WINNER
You should have checked the tranny before you took it for a ride. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To the chagrin of many who use it to search YouTube, "tranny" can mean transvestite or transmission. Also, "ride" can mean being transported in a vehicle, or sodomized. [That's why it's so funny!] Johnny has scored big with this crisp, double-pun entry that would be instantly rejected by the New Yorker. Johnny is like a reliable singles hitter who occasionally gets a hold of one.)
SECOND PLACE
ENOUGH , Andretti!!! peaches c. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In his hay day, racing legend Mario Andretti probably had a lot of sex. Very clever. Extra credit for being short. I'll over look the fact that the guy is not touching her.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Oooooohhh... that was a nasty rear-ender.Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of obvious Still, the Anti-Cap and anal sex jokes have a well established tradition that I feel duty-bound to honor. Seriously, have you ever stopped to wonder why we call the caps "submissions" and "entries?" )
That's the last time I fall for the old banana in the tail pipe trick. --Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah, you guys do like your back-door humor. Still, "trick" might not be the right word, unless she's a prostitute. which makes it an even better cap. )
"How come you never ask for directions?" --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could actually be welcome in the real contest, but it is funny and true.)
"My friends told me if I got a car, I'd get some pussy." Note: I DO NOT CARE that it appears the woman is speaking. Maybe the guy's a pussy. It just doesn't matter. --Sarah (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The post-script pushed it into the win column. Nice one Sarah.)
“I really like what you’ve done here with the garage.”--left coast Wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cute and dumb with a touch of irony.)
Is there an eject button on this thing? (I mean the whole cartoon. Thanks for sucking once again, New Yorker.) Mort drucker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now Mort, it's not that bad and certainly not the worst we've seen in recent months. Maybe you should stop making excuses and start making us laugh [or gage or moan])
"L.A. traffic sucks balls... but apparently you don't."Brian L (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why would the woman be saying this to the man? Is she merely observing that he is not gay? And why "balls" and not "dick?" This is only being included because the traffic here really does suck.)
Fittipaldi, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you? --CRC
Parnelli, you crazy bastard! Slow down next time.CRC
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to muff-dive.--CRC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: CRC throws up a trio of anti-cap classics. I want to encourage that, but I'm concerned that CRC is going to stand for "Constantly Recycled Captions." I'm just saying it's becoming a little predictable.)
BIALYSTOCK: Come on. We'd better hurry. We're late.
BIALYSTOCK BUZZES. ULLA ENTERS.
BIALYSTOCK: Call chauffeur. Get car.
ULLA (smiling): Good. Good. We go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. We go (he indicates Bloom and himself).
ULLA: You, Blum go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. No Motel. Get car. Get car.
ULLA (as she leaves): Get car. Get car.
BIALYSTOCK: Very nice girl.--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no clue what this is or what this means. I include it as a cautionary tale about what happens when you mix crystal meth with anti-capping.)
BIALYSTOCK BUZZES. ULLA ENTERS.
BIALYSTOCK: Call chauffeur. Get car.
ULLA (smiling): Good. Good. We go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. We go (he indicates Bloom and himself).
ULLA: You, Blum go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. No Motel. Get car. Get car.
ULLA (as she leaves): Get car. Get car.
BIALYSTOCK: Very nice girl.--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no clue what this is or what this means. I include it as a cautionary tale about what happens when you mix crystal meth with anti-capping.)
87 comments:
"Just as I thought; another flaccid nascar fan."
Brian L
Do you know why I pulled you over?
"What exactly did you mean by, 'How fast will she go?'"
dwilk
"That was unexpected. For some reason."
-TG
"Sorry, but it turns me off when the car-bed doesn't match the drapes."
"Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to blow your doors off."
The hours here are Saleen.
CRC
"No, Mr. Bondurant, I expect you to drive...me to the boneyard."
Don't worry about it, al.
Annie Nonimus
Honey, let's ask the Johnsons if they'd like to car pool.
VROOM VROOM! NEEEEOOOORRRMMM...
"What did you expect? When I get rear-ended, yes, I leave a skidmark."
This is the first model I have test driven where the doors are optional.
I KNOW about the headlights. Why is every guy I bring home so obsessed with my lack of headlights?
"The social worker is freaked out about Bobby's bedwetting; the state wants to take him away. So far, so good. Up for another creampie?"
Wanna get into pole position?
"How was it? Let's just say like father like son."
dwilk
It does beat lining up at the DMV, but just.
Could you check under my hood?
All this for a job at the cracker factory.
-Optimus Sub-Prime
Just a I suspected; a fucking 2-stroke.
Jim Cavanaugh
AS I suspected, damn it. (3:01pm)
Jim Cavanaugh
I see now what you meant by "front spoiler".
Jim Cavanaugh
Don't just lie there. I've got a plug-in.
Jim Cavanaugh
"Apparently your bed is not the only thing that is more suited for a ten year old."
"Can you hand me the WD-40?"
--Jared S.
Do you know the feeling when you are doing something so wrong it feels right? This isn't that feeling.
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to muff-dive.
CRC
"I can't believe 'Fuck Calvin Trillin In His Childhood Home' only went for 750 dollars."
"We never talk during sex anymore."
dwilk
Check your dipstick.
Andy Nonimus
"Once again, you finished first."
Dex
I should warn you that if we do get married, I will insist on tire shaped end tables.
