Sunday, July 18, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #247



WINNER

You should have checked the tranny before you took it for a ride. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: To the chagrin of many who use it to search YouTube, "tranny" can mean transvestite or transmission. Also, "ride" can mean being transported in a vehicle, or sodomized. [That's why it's so funny!] Johnny has scored big with this crisp, double-pun entry that would be instantly rejected by the New Yorker. Johnny is like a reliable singles hitter who occasionally gets a hold of one.)

SECOND PLACE
ENOUGH , Andretti!!! peaches c. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In his hay day, racing legend Mario Andretti probably had a lot of sex. Very clever. Extra credit for being short. I'll over look the fact that the guy is not touching her.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Oooooohhh... that was a nasty rear-ender.Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of obvious Still, the Anti-Cap and anal sex jokes have a well established tradition that I feel duty-bound to honor. Seriously, have you ever stopped to wonder why we call the caps "submissions" and "entries?" )


That's the last time I fall for the old banana in the tail pipe trick. --Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yeah, you guys do like your back-door humor. Still, "trick" might not be the right word, unless she's a prostitute. which makes it an even better cap. )

"How come you never ask for directions?" --Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This could actually be welcome in the real contest, but it is funny and true.)

"My friends told me if I got a car, I'd get some pussy." Note: I DO NOT CARE that it appears the woman is speaking. Maybe the guy's a pussy. It just doesn't matter. --Sarah (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The post-script pushed it into the win column. Nice one Sarah.)

“I really like what you’ve done here with the garage.”--left coast Wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cute and dumb with a touch of irony.)

Is there an eject button on this thing? (I mean the whole cartoon. Thanks for sucking once again, New Yorker.) Mort drucker (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Now Mort, it's not that bad and certainly not the worst we've seen in recent months. Maybe you should stop making excuses and start making us laugh [or gage or moan])

"L.A. traffic sucks balls... but apparently you don't."Brian L (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why would the woman be saying this to the man? Is she merely observing that he is not gay? And why "balls" and not "dick?" This is only being included because the traffic here really does suck.)

Fittipaldi, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you? --CRC
Parnelli, you crazy bastard! Slow down next time.CRC
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to muff-dive.--CRC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: CRC throws up a trio of anti-cap classics. I want to encourage that, but I'm concerned that CRC is going to stand for "Constantly Recycled Captions." I'm just saying it's becoming a little predictable.)


BIALYSTOCK: Come on. We'd better hurry. We're late.
BIALYSTOCK BUZZES. ULLA ENTERS.
BIALYSTOCK: Call chauffeur. Get car.
ULLA (smiling): Good. Good. We go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. We go (he indicates Bloom and himself).
ULLA: You, Blum go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. No Motel. Get car. Get car.
ULLA (as she leaves): Get car. Get car.
BIALYSTOCK: Very nice girl.--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I have no clue what this is or what this means. I include it as a cautionary tale about what happens when you mix crystal meth with anti-capping.)

96 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Just as I thought; another flaccid nascar fan."

Brian L

JohnnyB said...

Do you know why I pulled you over?

JohnnyB said...

I hate it when both your penises are erect like that.

Anonymous said...

"What exactly did you mean by, 'How fast will she go?'"

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"That was unexpected. For some reason."
-TG

Richard H said...

"Sorry, but it turns me off when the car-bed doesn't match the drapes."

Grandma said...

"Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to blow your doors off."

Anonymous said...

The hours here are Saleen.

CRC

Racer X said...

"Fuel-injection, you crazy bastard. How are you?"

Sarah said...

"No, Mr. Bondurant, I expect you to drive...me to the boneyard."

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about it, al.

Annie Nonimus

Anonymous said...

Honey, let's ask the Johnsons if they'd like to car pool.

Mike Mariano said...

VROOM VROOM! NEEEEOOOORRRMMM...

Don-don and Dot said...

"What did you expect? When I get rear-ended, yes, I leave a skidmark."

boneguy said...

This is the first model I have test driven where the doors are optional.

JohnnyB said...

I KNOW about the headlights. Why is every guy I bring home so obsessed with my lack of headlights?

Anonymous said...

"Oh, I get it, you're on the passenger side so I have to start the fucker."

Rob

Damon said...

