Tuesday, April 27, 2010

RESULTS: The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #238

NOTE: In a first for the contest, both the first and second place cap do not consist of dialog spoken by someone in the drawing. They are narrative captions; like those used for newspaper photos. Seldom are they found in the New Yorker, but our standards are non existant looser. I would caution Anti-Cappers to be careful with these they are not really for beginners or the irony-impared. (The approach was perfected by the great Gary Larson in The Far Side) I also encourage Anti-Cappers to include only one cap per entry (and no more than five a week.) It has been my experience that multiple cap-entries have, MAYBE, one decent cap. Why not just send that one?
As long as we are boning up on the guidelines that bring order to the contest, a few people noted that last week's winner contained exactly 43 words. Apart from the fact that it's pretty pathetic that people sit there counting words, I freely acknowledge that 43 is greater that 25---which of course is the supposed word max. We are not about limits here. What sucks is when people post long-ass entries that have not a hint of wit, gross imagery, bad puns or offense language. Why waste everyone's time? If you really need to go long, try to make it worth our while. And if it's just tedious and stupid (but not in a good way) I will use my special powers to jettison it to kingdom.
The above cartoon drew an inordinately high number of responses last week (for some reason the comment counter stopped at 173, but trust me there were plenty more. UPDATE: 193 it turns out.) There were predictable caveman names like Zogg, Zorg, Ciroc and Grogg. And naturally the low brows in the image are imagined to speak in a fractured English favored by the Indians in old movies. While this may establish your intellectual and cultural superiority, I fear this looks like a cheap shot. (I guess, if nothing else, those obnoxious Geico commercials have increased sensitivity to the plight of caveman.) Leave a comment expressing joy, outrage or indifference.
.
WINNER
Ancester of W clowns around while ancestors of Cheney and Rumsfeld plot pre-emptive strike on neighbor they believe has discovered fire too. --Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Great cap. As soon as I saw it I said "There's your winner!" Of course an ancestor of Sarah Palin would be outside accusing her opponent of "palling around with pyromaniacs."
.
SECOND PLACE
Zorg stared and contemplated: Had it been such a wise idea to leave the hunter-gatherers to live with the sitter-jugglers? So hungry... Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Excellent! This sounds like a cap from the aforementioned The Far Side. So creative, yet "Anonymous" is the best name you can concoct?)
.
THIRD PLACE
What is this, Amateur Era?--Mr. Silly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is good enough for the real contest. And remember, if he drops one, it will be an "Amateur Error." )

.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
It's all right for vaudeville. But it's not like he's inventing the wheel . . .
--Roger Kaputnik (JUDGE'S COMMENT: He left off the "re" and made it topical in a pre-historic way. "Off B'way" may have worked better than "vauderville," but nice job as usual, Rog.)



"Man, this Ike Davis is really gonna help our team."-- Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mets' fans will understand this. More importantly, Davis, the Met's new 1st baseman (pictured right), bares an amazing resemblance to some guy from Jersey (far right). Ike will soon learn that nothing is forgotten or forgiven.)
.
Natural museum exhibit of National league fans of New York from 1958-1962. Notice Yankee stadium burning in the distance.-- lanemcclain (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This refers to the years following the departure of the Dodgers and the Giants. The painful void would lead to the birth of the Mets, which in turn would lead to hardache punctuated by an occasional glimpse of joy. )
.
"Seen enough? Me too - what a fuckin' rookie." [to guest] "Okay, that was GREAT! Listen, we're pretty happy with our current fire supplier, so...yeah. Try us again in six months, maybe."
--Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Even prehistoric salesmen led lives of pointless demonstrations and endless rejections. That's what this is saying.)

.
"Now you say deal for stone wheels no happen? Then why me waste money bring you here to Benihana?" --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A similar theme. In the business world there is always a fear that you will do something nice for someone who can't help you.)

