Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Anti-Caption Contest #204



A NOTE ABOUT THE
ANTI- CAP CONTEST
(See Winners below)



First, a big thanks to all those who submitted Anti-Captions last week. As many of you know I am using my blog in a fledgling attempt to continue the New Yorker Magazine Anti-Caption Contest pioneered by Daniel Radosh. The talented but mistake prone writer has been catapulted from the literary fringes to a plum job as a writer for The Daily Show. Remarkably, the show's talent hounds where reportedly wooed by Daniel's blog. This is the rough equivalent of a beer league softball star making the Yankees. It's both baffling and encouraging.
.
Like many of you, I became acquainted with Daniel through the Anti-Caption Contest. As I visited
Radosh.net to check or post entries, I came to enjoy the sly wit and nebbish charm of the blogmeister himself. I must admit I even share his mild (and completely healthy) infatuation with the Clique Girz as well as his deep contempt for needless censorship and Bil Keane. Like someone who wonders into a quirky little restaurant to use the john and ends up having dinner, I came for the Anti-Caps and stayed for wit and wisdom.

Radosh writing for the smartest and most entertaining news show on TV is well earned but his decison to no longer post the Anti-Cap Contest each week is, for me at least, terrible news. As a cynic with a prankster's wit. I love the Contest. I'm one who believes cleaver trumps brilliant and I refuse to apologize for my impulse to spew bad puns (Don't you think I would stop if I could?). So I have dutifully entered Anti-Caps every week for more than two years and have even won several times. It is in that spirit that I plan to post the contest on this blog each week and pick winners before day break on the following Monday. (Day break in L.A., I mean.)

Judging the contest, I picked winners based strictly on what I thought was cleaver, made me laugh or simply was impossible to ignore. I want to note this up front because I never did buy into the criterion that supposedly deemed the "worst caption" prize worthy. In my view, the Anti-Cap Competition endures as a cherished symbol of contemporary humor because the rules are different. We Anti-Cappers exist in a parallel universe where absurdity, cheap shots and foul language are the currency. And, yes of course, the hours are always obscene. --al in la


WINNER
"You'll like this one, Gloria. So, Bill was asking how you could possibly have deep-throated your way to the top with such a skinny neck, and I was like, 'because she was blowing a guy with a mouse-dick!' Good one, huh?"
--Matt

RUNNER UP
Jim: "What goes squeak, squeak, bang? A mouse in a minefield!"
Mouse: "That's funny, Jim. Here's one for you: who screws up quarterly sales on a regular basis, and has to suck dick for cab money at customer summits?"
*silence*
Deborah: "Wait - I just got it. Minefield! Ha! BOOM!"
--Damon

HONORABLE MENTION
"Alright, people. We're up for the Kraft account. Any ideas? I mean other than 'Let's eat it.'"

--Kathy H

HONORABLE MENTION, (OBSCURE REFERENCE*)
J.D. said...
"Julius Streicher was hung at Nuremberg for portraying people as rodents. Walt Disney became a national hero for doing sort of the same thing. Go figure."
--J.D.

HONORABLE MENTION (Radosh Reference*)

"FUCK!!!"*
*this simple entry is in honor of our "past" leader Mr. Radosh who loved any submission with the word! You'll be miss my man but the "AC" is in good hands! Thanks Al in LA!
--Anonymous


*New Category

34 comments:

mypalmike said...

"First off, I'd like to thank Kevin here for getting this new teleconferencing unit installed. London, are you there?"

JohnnyB said...

Well, he scared away the elephant in the room so at least we don't have to talk about that.

JohnnyB said...

Wow, Gloria, nice boob job. Sorry, we can't help staring.

JohnnyB said...

Nobody brought a knife? How are we going to cut the cheese?

Matt said...

"You'll like this one, Gloria. So, Bill was asking how you could possibly have deep-throated your way to the top with such a skinny neck, and I was like, 'because she was blowing a guy with a mouse-dick!' Good one, huh?"

J.D. said...

"And speaking of cheesy holes -- Robert, how's your man-gina? Hahaha. See, you all thought I was going to refer to Gloria's pussy, but that would have been exceedingly inappropriate, insofar she is of the fair sex, and I am a consummate gentleman."

Damon said...

"Aura sales are phenomenal, and swiss is because brie networked cheddar this quarter. Nacho average Q3 - a munster. But ricotta sell even more next...mozzarella."

"...`mozzarella'?"

"I'm sorry it wasn't perfect, Lois. How about `LoisfuckedastripperinMonterey Jack'?"

Anonymous said...

The first person who pulls out a camera and says "cheese" is fired."

Anonymous said...

"FUCK!!!"*

*this simple entry is in honor of our "past" leader Mr. Radosh who loved any submission with the word! You'll be miss my man but the "AC" is in good hands! Thanks Al in LA!

Damon said...

Jim: "What goes squeak, squeak, bang? A mouse in a minefield!"

Mouse: "That's funny, Jim. Here's one for you: who screws up quarterly sales on a regular basis, and has to suck dick for cab money at customer summits?"

*silence*

Deborah: "Wait - I just got it. Minefield! Ha! BOOM!"

Tim H said...

"I thought that moving to Wisconsin would be just the move to get us on the fast-track. Sadly, I was wrong."

Francis said...

"Let's just watch it for a while and see who moves it."

Francis said...

"I'm so hungry, my laptop looks like a hamburger to me. What about you, Squeakerman?"

(note that "Squeakerman" should be pronounced like "Lieberman", not "Superman".)

Francis said...

"I'm not sure this cheese is actually Swiss. The holes kind of look painted on."

Kathy H said...

"Alright, people. We're up for the Kraft account. Any ideas? I mean other than 'Let's eat it.'"

Tim H said...

"This just might be the wedge issue we need to finally kill health care reform."

Matt said...

"Isn't it nice to work in a company where the cheese is never moved?"

"And now we know how to trap a mouse with an MBA: Lure him into a conference room where he will be stuck on calls all day and eventually die of boredom."

Ugarles said...

As an equal-opportunity employer I am going to give the promotion to whoever wins my game. The rules of the game are simple: whoever touches the object in the middle does not get the promotion. Round one is cheese. Round two is a basketball. Round three are a pair of size ... 4 Manolos.

Kathy H said...

[Head guy, thinking...]

"I just hope everyone remembers to call him a mouse and not a rat, which is obviously what he is."

J.D. said...

"Julius Streicher was hung at Nuremberg for portraying people as rodents. Walt Disney became a national hero for doing sort of the same thing. Go figure."

Kathy H said...

"...now, to new business. Apparently, our secret Swiss account has been found to have some holes in it..."

Damon said...

"`A block of cheese, and a giant, stuffed rat in an Armani suit'. That's really all you're seeing right now, Julie? God, you're so far inside the box, you're like...the cervix, or something."

R.K. said...

"Ratso here says he has something to share with the group."

"'Vibrissae'? The hell you say. The rest of the team has self-respect enough to shave before coming in to work. Pull yourself together man."

Dave said...

"I don't give a rat's ass whose cheese it is, Bob. Just don't leave it on the table."

Dave said...

"The first order of business is who volunteers to dress up as a Green Bay Packer cheesehead for this year's Christmas party?"

Deborah said...

"Wait - I just got it. Minefield! Ha! BOOM!"

Anonymous said...

"Beer league softball star? Why, I've been a professional writer for years. Haven't you seen my book, and my articles, and... Mmmm. Cheese."

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.