"The social worker is freaked out about Bobby's bedwetting; the state wants to take him away. So far, so good. Up for another creampie?"

Eric G said...

Wanna get into pole position?

Anonymous said...

"How was it? Let's just say like father like son."

dwilk

boneguy said...

It does beat lining up at the DMV, but just.

Anonymous said...

Could you check under my hood?

Anonymous said...

All this for a job at the cracker factory.

-Optimus Sub-Prime

Anonymous said...

Just a I suspected; a fucking 2-stroke.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Parnelli, you crazy bastard! Slow down next time.

CRC

Anonymous said...

AS I suspected, damn it. (3:01pm)

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

I see now what you meant by "front spoiler".

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Don't just lie there. I've got a plug-in.

Jim Cavanaugh

Steve_O said...

"Apparently your bed is not the only thing that is more suited for a ten year old."

Anonymous said...

"Can you hand me the WD-40?"

--Jared S.

Anonymous said...

Fittipaldi, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?

CRC

mort drucker said...

Do you know the feeling when you are doing something so wrong it feels right? This isn't that feeling.

Anonymous said...

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to muff-dive.

CRC

Joshua said...

"I can't believe 'Fuck Calvin Trillin In His Childhood Home' only went for 750 dollars."

Anonymous said...

"We never talk during sex anymore."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

Check your dipstick.

Andy Nonimus

Anonymous said...

"Once again, you finished first."

Dex

boneguy said...

I should warn you that if we do get married, I will insist on tire shaped end tables.

Gary P said...

"My breasts are almost down to your feet now."

Anonymous said...

This isn't really a car, is it?

Rocko

Glenn said...

"It was nice of Kyle Busch to give Jacob this bed during his Make-A-Wish Foundation visit. Sleeping here with you makes me feel like we're keeping our darling boy's memory alive. Wanna fuck?"

Anonymous said...

Oooooohhh... that was a nasty rear-ender.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Kelsey Grammar's final, failed attempt to rev up his marriage.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"L.A. traffic sucks balls... but apparently you don't."

Brian L

Anonymous said...

"Wow, you're pretty good in the sack. And not just for a man who still sleeps in a racecar bed but for any man who still lives with his parents."

-TG

JohnnyB said...

You should have checked the tranny before you took it for a ride.

Anonymous said...

Pump your own tonight.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"Mind putting you arms down, Old Spice Boy?"

Kathy H

Anonymous said...

"I've never done it in a 2010 Diffee before."

Tim H

Anonymous said...

I could try to suck-start it.

Andy Nonimus

Steve_O said...

"Did you remember to set the alarm?"

Steve_O said...

"How long have we been asleep? It's broad daylight outside!"

Gary P said...

"12 seconds? That's it? I'm never dating a pit crew chief again."

mort drucker said...

That was very mechanical.

mort drucker said...

I had the dream again. You know, the one where the car goes over the cliff and you're suddenly in mid-air aware that you're going to die then you wake up in a fake car in a fake marriage and remember that you faked an orgasm the night before to compensate for your husband's E.D. and you start to scream and wish for another life but there is no other life, only an endless succession of dreary days and unfulfilled nights.
So what do you think it means?

mort drucker said...

Is there an eject button on this thing?




(I mean the whole cartoon. Thanks for sucking once again, New Yorker.)

Anonymous said...

"Oprah said not to text while driving, but she never said not to have horrible sex while driving. So, I guess I'm O.K."

Kathy H

Anonymous said...

“Hey, even when you live life in the fast lane, you gotta’ sleep sometime.”


blw

Anonymous said...

“Sorry, Parnelli, you’re outta’ gas and it’s time for me to rotate my tires.”



blw

Anonymous said...

“You call that a tune-up? You’re barely even firing on one cylinder.”


blw

Anonymous said...

“Yeah, Mr. Hot Stuff, I’ve seen your car, too. It’s a four-poster with a canopy, head and footboard.”


blw

Anonymous said...

“Vroom, vroom??? I give you the best lay you’ve had in weeks and all you can say is ‘vroom, vroom’???”


blw

Anonymous said...

“Yeah, the bed is great, but you’re still bald.”



left coast Wayne

Anonymous said...

“It would be more fun if you’d take off your seatbelt.”