"Oh, totally! And then no-facial-hair-guy like totally gets caught in a net and he's like all 'something something stinkin' paws something damn-dirty ape'. And I'm like 'what the fuck was that?'" -- RL (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good to know cavemen had the verbal tics of a typical 15 year-old-girl. )

The good shit doesn't happen until Raquel Welch shows up.-- Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Rocky [pictured right] will turn 70 in September, so maybe she really did know these guys.)

"Don't worry about the Indians beyond the bluff. They're Cleveland Indians."-- Rob (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Which means their season will be over by mid-June. Very friendly Indians indeed.)

"Yaagh mahchok choklo...zhum zhum."
Translation:"Since mastering fire, cavemen have become soft and feminized. At these retreats, we tap into our psychic primitivism to forge a new mythos through which we can again be real cavemen...And sometimes we circle-jerk, too."--Wile E. Chipotle (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't know what the original language adds but your point is well taken. I thought mythos was a breath mint.)


If you ask me, Thuk, he's playing with fire!-- Konrad Schwoerke (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is so literal that it is not at all funny. I add it only because I too briefly considered it, but than I thought "How is that funny?")

"I'm telling you, there was a forth torch. I don't know where it went, but I swear to god, I saw four just a secod ago, and now I only see three. Weird!?"
Sam Hampster
TWO MINUTES LATER:

"The correct word is "fourth" you stupid caveman dickweed"
Ham Sampster

13 MINUTES LATER:
Yes, but I slipped "secod" by you, dumb shit.--Some Humptster
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I assume all three of these caps where submitted by the same self-loathing stoner who types faster than he thinks.)


The era here is pleistocene.-- CRC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another cap that is more or less literally true.)

Xiuhtecuhtli, that crazy bastard! How the hell are you gonna beat this? (google it)
--
Beavis and Butthead (heh, heh) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I did. He's some kind of fire god. So this has a big word and it works, but isn't Beavis & Butthead a ltttle, like, kind os a 90's thing?)

"I just thought of a great name for this place. Detroit."-- Bev (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I was actually thinking "Staten Island" or "Piscataway." But your point is well taken.)

"In 10,000 years, do you think Vegas will still suck this badly?"-- Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I hate to get technical, but he scene depicted is much older than 10,000 years. And would he really say "suck this badly?" But the cap reminded me of one I thought of: "Someday we'll watch this kind of crap on television.")

"That's nice considering he can't draw animals worth shit."-- Alcoholic Anonymous(JUDGE'S COMMENT: My wife laughed at this. I like to see her laugh.)
.
He's Dfal from the LAFD.-- Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I sort of get this. It somehow references me.)

His solo act is getting tiresome. Isn't it time for him to address the issue of Harry's abscence?--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay here goes: He stopped doing it because he hates you people has a full rich life and a busy schedule. It's been well established that I, on the other hand, do not.)
.
"Asbestos? Yeah....he's doing asbestos he can."-- dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little pun, but asbestos is to fire what this cap is to funny. )

Get off my stage.--Roger McGaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to previous winner 4-year old Maya, whose presence looms large in this contest. Hers, of course, was much funnier than this, which is why it's way down here.)

"Get out of my seat."-- holden_c (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This may be a new classic. I'm fine with that as long as it's not interpreted as a reference to sodomy.)

"You invent the wheel. I'll invent the bear trap so that 4 year old won't steal our chairs again."--
jazzy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks for introducing the image on an adorable 4-year old mangled in such a horrid device. You are a sick, twisted person who has a very warped perception of what's funny. I look forward to your future entries.)

"If only there was a way to capture this moment and all the rude things we've said about it. You know, for posterity."-- Wile E. Chipotle (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Done and done.)
.

14 comments:

SH said...

alinla -

As the self-loving drunk Sam Hampster/Ham Sampster, I want to add one point of clarification. The third entry actually came from some unknown second party, which actually made me laugh out loud.
Thanks for your efforts. Your comments are enjoyable.

james said...

Thanks once more, alinla. Having received the lowest honor in captiondom will help me get through surgery tommorow (a TURP, which would make an excellent anti-caption topic).
Also, it was me who noticed the 2nd misspelling. Thanks for being such a good sport, SH. I couldn't resist.

