The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #256

WINNER
"Hey, when did you get a ponytail?"-- Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is equal measures poignant and silly. So much so it is likely to escape the grasp of the casual reader. Still, once you realize he is referencing her elongated [and exceedingly cute] butt, it is an indisputable classic. This is not diminished by the fact that he too has "ponytail." Good one Kathy.)

SECOND PLACE
"Oh yah? Well you try gettin' a cab during rush hour when it's pouring rain and yer some tumblin' drunk with a huge hard-on and mythical to boot. Danny Glover has a better chance." --mort drucker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay there's a lot here, Maybe that's why mort posted it twice. It's pretty good when you think about it. Danny Glover, a pampered millionaire, did make a stink when cabs passed him by in NYC. Also, no one wants to hear your excuses when you're late. Not to be a prude but I found the hard-on part gratuitous.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Myth me--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Short and cleaver [notice that I spelled it right this time]. )

I was lost in the rain in Juarez
It's a hard rain -- JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As he works through his on-going creative drought, Johnny offers a few Dylan lines that reference rain. I appreciate them even if they don't fit the image. Keep trying Johnny. As always: "A" for effort.)

"It's just you, #12? What is it with you Rainy Day Women? I was expecting #35 to be here too."-- Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I never understood the title to that song. Also, why would someone stone you when you trying to take a bath or walk on a path? Take away the drug references and it really is a violent song.)

I just blew a pervert and two whores with no name
It feels good to be out of the rain--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: How dare you bastardize this classic. I can see it now: The year is 1976. It's 10 am. We're supposed to be in study hall but we're in my friend's Torino. We're passing around a joint and this is the song on the 8-track. Good times. Good times.)

“How many years must Mt. Olympus exist before it is washed to the sea? I’m talking buckets of rain, buckets of tears out there . . . anyway, I’m just here seeking shelter from the storm, ‘cuz a hard rain’s gonna’ fall . . .”-Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: While I appreciate the Dylanization of this contest, but let's not get all willy-nilly about it. Okay?)

"In the smoke of the twilight on a milk-white steed, Michelangeo indeed could've carved out your features." --Zimmy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a bit more classy. It's from "Jokerman," the first song on the Dylan album "Infidels." There is a horse reference so it kind of works. )

"You mean to say that Tim H is going to appear in the upcoming documentary on New York baseball teams called Baseball: A New York Love Story and that it will be available online shortly after broadcast? Is that what you're saying??" --Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tim is a perennial contender and frequent winner of this contest. If this was a talk show I would gladly let him plug his upcoming film, stand-up gig or skin care line. Would have been nice if he provided more info [date? network?] But I can't wait to see it, Tim. Huge baseball fans that we are, my wife and I are also psyched about the new Ken Burns series on PBS "The 10th Inning." Is your's as good as that, Tim? Just askin'.)

Why must you always be the centaur of attention? --otto wisniewski (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A few folks incorporated the word "centaur," proving yet again that smart people can yield dumb puns. Also, I do believe I have never in my life met any one named "Otto.")

This is the last straw. Grab the puppets. We're going to couples therapy. --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to last week's contest. I thought someone would suggest that the two figures were horses disguised as humans. Something like "Don't be such a human's head, Edna!" [ You know, as opposed to "horse's ass."] Didn't happen.)

"Rachel Alexandra? I barely know her. I mean, not in the biblical... oh, shit. How did you find out?" --Russell (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references an actual horse and is a play on the "Liquor?-I-barely-know-her" line that never gets old.)

What I'd do for Diane Lane, you'd do for John Malkovich! (Starring in SECRETARIAT, in theaters October 8.)-- Optimus Sub-Prime (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Our first-ever plug-cap. It was bound to happen. )

"Oh don't tell me..while I've been out braving the elements, Mikhail Gorbachev's head snuck in and did scooties all over your body. Is that it?"--Boris (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Too stupid for words but still notable. Gorby had a weird birth mark on his head. That was the most memorable thing about him. )

"The horses here are us, Irene." --smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is weak but it keeps alive the classic "The hours here are obscene." So.. )

Don't tell me. You didn't get the Secretariat job? --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The person who submitted this violated the five cap rule, but this is the type of pun we can't ignore. )

Tim's errors here are obscene--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An apparent reference to Tim's drink-a-little, cap-a-little appproch to this contest. )

Hercules' sidekick Newton the Centaur all growed up. ---Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Italics AND a link that explains why this has merit. Kathy is to this contest what A-Rod is to the Yankees. [Without the steroids and the bloated salary, I mean.] )

"Look at that! Look at the tree! Oh, the tree! Look at the tree! Look at the tree! Dude, a fucking tornado for sure."
[Finally an allusion too obscure?] --David D. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's some stupid song about a tornado! I mean, as if!)

You're such a horse's ass, allie! You probably creamed yourself when Dylan sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game.--Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No Konnie, hearing Dylan sing this song on the baseball edition of Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour (TTRH) on Sirius XM radio was gratifying but not any where near the level you suggest. [You fucking sicko!] My admiration for Dylan is not, I assure you, sexual. [Once again I say: If you are trying to stump me--Dylan-wise--try harder] )

"Well, if I'm a mudder, I guess that makes you a mudderfucker." --Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is so bad it almost won. Nuff said.)