Sunday, November 4, 2012

New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #356


























WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Sub-lease, sub-leash. What's the difference?" Anonymouse-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Living and working in Los Angeles most my adult life I didn’t need to read ‘50 Shades of Gray’ to be informed or enlighted in the comings and goings (yes the pun was intended) of the alphabet soup of kinky recreation including S&M, S&D, BDS&M, or any other mix. It’s just “the scene” as those of us in the know, know. And yes, living so close to Hollywood some of my best friends are grips or devients or both. Having said that when I say Al can't do this because he is “tied up” right now I'll let you imagine what you will.)

SECOND PLACE
"I assume you're the one who taught him how to do auto-erotic scooties." --Michael Hutchens (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: In keeping with our [okay MY] kinky sex theme…Actor David Carradine was found dead hanged in a closet of his Bangkok hotel with a cord wrapped around his neck and genitals (talk about over kill – and the fact that he was “in the closet” was not lost on anyone). Local police concluded death was not a suicide but an accident resulting from a “dangerous sex practices.”[Now that's some first rate police work!] Conclusion: There is no more snatch or pebbles eh, Grasshopper?)

THIRD PLACE
"Release the hound." Boneguy -- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Excellent if you imagine it said in your best Mr. Burns' voice.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"You can judge a Contest or two, but you're not taking over anything important." --Shelly (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: I’m back. Deal with it!(And technically this is my 3rd time as guest judge) And this IS very important, right after playing with the granddaughter, laundry, dusting…)


My doggy seems to have eaten your doggy. Let me make it up to you by eating your pussy.” --Angus Podgorny (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Only one “pussy” joke? I assumed there would be more. Your family will be so proud for you when you read this to them at the Thanksgiving table.)

I'll explain it once more: we yank the ends and pop his head off. If it just drops, it's an out, if it rolls forward, that's a single, a hop is a double ... girls never understand baseball.” JohnnyB--(MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Apparently neither do you....Oh, sorry, I'm told these are cat baseball rules. Honable mention!)

So it's agreed. If Obama wins he gets a nice bowl of kibble. If Romney wins he roams the streets attacking little children for food.” --Boneguy-MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Woo Whoo! Gravy Train for everyone. I love government gifts! Remember when the Government Cheese program? Processed cheese was provided to welfare and food stamp recipients in the 1960s through the early 1990s. Talk about “stick to your ribs” food, or arteries as it has been revealed. Now the same folks who took advantage of this Velveta program need Obamacare to unclog their arteries they helped fuck up.)

Ad for datecoyoteugly.com” Dr Sumguy-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: As a woman I have always found this reference/title/saying movie etc. offensive....as a temporary anti cap judge, it made me laugh. It's still Al's blog afterall.)

"If he starts humping your leg ... Fake an orgasm!" Dr Sumguy-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: As if women need some “doctor” to clue them in on this. Or so I’ve been told.)

"Let's go home and watch '2 girls, 1 cup.'" NJ-to-TX--(MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Even the thought of that "video" makes me gag. Just like the ending of John Waters’ 1972 movie Pink Flamingos......excuses me I have to step away.........)

Cesar Millan suggests that a firm hand and tough love lead to complete obedience. The same for dogs, too.” --Boneguy (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: I adore Cesar and believe in his way of training dogs. Also reminds me of the 1962 Sandra Dee and Bobby Darin movie “If a Man Answers.” They are newlyweds and on their wedding day the bride’s mother gives her a book on dog training/obedience in lieu of the “wedding night speech.” Believing this will aid her in achieving a happy and perfect marriage. Remember ladies: Give the lots of praise but you are the pack leader!)

If it's a husband and wife who have neglected the dog for over a month, and then decided to walk it at the same time, it's a perfect metaphor for the Anti-Cap”. Anonymous-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: And imagine the dog taking a dump on a copy of the New Yorker and you've nailed it, homeboy!)

He's a Blue Dog Democrat. That's why we have to keep him on two leashes." --Tim H (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: "It's a dog eat dog world. I'm going to miss Fido II.)

Greenie Stik-M-Caps--(MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Bill Murray quote...”it's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearin Milk Bone underwear.” Not that this is such a great cap or even one that is really deserving of an HM but I love this quote. Extra Cap points if you can name the movie it’s from.)

"I think we're going to sell a shitload of these things. Speaking of, what did you do with the bag?" NJ-toTX-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Isn't that the way? Like Thanksgiving, every year my mom always forgot the cranberry sauce. I think it was the "shitload" reference that brought back that memory.)

Let's call him alinla 'cause he's so totally lame.” Anonymous-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Hey, no one picks on my little brother but me. In this case its husband-- but you get the point? And he's not lame; it’s just old hockey injuries. Besides my baby brother outweighs me and could kick my ass six ways to Sunday. And seeing I didn't pick either of his two captions for even an HM I'm sure he's going to go cryin to Mom that I’m picking on him.)

"I’ll go last, then time will tell who fell and who’s been left behind, when you go your way and I go mine." Bobby D-- (MRS. al in la's COMMENT: Dylan 101: I knew at once this was a Dylan line even without the name “hint.” It was almost an insult! And if Al was judging he wouldn’t have even given it an HM. But I was so proud that I knew it I just wanted to impress Al!)




63 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Fucking Bloomberg leash laws."

Shelly said...

"You can judge a Contest or two, but you're not taking over anything important."

Angus Podgorny said...

My doggy seems to have eaten your doggy. Let me make it up to you by eating your pussy.

Angus Podgorny said...

Man, this dog sucks at jumping rope.

Anonymous said...

"Okay, on three, and don't let him down till he's dead."

JohnnyB said...