JC

Anonymous said...

al in la

Thanx for the complimenz! I get a two month reduction on my sentence every time I make honorable mention.

jazzy

W.E.C. said...

The "original language" was my sorry-ass ploy (an idea stolen from Wackiki Wabbit to keep it under 25 (the original language caption, that is). I failed. Miserably.

Some great anti-caps submitted last week, though.

I originally thought the 'Robert E. Leak' caption was in response to Mahatma Zombie's about the yellow handkerchief until I saw it posted, with explanation (oh! the irony) in the cave next door.

Anyway, I'm glad somebody (read al) has no life and can keep this contest alive.

Anonymous said...

Just so you know. I was in Spain the last few weeks and was able to log on-line at one point in time and I checked out the Anti-Cap results. I must say, they were as funny as they are back in the states! And a couple of locals were looking over my sholder and made a comment on the site. I don't know if they really understood the whole idea of it all but just know you got some fans over seas!

Ann

Anonymous said...

Other sprays and pills have also been found to be very ineffective for similar reasons.
If prescribed by a Hormone Replacement Therapy clinic, such as Kingsberg Medical, they are even more effective because
the treatment is more suited to you and your needs.
HGH by injection is approved for adults with human growth insufficiency.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://is.gd/PbZU7z][img]http://stomsk.ru/pics/spymobile.ol1[/img][/url]
[url=http://archive.org/details/fopoundila]Cell Phone Spy For Android[/url] [url=http://musicgrandeffect.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Can You Track A Cell Phone Using Gps [/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/notogaver] Spy Mobile Software Free Download India [/url] http://flyingfishbarandgrill.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ spy call mobile software nokia 5233 spybubble free download wireless mini spy camera audio text message monitoring verizon cell phone call spy free
Gps A Cell Phone For Free Online
http://www.elunet.org/spip.php?page=forum&id_article=10899 how do i track a cell phone number for free can i track a cell phone number text message monitoring system
[url=http://archive.org/details/piebedvema] Monitor Mobile Phone Free [/url] [url=http://sustainableucr.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Tracking Apps For Iphone [/url] [url=http://furwus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Surveillance System[/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/thedeckliso] Spyware For Cell Phones South Africa [/url] [url=http://regionaleducation.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone No Trace Software Download[/url] http://uggsforcheapus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ monitor sms messages at&t phone tracker free download for blackberry 1.2ghz wireless spy hidden video camera with slim receiver

Anonymous said...

[url=http://is.gd/PbZU7z][img]http://stomsk.ru/pics/spymobile.ol1[/img][/url]
[url=http://archive.org/details/fopoundila]Cell Phone Spy For Android[/url] [url=http://musicgrandeffect.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Can You Track A Cell Phone Using Gps [/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/notogaver] Spy Mobile Software Free Download India [/url] http://flyingfishbarandgrill.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ spy call mobile software nokia 5233 spybubble free download wireless mini spy camera audio text message monitoring verizon cell phone call spy free
Gps A Cell Phone For Free Online
http://www.elunet.org/spip.php?page=forum&id_article=10899 how do i track a cell phone number for free can i track a cell phone number text message monitoring system
[url=http://archive.org/details/piebedvema] Monitor Mobile Phone Free [/url] [url=http://sustainableucr.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Tracking Apps For Iphone [/url] [url=http://furwus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Surveillance System[/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/thedeckliso] Spyware For Cell Phones South Africa [/url] [url=http://regionaleducation.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone No Trace Software Download[/url] http://uggsforcheapus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ monitor sms messages at&t phone tracker free download for blackberry 1.2ghz wireless spy hidden video camera with slim receiver

Anonymous said...

