Sunday, February 6, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #275



WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"No, you're out of toilet paper, your honor."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No doubt, there are those who will say: "After two weeks THIS is what you pick?" Their tone would be dripping with distant and disbelief. But I am unencumbered by such petty second guessing. This is a great Ain't Cap. While I am not fond of bathroom humor as soon as I read this I said "There's your winner!" That kind of revelation seldom comes.)

SECOND PLACE
"Who do you think you are, Roscoe Pound?" --El Jefeno (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a very profound comment on an ordinary women emerging from beneath the bench. Nathan Roscoe Pound (October 27, 1870 – June 30, 1964) had a profound impact on the legal profession by reminding fellow lawyers that they should keep in mind ther real world implications of their work. He famously said the lawyering was "no less a public service because it may incidentally be a means of livelihood." At the time, lawyers were a bunch of stuffy high-brow elitist assholes. Roscoe is widely credited with removing the stuffy high-brow part. This is much classier than the top winner, which is, of course, why it was edged out.)

THIRD PLACE
That's either the sound of justice or a flank steak suitably tender and ready for searing.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As is so frequently the case. bonehead comes up just a little short. He too remarks on the clash of a high falutin legal setting with the quirks of everyday reality, but he screwed it up: meat that is ready to be cooked does not make a sound. The sizzle only comes when it is thrown into the pan. But still good enough to capture an imaginary bronze metal.)

(NOTE: No time this week to do the different color italic thing for all the comments. Live with it.)

HONORABLE MENTION
Disguised as victim #5, Mrs. Turnblott entered the courtroom in the prosecution's effort to invoke panic and possibly a confession from the defendant. It didn't work. Simon Maskowitz raped her right in front of the jury.--- Disrobe is Juuust Right (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tasteless and confusing. If Mr. Maskowitz is the defendant and he was in fact compelled to assault this women in open court, wouldn't the jury have smoking gun evidence [so to speak] to convict? Still, this was also entered on Valintine's Day and there is a very slight romantic angle so...)


Justice is served! --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: By now it is clear that Johnny is terrible at this contest but he persists like a horny Middle Eastern man in a Vegas disco. I want to comment him for the shortness of this cap though.)

"All right, I'll fix all the animatronics in the Wacky Racist Courts of the Ol' South attraction by morning. But you know my price: fifty Disney Dollars, and your first-born grandson." --Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can't help but like the creativity here, but there appears to be no racist element to this drawing. This leads me to believe either Walt sees racism every where he looks or he's just an idiot. Either way it made me smirk.)

"The court finds that the legal rights of your motion to come out of the closet shall be sustained but your request to cross-dress examine the witness...Over Ruled!" --zenparadiddle (btw, The Mrs. sent me)--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't care who sent you. We don't play favorites here. Pretty good cap. It may be a comment on how Justice Antonin Scalia believes you can be put in jail for what you do in your bedroom. Scalia said a Texas law against consensual sodomy in private "undoubtedly imposes constraints on liberty. So do laws prohibiting prostitution, recreational use of heroin, and, for that matter, working more than 60 hours per week in a bakery." That's really what he said. I get the sense the writer of this Anti-Cap knew that--perhaps a little but too well.)

"The Ambiguous-Speaker Cartoon Character Court will come to order." Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The women in the robe is the one flapping her gums but for some reason it looks like the witness's mouth has been whited out or something. Nice work.)
"Hey asshole, could you give the defense a rest for once?" --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Exactly what the women in the bath robe would say. I guess.)

"Hear ye, hear ye! I order the marshals to arrest immediately New Yorker editor David Remnick, cartoon editor Robert Mankoff, and cartoonist Zachary Kamin for crimes against humor and humanity."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kathy, baby, sweetheart...people who live in glasshouses... Nice insider knowledge, though, I'll give you that.)

"One more outburst like that and I will clear this cartoon!"-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is only funny if you assume someone had just farted. By the way Tim, could you talk to Kathy about her lame capping.)

"She does make a good oral argument, counselor."--Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of those "If you know what I mean caps." Not at all funny but the New Yorkeer would scoff so we have to gave it minor props here.)

NO! DOOR OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE COURTROOM'S OUT OF ORDER! --Hal Pacino (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Little know fact: Al Pacino has an obnoxious old brother who writes only in upper case.)