"My breasts are almost down to your feet now."
This isn't really a car, is it?
Rocko
"It was nice of Kyle Busch to give Jacob this bed during his Make-A-Wish Foundation visit. Sleeping here with you makes me feel like we're keeping our darling boy's memory alive. Wanna fuck?"
Oooooohhh... that was a nasty rear-ender.
Rocko
Kelsey Grammar's final, failed attempt to rev up his marriage.
Rocko
"Wow, you're pretty good in the sack. And not just for a man who still sleeps in a racecar bed but for any man who still lives with his parents."
-TG
You should have checked the tranny before you took it for a ride.
Pump your own tonight.
Jim Cavanaugh
"Mind putting you arms down, Old Spice Boy?"
Kathy H
"I've never done it in a 2010 Diffee before."
Tim H
I could try to suck-start it.
Andy Nonimus
"Did you remember to set the alarm?"
"How long have we been asleep? It's broad daylight outside!"
"12 seconds? That's it? I'm never dating a pit crew chief again."
That was very mechanical.
I had the dream again. You know, the one where the car goes over the cliff and you're suddenly in mid-air aware that you're going to die then you wake up in a fake car in a fake marriage and remember that you faked an orgasm the night before to compensate for your husband's E.D. and you start to scream and wish for another life but there is no other life, only an endless succession of dreary days and unfulfilled nights.
So what do you think it means?
Is there an eject button on this thing?
(I mean the whole cartoon. Thanks for sucking once again, New Yorker.)
"Oprah said not to text while driving, but she never said not to have horrible sex while driving. So, I guess I'm O.K."
Kathy H
“Hey, even when you live life in the fast lane, you gotta’ sleep sometime.”
blw
“Sorry, Parnelli, you’re outta’ gas and it’s time for me to rotate my tires.”
blw
“You call that a tune-up? You’re barely even firing on one cylinder.”
blw
“Yeah, Mr. Hot Stuff, I’ve seen your car, too. It’s a four-poster with a canopy, head and footboard.”
blw
“Vroom, vroom??? I give you the best lay you’ve had in weeks and all you can say is ‘vroom, vroom’???”
blw
“Yeah, the bed is great, but you’re still bald.”
left coast Wayne
“It would be more fun if you’d take off your seatbelt.”
--left coast Wayne
“Well . . . at least I’m in the driver’s seat.”
-left coast Wayne
“Don’t even think of texting.”
--left coast Wayne
“I really like what you’ve done here with the garage.”
--left coast Wayne
"Time for a few laps along Route 69."
"Toonces, look out! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"
Sorry buddy, it's self-service only.
Rocko
What's it gonna be tonight, crack-up or roll-over?
Jim Cavanaugh
ENOUGH , Andretti!!!
"So call AAA and tell them you have a flat."
Rob
BIALYSTOCK: Come on. We'd better hurry. We're late.
BIALYSTOCK BUZZES. ULLA ENTERS.
BIALYSTOCK: Call chauffeur. Get car.
ULLA(smiling): Good. Good. We go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. We go(he indicates Bloom and himself).
ULLA: You, Blum go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. No Motel. Get car. Get car.
ULLA(as she leaves): Get car. Get car.
BIALYSTOCK: Very nice girl.
Kathy H
"I never knew that you could get chlamydia from cars."
--Jared S.
"I want to die in this bed the way Dale Earnhardt did."
"Y'know, in Venice they don't have car-beds. They have, like, boat-beds. Yeah, boat-beds. They're called barca letti."
Tim H
"I'm hysterical, and I'm wet."
"I hate my life."
That's the last time I fall for the old banana in the tail pipe trick.
Jim Cavanaugh
"How come you never ask for directions?"
“Well . . . Formula One didn’t work . . . You’re still bald.”
--the Venerable Bede
“One down . . . four hundred ninety-nine to go.”
---the Venerable Bede
"Honey, does this car-bed make my ass look big?"
"I really thought you were gay. Because you said you once kissed the pricks at the Prickyard."
Thanks Daddy, I always wanted to drive a Stick!
"I feel like I just drank the milk after winning the Indy 500."
Kathy H said...
First, al in la, thank you for the mention. Secondly, the BIALYSTOCK and ULLA scene was taken directly from the classic 1968 motion picture -- and Mel Brooks's classic -- The Producers. In fact, exactly 8 hours after my comment, "Leo" offered another bon mot from the same film: "I'm hysterical, and I'm wet."
I just thought I would point that out to those trying to make sense of it all.
Thanks.
Thanks Kathy H.
I pride my self on getting obscure pop culture references and I like Mel Brooks. I apoligise for suggesting you are a meth head. Like most Americans, when I don't understand something I assume it's somebody else's fault.
Keep Capping, girl! (you are a girl--right?)--al in la
al throws up a trio of JUDGE'S COMMENT Classics. To wit:
Rags on Johnny B
Another reference to "entries"
"This would actually work in the real contest"
Am I concerned about the Constantly Recycled Comments? No, because the classics stand the test of time.
CRC
WTF, did I lose a day?
Note:
That could be a caption but it's not. Seriously, did I lose a day? I'm just absolutely positively certain I would have come up with a winner this week if only you hadn't judged early, al!
Al is quite familiar with the term "tranny" but fails to recognize lines from the classic movie, "The Producers". I know which direction future anti-caps should go.
Post a Comment