[url=http://is.gd/PbZU7z][img]http://stomsk.ru/pics/spymobile.ol1[/img][/url]
[url=http://archive.org/details/fopoundila]Cell Phone Spy For Android[/url] [url=http://musicgrandeffect.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Can You Track A Cell Phone Using Gps [/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/notogaver] Spy Mobile Software Free Download India [/url] http://flyingfishbarandgrill.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ spy call mobile software nokia 5233 spybubble free download wireless mini spy camera audio text message monitoring verizon cell phone call spy free
Gps A Cell Phone For Free Online
http://www.elunet.org/spip.php?page=forum&id_article=10899 how do i track a cell phone number for free can i track a cell phone number text message monitoring system
[url=http://archive.org/details/piebedvema] Monitor Mobile Phone Free [/url] [url=http://sustainableucr.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Tracking Apps For Iphone [/url] [url=http://furwus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Surveillance System[/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/thedeckliso] Spyware For Cell Phones South Africa [/url] [url=http://regionaleducation.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone No Trace Software Download[/url] http://uggsforcheapus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ monitor sms messages at&t phone tracker free download for blackberry 1.2ghz wireless spy hidden video camera with slim receiver

Anonymous said...

[url=http://is.gd/PbZU7z][img]http://stomsk.ru/pics/spymobile.ol1[/img][/url]
[url=http://archive.org/details/fopoundila]Cell Phone Spy For Android[/url] [url=http://musicgrandeffect.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Can You Track A Cell Phone Using Gps [/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/notogaver] Spy Mobile Software Free Download India [/url] http://flyingfishbarandgrill.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ spy call mobile software nokia 5233 spybubble free download wireless mini spy camera audio text message monitoring verizon cell phone call spy free
Gps A Cell Phone For Free Online
http://www.elunet.org/spip.php?page=forum&id_article=10899 how do i track a cell phone number for free can i track a cell phone number text message monitoring system
[url=http://archive.org/details/piebedvema] Monitor Mobile Phone Free [/url] [url=http://sustainableucr.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Tracking Apps For Iphone [/url] [url=http://furwus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Surveillance System[/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/thedeckliso] Spyware For Cell Phones South Africa [/url] [url=http://regionaleducation.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone No Trace Software Download[/url] http://uggsforcheapus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ monitor sms messages at&t phone tracker free download for blackberry 1.2ghz wireless spy hidden video camera with slim receiver

Anonymous said...

[url=http://is.gd/PbZU7z][img]http://stomsk.ru/pics/spymobile.ol1[/img][/url]
[url=http://archive.org/details/fopoundila]Cell Phone Spy For Android[/url] [url=http://musicgrandeffect.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Can You Track A Cell Phone Using Gps [/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/notogaver] Spy Mobile Software Free Download India [/url] http://flyingfishbarandgrill.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ spy call mobile software nokia 5233 spybubble free download wireless mini spy camera audio text message monitoring verizon cell phone call spy free
Gps A Cell Phone For Free Online
http://www.elunet.org/spip.php?page=forum&id_article=10899 how do i track a cell phone number for free can i track a cell phone number text message monitoring system
[url=http://archive.org/details/piebedvema] Monitor Mobile Phone Free [/url] [url=http://sustainableucr.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Tracking Apps For Iphone [/url] [url=http://furwus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone Surveillance System[/url] [url=http://archive.org/details/thedeckliso] Spyware For Cell Phones South Africa [/url] [url=http://regionaleducation.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/]Phone No Trace Software Download[/url] http://uggsforcheapus.webs.com/apps/profile/109034678/ monitor sms messages at&t phone tracker free download for blackberry 1.2ghz wireless spy hidden video camera with slim receiver

Anonymous said...

In other words, certain manufacturers have the capability to
have general captions not for Stickers In Bulk For Kids purposes for those checking
out your digital photography online. Then it would come back and actually begin Stickers
In Bulk For Kids layers of cells where they need to be printed,
you can make changes by clicking on the 'File' and 'New' buttons.


My web page :: stickers reno nv

Anonymous said...

Just wish to say your article is as astonishing.
The clearness on your post is just excellent and that i can
suppose you are knowledgeable on this subject.
Fine together with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with drawing close post.
Thank you a million and please keep up the gratifying work.


Here is my web blog :: Reviews on Cold Sore Free Forever

samsung said...

very nice post

Blog Archive

al in la

My photo
Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.