Wednesday, June 30, 2010

RESULTS: The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #246

Note: As you no doubt know by now, I was unable to post this week's contest on After trying several times, I gave up and posted the cartoon on this blog and will judge it accordingly. Today, I heard back from Daniel Radosh. He informs me that his site is being re-configured. He is uncertain how he plans to handle the Anti Cap contest and is even considering a Twitter approach with no judging. (Yes, I already told him I think that sucks.)

Please know that I want to keep the Anti-Cap contest on It is not only the original home of the contest, I like the format. Even so, if there is no other venue for the contest I will post it here. Please remember to sign you entries.
Sorry these results are late. The tardiness is unrelated to the issues I mentioned. Believe it or not I have been busy. (And no, it's not just good stuff on TV.) I am judging a book festival AND I started a full time temporary job as a "writer." (Yeah, I know. Go figure.) It involves developing web copy for an entertainment company. (That's all I can say.) Nice people and a nice office with free food. I am not accustomed to getting up early and sitting still for eight hours. But a gig's a gig.

Here, at last, are last week's winners.


"Call me old-fashioned, but I think that chair is out of place for this jury room."--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Made me laugh. A disparaging comment from Tim about another entry was the last comment accepted by before the system went kablooey. Someone even blamed Tim for the shut down. Tim is hereby vindicated.)


"I know its barbaric and painful and countries around the world condemn us because of it, but we are still going to do annual performance reviews." -- Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Simplistic yet ironic. One of several caps that found a way to put an electric chair in a corporate setting. Marx would be proud.)


’Why’, you ask? Because the guillotine just seemed so . . . so . . . so 18th century.”--left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A great comment on the lies people tell themselves when they snuff out another people. )

"Look, Billy, we're not here to discuss whether or not a 'corporation' has the same personality traits as what you call a 'psychopath.' All we know is that when a memo comes from corporate we're expected to act on it."-- Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: While working on a story about a health care company once, I asked the CEO to identify his top priority. With out hesitation he said "building shareholder value." I said "what about providing quality health care at affordable prices?" He said "Yeah, that too." This cap, for some reason, reminded me of that exchange. )

"We need to start generating some buzz."--Jared S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: More corporate speak. )

Could you do me a solid and hold onto my Swanson's Pot Pie? Lunch is happening as soon as you're dead! --Euseless Tilley (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have been funnier if it specified chicken pot pie. I realize that's the only kind of pot pie Swanson sells, but "pot pie" sounds like something a stoner would eat. [Not that there is anything wrong with that!])

You know, Business Week was right."
-- Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Glenn was kind enough to link his cap to a story with the headline: "Your Office Chair Is Killing You." So its topical and ironic.)

"It's on loan from MoMa's design collection."-- Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aways good for a link, Kathy sent us to a collection of silly looking foo-foo chairs. Alas, not one looked like Old Sparky.)

"Thanks Larry for testing out this sweet new perm machine."--wizalt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice out of the box thinking.)

"On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That it was my job? My job?"--greenmile (JUDGE'S COMMENT: When you put it that way, it's a good bet Pontius Pilate had some splainin to do.)

So, what we need is for you to write an opinion explaining why this isn't torture.-- Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's not. It's enhanced life termination technology--don't forget the wet sponge.)

"Well, back in my day, Mr. Eisner, this used to be known as an E-Coupon ride!"-- blw(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is some type of dig at Disney, so I'm on board.)

"Well, short of crucifixion, Mr. Hayward, our PR department told us frankly this was the best direction for British Petroleum at this moment. Not us. Just you."-- Marshal Trigg (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This week's BP-bashing cap. I just think he should go swimming in the Gulf of Mexico.)

"Don't you know a metaphor when you see one?"-- Gary P (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe this would work better if it was an axe and chopping stump. Or maybe if it was some type of canning device. That might be a better metaphor.)

"...And, it's a double-throw single-pull, Bitch!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Actually the electrical switch you are refering to is a "single-POLE." Now who's the bitch?)

Let me tell you fellas, since winning the real Caption Contest and placing second the Anti-Cap, I am feeling less inclined to use this thing on myself.-- boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So you are good enough to win the "real" contest but could only muster a silver metal in Anti-Cap-land? What does that tell you? This is one of the most self-aggrandizing caps I have ever seen. Unless he is just making this up, boneguy is actually Ken Hoffman of Los Gatos, Calif. I think "boneguy" works better, but that's just me.)

No, Mr. Bond, I expected you to die. All it did was give you the frizzies.--CRC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I think I hurt CRC's feeling when I pointed out that "expect you to fry" was way too obvious in this case. I guess I owe him one.)

"You're in my chair."-- holden_c (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I nod to the little girl who won a few weeks ago. It does not work here but it is still appreciated.)

The amperes here are obscene.--JohnnyB
The amperes here are obscene. I had read this and it is really very informative for me. Great cartoon. -- 8gb m2(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great mines think alike...and so do the minds of JohnnyB and 8gb m2.)

"You knew we we're going to grill you today. Did you think we were kidding?"-- dwilk

[Not for nothing, but I love that someone, let's say dwik, would wake up and realize that something were amiss, and then correct one apostrophe in his earlier entry -- 3 hours and 21 minutes after the error. I call that dedication to a task, and worthy of inclusion in his/her résumé. Or something.] --Tim H July 1, 2010 9:58 AM (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I left the time and date because this may well be the last comment/entry posted until we get figured out. I think it is somehow appropriate that it's a dig at another entry. And so it goes.)


Anonymous said...

I love that someone (let's say Tim H.) would comment on Dwilk's entry and refer to him/her as DWIK.

Anonymous said...

[This is Tim H]

First, thank you al in la for the honor of "Winner." It never gets old. I'm particularly glad that you did not hold my "brackets snafu" against me (even though I'm still not sure I had anything to do with the technical problem).

But, I would like to set one small point straight: I was not disparaging the entry and correction posted by dwik. I guess an emoticon was in order (although I hate them) to convey my sincere admiration for dwik's diligence in making a most minor correction hours after the original entry.

By the way, I still don't know dwik's gender.

Anonymous said...

[This is Tim H]

The silent "l" confused me. Of course, it's "dwilk."

Anonymous said...

I love that someone (let's say Tim H.) would come back after one more incorrect spelling and one more hour to correct himself.

I do not mean to disparage the entry and correction. I admire his diligence and am jealous of his win this week.

Anonymous said...

dwilk's gender? #99, #198

Anonymous said...

I don't know what #99 and #198 mean. I looked back at the Anti-Cap Contests with those numbers and cannot find a clue as to what dwilk's gender is.

Please fill me in. Thanks.

Tim H

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