I'll explain it once more: we yank the ends and pop his head off. If it just drops, it's an out, if it rolls forward, that's a single, a hop is a double ... girls never understand baseball.

JohnnyB said...

You might want to let her puppies out of your sweater to take a leak.

Anonymous said...

"Because mom said to kick the bitch to the curb."

JohnnyB said...

Yes, Jennifer, I told them "Marley and Us" would be a stupid sequel. But it's a paycheck, so let's just do it."

boneguy said...

Since when did leash laws apply to pet fleas?

boneguy said...

So it's agreed. If Obama wins he gets a nice bowl of kibble. If Romney wins he roams the streets attacking little children for food.

Don Jr. said...

Thanks for the honorable mention, sis, You can have your dog back.

Dr Sumguy said...

Ad for datecoyoteugly.com

Dr Sumguy said...

"Curb your dog ... NO ... You curb YOUR dog!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Her name? ... 'Community Property'!"

boneguy said...

Maybe it's time I changed divorce lawyers.

NJ-to-TX said...

"Do you think it would upset him to know that we have him on a catenary?"

Anonymous said...

"Watching Scraps die of thirst was your idea, Nadine. I wanted to go bowling."

Shelly said...

"Hold on tight- we're heading right into Koreatown."

Dr Sumguy said...

"His favorite movie ... Quentin Tarantino's ... 'Runaway Dogs'!"

Satireguy said...

"On the count of three, pull and lift."

Anonymous said...

"Just do what I tell ya. It worked with Timmy, remember?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"If he starts humping your leg ... Fake an orgasm!"

Mushroom, Claude said...

"Did you fart, or was that a nuclear bomb going off behind us"

Michael Hutchens said...

"I assume you're the one who taught him how to do auto-erotic scooties."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Let's go home and watch '2 girls, 1 cup.'"

Anonymous said...

"Ok, so where's the fucking hurricane force winds?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's a new leash law required in 'Red States', where the restraint passes through both auditory canals!"

boneguy said...

Cesar Millan suggests that a firm hand and tough love lead to complete obedience. The same for dogs, too.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Who Let The Dogs Out (Woof Woof Woof Woof), Who Let The Dogs Out (Woof Woof Woof Woof), Who Let The Dogs Smell My Crotch (Woof Woof Woof Woof), Who Let The Dogs Smell My Crotch (Woof Woof Woof Woof) ... He can also do the 'Moonwalk'!"

Anonymous said...

If it's a husband and wife who have neglected the dog for over a month, and then decided to walk it at the same time, it's a perfect metaphor for the Anti-Cap.

Anonymous said...

"Think of your kids. If we strangle Bonkers they'll be turning over in their graves."

Wham Bam (no, thank you, ma'am) said...

"Your breasts are hanging like two teenagers at a skate park."

Steve_O said...

"You head left and I'll head right and that way we can find out who Sparky really loves. Acccording to this Solomon guy."

Anonymous said...

"The bow-wowers here are obscene."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Look, we gotta take him back to Boener and McConnell so they can fuck him for four more years."

Jim Cavanaugh

Dr Sumguy said...

"And I thought we adopted a toddler from Taiwan!"

Steve_O said...

"It's great that you could walk your pet tick at the same time that I'm walking my dog!"

Anonymous said...

"I won't mention your low hanging tits if you don't mention my lack of a chin."

Dr Sumguy said...

Amazon.com introduces it's new 'Dog Ears TV Antenna'.

boneguy said...

"Release the hound."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Ready?

I had a little puppy
His name was Tiny Tim
I put him in the bathtub, to see if he could swim
He drank all the water, he ate a bar of soap
The next thing you know he had a bubble in his throat.
In came the doctor
In came the nurse
In came the lady with the alligator purse
Out went the doctor
Out went the nurse
Out went the lady with the alligator purse"

Anonymous said...

"Goddammit, Edna, it was my turn to bring the leash and your turn to bring the scooper."

Anonymous said...

"Is that the best the plastic surgeon could do? Your face looks like a fucking cartoon."

Kathy H said...

"Look, I let you share in the judging of the Anti-Cap Contest. But, that's it! Capisce?"

Mitt said...

"Let's name him "Obama". You be the Nation of Islam and I'll be George Soros."

Anonymouse said...

"Sub-lease, sub-leash. What's the difference?"

Dr Sumguy said...

Hound of the Hicksvilles.

Satireguy said...

"My eHarmony posting clearly said 'No dogs'."

bocelli buckley charles feliciano said...

i feel like i have a new leash on life
my blindness cured my ED and now we re doin it doggy

Tim H said...

He's a Blue Dog Democrat. That's why we have to keep him on two leashes."

Anonymous said...

"Stay off crack? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Greenie Stik-M-Caps said...

"It's a dog eat dog world. I'm going to miss Fido II."

Anonymous said...

"Obama promised chains."

NJ-to-TX said...

"I think we're going to sell a shitload of these things. Speaking of, what did you do with the bag?"

Anonymous said...

"Training bitches is a bitch."

Anonymous said...

"I'd like to get my hands on those puppies."

Jim Cavanaugh

Dex said...

"It's your turn to be in the middle."

NJ-to-TX said...

"Why did we let her read 50 Shades of Brown?"

Bobby D said...

"I’ll go last, then time will tell who fell and who’s been left behind, when you go your way and I go mine."

Anonymous said...

Let's call him alinla 'cause he's so totally lame.

Don Jr. said...

"We have to find a better way to clean out his ears".

Leslie Lim said...

Please do more articles like this in the future. Very informational and knowledgeable. I will expect more from you in the future. For now i will just bookmark your page and surely I'm gonna come back later to read more. Thank you to the writer!


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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.