NOTE: It was just another Sunday and as I went about sifting through the heap of Anti-Caps submitted last week, it became increasingly clear that this cartoon is a dud. Just a big knob or maybe little tiny people. So what? I called an emergency meeting with myself and decided to extend the deadline in the hope of attracting a half-way decent cap or two. This would free me up to watch football on TV and ponder the fate of humanity. Naturally, the extension triggered several caps maligning the judging process and, of course, the judge. That kind of stuff is common and more amusing than annoying (but still somewhat annoying). I was impressed to see that more than 40 caps were added since Sunday. I went through them as
My re-request to those participating is that you post only those caps that have some kind of redeeming value and post no more than five entries each week. Leave a comment expressing your affection, indifference or disdain.
"Restoration Hardware just merged with Industrial Light & Magic."--HOW'S MY CAPTIONING?1 800 382 5968 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It took nearly 10 days for this entry to appear. It is not really funny or edgy but it explains this obnoxiously big door knob. I also like the signature. I did not call the number so feel free. )
SECOND PLACE"Not the hole, too obvious. The knob - as in, everyone gets a turn. That's why it reminds me of your sister." --Amateur Apertures (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if it was an oven he'd be saying something about how every puts their meat in. Yes, I too was once 14. But tasteless-joke-wise. aren't we suppose to go after mothers? You know, the one who is so dumb that it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes? In a week were the caps were especially bland and listless I thought I make a statement by picking something absolutely awful as the 2nd place winner.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"Worst. Glory Hole. Ever." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Zagat has yet to weigh in so we'll just have to assume Steve did the research to make such a bold pronouncement. This is picked mainly based on it being even more stupid and gross than the other entries this week.)
"Idiot. I told you to the boss wanted a 'whore with big knobs'" --NAMBY (JUDGE COMMENT: Instead he got a door with big knobs. Get it? Happens all the time. This assumes there is an equally large size knob on the other side of the door. )
"Remind me again. Are we way too small, or is it way too big?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that he knew the answer but forgot. That what gives this its edge.)
"I AM big. The movies got small and the doorknobs got big too."--Rich (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic line from the film Sunset Boulevard. I may be reading to much into it but it makes a statement about how everything is relative.)
"It's actually a cat door for a really big, paranoid (redundant) cat, and we're actually really small. Actually."--Mouse-sized people (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That rare breed of cat that can work a door knob. Maybe if you had gone with "fat cat." )
That was an excellent lunch. Where did you find those mushrooms?--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Naturally Johnny assumes that it is a drug induced hallucination. With each passing week he becomes more of a cautionary tale, as do I.)
"It's left over from the Brobdingnagian merger."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Too high brow and not funny. Brobdingnag is from Swift's Gulliver's Travels.)
"I only joined this company because I'm a peeping tom." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This tries to make sense of this image and is slightly funny the first time you read it. Read it again and again it becomes really awful.)
"Erin Andrews had it installed."-- Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay. So it's an obscure reference but a really stupid one. Erin Andrews is a reporter for ESPN who was surreptitiously videoed while dressing in a hotel room. The creep(s) posted the grainy, blurry video on-line. So we get the reference, but why the hell would SHE of all people have an over sized key hole installed? Also fun fact: lawyers for ESPN threatened legal action against anyone who posted the video but refused to confirm that it was Andrews bare breasts we were ogling. )
“You will start out standing, Proud to steal her anything she sees; But you’ll wind up peeking through her keyholeDown upon your knees . . .Actually, you may need a stepladder . . .”--blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another cap from blw mentioned Knockin on Heavens Door. Can't go wrong with Dylan. I just hope you people are simply Googling key words in a shameless bid to curry the judge's favor.)
"♪ ♫ ...and one pill makes you small, ♫ ♪ ♫" --Gary P (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our first ever cap with actual musical notes. It a line from White Rabbit, of course. In my high school they were fond of saying reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Yes that's the kind of high school I went to.)
"My baby done changed, yes, she done changed the lockon the door." --stcoleridge (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Without actually hearing this old blues song you just know the next line is "now my key don't fit no more." This was posted twice, once with a comma and again with a semi-colon. That is both sad and impressive."
"This reminds me of that album Strange Days by, y'know, The Doors." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I do know. The classic rock station here plays "LA women" at least twice an hour.)
Governor Crist thinks this Doors thing has been blown out of proportion.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The governor, who is widely believed to be gay, is trying to get Jim Morrison off posthumously. There is a joke there someplace).
“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as it is--infinite . . . but that’s the custodian’s job, not mine.”---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't understand this but I considered picking it as the first place winner just to screw with people.)
"Didn't you fuck Rick Kehoe?" -- Mario (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This actually kind of works on a few levels. Kehoe is a former hockey player and went on to coach the Penguins. Mario I presume is Mario Lemieux. I sort of knew that but Googled it anyway.)
They painted it white after Marilyn Chambers died. --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another obscure reference. Got it dead porn star, green door.)
We call it Chuck's Knob-Lock, 'cause he couldn't hit it with a baseball from 20 feet away.---Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Chuck Knoblauch was a second baseman for the Yankees who occasionally had trouble throwing the ball to first base. This gave the Daily News an excuse to run his photo with the headline "Block-Head!".)
"What are we gonna do? It"s Saturday, it's 10:03 am, and young alinla is still asleep in there." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggests that Tim actually read all the comments last week. Including Mrs al in la and myself that makes three. Good use of your time Tim. It's now Thusday, 12:42 am, so Happy Thanksgiving.)