Dick Cheney's wet dreams usually feature Karl Rove, Carrot Top and Herman Munster. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: What this has to do with the cartoon I don't know and besides Chaney wet dreams involve elderly poor folks freezing to death because they're too poor to buy heating oil, either that or puppies being tortured.)



[not an entry] Recreational captioning reached some sort of cultural tipping point last week on "The Office." That would seem to be the theme of some recent entries here. ---Gabe (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It smells like an entry. I only watch day time reruns of the office so I don't get it.)

"Not to worry. Judge al's gavel hand always flutters when I rub his tummy."-- Yo Dog (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Horrible cap The problem is no one is worried. Also I don't have a gavel hand and I don't think tummy should be used for anyone over four.)

Just then a bolt of lightningStruck the courthouse out of shameAnd while ev'rybody knelt to prayThe drifter did escape . . . in her robe and slippers. ---the Hibbing Hotshot (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes yes Got it Dylan. Let's move on.)


Our paralegals provide pro boner service, your honor.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jim is either in junior high school or should be.)

"Captain Pike, Spock...Fuck it everybody...You're all free! Vina just gave me the best Talosian BJ of my life. I have jack-fodder for eternity. Nerve-pinch my neck so I know I'm not dreaming." --Judge from the Menagerie (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Jack-foddeer but no joke fodder.)


Ad hominem insults, baseless and innacurate insinuations of homosexuality, racism, stupidity and short stature, all based on a weeks' old good-natured jab? Methinks the judge doth protest too much. Now, where's my shovel? ---Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here the deal you short fat fudge packer, I hate the Red Sox and I hate the Patriots. I just do and I can't help it. Now go home and get your shine box--I mean shovel.)


The court does hereby issue a restraining order enjoining Mr. Eric G. from any and all contact with Mr. Tom Brady, and, further, from physical proximity to Mr. Brady of a distance of less than 100 feet.---Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: What about Eric's spank-bank? How to we get Tom out of there and on to a team wehere he can'y hear anyone, the Texans say.)

I don't see my shadow. That means six more days of this cartoon. -- JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Funny. And not just JohnnyB-funny. I mean really funny.)


"No, Counselor, I don't think affidavit is better than none at all!" -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Aff a...half a. I had to read this like five time before I got it.)

"Do you have any toilet paper?" Steve_O (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See this week's winner to see how this could have worked.)



"I just got Nova to sleep and you're up here banging your gavel?! What the hell is wrong with you?" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one. Thanks.)

"Because it's a two-weeker, your honor. That's why I broke the five-cap maximum rule. And because al in la said I could, that's why." --Satireguy. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I said no such thing.)


"al, if you think you're judging jack-shit on Valentine's Day, you're fucking wrong. As for your faceless posse of moderately-funny minions, tell each of them to 'get a life'. Now rub my feet, make me dinner, change Nova, and make tender love to me. AM I CLEAR?" --mrs. alinla (JUDGE'S COMMENT: She never talks like that. In fact she's got everything delightful...takes the wheel when I'm seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed. [In fairness though she does get foot cramps.] I often tell her she is my biggest and only fan. And I love her more than anything or anyone...and always will.)

137 comments:

Richard H said...

"Hey asshole, could you give the defense a rest for once?"

Anonymous said...

"That's not what I meant by a gag order."

Bev

JohnnyB said...

It does please the court.

JohnnyB said...

Justice is served!

JohnnyB said...

Oh, man! "Honorable mention" to Kathy H! Anyone else?

JohnnyB said...

I am hummered by the faces of your victims.

Kathy H said...

"Hear ye, hear ye! I order the marshals to arrest immediately New Yorker editor David Remnick, cartoon editor Robert Mankoff, and cartoonist Zachary Kamin for crimes against humor and humanity."

Mike Mariano said...

"Yeah, yeah; the son killed the hooker and the dad is covering for it because he has an alibi. Now hurry up; sauna's ready."

boneguy said...

Even the witness protection program hasn't been untouched by the recession.

Anonymous said...

"She does make a good oral argument, counselor."

Rob

Anonymous said...

The orals here are obscene.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymouse said...

"Counselor, might I remind you that 'The liquor store was closing in five minutes' is hardly a defense of your client's DUI charge. However, 'Being chased by a New Yorker cartoonist' might do the trick."

Tim H said...

"She's Agnes. She's the clerk of the lower court."

Satireguy said...

"Keep it down up there. I'm trying to run a brothel in here."

Grandma said...

