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WINNERS
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First Prize
.I coulda been a conductor, instead of a bum, which is what I am. You owe me, Charley--JohnnyB
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HONORABE MENTIONS
Honorable Mention: Not Funny Ha-Ha, Funny Gross Dept."Look at this! Does that look like TB to you? I've been coughing it up all morning." -dwilk
Honorable Mention: (See above)"Hey, buddy, could you dispose of my urine and get me another Dewars on the rocks?"-dwilk
Honorable Mention: Thinly Veiled Anger/Michael Moore Award Dept.
"Just jump onto the tracks already, you goddamn corporate vulture."--Francis
Honorable Mention: Radosh Mention Dept.
"Hey buddy, can you spare a dime to help us hire a programmer for Radosh.net." RichaedHine
Honorable Mention: Self Editing/Should Not Post While Drunk Dept.
"Comment deleted. This post has been removed by the author." --Anonymous
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26 comments:
"Brother, can you spare some SPF-30?"
For a dollar, I'll let you touch my "third rail".
Swing in the hammock, 5 cents.
Here's my specimen, Doc.
"Hey, buddy, could you dispose of my urine and get me another Dewars on the rocks?"
"I don't know what made me insane. No job, no money, my wife left me. All I know is that when I'm here, I feel like I'm getting closer to my loco motive."
"I don't know what made me insane. No job, no money, my wife left me. All I know is that when I'm here, I feel like I'm getting closer to my loco motive."
I coulda been a conductor, instead of a bum, which is what I am. You owe me, Charley.
"Hey buddy! Wanna play the shell game? OK. See the coin in the cup? I'm shaking it up, now you guess if the coin is in the cup. C'mon, stop ignoring me! Let's play the game. You're just like my deadbeat father, never paying me no mind, gettin' drunk and beating me, sodomizing my cat, donkey punching my girlfriend. If I ever get outta this cot I'm gonna give you a fat lip, you stupid little man!"
Yatzee?
"It's as much for you as it is for me. I mean, do you enjoy standing next to my piss-soaked hammock?"
"Just jump onto the tracks already, you goddamn corporate vulture."
"Nice attitude, Mr. Fancy Suit. I might be nuts, but at least I'm not hurting anybody up here. Name one thing I'm doing which could possibly cause the downfall of mankind."
"You're wearing socks with sandals."
"...okay. Name two things."
"Yes, I am an out-of-work newspaper reporter. How you know?"
I was supposed to meet Kay in the subway station. When she didn't show, I decided to turn it into a subway sta-kay-tion. Geddit?
"Hey buddy, can you spare a dime to help us hire a programmer for Radosh.net."
"How long have I been done here? Give me a token and I'll tell you some stories."
"How long have I been down here? Give me a token and I'll tell you some stories."
"Five...five dollar...five dollar foot loooooong..."
"Ha - I get it. You work for Subway Sandwiches?"
"Whatever floats your boat. Climb on up and eat fresh."
"Hi - I sell hammocks."
"In the subway? Interesting. Do you have a business card?"
"Yup. It's in my cup."
*reads* "`Run Hammock' - ah. Like 'run amok'. That's very clever."
"Thanks!"
"So, all you do is sell hammocks?"
"Well, occasionally I'll submit to cartoon anti-caption contests. But that's about it."
"Really? With clever company titles like that, you could get a good marketing job. It's a shame no one is noticing your talents."
"Yes." *looking at fourth wall* "A shame."
"Name's "W". I used to knock down buildings for my daddy. Now, I hold up twin girders with a hammock. Quite a turnaround. Here, look at my urine."
"The palm trees were too far apart in that other Manhattan Beach."
"Look at this! Does that look like TB to you? I've been coughing it up all morning."
Guy on hammock "Hey Carl great to see you,I guess you found a new job."
Carl "Yeah, Webber and Webber" Guy on hammock "Yeah me too, CEO of Wachovia."
"In Soviet Union, question begs you."
"I'm trying to get to Chicago by 2016. No, I didn't hear the news. What news?"
The "Coughing this up all morning" was from "Steve_O", not "dwilk."
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