--left coast Wayne

Anonymous said...

“Well . . . at least I’m in the driver’s seat.”



-left coast Wayne

Anonymous said...

“Don’t even think of texting.”


--left coast Wayne

Anonymous said...

“I really like what you’ve done here with the garage.”


--left coast Wayne

LR said...

"Time for a few laps along Route 69."

Phil said...

"Toonces, look out! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!"

Anonymous said...

Sorry buddy, it's self-service only.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

What's it gonna be tonight, crack-up or roll-over?

Jim Cavanaugh

peaches c. said...

ENOUGH , Andretti!!!

Dr Dano said...

It hasn't been that good since the hood of my Mustang and I nearly totalled that fucker! I know I threw my Ball-joint out of whack!

Anonymous said...

"So call AAA and tell them you have a flat."

Rob

Anonymous said...

BIALYSTOCK: Come on. We'd better hurry. We're late.
BIALYSTOCK BUZZES. ULLA ENTERS.
BIALYSTOCK: Call chauffeur. Get car.
ULLA(smiling): Good. Good. We go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. We go(he indicates Bloom and himself).
ULLA: You, Blum go Motel.
BIALYSTOCK: No. No Motel. Get car. Get car.
ULLA(as she leaves): Get car. Get car.
BIALYSTOCK: Very nice girl.

Kathy H

Anonymous said...

"I never knew that you could get chlamydia from cars."

--Jared S.

Glenn said...

"I want to die in this bed the way Dale Earnhardt did."

Anonymous said...

"Y'know, in Venice they don't have car-beds. They have, like, boat-beds. Yeah, boat-beds. They're called barca letti."

Tim H

Leo said...

"I'm hysterical, and I'm wet."

Sarah said...

"My friends told me if I got a car, I'd get some pussy."
Note: I DO NOT CARE that it appears the woman is speaking. Maybe the guy's a pussy. It just doesn't matter.

Janine said...

"I hate my life."

Anonymous said...

That's the last time I fall for the old banana in the tail pipe trick.

Jim Cavanaugh

Satireguy said...

"How come you never ask for directions?"

Anonymous said...

“Well . . . Formula One didn’t work . . . You’re still bald.”

--the Venerable Bede

Anonymous said...

“One down . . . four hundred ninety-nine to go.”


---the Venerable Bede

Wife said...

"Honey, does this car-bed make my ass look big?"

Carla said...

"I really thought you were gay. Because you said you once kissed the pricks at the Prickyard."

Zoey said...

Thanks Daddy, I always wanted to drive a Stick!

Ashley said...

"I feel like I just drank the milk after winning the Indy 500."

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

First, al in la, thank you for the mention. Secondly, the BIALYSTOCK and ULLA scene was taken directly from the classic 1968 motion picture -- and Mel Brooks's classic -- The Producers. In fact, exactly 8 hours after my comment, "Leo" offered another bon mot from the same film: "I'm hysterical, and I'm wet."

I just thought I would point that out to those trying to make sense of it all.

Thanks.

al in la said...

Thanks Kathy H.

I pride my self on getting obscure pop culture references and I like Mel Brooks. I apoligise for suggesting you are a meth head. Like most Americans, when I don't understand something I assume it's somebody else's fault.

Keep Capping, girl! (you are a girl--right?)--al in la

Anonymous said...

al throws up a trio of JUDGE'S COMMENT Classics. To wit:

Rags on Johnny B
Another reference to "entries"
"This would actually work in the real contest"

Am I concerned about the Constantly Recycled Comments? No, because the classics stand the test of time.

CRC

 Konrad said...

WTF, did I lose a day?

Note:
That could be a caption but it's not. Seriously, did I lose a day? I'm just absolutely positively certain I would have come up with a winner this week if only you hadn't judged early, al!

al in la said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 Konrad said...

Oh, and by the way, al, I want my fucking money back! In fact, guys, we should ALL demand our money back. Why should al get rich off our swea...?

What do you mean this shit is free? He puts up with this crap for nothing!?!

...................................uhm, never mind...

JohnnyB said...

Al is quite familiar with the term "tranny" but fails to recognize lines from the classic movie, "The Producers". I know which direction future anti-caps should go.

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al in la

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