WINNER
"OK, you win. My grandpa worked for NASA and, yes, he used to rape me."--Penelope Guthrie
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Topical, Insensative AND Funny Dept.
"It's not bad, but it doesn't give me the euphoric high I experience when I masturbate while suspended from the ceiling by a belt fastened around my neck. You got anything like that?"--R.K
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Old School Anti-Cap Dept
"I feel silly, you crazy bastard. How the hell are you?" --Johnny B.
.Good Use of the oft mis-used word `Splooged' Dept.
"I think I just splooged on your thruster knob." --Steve_O
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A hyphen is not the same as an em-dash Dept.
"D-o-c, a-r-e y-o-u s-u-r-e t-h-i-s i-s t-h-e b-e-s-t w-a-y t-o g-e-n-e-r-a-t-e a-a s-e-m-e-n s-a-m-p-l-e?" --Sarah
If it means that much to you Dept.
"I don't know, doc. I'm starting to feel like a fraud. I just mention Radosh in my anti-caption and I feel alinla is gonna give me at least an honorable mention. Plus, I feel kind of stupid bring $250 in quarters to every session." --Richard Hine
Classic song also came to judge's mind Dept.
."And I think it's gonna be a long long timeTill touch down brings me round again to findI'm not the man they think I am at homeOh, no no no. I'm a rocket manRocket man burning out his fuse up here alone." --Tim H
Topical but not really funny Dept.
"Thanks for letting me do this doc. I never really had a childhood after that day forty years ago when my dad made me hide in the garage one afternoon while he told the news media I'd floated away in his helium-filled balloon." --Anonymous
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29 comments:
"Doc, the only thing about to blast off is my bus-boner."
"It's not bad, but it doesn't give me the euphoric high I experience when I masturbate while suspended from the ceiling by a belt fastened around my neck. You got anything like that?"
"OW! OW! I'm too big for this! It's crushing my legs. Help me!"
"No, really. You put a coin box on this and set it outside, um, I don't know, a grocery store! Kids will beg their parents to let them ride it. You'll make a fortune. Don't forget to share it with the guy who gave you the tip!"
"So I'll be able to get back from the moon, right? I won't be crawling around, desperately waiting for some NASA rescue mission, right? Right?"
"It works great, Dad. I think you're ready for your first patient."
"You finally have the technology to go back in time and change last week's winner from 'john' to 'JohnnyB'"
"Craig, I think I should post it under 'Erotic Services' as the 'Taint Cuddler to the Stars.'"
"D-o-c, a-r-e y-o-u s-u-r-e t-h-i-s i-s t-h-e b-e-s-t w-a-y t-o g-e-n-e-r-a-t-e a-a s-e-m-e-n s-a-m-p-l-e?"
"I don't know, doc. I'm starting to feel like a fraud. I just mention Radosh in my anti-caption and I feel alinla is gonna give me at least an honorable mention. Plus, I feel kind of stupid bring $250 in quarters to every session."
"It's really sweet of you, Dr Bernstein, and I know I complained that my daddy never let me ride the spaceships outside my neighborhood candy store. But that was 40 years ago. And I feel nauseous. Isn't time up yet? Can we stop now?"
"And you're sure my dream about having a rocket between my legs was nothing sexual?"
"Dig this, Daddy-O. Now that we have the jazz jet, we have the coolest pad on campus."
"The immersion therapy isn't working, doc. I'm still wetting myself."
"You're making great progress, Bill. Now, next session, why don't you get in the spaceship and I'll sit in the chair? OK?"
"Vrrroooommmm! Vrrrrrooooooomm! Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...hirrr hirrrr hirrrrr hirrrrrrrr hirrrrrrrrrrr...KAAARAAAAAUNNNCHH!!!!
Did you get that all down?"
"Great that I don't have to lie down on the proverbial psychiatrist's couch, a practice that went out of fashion about 75 years ago. You've still got a goatee though and that lame little notebook, neither of which assist you in helping me cope with living in slavery under a totalitarian regime. Just gimme the fucking drugs like everybody else and we'll call it a day."
"And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no no no. I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone."
"I think I just splooged on your thruster knob."
"It might have made some sense if mom had loved, but no- she abused me too. Every day I felt so empty and worthless and... Wait- why am I in this fucking thing?"
PATIENT: Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! Sometimes I think I'm a tee pee. Sometimes I think I'm a wig wam.
DOCTOR: Relax. Yor're two tents.
"Sure, the rocket is fun. But I don't think it's going to cure my depression. Only suicide will."
"So, tell me doc. Do I get a meal on this flight?"
"Sorry to shake your rocket machine so much, doc. But, I'm very, very nervous."
"It's Malabar....It's Malabar!"
"Motion? Progress? Whatever. I enjoy our sessions tremendously."
"You're right! This is the--um, wait a sec...umm...umm...ahh!!-- best porta-potty I've ever used!"
"OK, you win. My grandpa worked for NASA and, yes, he used to rape me."
"Thanks for letting me do this doc. I never really had a childhood after that day forty years ago when my dad made me hide in the garage one afternoon while he told the news media I'd floated away in his helium-filled balloon."
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