Sunday, December 27, 2009

Results for Anti-Cap Contest #221: (Extended edition with judge's commentary)

(Please leave a comment praising, validating, acknowledging or assailing these picks.)



"He's temperamental, but he makes an awesome tit and testicle chowder."--Jim Cavanaugh (Judge's Comment: I believe Jim is new to the contest and I wanted to encourage his interest. Yes, it's a little gross to think the knife-wielding chef is about to cut off body parts, but I guess that's the point. I also like the "tit" and "testicle" alliteration. Congratulations Jim. In a week where Christians welcome one J.C., we welcome another.)


"This madhouse is a real kitchen."--Francis (Judge's Comment: Short and cleaver, obvious yet insightful. This would make a good book and/or reality show title.)

Ghost of Christmas Future: "This is what will happen to your restaurant after you cut labor by twenty percent and forged invoices, Ebenezer."--Grant (Judge's Comment: Holiday theme put it on the short list. Nice idea but specifying "twenty percent" makes it clunky. Let's keep them short, okay Grant?)
"Tisch School of the Arts graduates make great wait staff, never kitchen staff."--J.D.
(Judge's Comment: While I continue to suspect that J.D. is deeply troubled and often ill-informed, he can be terribly funny. For more info on J.D. and a photo, go here)
All I can say is, thank God The Times let us keep our 3 stars."
Kathy H (Judge's Comment: Kathy, bless her heart, linked this rather pedestrian anti-cap to a review of the NYC restaurant La Grenouille. Nice job!)
"Everybody likes oral sex but nobody wants to see how it's made."--TG Gibbon (Judge's Comment: My wife thought this was very funny. I say oral sex is not "made," it's "preformed" --at least that's how I remember it--but I know not to argue about such things.)
Too many kooks spoil the Frittata of Bass in G-string minor."-- FV (Judge's Comment: A brief anti-cap with two puns--three if you assume the woman is playing a bass fiddle. )
"That's the guy who failed to judge Contest #220. People finally aren't taking it anymore."-- Lester (Judge's Comment: I like even lame anti-caps that reference the contest itself. Also, I don't think I've ever actually met anyone named Lester.)

."Mr. Woods asked that we hide his 17th favorite mistress in plain sight. Plus, we knew that if there are two things the sports media do not like they are over-priced fish and classical music."-- Grant (Judge's Comment: Topical, but as a former sports reporter, I can tell you we love anything expensive when someone else is paying. Also: instead of "his 17th favorite mistress" you could have just said "her." People would get the Woods reference.)
"The guy with the cleaver and chef's knife is Harry, and he's chasing Al for stepping on his dick last week and to keep him from judging this one on time. It's forced irony."--David
(Judge's Comment: Again, I want to acknowledge contest references, but let's not abuse this privilege. Why "cleaver" AND "chef's knife?" Also the name is al in la (lower case please) and let's leave Harry's dick out of it--okay?)
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to diet."-- Gretchen S. (Judge's Comment: Nice job Gretch! I am determined to advance this Bond reference at all costs.)
"You're supposed to be cooking Fusilli, you crazy bastards!"--Damon (Judge's Comment: Damon, you know how to reach me!)
"It's a good thing there are Mexican people here to clean this up."--Joshua (See previous comment.)
"This is what happens when it takes TWO DAYS to judge an anti-caption contest."--Harry (Judge's Comment: Nice one, Harry. Remember the first step to resolving a problem is acknowledging its existence.)


Anonymous said...

Your comments are what keep me checking in! Thanks for my Monday morning laugh!!

Rose Fox said...

Why "cleaver" AND "chef's knife?"

Perhaps because the chef is carrying both a cleaver and a chef's knife? That would be my guess, anyway.

Don't your recommendations for improvements to captions kind of go against the spirit of making them the WORST possible? I think "his 17th favorite mistress" is definitely worse than "her" in general captioning terms, which in turn would presumably make it a better entry for this particular contest.

Anonymous said...

Yes, your gift is your commentaries and I also like when you categorized your picks.

al in la said...

Rose Fox,

There is a big difference between "worst" and "most tedious." Needless words do nothing to enhance the entertainment value.

At its core, the "anti-cap" is an effort to amuse, engage and perhaps disgust the readers. We are looking for anti-caps that are A) Funny and B) Would never be considered for the "real" contest (which we all agree is run by a bunch of pretentious, high brow Manhatanite phonies who'd rather go to Starbucks than Dunkin' Donuts.)

(Thanks for your comment)

David said...

I agree that cleaver and chef's knife made it clumsy, but "stepping on X's dick" is a common enough phrase.

Oh, and apologies for the assumed capitalization. :)

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