Monday, December 21, 2009

Finalists: Anti-Caption Contest #221

The New Yorker is taking a week off, so this Anti-Caption contest is still open. To keep it interesting, I have selected a few finalists. But rememeber, the contest is not over. You can still summit a caption. Feel free to use the comments section to voice you support or contempt for any or all of these:


"This madhouse is a real kitchen."--Francis

Ghost of Christmas Future: "This is what will happen to your restaurant after you cut labor by twenty percent and forged invoices, Ebenezer."--Grant

"In this pressure-cooker environment, I always find Samantha's musical interpretations remarkably soothing."--Richard H
"Tisch School of the Arts graduates make great wait staff, *never* kitchen staff."--J.D.
"Everybody likes oral sex but nobody wants to see how it's made."--TG Gibbon
Too many kooks spoil the Frittata of Bass in G-string minor."-- FV
That's the guy who failed to judge Contest #220. People finally aren't taking it anymore."-- Lester
"Mr. Woods asked that we hide his 17th favorite mistress in plain sight. Plus, we knew that if there are two things the sports media do not like they are over-priced fish and classical music."
-- Grant
"The guy with the cleaver and chef's knife is Harry, and he's chasing Al for stepping on his dick last week and to keep him from judging this one on time. It's forced irony."--David
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to diet."-- Gretchen S.
"You're supposed to be cooking Fusilli, you crazy bastards!"--Damon
"It's a good thing there are Mexican people here to clean this up."--Joshua
"This is what happens when it takes TWO DAYS to judge an anti-caption contest."--Harry


Joshua said...

"You're supposed to be cooking Fusilli, you crazy bastards!"--Damon

This one especially made me laugh.

JohnnyB said...

"Everybody likes oral sex but nobody wants to see how it's made."--TG Gibbon is my favorite but I'm only saying that to get some attention.

Suitless in NYC said...

[I am actually "Tim H".]

An analogy: I attended the famous Game 6 of the 1986 World Series wherein the NY Mets staged an unbelievable comeback against the Boston Red Sox. With one out in the bottom of the ninth inning, the next Mets batter made out. With that, an over-eager Shea Stadium technician pushed a button which casued the following message to briefly appear on the left field videoboard: Congratulations, Red Sox. This, of course, was one out premature -- an out the Red Sox never achieved that night.

Flash forward to this past Monday: Most times when the Anti-Caption Cartoon is not yet uploaded to the site, I simply get a sneak peek at it on the website of The New Yorker. I did that a couple of days ago and found the new cartoon. However, it was most likely a mistake because the current contest is a two-weeker due to the holiday.

So, for those interested, I will describe that cartoon (on the assumption -- or is it presumption? -- that it will be the next cartoon in line).

It was drawn by Leo Cullum and it's a living room scene. Very simply, a man is reading a book on a sofa on the left hand side of the cartoon, while the "person" speaking is a mermaid -- topless, natch -- sitting on a chair on the right side of the cartoon. That it is, except of some other normal living room furnishings.

I have already thought of about 4 or 5 entries, if and when this cartoon appears.

You're welcome.

Tim H

J.D. said...

"If you were really straight you'd still fuck me."

al in la said...

Tim H.

Thanks! I remember that scoreboard gaff during the '86 series. Bigger mistake was for Boston to leave Bucker on the field in the 10th. They wanted to make certain the veteran was on the field when the Sox won.

As for the cap description, I have to admit J.D. is the early front runner. (Kind of the way the Nats will be tied for first on openng day.)

Happy Holidays.

J.D. said...

Regarding this one by NAMBY:

"They've really hit the skids since Cass choked on that sandwich."

I like how the author places this old canard in the mouth of a typical waiter, too harried to research the half-truths that comprise his knowledge of the world. As any informed person knows, Mama Cass Elliot (Ellen Cohen) suffered from a heart condition and died peacefully in her sleep of cardiac arrest. The "choked on a sandwich" thing is naught but cruel apocrypha. That it has been perpetuated by unfunny plagiarist Denis Leary is no surprise.

al in la said...


NAMBY submitted no such caption.

So, to recap, you have endeavored to unmask one falsehood by introducing another. (Reminds me of that old Star Trek episode where a robot wants to eliminate humans because they are not perfect. When Kirk proves that the robot itself is not perfect, it is forced to self-destruct.)

Glenn said...

Given the large numbers of new captions since the "finalists" were named, please consider some of the later arrivals!

dwilk said...

Unlike the airports, nobody gets anything past al in la.

J.D. said...

All right, all right! It was dwilk, but you know how fragile dwilk is. I knew NAMBY could take it, I mean, with a name like NAMBY ...

J.D. said...

And just as in Star Wars, nobody in any Star Trek version was ever do-able either, except those blonde pretty boy extras who'd get killed off each week in the original series. Such yummy, beefy little catamites!

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