Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Unofficial Winners for the Anti-Cap #220

NOTE: I take seriously my duties as the every-other-week-anti-caption contest-poster/ judge. Essentially, it's a three-part process: Post the cartoon in the beginning of the week, read the entries (including at least a dozen from Johhny B.) and then, at the end of the week, recognize the ones that suck the least the most outstanding entries.
Selecting a winner and a few honorable mentions is probably the most daunting part of the job. You want to pick those entries that are anti-cap-funny as opposed to New-Yorker-magazine funny. The top entries should be witty and offbeat or, failing that, tasteless and insipid. (It's a thin line we anti-cap judges walk.)
As a long-time participate, I know that many who enter look forward to seeing who "won." Sometimes the selection is annoying ("How the fuck is that funny?" you ask). Other times you chuckle briefly and move on with your life. Unfortunately, there have been no results posted for last week's contest. So, although I realize it's not my week, I know there are people who care (yeah I'm talking to you mypalmike). So I bring you my "unofficial" winners for Anti-Cap Contest #220. complete with my two-cents. (Please feel free to leave a comment.)

UPDATE: I am extremely frustrated delighted to report that in the time it took me to create this post, the other judge rendered his verdict. Clearly he gave it careful consideration. So the following is intended for entertainment purposes only.

"Look, duck, turning your head away from me is not going to change the fact that you're going to die."--Sarah (Judge's Comment: This was the 1st cap posted last week. Sarah saw a duck where others saw a bunny and she dealt with it by giving it a death sentence. THAT, my friends, is a classic Anti-Cap. Bonus points: My spys tell me "Sarah" is also a former governor/ best selling author.)

"I'm afraid your accident with the hydraulic chocolate bunny mold has crushed your hands beyond repair. I'm going to have to amputate both of them. I'm terribly sorry."--Walt (Judge's Comment: I selected this as a cautionary tale--which also makes it a bunny tale.)

"Well, the hare graft seems to have taken pretty well."-Rose Fox (Judge's Comment: I guess it's obvious by now that I love a good pun--or even a bad one.)

"It says here that you claim to have invented hip-hop."-- Tim H (Judge's Comment: Again with the puns. Although "enjoy' may have worked better than "claim to have invented." Let's try and keep them short, Tim.)

"Mr. Fudd, we've determined that you have a wabbit fixation."
--Tim H (Judge's Comment: Clever, but I always thought the Fudd character was insensitive to gun nuts with a speech impediment. )

"X-rays show multiple fractures, but you need to see someone who specializes in casting shadows."-- dwilk (Judge's Comment: Get it? Fracture? Cast? Great job, dwilk! Outstanding!)

"A black puppet with big ears in a doctor's office, and a "bunny" yet -- obviously a racist comment on Obama's health care reform. Anybody ever seen Sean Delonas and Paul Noth in the same room at the same time? I rest my case."--J.D. (Judge's Comment: It should be noted that J.D. also entered an Anti-Cap about "celebrity farts" and another about "Nigerian toddlers." This is a troubled soul who is also occasionally funny. He is not easily ignored.)

"It could be a duck or it could be a crocodile, Mr. Smith. The only thing I know for sure is that you have an inoperable brain tumor."--Dave (Judge's Comment: Dave also saw a duck. He also decided to kill the patient. I was moved to act.)

"Of course not, Mr. Bonds. I expect you to hit home runs. Now, the pharmacy is just down the hall to the left."-- Grant (Judge's Comment: I am hoping the Bond joke becomes the next "The hours here are obscene." Also, as an artist, I have never met a "Grant" I didn't like.)

"Foo Foo Silly, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?"--Johnny B (Judge's Comment: Another perennial that deserves a nod. Also Johnny B seems to crave some type of recognition.)

"What's that, girl? You say Harry Efron fell down a well before he could judge last week's contest? The same well as two weeks ago, or the one from four weeks ago? You'd think that guy would be more careful around wells!"--Joshua (Judge's Comment: How can I pass up the opportunity to take a friendly little jab at the other judge--the one that does not have too much time on his hands?)


Anonymous said...

Thanks, al in la. Please continue operating as a parallel judge. I like seeing another person's take and your comments are enjoyable. You also tend to think I'm funny.

J.D. said...

And here I thought I was a celebrity who occasionally farted, and that Nigerian toddlers are all too easily ignored. Whatever.

Harry said...

Thanks. I like how none of your 11 winners and my 6 winners match up.

Anonymous said...

[Tim H here, still having trouble posting under my own name.]

Thanks, al in la,

I believe you and I are on the same wave-length funny-wise. And I agree with your critique re my "hip-hop" entry. I tried to think of the right -- and shorter -- wording, but couldn't quite make it. You, however, did.

Good on yer!

JohnnyB said...

Al - thanks for the honorable mention. I do have an attention deficit, and my need is more of desperate addiction than a craving, but I appreciate whatever you throw my way.

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.