"I've never been a fan of innuendo or double speak, so, yes, I just sucked the judge's ball."

Yo Dog said...

"Not to worry. Judge al's gavel hand always flutters when I rub his tummy."

Tim H said...

"One more outburst like that and I will clear this cartoon!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"OBJECTION, your honor! That's ALLEGED Killer bathroom attendant"

Anonymous said...

"Pay no attention to that woman behind the door!"

dwilk

Anonymouse said...

"Don't mind her. She's simply the curator of the courtroom artwork."

Kathy H said...

"I must amend my previous arrest order. It's cartoonist Zachary Kanin I'm after."

boneguy said...

The electric chair? It's in the boardroom like you asked, your honor.

boneguy and Dr Sumguy co-production said...

By last count you honor, we have 12 angry men and one tired beaver.

Gary P said...

"Let the record show that the accused did not flush."

Anonymous said...

"Here cum de judge. Here cum de judge. Order in the court now, here cum de judge."

Rob

Upson Downs said...

This would be funnier if we were at the beach. Or a skating rink.

Satireguy said...

Judge Judy decides to come out of retirement.

boneguy and Sumguy coproduction said...

(Corrected)

By last count your honor, we have 12 angry men and one tired beaver.

Nard Dog said...

Investigators determined that the fire was started by a defective Sabre brand printer.

grand_pa said...

And so a young female emerged from a deep, dark tunnel and came under the watchful eyes of the overseeing judge.

Pop a Boehner said...

That's not a gavel. This is a gavel.

Hal Pacino said...

NO! DOOR OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE COURTROOM'S OUT OF ORDER!

Brenda Lollipop said...

Wow Judge , are you always that Brief?

Steve_O said...

"I'm done. Anyone else want to give him head?"

Austin in PA said...

Dick Cheney's wet dreams usually feature Karl Rove, Carrot Top and Herman Munster.

Austin in PA said...

I draw the line at bukkake.

Anonymous said...

"Hostile witness, case dismissed, court recessed, disrobe, beer, sex."

dwilk

Dav said...

"You guys have to see this. He's got a powdered wig on his penis."

David said...

"You guys have to see this. He's got a powdered wig on his penis."

Who's Talking said...

"Don't judge me!"

Behind Every Good Man said...

"Who are you kidding, Your Honor. You haven't been "on her" for ages. And, 'hard-on crime'!? Oh, pah-leease...you're incapable of being 'hard-on' anything. 'Bailiff'...FUCK YOU...I'll bale if you don't touch me...I have needs!"

Tim H said...

"It might interest you all to know that Alice here coined the phrases habeas corpus and res ipsa loquitur."

Anonymouse said...

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Alice Aforethought."

Gabe said...

[not an entry] Recreational captioning reached some sort of cultural tipping point last week on "The Office." That would seem to be the theme of some recent entries here.

Anonymous said...

“I need a change of scenery . . . where’s that ‘hung’ jury you were telling me about?”


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Get off the playing field; you're a bench-warmer."

Anonymous said...

Just then a bolt of lightning
Struck the courthouse out of shame
And while ev'rybody knelt to pray
The drifter did escape . . .
in her robe and slippers.

---the Hibbing Hotshot

Anonymous said...

Our paralegals provide pro boner service, your honor.

Jim Cavanaugh

Kathy H said...

"The law is a ass. That's right. I said 'a ass.'"

Judge from the Menagerie said...

"Captain Pike, Spock...Fuck it everybody...You're all free! Vina just gave me the best Talosian BJ of my life. I have jack-fodder for eternity. Nerve-pinch my neck so I know I'm not dreaming."

Anonymouse said...

"The Ambiguous-Speaker Cartoon Character Court will come to order."

boneguy said...

Guilty your honor. Of sleeping through Oprah again.

Anonymous said...

“Like I need another wake-up call from the justice system??? Knock off the pounding, Mr. High-and-Mighty, and let me get back to solitary.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“I’m all done now. It’s someone else’s turn. Don’t forget to flush.”


---blw

LEGALLYBLONDE said...

WILFRED !! I'm not gonna tell you again: Put down that friggin gavel, take off that robe and come to bed!!

LEGALLYBLONDE said...

OHHH - you meant review 'their' legal briefs! Sorry

Walt said...

"All right, I'll fix all the animatronics in the Wacky Racist Courts of the Ol' South attraction by morning. But you know my price: fifty Disney Dollars, and your first-born grandson."

