WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"According
to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"--Dr
Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This
may have been slightly funnier if it simply said, “Are you the one
who wanted a larger prick?” It's still the best of the bunch. A
women I once knew who was perpetually going on first dates told me: “To find a rose you have to get stuck with a lot of pricks.” This
reminded me of that. Nice one Doc.)
SECOND
PLACE
You
won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets
you.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Because everything is big at Costco. Get it? Thanks for
being you, boneguy.)
THIRD
PLACE
"Picked
this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Topical, mean-spirited and, yes, a cautionary tale.
Hoffman's death was tragic and horrifying – but mostly
infuriating. RIP you dumb-ass genius.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
You'll
feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large
needle.--Levon
Delight
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Once again we are reminded that “little prick” has
multiple meanings. Reminds us that it's better to finger your prick
than to prick your finger.)
"If
you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."
(Excuse me, I
threw up a little in my mouth)--Obligatory
Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I don't get the throwing up part and the quote is inaccurate, but am deeply touched by this one. Even though I have not judged the
contest in a while, someone threw a Dylan entry again the wall. The
1981 album “Shot of Love” is the last of Dylan's trilogy of
Christian albums. The title track includes these puzzling lyrics:
Why
would I want to take your life?
You've
only murdered my father, raped his wife
Tattooed
my babies with a poison pen
Mocked
my God, humiliated my friends)
19 comments:
"We're ready to drain that swollen right eye of yours."
You'll feel a little prick and then I'll stab you with this comically large needle.
"My new Mercedes runs on blood."
"Yes, yes it is the cure for autism, Leroy."
"It's for severe hypochondria."
You won't believe what an executive membership at Costco gets you.
"It's like I tell my wife every night. Bend over and take your medicine."
"It's for the Obamacare blood panel ... Barack, Joe, John, Patrick .......
This is our top shelf juice. An hour ago, this was a 10cc syringe.
"According to the Genie, your last wish was for a larger prick!"
Considering the size of your prostate, there is no such thing as too big a biopsy needle.
We call this one the "Chris Christie".
This is what I gave Judy Garland when she was feeling blue.
"Invasive? Is the Pope Catholic?"
"Picked this baby up cheap. Estate sale, Philip Seymour Hoffman."
"This contest needs a little shot in the arm."
"Five losing seasons in a row for the Mets? This oughtta help."
Jim Cavanaugh
"If you're a Doctor, I need a shot of love."
(Excuse me, I threw up a little in my mouth)
"How's your constipation now?"
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