going to stick it on the ceiling, but I have to admit, this is much more impressive!"

JohnnyB said...

Bert, that may have amused Jane and Michael, but I'm not laughing. Come down here and give me some supercalifragilisticexpialidocious loving.

Kathy H said...

"Take that gyroscope out of your pajamas and come to bed."

Eric G said...

Sorry. I should have told you I live under an MRI facility and didn't know you had your hip replaced.

Anonymous said...

"No . . . I'm not coming down until alinla posts the winners of Contest #262!!!"


---blw

Anonymous said...

"The directions say if I stay up longer than four hours to consult a physician."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Dammit . . . this always happens to me south of the equator!"


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Technically, my dear, this does not violate the restraining order.”


---blw

Mrs. Wonka said...

"You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Where's my vibrator?"

Damon said...

Jeff: "I'm sorry for saying Chris Coons ran a better Senate race."

Christine: "Apology accepted. You may come down now." *wiggles nose*

Anonymous said...

“There are no mistakes in life some people say
It is true sometimes you can see it that way.
But people don't live or die, people just float . . .
Say . . . what happened to your long, black coat?”


---Robert Zimmerman

Anonymous said...

You might like it up there, but I'm no ceiling fan.

Jim Cavanaugh

Tim H said...

"O.K., now that you know what it's like to be a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade can you come down?"

Satireguy said...

"Incoming!"

 Konrad said...

Are you fucking high?

Mrs. al in la said...

Look, al, if judging this anti-cap contest is gonna keep you up at nights, maybe you should let someone else do it.

David D. said...

"Oh, no! My husband is on the ceiling! Why does everything bad always happen to me?"

Anonymous said...

Enough foreplay, already. I'm prepared for a hard landing.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I said SEALY posturepedic!"

27 B-stroke 6

Gern Blanston said...

"Oh Honey, not another out of beddy experience"

willie_anderson said...

"Call me Flipper"

LR said...

"I thought you said you were going DOWN on me."

Anonymous said...

"You hate the Ikea lamp set that much, huh?"

Denny

Utellme said...

"I hate the way you look down on me."

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Utellme said...

"If only your penis could levitate independently of the rest of you."

Anonymous said...

"That's a bit too much height for a muff dive."

-- Dex

Utellme said...

"Clearly, you found 'For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf' more uplifting than I did."

Mrs. al in la said...

Oopsie! I meant to say, up nights. Hope I didn't embarrass you dear, well no more than your lame excuse about tech problems. Really, al?

Anonymous said...

Since when is getting wasted a "tech issue"?

mrsal2

Anonymous said...

It's no use. We're living in parallel worlds.

Jim Cavanaugh

Eric G said...

For Christ's sake, you've made your point. I'll sleep in the wet spot.

Austin in PA said...

Would you stop jumping on the bed already?

Austin in PA said...

This isn't how I pictured our wedding night.

Austin in PA said...

Peter Parker, you get your ass in this bed this instant!

Austin in PA said...

Hey, Conan is on!

Anonymous said...

"Not that kind of roach, silly."

Bev

boneguy said...

Did you know Houdini died of a ruptured appendix and not as a result of a trick gone wrong? Now get the fuck back in bed.

boneguy said...

(turn picture upside down)

I don't care how many times you've traced the course of the second shot, you're still no closer to solving the Kennedy assassination.

Anonymous said...

"Mother's coming this weekend. Can you sleep above the couch?"

dwilk

Kathy H said...

"You can come down now. The post has been removed by the author."

smuck said...

[The only sound is that of a vibrator. The Sensitive Man Real Doll mounted to the ceiling says nothing.]

Anonymous said...

"You can stop looking at your feet, now."

Gary P said...

"I was talking about your head, silly. It's hanging because it weighs about 10 pounds."

Satireguy said...

"If you don't want to perform oral sex, a simple 'no' would suffice."

 Konrad said...

I see his big head dangling, but where's the little guy?

 Konrad said...

Enough with the airplane noises! I've got work in the morning.

Tinkerbell said...

Peter, if you don't get down here and fuck me right now, I'm gonna let everyone know that you're a pansy!

Anonymous said...

"You've changed a lot, Wendy . . . You don't even look English anymore . . . I'm going back to Neverland . . . and I'm taking the pirate from two weeks ago with me."

---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"Oops . . . was that three weeks ago? I'm losing track of everything these days. I just can't seem to get grounded anymore . . ."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

He: “A summer breeze is blowin'
A squall is setting in
Sometimes it's just plain stupid
To get into any kind of wind.”

She: “Jeez, enough already with the lyrics, Floater . . . is it ‘too much to ask’?”


---little bobby from Hibbing

Anonymous said...

Johnny B. wins New Yorker Anti-Gravity Caption Contest, floats on air.

Awalkisasgoodasahit

Glenn said...

"No, really, I don't think it that much better than my usual blowjob.

Tim H said...

"Yeah, I don't think Extra Strength Ambien® is the way to go."

Gary P said...

"Honey, I moved all the furniture. I can't help it if Gregory drew us upside down. Now get the hell up here."

Anonymous said...

Your sleep number is zero.

Rocko

Steve_O said...

"You're right. My hemorrhoids DO feel better."

Anonymous said...

Bed posts have been deleted by the author.

Amy

Mrs. Bochy said...

"Bruce, I know you haven't come down since winning the series, but that enormous head of yours needs more support."

Austin in PA said...

I don't care how funny you sound, no more helium.

Anonymous said...

"It's about time you started supporting yourself."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

This postmortem has been removed during the autopsy.

dwilk

Tea Party Express said...

