RESULTS: The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #245

Note: There is little question that Gahan Wilson ranks as one of the greatest magazine cartoonists of our time. His dark wit and fascination with the macabre have entertained us for decades. He is 80 now and surely does not need the work and I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a shit what we think. Still I fell duty bound to point out that this cartoon sucks monkey balls. A sailboat sinking amid treacherous waters--in a tea cup? What the fuck? Is it a huge tea cup our tiny people clinging to a tiny boat?
While I have frequently said that even a lame toon can yield good Anti-Caps, this one is very tough. If it was simply a sinking boat maybe we'd have something to work with. The tea cup setting is just confusing and distracting. Sorry Mr. Wilson but we have come to expect more from you.
The cartoon's limpness was reflected in the relatively modest number of entries submitted last week. Not surprisingly, most of the Anti-Caps coughed up were pretty sucky. Luckily there were a couple of not-so-bad ones and some puzzling references to George from Seinfeld. I declared it a tie for first as a means of cheapening the accomplishment. No one deserves to pat themselves for this one.
Here are this week's picks and my two-cents. Take a secomd to leave a comment or risk having me believe you just don't care.

WINNER (Tie)
Wipe that damn smirk off your face. The voluminous ejaculate from your improbably large penis to which I'm clinging for dear life is contaminating a perfectly good cup of coffee. -- Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I know. I know. More childish and crude than funny. The sentence structure is tortured and there appears to be no smirk on anyone's face. I also loath caps related to bodily fluids. Still, this late entry seems consistent with Anti-Cap crap culture. It was a soft week, so this will have to do as a co-winner. Congratulation Eric. I hope this brings some measure of joy to your life.)


WINNER (Tie)
The fear was that they stood to lose their lives to the storm. The irony was that it would be the gastric acids of an 8-year old that would take them screaming to their deaths in a sea of bile. -- Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Point of order: Wouldn't they be chewed and swallowed first? Not really funny but imaginative and it fits the grotesque humor of Gahan Wilson. In fact I suspect he may have written this.)


SECOND PLACE

The Franklin Mint proudly offers this priceless teacup commemorating of the near drowning of Simon LeBon for three low payments of 17.99 + S&H. -- boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The one-time lead signer of Duran Duran was in fact involved in a serious boating accident and to verify, boneguy even added a link. Also, the whores at Franklin Mint would commemorative Swine Flu if they could make a buck off of it. So there is, I guess, an element of irony here.)
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HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Gesundheit.-- Deja vu -(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Short and to the point. Though few people actually say this when someone sneezes, it sort of explains the drawing. I usually don't like snotty captions but this is pretty good.)
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"I think BP's new containment strategy leaves something to be desired."--K.T. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could be a contender in the "real" contest. It also fills our quota of at least one anti-BP cap.)
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"We're fucked, just like those people trying to caption this."-- Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To be fair, captioning a lame cartoon and gasping for air while your lungs fill with sea water are different types of fucked, but I think we can all understand Rob's frustration.)
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"You have to put the situation in perspective! Because Gahan Wilson sure as hell didn't!"-- Anonyrat (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's not so much the lack of perspective, it's the overkill. Why the tea cup? Anti-Cappers demand to know! I included an old Gahan Wilson toon to remind us of what he once was.)
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Fucking Wilson, always making a big deal out of nothing!-- Konrad Schwoerke (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That is his M.O. over the years so this is not funny but well said.)

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"I've heard of a tempest in a teapot, but this is most unexpected."
"When you said "tempest in a teacup" I assumed you were referring to the Shakespeare Romance, his final staged production, in which the character of Prospero is delivers a touching farewell speech that many see as Shakespeare's own message announcing his intention to retire to Avon, the land of his birth. Instead, we're both going to die."-- Trout Almondine (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I guess the tempest in a teacup is the inspiration for the cartoon. As for the pot vs. cup controversy, the former drew a half million hits on Google and the latter saw 50K. So it's settled. OK?)

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It's a tempest in a teaPOT, not a teaCUP. Caption accordingly folks.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As you can see both are correct [although one more so than the other] but who the hell are you to tell anyone how, where or when to cap? What are you, The Man?)
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I imagine that Gordon Lightfoot's song about this wreck will be several verses shorter.-- JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That is exactly what someone about to drown would say. Made me think of a great classic song.)
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"The sea was angry that day, my friends... Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli" ... George Costanza-- Johnny V (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great Seinfeld episode. George pretends to be a marine biologist to impress a woman, then has to rescue a whale who has a golf ball lodged in his blow hole. Kramer, of course was driving balls in to the ocean. What this has to do with the cartoon, I don't know.)
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Hey George, the ocean's running low on *shrimp*!!! (I thought of this before Johnny V's post) -- Hey George (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Fair enough.)

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"well, the Jerk Store called... they are all out of YOU!" ....George Costanza.--Johnny V (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice come back George/Johnny.)

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One winner and no runners-up or honorable mentions last week. I don't give a fuck if I drown or not.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I appreciate the devotion but it was a re-run of an old cartoon!)
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"Hella funny, God, but I'm ready for my cup to overfloweth now."-- Damien (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rare religious cap [I think]. This makes sense. as a child I was told that God answers all prays, but sometimes the answer is "no." [My mother said something similar about Santa Claus.] )

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"Don't worry, it's a protective cup." --NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference, of course, to the between-legs-gear worn by men playing sports so there is a pun here someplace.)