The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #260

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"I'm showing that you transferred all your money to Somalia." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah, I realize this could be a candidate for the real contest. Still, in the absence of a notable cap that’s offensive and/or stupid, we’ll just have to settle for high brow wit. I doubt the “real winner” will be as good as this cap. That is something I have never said before so hold your head high, Glenn.)

SECOND PLACE (THREE-WAY TIE)
"That's where I always park macaw" --Southy Pirate (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I figured a trio of horrible puns and caps that would never see the light of day in the “real” contest would make up for this week’s winner. This is so ridiculously stupid delightful I didn’t even get it. Mrs. al in la read it out loud and I was like, Huh? )

"We charge a buck an ear for an overdraft. Get it? A buck-an-ear, a buccaneer? Aaarh, forget it matey."-- Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No, no comeback. You where right to explain this. I’d wager when Satireguy thought of this, he immediately said to himself “I can’t submit it I’ll look like a damn idiot.” Then he couldn’t help himself. This is common among Anti-Cappers. )

Polly wants a cracker. The black will have to leave.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yet another awful pun that has the added plus of being racially insensitive. Thanks, Rocko. Shortly after posting this he came back and amended this to say “Oops ... The black woman.” I think he did enough damage the first time so I’m letting the original stand. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Thanks, but career-wise it's just a lateral move.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is also worthy of the “real” contest but too good to ignore. It's clear that many people have a deep hatred for all things banking-related. Pirates are associated with looting and plundering, so there was a natural crossover here. As it turns out the similarities between banking and piracy were not lost on other lazy thinkers Anti-Cappers. Read on...)


No, I'm the pirate. For mortgages you'll need to talk to the Loan Arranger.--mgh (JUDGE’S COMMENT: This one cuts to the chase. It’s funny because it assumes that the bank knows that we know that they are just a bunch of crooks, so why try to hide it? It’s only logical they would have a pirate on staff.)

"I needed healthcare; they liked my resumè. That simple." --Reality-Beard.. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Also a bit heavy handed but we clearly see a theme emerging.)

"Once we realized we were operating under the same business philosophy, a merger seemed only natural." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In a pirate-driven economy “acquisition” works better than “merger.” Maybe something about the FTC investigating anti-trust issues because the two businesses are so closely related. As a business reporter, I learned that “merger” is often a polite way to describe the corporate equivalent of forcible rape.)

"Walk the plank, scoundrel! Oh sorry, I'm still adjustin' to landlubber-speak. I meant to say, 'Please consider an interest-only mortgage with a variable rate.'"--smuck. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The type of mortgage mentioned is a sure way to get in over your head [See? I get it!] This is only slightly humorous but it kind of works)

The pay's just as good, but I miss the rape, murder, and mayhem. --John Rackam (JUDGE’S COMMENT: I briefly considered this for the winner but I doubt tellers get paid nearly as much as most pirates. I also believe even rapists and murders detest mayhem which is defined a needless havoc. Nice try though.)

@Rocko - the "lateral move" caption should be in the real contest --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don’t encourage backseat judging but I know Johnny likes to be recognized. Also, this one time he happens to be right.)


Thanks Johnny, I was considering it.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: What are you thanking him for? He's just pandering. I am absolutely 100% certain that people from that magazine read this blog. I am further convinced that a cap posted here will never be among the three finalists they pick. So embrace one contest and ignore the other. That’s what I do.)

"It's a real parrot, but the partition's a clip-on." --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A double-reverse classic that has a germ of truth.)

The arrrrrs here are obscene.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We knew we could count on Capt. Obvious JohnnyB. to add something just like this.)

The banker's hours here are keen.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another classic lays in tatters. )

I don't believe me eye, either. A black person in a New Yorker cartoon? --Eric (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A classic theme made more funny by the use of “me eye.” Years ago, I played in a hockey game that was refereed by someone with a glass eye. The players kept yelling, “Come on ref! Open your eye.” True story.)

Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How the hell arrrrrr you?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I am running these classics to keep them alive. It is my hope that people will one day put them to good use.)

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No Mr. Dye, I expect you to buy bonds.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice focus, Jim. This is not nearly as bad as some of your other entries. I was thinking "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to divest.")

I lost a couple of digits. Do you mind?--Cap'n Hook (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another classic run through the shredder.)

