WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Yeah,
it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be
careful."--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tasteless, offensive
and not at all funny. It's also obscure in a way that assures no one
but the most devoted Anti-Cappers will understand it. Still, it is
the only true Anti-Cap in the bunch. Shame on the rest of you people
for not coming up with shit like this!)
SECOND
PLACE
"They've
made it harder to lose."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because
it is so big and people frequently lose their remote controls. Now do
you begin to understand why it is so hard to maintain interest? )
THIRD
PLACE
"This
baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."--LR
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds us that “rewind” is not a feature to be
trifled
with. Noted.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
I
know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the
most.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sense, you can't watch the remote if
you lose your TV in the cushions of your couch. Besides, as a
[social] media tycoon, it is well documented that the thing I loved
most is called “Rosebud.”)
It's
no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's
stupid enough to enter. (Winner!) --
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Researchers here at Anti-Cap HQ used two groups of
lab rats to conduct a study. The rats that submitted multiple
entries and obsessed over who won ultimately became bitter and
condescending. The rats that didn't give a shit about the contest
lived happier, healthier lives.)
alinlalaland-
If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st,
2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We
only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement!
Thanks.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: First, you're right: The
comments are “clever.” But commenting is the easy-breezy part.
Sifting, sorting cutting and pasting, that's the pain-in-the-ass
part.)
Press
'Recall' and Al might come back.--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have
been much better if it said “hit return.” There is no “recall
key” – at least not on my keyboard.)
38 comments:
This is our new suppository remote
"Yeah, it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be careful."
I know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the most.
"...and it makes a great gift for Evrolet Girl."
Ironically, it's a giant remote but with the same fucking tiny, unreadable labels on the buttons as the standard ones.
Due to wanton, indiscriminate drug use by my mother during pregnancy, I was born with freakishly long arms and no eyeballs. Can you tell me what this is I'm holding?
"They've made it harder to lose."
"This is our Godzilla model - runs on a nuclear power cell and totally controls all electronic devices within a five mile radius."
"...and I don't need to tell you, madam, that the Super Bowl screams out for a Super Remote!"
"This baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."
"And, if anything happens to your son, he can be buried in it!"
"Bigger is better!"
The size may not seem logical to you Vulcans, but it seems illogical to me to keep asking "Is that how big it is", when I'm holding it in front of you.
We let you blacks hold this huge remote because it's harder to steal.
"Can I interest you in an LG?"
..and instead of batteries, it contains 4 midgets pedaling furiously.
..and instead of batteries, it contains 4 midgets pedaling furiously.
Just remember the last guy who bought one of these, gave up the only thing that gave meaning to his life and many others.
"In Russia, remote control is in Siberia."
alinlalaland- If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement! Thanks.
The only phone that the NSA will not listen (maybe)! drmrs 1/28/2014
Press 'Recall' and Al might come back.
It's the latest from Fukishima.
"She'll love it - it vibrates!"
"She'll never know you're watching porn."
It's no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's stupid enough to enter. (Winner!)
Second prize!
"This one will last him right up through high school."
"Now the mute button is a little hard to find..."
"I think the medium-size remote is a good choice."
"Do you think your father could understand this one?"
"Do you want the underbody protection?"
"This one's called 'The Compensator.'"
"It's also a point and click microwave."
"Not many men have the hands for this but he will never misplace it."
"Lady, this is corporate America, we sell any and everything."
"It is second hand from a Jeannie. Something about a wish for "large control over her" that did not turn out."
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