Anonymous said...

As our demonstration shows, your honor, Mr. Ramirez is guilty of public urination, which is about the best thing that ever happened at Fenway.

Rocko

henry_ford said...

"Who the hell parked their Nova down here?"

Anonymous said...

"Want me to send up the dumwaiter?"

Eric G said...

Which of us are you asking to "zip it?"

Anonymous said...

"Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow. You're only a dayyyy awayyyyyyyyy."

Bev

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Disrobe is Too Tight said...

"Your honor, I would like to call my surprise witness, Miss Hedy Lamarr, aka Super-Hedy. I see she has already made your acquaintance."

Disrobe is Too Big said...

"So sorry to interrupt you, counselor. This trial will recess until nooner, that is, (ahem) noon."

Utellme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Utellme said...

"Excuse me, counselor. The judge and I would like to see you in (bed)chambers."

Utellme said...

"Objection, your honor. It is not the counselor's motion, but the size of his boat that is inadmissible."

DaveG said...

That gavel pounding is really freaking out your autistic bastard son!

Austin in PA said...

Well, it wasn't a gavel. He really was happy to see me.

Austin in PA said...

Has anyone seen Obama's birth certificate in here?

cta said...

Hair unkempt, tattered bathrobe revealing far too much skin -- that was the moment when Sue lost her appeal.

JohnnyB said...

I know to you, I may look old
Hope this statement ain't too bold, but
Here come de judge
Here come de judge

cta said...

"A door in the court! A door in the court!"

Anonymous said...

"Next case: Arrested sexual development. Counsel is to take this pro boner and do his best to get her off." -cta

Eric G said...

Ad hominem insults, baseless and innacurate insinuations of homosexuality, racism, stupidity and short stature, all based on a weeks' old good-natured jab? Methinks the judge doth protest too much. Now, where's my shovel?

Anonymous said...

"Got any WD-40?"

Sam Antic said...

The mute court's transcript will show that no one's talking.

KdNicewanger said...

"Who's there?"

Tim H said...

"Your Honor, you're on a roll!"

Anonymous said...

"The court will now hear evidence from the prostitution."

dwilk

Satireguy said...

"If you'd stop banging your goddamn gavel, you'd notice that the witness has no mouth."

Anonymous said...

That's not funny. Case dismissed.

albethejudgeofthat

smuck said...

"Nothing to see here, judge. Just another New Yorker cartoonist drawing a courtroom scene with absolutely no sense of scale."

JuFro Robè said...

"Now that's a verdict!"

Fuhrman said...

"Without a black, who're we going convict in this typical New Yorker Cartoon?"

Fuhrman said...

"...to..."

Anonymous said...

Furhman fucks up once again.

boneguy said...

These Automated Public Conveniences get more elaborate every year.

Utellme said...

The Grim Slipper emerged from lock-up to replace Det. Mahoney on the stand - a conviction in this case already a foregown conclusion. Never again would this monster robe an unsuspecting woman of her life and future.

Lance Ito said...

Marcia Clark and a can of baked beans. Presto, my very own gas chamber!

If Mammary Serves said...

"Your Honor, I now call Mrs. Inna Mouff, a professional wet nurse. She will demonstrate how the witness, whom she breastfed from birth, and still does, during times of stress and disillusionment, was busy suckling when the crime was committed. He could not possibly have been burped in time enough to arrive home to murder his wife. Dim the lights, please."

Rex said...

"No Mr. Bond, now that your mommy is here, I expect you to cry."

Ken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Get it? Judicial robe? Bathrobe?

Anonymous said...

The court does hereby issue a restraining order enjoining Mr. Eric G. from any and all contact with Mr. Tom Brady, and, further, from physical proximity to Mr. Brady of a distance of less than 100 feet.

Rocko

Sheila said...

"Has anyone seen my chambermaid outfit?"

Rod Blagojevich said...

"I've got this shower thing, and it's fucking golden."

Satireguy said...

"If you wanted the gavel trick, you only had to ask."

Satireguy said...

"No, you're out of toilet paper, your honor."

Garth Bunzo said...

"I used to be Miss Trial, but then he knocked me up."

Steve_O said...

"You want something to object to? Try living under here after burrito night!"

Venky said...

"Do you want your law suits dry cleaned?"

Steve_O said...

"I am haunted by the faces of my victims, your honor. And sometimes by their dowdy, bathrobe-clad slovenly bodies too."