"Christine, please! Cancel this spell and I PROMISE I won't touch your furry mugwump again."

JohnnyB said...

Okay, your Velcro(R) PJs are functional; but are they practical?

JohnnyB said...

So you had an accident in the lab with some Post-It(R) notes. I still don't see how this is a valuable superpower.

boneguy said...

Tell me again whose brilliant idea it was to get away for the weekend on the Vomit Comet?

Toot Sweet said...

"I know it's our first time in bed, but I'd actually prefer it if you just went ahead and farted."

Anonymous said...

"Gee honey, your plan to have a threesome with a humongous, invisible, fat chick just keeps getting better. Oh boy, I am sooo horny."

Anonymous said...

"Gee honey, your plan to have a threesome with a humongous, invisible, fat chick just keeps getting better. Oh boy, I am sooo horny."

JohnnyB said...

Come down and judge the contest, al. Being wasted isn't a "technical issue".--mrs.al

Kathy H said...

"I'll tell you one thing. Dick Fosbury you're not."

Glenn said...

"What are you going to do when you have to take a shit?"

Kipchoge said...

Kathy H your Fosbury entry sort of flopped. (No Google)

Tinkerbell said...

Who knew Hooked on Phonics came with actual hooks. Do you want me to call the paramedics?

Anonymous said...

"That's not what I meant by elevate."

Fuck you, that's my name...

Anonymous said...

"You're really good in ceiling."

Bev

Utellme said...

"No, I would NOT like a golden shower."

Utellme said...

"I saw David Copperfield perform the same feat on television. Face it, Harry, you're going to die at that accounting firm."

Anonymous said...

"I said 'Get hard' not 'Hard to get.'"

Mrs. George Woolweaver

Glenn said...

"Can you hear the Lord yet?" (Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet.)

Anonymous said...

Artist's rendering of alinla, 10/27/86.

Rocko

Tim H said...

Worst case of jet-lag ever.

Richard H said...

"You were right, Frank. You did die before the SuperGlue gave out."

jim M said...

"Aren't you supposed to seek medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours?"

Anonymous said...

"Ski jumping, dear?"

Al Pine

NAMBY said...

"Okay. You made your point. Now relax your butt cheeks and come the fuck down."

Jess said...

Thought bubble over the woman's head:

Shit! Note to self: When you buy an inflatable male love doll with 7-inch vibrating penis and vibrating, rotating tongue*, don't fill it with helium.

*actual product

 Konrad said...

After that performance, you should hang your head, Tom Dooley.

Anonymous said...

"On the ceiling, buddy, and give me twenty..."

Mrs. George Woolweaver

Anonymous said...

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die from affixation."

Rob

Dr Sumguy said...

Did you forget your sleep number again?

stcoleridge said...

For months I have wondered were the anti-caption contest went. Now that I have found it, I am getting back in the game. From up here on the ceiling.

stcoleridge said...

"You on ceiling, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?"

Johnny B Browne-Nose said...

It's so hard to come by
That feeling of peace
This friend of mine said
"Close your eyes, and try a few of these"
I thought I flying like a bird
So far above my sorrow
But when I looked down
I was standing on my knees
Now I need someone to help me
Someone to help me please

Anonymous said...

“Instead of hitting home runs, sometimes we're going to hit singles like JohnnyB....but they're really important singles."

Barack Obama

 Konrad said...

I don't care if trampolining is an Olympic event now, this is not the time or place to practice.

Anonymous said...

"You ate all the ceiling popcorn?"

Satireguy said...

"While you're up, could you get me a drink?"

Gary P said...

"Jesus, Demi gets Patrick Swayze, and I get a guy who can't even figure out how to get down to the bed."

Anonymous said...

You need to get over me.

Rocko

Steve_O said...

"I've been up for over four hours. I think it's time to call the doctor. "

Tinkerbell said...

I'm pretty sure that's against the law in all fifty states.

Miss Judged said...

If you promise to actually read all the entries this week, al, I'll give you the staple remover.

von_Sydow said...

"Hey Regan, toss me up some of that holy water."

skip said...

"What? Too loud?"

Anonymous said...

I won't have sex with you when you're high.

Jim Cavanaugh

Glenn said...

"Get your head back! The cops will see you up there."

philomania said...

I wish daddy was still alive.

Anonymous said...

The hoverers here are obscene.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Hey Al,

Could you like judge the contest now before you become totally inebriated so like we won't have to wait until Tuesday night to find out the results?

Anonymous said...

Fuceiling, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you doing that?

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Did you have another nocturnal magician?

Rocko

Tinkerbell said...

The powers here are unseen.

Richard H said...

"Enough with the astronaut dreams, Walter."

Richard H said...

"I hate astronauts."

Richard H said...

"How can a fart like that not wake you up?"

Anonymous said...

Are you going to stay up all night?

Amy

Anonymous said...

"I warned you about breaking your neck if you didn't come down from there. Dumb-ass honky."

27 B-stroke 6

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I can see your little boner, too. Quit staring at it.

Amy

Anonymous said...

"Did you know you have a bald spot?"

Isosceles

Anonymous said...

Hover? I barely... never mind.

-- Dex

Tinkerbell said...

Hitting the glass ceiling doesn't feel so great, does it?

Gary P said...

"I know the doctor said to keep your feet elevated. Oh, never mind."

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your efforts, al. I believe Mr. Buckner took up residence in Idaho.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

buy alprazolam online without prescription drug interactions concerta xanax - alprazolam 0.5mg tab

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.