Even though we're docked, we're technically offshore. --Alan Dishpan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is what the great state of Mississippi did with its casinos. They wanted the gambling money but not the tawdry image, so they put them on barges. Katrina put an end to this canard. God hates hypocrites.)

"Used to work in the field. Section 12102 of the ADA - they had to offer me a desk job." --Gary P (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The Americans With Disabilities act means that the morbidly obese can work the pole. It was passed by Poppy Bush.)

“Little Jimmy Hawkins! Well, look at you . . . all grown up . . . with a bank account and everything!” ---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just to once again show the depth of my knowledge, a young Jackie Cooper played Hawkins in the 1934 movie, Treasure Island. Someone should write a book based on that classic film.)

Mazeroski, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you old enough to remember? It was 50 years ago. The scurvy dogs outscored us 55-27, but we won in 7 games.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The Pirates won '60 Series despite scoring fewer than half the number of runs tallied by the Yankees. The Bucs were shut out twice by Whitey Ford, so they is also a racial element here.)

"6-4, 10-0, 12-0, 3-2, 5-2, 16-3 and 10-9 Buc-oooh!"--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here are the scores of that series.)

“Arrrgh, matey . . . sure I remember Roberto Clemente . . . now there was a real pirate!” ---left coast Wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He was indeed one of the greats. But remember, he was a Pirate with a capital “P.”)

You have a *gub*?-- Avast-Yi Previn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference of to the 1969 film "Take the Money and Run" in which Woody Allen plays inept criminal Virgil Starkwell. The teller in the movie actually says: "That looks like 'gub'--it doesn't look like 'gun.' " So this is a bit obscure and slightly cute but not accurate or really worth bothering with.)

"I'm sorry.. Your note here...Does this say 'I have a gub'?" --cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah we know. Someone just said that. )

ATTENTION JUDGES: "cta" copied my entry, three hours after the fact. Real original, dude.--Avast-Yi Previn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Boo fucking hoo. Give me a break! Actually there is only one judge and he thinks you are anal retentive little wuss who takes this shit much too seriously.)

Arrr... it be true, cta and Avast-Yi Previn pirated Woody Allen's gub gag. After the bank closes, we'll be keel-haulin' the bastards.-- Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Konrad tries to add his unique brand of wit but he ends up looking like the old women who runs down to the street in her robe when she hears a car crash. "I saw the whole thing!" she volunteers to a cop who rolls his eyes and says, "Lady, just let me do my job." )

Oh crap, apologies to Avast-Yi Previn. Didn't remember seeing it - must've been the mad cow. -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He deserves no apology, only pity mixed with concern.)

Avast-Yi Previn: Didn't mean to steal your schtick-up line, sorry, dude. -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: cta thought about it and came up with an even more cleaver apology. And so ends a bazaar exchange. Let us never talk about this again.)

"My existence led by confusion boats,
Mutiny from stern to bow;
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now."--blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: From Dylan's 1964 masterpiece "My Back Pages" In my high school yearbook, the quote I used with my pic was from this song: "Using ideas as my maps." I liked short captions and was a massive Dylan fan even back then.)

"Hey this little birdie told me it was al in la's birthday. Pass it on."--FB BFF (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of three such entries submitted on my birthday. A year ago I wrote a blog entry noting that Oct. 20th is also Mickey Mantle's birthday (And Keith Hernandez, and Tom Petty). I suspect that these people made a note of that information and waited a year to apply it out of respect for me and the Mick. That is what I choose to believe anyway.)

"Happy Birthday, Alinla, you scurvy little butt- pirate. Thanks for keeping the contest alive! Have a great day if it is indeed your Bday. You and the Mrs. rock " --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks I guess, although my advancing years and those nettlesome California laws have curtailed my butt-pirating days.)

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Yo ho ho alinla. Happy birthday. Here's hopin' yer Jolly Roger still flies above half-mast.--JC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well blow me down! Full steam a head. Keep hope alive. )

"Aarrgh. Fer every new account you gets a glossy 2011 calendar featuring al in la and the missus in various and sundry poses. Makes a great gift." --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It was only a few short weeks ago that Tim H. towered over this contest like Trig Palin at a Tea Party rally. Now he crawls into the winner's circle by kissing up. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or flattered. Maybe if we are lucky Tim will beturn to form.)