Steve_O said...

"Amicus curiae indeed, you gavel-pounding pinhead!"

Satireguy said...

"No, you can't borrow it again. It's time you bought your own fucking wig."

Anonymous said...

"Upon further review, this trial is now longer than my dick."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"Court recessed until Monday, February 21."

JohnnyB said...

I don't see my shadow. That means six more days of this cartoon.

Anonymous said...

Slipping past the heavy coats, she was surprised not to exit into the sweet air of Narnia, as a younger, sexier version of herself. Clearly there had been a serious wardrobe malfunction. --supergeek

Anonymous said...

"While this matter of the opportunistic homeless woman is clearly an open and shut case, it is simply not in this court's jurisdiction." --stuporgeek

Satireguy said...

"Because it's a two-weeker, your honor. That's why I broke the five-cap maximum rule. And because al in la said I could, that's why."

Disrobe is Juuust Right said...

Disguised as victim #5, Mrs. Turnblott entered the courtroom in the prosecution's effort to invoke panic and possibly a confession from the defendant. It didn't work. Simon Maskowitz raped her right in front of the jury.

mrs. alinla said...

"al, if you think you're judging jack-shit on Valentine's Day, you're fucking wrong. As for your faceless posse of moderately-funny minions, tell each of them to 'get a life'. Now rub my feet, make me dinner, change Nova, and make tender love to me. AM I CLEAR?"

zenparadiddle said...

"The court finds that the legal rights of your motion to come out of the closet shall be sustained but your request to cross-dress examine the witness...Over Ruled!"

(btw, The Mrs. sent me)

Lance Eat-O said...

"Say 'Hello' to the mother of all verdicts, you heinous yegg."

Amicus said...

"Don't bother coming in the closet. I have a pounding headache."

El Jefe said...

"Who do you think you are, Roscoe Pound?"

Anonymous said...

She glared. Just who the hell was HE to decide what constituted mallet-adjusted behaviour?! -stuporgeek

boneguy said...

That's either the sound of justice or a flank steak suitably tender and ready for searing.

Steve_O said...

"Do you have any toilet paper?"

Anonymous said...

"No, Counselor, I don't think affidavit is better than none at all!" -cta

Anonymous said...

"Oh great, here we go -- this divorce is starting to get real ugly!" -cta

Anonymous said...

"...clearly an attempt to hide from her creditors.." -cta

Anonymouse said...

"I just got Nova to sleep and you're up here banging your gavel?! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Steve Jobs said...

"Show me a lawyer who bills over 24 hours a day, and I'll show you a lawyer who owns an iPad."

Anonymous said...

Your honor, this is an open and shut base.

Jim Cavanaugh

Comment deleted said...

This post has been removed by order of the court.

Michael Girapalous said...

Lame cartoon + extra week = fault the New Yorker. Al/We is/are blameless.

Call me crazy, but could/should we take the power back? Commission/appropriate a contest image for the odd week when NY denies us one?

Unknown said...

2011 Moncler Coats brand new kinds usually are true manner regarding women. Moncler leather coats usually are favorite inside the most up-to-date several years, one of a kind model as well as in vogue at Moncler Kids manner shopping. Cute stitching is usually performed clearly so that you can stay besides practically supper. For that exterior aspect, surely important along with comfortable pockets usually are surely stitched in support of putting on ones fists.

Sara Cox said...

"Do you want your law suits dry cleaned?"

Clover said...

This is really a great read for me. Thank you for publishing articles having a great insight stimulates me to check more often for new write ups. Keep posting!

Clover
www.n8fan.net

enola said...

I really enjoyed reading your article. I found this as an informative and interesting post, so i think it is very useful and knowledgeable. I would like to thank you for the effort you have made in writing this article.


enola
www.edupdf.org

Leslie Lim said...


I would like to share it with all my friends and hope they will like it too.

Bom
www.imarksweb.org

lee woo said...

Love it! Very interesting topics, I hope the incoming comments and suggestion are equally positive. Thank you for sharing this information that is actually helpful.


ufgop.org
ufgop.org

Barbie Chiu said...

Thanks for sharing your article and for giving us the chance to read it. It is very helpful and encouraging. Visit my site too.

triciajoy.com

www.triciajoy.com

Cindy Dy said...

Thank you for putting an effort to published this article. You've done a great job! Good bless!

www.gofastek.com

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.