Monday, November 10, 2014

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #451












WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Other than I wish I were taller, my place is a sty and my wife has a slot, no complaints."--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A skillful blend of Seinfeld humor with a ridiculously tacky, yet irrefutably logical pun. The episode in question centered on a cartoon that had a pig complaining to a retail clerk. It has enduring appeal to anti-cappers. Shelly, I was just thinking, would be a good name a cartoon crustacean. )
SECOND PLACE
"It's the only Jewproof way I can think of to protect my coin."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nothing like a good old fashion jew joke to get everyone laughing. You see, they have an insatiable appetite for money, but they are repulsed by pork. This stuff writes itself!  We are also reminded that that pigs are antisemitic AND security conscious. Noted.)
THIRD PLACE
Some animals are more equal than others.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This seems to fit. Can't even really say why.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"What he need's a damn good whacking."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Such is the enduring power of the Fab Four. Best line: “Everywhere there's lots of piggies Living piggy lives.)
"The oinkers here are extreme."

--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reach...but like a pig trying to roller skate or republicans trying get black and Latinos to vote for them, the effort is entertaining even if the result is predictable.)
You know what our tails look like? Fusili, you crazy bastard!--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Much better. Here we see the successful extension of a classic cap...a new twist, one might even say.)
"I would call us Click and Clack, but that would just set Al off again."--Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nothing much sets me off these days but captions I don't get gnaw at me.)

Right, Dex. al doesn't know tappet from topiary...Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Entered exactly 47 minutes AFTER the previous cap. My reply remains a blank stare and eagerness to push on.)

55 comments:

Jess said...

"If I had his money, I'd pay some other pig to roll around in my shit for me."

boneguy said...

Stay on this side. He always gets bailed out first.

Anonymous said...

"He puts all his money in pork bellies."

Anonymous said...

"Obviously, a hermaphrodite."

Tim H said...

"I heard that he banks online."

Kathy H said...

"I'm sorry, but all my money's in the Long Branch Branch of the Red Bank Bank."

boneguy said...

He's still alive because instead of coins he puts sliced salami in there.

boneguy said...

Some animals are more equal than others.

Limpy Witherspoon said...

"It was the black pig's idea"

Tim H said...

"I understand that he's in line for the CFO slot."

Tim H said...

"The devourers here are porcine."

Anonymouse said...

"Now that's what I call making bacon!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He only accepts 'Pork Barrel Bills'!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"Don't try to back rape him. The money that went in there is dirtier than shit."

NJ-to-TX said...

"What he need's a damn good whacking."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Pssst ... I saw him double-dip with his wiener"!

boneguy said...

For whatever reason, he's Timothy Geithner's favorite pig.

Dr Sumguy said...

"He has this fucking attitude ... He thinks he's an En-swine!"

REX said...

"No Mr. Bond. I expect you to live in a sty."

SalmonOfDoubt said...

She hasn't been the same since her cashectomy.

Anonymous said...

"The oinkers here are extreme."

Jim Cavanaugh

pg13 said...

"Oh I wish I were Anthony Weiner,
That is whom I'd truly like to be.
'Cause if I were Anthony Weiner,
Everyone would be sexting me."

pg13 said...

"My bologna has a first name, it's B-A-R-A-K.
My bologna has a second name, it's O-B-A-M-A.
Oh, I love what's inside that piggy,
Even if the hours are obscene...
"Cause Barack Obama did promise C-H-A-N-G-'n-E."

Anonymous said...

"It's the only Jewproof way I can think of to protect my coin."

Jess said...

"Mitch may be a greedy pig, but I feel like he shares my values…besides, I sure as hell wasn't gonna vote for that Alison Grimes bitch. oink, oink"

boneguy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dex said...

"I would call us Click and Clack, but that would just set Al off again."

Anonymous said...

Right, Dex. al doesn't know tappet from topiary...

Shelly said...

"Where do they get the term 'baby backs'?"

Anonymous said...

Porksie Webber says:

Nobody knows the trough-fulls I've seen
Nobody knows my sow roll!

Boof said...

"You'd think that rich fat fucker could afford a better class of restaurant."

NJ-to-TX said...

"That's how the newly elected Congress wants the middle class to save. Watch your back."

Shelly said...

"Other than I wish I were taller, my place is a sty and my wife has a slot, no complaints."

Kathy H said...

"We call him Sloppy Slotty."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's Miss Piggy disguised as B of A ... I hear she still has a frog stuck in her throat!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"I hear she's bankrolling a new airline ... 'Swine Flew'!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"He gets paid hourly. I hear his hours are porcine."

Dex said...

"No slop for me, I keep kosher."

Anonymous said...

"From this angle it kinda looks like Kim K's ass pic."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"This little piggy believes in equal distribution of wealth. You in?"

Kathy H said...

"That boy is a P-I-G pic!."

Kathy H said...

After spellcheck...

"That boy is a P-I-G pig!!"

Anonymous said...

"The farmer brought along a couple of piglets. He says he hopes you don't mind."

Satireguy said...

"I hear he's too big to fail."

Satireguy said...

"I don't know about you but I wouldn't eat that shit."

boneguy said...

I'd be ecstatic too if every time I took a dump, my net worth went up.

Anonymouse said...

"Look closer. He's not a bank. He's a one-slice toaster."

Tim H said...

"In his case, it's sloppy firsts."

NJ-to-TX said...

"He's saving for that operation to become a sow. Bible say's he'll go to hell for it, too."

Anonymous said...

"The rain makes him drink."

NJ-to-TX said...

"The sow's ear is a silk purse now."

Dex said...

"I'll see you later. Gotta fly."

Anonymous said...

"So that's where baby back ribs come from."

LR said...

You know what our tails look like? Fusili, you crazy bastard!

Anonymous said...

“Clickity Clank, 50 Cent’s moving up-trough.”

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.