The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #278

A catastrophe in Japan described by CNN as a "monster earthquake" did not escape the notice of Anti-Cappers. Is it tragedy when it happens to you, and comedy when it happens to someone else? Or is comedy tragedy plus time? Anti-Cappers enthusiastically embrace that first premise and, apparently on principle, reject the second.
With the tsunami ripping through the streets of Sendai, Japan and thousands running--or swimming--for their lives, we saw Anti-Caps poking fun at the disaster. since the rest were mostly terrible puns and obvious crap, the Jap-Caps entrys related to the tragedy truely stood out. Nice work people. Now click here.


WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Apologies, Officer Fujikura. I was down in the harbor only ten seconds ago." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This was posted before Anderson Cooper had even packed his bags--meticulously, no doubt-- and boarded a flight for Japan. It's insensitive, topical and slightly cryptic. Even so, the guy in the boat is alive and bone dry. So maybe this is designed to inspire hope and is not as heartless as it seems at first glance. Maybe.)

SECOND PLACE
The last thing I remember was someone saying, "welcome to the Tokyo regatta". --boneguy ( JUDGE'S COMMENT: Same theme but less imaginative--and inaccurate. It was a bunch of cities most Americans have never heard of, not Tokyo, that were devastated by the quake. (Let's not forget that carnage -wise, they still count.) Here we have another Anti-Capper who was immediately on the case. It is well established that even nice people find mirth in misfortune. That's the take away here.)

THIRD PLACE (Tie)
...and that'll be another $250 for the tasteless tsunami joke.--Rocko

THIRD PLACE (Tie)
"Thanks, officer, but the tsunami joke isn't for sale."--xs (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Rocko's cap leaves you to wonder what exactly would be a tasteful tsunami joke. The rebuttal cap entered by xs reminds us that, above all, comedy is commerce. Tasteless jokes are often excreted by obnoxious people. Gilbert Gottfried Twittered a few stupid jokes over the weekend. One read, "I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' " In another, he observed that "Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them." The tweets have since been taken down and the Gott-man lost his decade-old gig as the quacking duck in Aflac ads. So clearly he is suffering for his art. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Well, Officer, 'what’s lost is lost, we can’t regain what went down in the flood' . . . you know, the water and everything . . ."---Little Bobby Zimmerman (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood." From Dylan's "Wedding Song." To no one's surprise, we hired a guy off of Craig's List to play this when Mrs. al in la and I tied the knot. He nailed it, I'm happy to say.)


"When you came up behind me, I thought I might just get a stern warning" --T.H. 3 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: That's what we like about the Anti-Cap, we have biting commentary mixed with stupid obvious crap like this. A way to make this funnier is to imagine a guy saying it to his cell mate in prison. I hope that helps.)

"That's knots to you, pig." --LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another obvious pun. This is a simplistic cap with a hint of retro-anger. It's been my experience that people who hate cops are usually up to no good.)

It's a hard rain a-gonna fall. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Johnny, I know you were just tossing up another suck-up cap related to Dylan, put I like the insight. When it does rain, the guy in the boat will have the last laugh on the cop. That's what you're saying--right?)

"'My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow' . . . but, I expect you hear that all the time, Officer."---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In addition to a wise and engaging chronicle of the human condition, a careful reading of Dylan lyrics provide several nautical references.This is from "My Back Pages." The cop would most likely order the driver out of his vessel if he started to recite Dylans lyrics. And rightly so. )

"Officer, I'm just oat 'n a boat. I'm Canadian!" --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Making fun of the way Canadians talk is like saying something that's completely obvious and intellectually lazy. I can't trouble myself to come up with an example right now.)

"Officer, Canada sure is beautiful, but what's this all aboat?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See previous comment. It applies here too.)

Hey Officer, it's me. The guy with the giant stone wheel. I got a huge fucking promotion. -boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references a previous cartoon that had a cop confronting a caveman at the helm of a huge stone wheel. New Yorker cartoonists remind us that tried-and-true always wins out over creative-and-original.)

"How many people get killed driving a boat on the highway compared to that donorcycle you're on?"--Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This has some street cred. The cops call someone who tries to evade them while on motorcycle an "organ donor." And that's before they go splat.)

A very lost Abe Vigoda and a perseverating Erik Estrada discuss Fish and CHiPs. --John & Wojo (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes, this is terrible. What the hell is "perseverating" mean? Still. it's too cleaver to ignore, To me, Abe will always be Tessio in The Godfather and Erik will always be a late-night TV pitchman with perfect teeth.)

"Can you hurry it up officer? I'm late for Suze Rotolo's memorial service." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This references a former Bob Dylan gal-pal who died last week [and no Kathy--hint, hint--I did not need your link to tell me that.] Suze's winning smile and red nose are captured for all eternity on the cover of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan." Taken in February 1963, the cover shot has Suze clinging to Bobby's arm as they stride down a wintry Greenwich Village street topped with slush. Suze was not Dylan's only love but she is the only one to make it to an LP cover. RIP Suze.)

alanhaleinla, sir.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Alan Hale who played the Skipper on Gilligan's Island. I kind of think of Rocko as my Little Buddy [Kathy H is Maryann and Tom Brady is Ginger] and I like the "sir" part so this works.)

"♪ ♫ bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do ♫ ♪ -- Joe (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No one else has ever entered a cap with actual musical notes. No one else knows how.)

"You see, officer, I'm simply late for the sky and I have to check out the sweet beach babes on the Naples F.L.A. shore!" --Anonymouse" (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Only JohnyB and the eight people who read his blog know why this is a pretty good cap. Johnny, it turns out has a sly playful wit and a gift for imagery that make his writing a joy to read. Who knew.)

Faux saily, you crazy bastard. How arrr you?" --I. Tride (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So begins my obligatory nod to the classics--even the really bad ones like this.)

Fuel's empty, you crazy bastard! How are you?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim, enough already! Something original next week--okay? )

"95 mph? The oars here are obscenely fast." -- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Oars is very close to "hours" but the rest of this is terrible.)

Isn't my new taco truck the bomb? Nowhowzabout a kimchee burrito, Krupke? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Zany" and "madcap" are such an overused words, I will just say this sucks on a few levels. Kimchi [not ''kimchee''] is a Korean cabbage concoction that encourages flatulence and Krupke is the cop in West Side Story. Stephen Sondheim's sexually charged lyrics include these: Gee, Officer Krupke / We're down on our knees /'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease...)

"Yeah yeah, and you invented the ticket, caption #91. Got any new material?"--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't let them drag you down into their stink hole dwilk. Where is your new material?)

"No oars, no motor, no sails, no nothing. This is not my beautiful boat. How did I get here?" --David (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This appears to be a riff on the Talking Heads classic "Once in a Lifetime." Same as it ever was.)


Hey everybody! Since my new book came out, I'm only going to half-ass a caption or two each week from now on..., at my leisure.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This reminds us that Anti-Cappers have a great sense of entitlement. It may be a reference to the founder of this contest, Daniel Radosh, He departed to take a staff writer gig at the Daily Show and I do not think he ever enters caps these days. That is his business and in fairness the Daily Show has never been better.)


"Officer, a boy can dream, can't he?"-- Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy linked back to a comment I made in this blog. I appreciate that but it is also a little creepy.)