Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #363

















WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"OK maybe you're right; in order to be anatomically correct, we should switch."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This also occurred to me. Not funny but slightly perceptive. Interestingly, an electrical “outlet” is something that you plug in to. The take way: Sexual suggestions often involve contradictions.)

SECOND PLACE
“If our work is going to involve a bit of the old in-out, let’s do it at my place.”--Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of a handful of references to the classic-yet-troubling film “A Clockwork Orange.” Alex, the main character, refers to sex as "the old in-out."  [Yes, I realize it was also a book – but I never read it, so...] Like boys in junior high, Anti-Cappers find a sexual reference in everything. It's just the way we roll.)

THIRD PLACE
Well I don't think this is what a hamburger is all about.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not funny, even by JohnnyB-standards. A reference to In-N-Out, a fast food chain known for its low prices, long waits and tomatoes much thicker than they need to be – in other words a fitting metaphor for this contest. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So you took a job holding someone's out box? This references a bizarre 1970 song from the Canadian one-hit wonder, R. Dean Taylor. The song, which featured police sirens at the beginning and end is about a fugitive who, as you may have guessed, is from Indiana. It left many people scratching Their head, so the Dylan influence is obvious)



"Yeah, I'll go out with you...and even fuck your brains out. But first I need a signature."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a statement on the effect of bureaucracy on promiscuity. No, it is not funny but it is crude and slightly crafty. I have also wondered why someone would want their brains spilled out during a sex act.)


"And the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage."--Alex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another Clockwork Orange reference. The speeded by sex scene is a classic. Even before he is reformed, Alex is a likeable psychopath—you know like Tony Soprano.)

"The papers here are a ream."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A huge reach for a classic but this does sound a little little “The hours here are obscene” so... )

Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your box is a clip-on.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: JohnnyB also goes hunting for a classic. The provocative part comes when we wonder what the box is clipped on to. That why Johnny grinned sheepishly when he posted this.)

"I hear it's alinla's homage to March ("In like a lion; out like a lamb.") because that's when he plans on judging this particular Anti-Cap Contest."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: “Plan” is not a word often associated with me. I also hate when people throw in a semi-colon just for the hell of it.)

No, you tell al the anti cap workload distribution doesn't reflect reality.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no idea what boneguy is trying to say here but I'm rather deflect reality than reflect it...or embrace it. Does that make sense.)

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but I've got all the anti-cap submissions from Contests #357-#360 . . . either way, I think we'll be here awhile . . ."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At least I didn't declare everyone a winner, as Radosh once did. If you are wondering I will tell you: the only paying job I have these days is sitting here writing and editing on my laptop. Sometimes, like last night, I plop down in my chair after dinner and [except for an occasional potty break] work til sunrise. Taking time out to make fun of Anti Cappers is a luxury I simply can not afford. Hopefully that will change once I find employment that is not the same –more or less-- as doing this. Hope that helps. )

54 comments:

Satireguy said...

"OK maybe you're right; in order to be anatomically correct, we should switch."

Newt Recruit said...

I dont care if your last name is paterno,this Sandusky inbox is a pain in my ass!

Shelly said...

“If our work is going to involve a bit of the old in-out, let’s do it at my place.”

“Let’s switch- my box is used to a lot of IN traffic.”

NJ-to-TX said...

"Where the hell is Burger?"

NAMBY said...

"Look. This is humiliating. If he'll apologize for saying 'I'll put my dick in your mouth, you stupid bitch!' I'll apologize for saying 'Blow it out your ass, you stupid cocksucker!'...Okay?"

Tim H said...

New York magazine says that eating out is in, but eating out by the Taco Bell drive-in is out."

boneguy said...

I left a perfectly good job as a casino cigarette girl for this.

boneguy said...

No, you tell al the anti cap workload distribution doesn't reflect reality.

REX said...

"Because if mine said "In," and your's said "out," that would constitute sexual inuendo not suitable for the New Yorker."

Anonymous Coward said...

"Just 147 more years of this to pay off my B-school loans."

Kathy H said...

"I hear it's alinla's homage to March ("In like a lion; out like a lamb.") because that's when he plans on judging this particular Anti-Cap Contest."

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, I'll go out with you...and even fuck your brains out. But first I need a signature."

boneguy said...

Did you get the memo that for fiscal year 2013, In is out and Out is in?

Dex said...

"Stop calling me 'box'"

Anonymous said...

"Who are you calling stacked?"

Anonymous said...

“You know how it is with these mid-level management types. It’s the ol’ ‘in-and-out’ every day . . . So what are you doing here, sport?”


---blw

Anonymous said...



“I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis.” ---Jack Twist

Anonymous said...

"We're doing the corporation's work. It's a person and it's got feelings, too."


---Justice Antonin Scalia

Anonymous said...


"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there."

JohnnyB said...

Couldn't they hire black people to do this?
No, this is a New Yorker cartoon.

JohnnyB said...

Where are your glasses?

JohnnyB said...

Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your box is a clip-on.

LR said...

"The papers here are a ream."

"He's indecisive on this one- must be a closet issue."

LR said...

"This is a piece of cake. When I was under T.A. Winchler, I did the In & Out on both desks."

Damon said...

"I think it'd make more sense if you were holding the `out' pile, Mr. Romney."

Dr Sumguy said...

don't mess with mr in between

Dr Sumguy said...

"My innie smells more than your outie!"

REX said...

"So if you represent the mouth and Mr.-suit-and-tie-guy back there is the digestive system, what does that make me, some kind of asshole?"

Anonymous said...

"I can't hold it any longer."

Anonymous said...

"What do you think T. and A. stands for, doofus? The path to my clam goes through Wincheler."

JohnnyB said...

Well I don't think this is what a hamburger is all about.

boneguy said...

This isn't so bad. When I started here the only open position was for a human footrest.

boneguy said...

When the Tea Party set out to repeal the Thirteen Amendment, I should have paid more attention.

Kathy H said...

"Hey! Wanna unionize?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Let's spice it up a bit... We,ll change it to 'Poles' and 'Holes'!"

JohnnyB said...

There must be a better way for a sex therapist to teach patients how intercourse works.

boneguy said...

He's certainly not shy about letting everyone in on his sexual preference.

Anonymous said...

“I don’t know what he does either, but they say he’s a ‘job-creator’.”


---left coast wayne

NJ-to-TX said...

"WHO are you calling a squeeze box?"

NJ-to-TX said...

"It'll be our secret. But I, for one, am GLAAD to be out!"

NJ-to-TX said...

"I'm working both these corners, fuckwad, so find yourself another mid-level executive desk."

Dex said...

"Remember "Hold"? Now that was a dead-end job!"

Alex said...


"And the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage."

Steve_O said...

"I am not going to miss this when we go paperless."

Rhinohorn said...

I hear they're laying off and unfortunately, you're "Out"

Anonymous said...

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but I've got all the anti-cap submissions from Contests #357-#360 . . . either way, I think we'll be here awhile . . ."


---blw

NJ-to-TX said...

"Well, if you're not really holding it up with your hands, then how... oh."

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"If we take it outside, then we can trade on it."

Anonymous said...

"I'll fart if you will."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymouse said...

"Money Out, Voters In."

Lucky said...

"I got hogs OUT IN the mud.

"Sorry, just bored."

Hypocritical Idiot said...

"Fuck the pig and the horse he rode in on."

Anonymouse said...

"I gotta pee."

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