WINNERS
FIRST PLACE"This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cold hearted yet slightly topical. After the first round of carnnage, the Yankees traveled to the shaken school to play an exhibition game. Predictably they kicked the shit out of the VT team but still managed to make them feel good about themselves. A medaphor for the Anti-Cap I believe.)
SECOND PLACE"I see Gitmo in his future, as in gitmo' pussy than he knows what to do with. You rock, Green Giant!" --Also Grandma (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Crude but there may be political commentary here. Still, if he doesn't know what to do with it, what's the point?)
THIRD PLACE"I bet it turns his tongue bright red." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if he is eating a Chinese guy he'll be hungry again in a half hour. This stuff writes itself.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS"First it's the Jets, now the Giants. I hate this fucking city."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only the Knicks had the sense to sign this guy you'd have something to cheer about. Any one notice how the Rangers thumped the Flyers in the NHL's Winter Classic? Nice.)
Ho! HO! Ho- my ass !! Looks like he's carb loading again!! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Since this was entered around Christmas you gotta like the holiday theme.)
Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sence but I think we have to let Johnny be Johnny or he'll ditch us again.)"Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if. Still I include this because I may be the only fan Johnny has here.)
Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level. --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A knock against Tim Tebow. I only hate him because I hate the Denver Broncos.)
"Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They won't be happy, Just validated.)
“Alas, my love, you do me wrong,To cast me off discourteously.For I have loved you well and long,Delighting in your company.Greenjeans was all my joyGreenjeans was my delight,Greenjeans was my heart of gold,And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.” ---Henry VIII (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A lot of thought went into this. Reminds me of that old Neil Young song: "Homegrown's alright with me...")
"Green Giant outbit Evrolet." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Evrolet woman never bite anyone, Glenn. The only thing you are demonstrating is your slaveish devotion to this contest. Nuff said.)
"Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."---Green with Envy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The signature tells us all we need to know.)
Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks Jim. For the first time in three years we bought a tree. And for the first timne in my life I bought a gift for my granddaughter. God bless us everyone [especially you, Jim].)
109 comments:
"Oh great, another episode of Veggie Tales."
"I knew Little Green Sprout was going to grow up to be a dick."
"Michelle Obama's healthy eating campaign? Epic fail."
"Look Honey, it's a broccoli eating a Bush."
"I can see your niblets."
Better cover your tender vegetation Mother 'cuz he's our boy 's not lookin too "holly jolly" today!!
"First gators, now this guy. I'm sick of foreigners getting all of The New Yorker's green jobs."
"It's not the eating, it's the shitting that bothers me!"
"Look's like the end for JGG. He's eating Carl Icahn!"
It was Simpson's idea to test our new ad campaign for fire roasted vegetables using the local nursing home.
Looks like the Hulk's commitment to vegetariansism is wavering.
"This could be the end, sobbed Baron Von Recklinghausen, cradling (a verb) his scrotum, which was gently swaying to the Andrew Sisters version of "Under Here", and pausing only occasionally to scratch his itching left armpit while his sapphire painted hammer toe nails, brimming with Caciocavallo Podolico Cheese, rotated slowly toward the gibbous moon that hung in the brooding sky like a tobacco-stained nail paring."
"This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."
"They say his stools are also green --- and BIG!"
Hmmmmm- doesn't look so damn jolly today- Musta been something he ate!!!
I've got a message from his urologist reminding him to have his peas tested.
"He's pissed because he got canned!"
"Soylent Green is people."
"Make that two latttes and a cup of herbicide."
"Green Giant outbit Evrolet."
Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform.
I think we've found our sperm donor.
Hey dude, contact your physician if you stay enraged for more than four hours.
Man, that thing does not like Duane.
It's not one-horned, flying or purple at all! This is just so not how I envisioned it.
"Honey, when he starts eating you, can I watch?"
"Too soon after 9-11, too soon."
I'm not worried. He seems to be singling out the Pakistanis, Indians and Thais. They should pass right through...
"Honey, I can see nipple."
Just our luck, all the superheroes were in the bar when he stomped it.
"I blame Obama."
"Damn! Where's my camera?"
"What scares me the most is not him, but that everything else is in black and white. I mean, WTF!"
"Apparently, The New Yorker has an end-of-the-year surplus of green ink."
I just got this text from my friend at Moody's: "I'm downgrading the frozen vegetable sector..what could be the harm?"
"Urban Renewal!"
"It's OK. He's green. He's a movement."
---blw
"Looks like your corporate big boys are overreacting a bit to the OWS movement, wouldn't you say?"
---blw
"Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do."
I say Rocker is STILL on the 'roids. Whadda you think?
When will dinner be ready?
Jim Cavanaugh
"I'm afraid this is about as green as The New Yorker is ever gonna' get."
---left coast wayne
“Oh, he was fine for awhile at corporate headquarters in Le Sueur, Minnesota, but then he got the notion that the grass was greener here in Manhattan . . . not only the grass, apparently.”
---left coast wayne
“And where are all the Super Heroes when you need ‘em??? Probably drunk in some bar.”
---blw
“It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be envy that kills the Beast.”
---Carl Denham
"Boy, he's steamed."
"He treats people like chervil or gerbils- either way, you're doing time in his poopenshaft."
"I bet it turns his tongue bright red."
Call Nipsey Russell and tell him I got him booked as this guy's Q-tip.
"He's mad because he faces a 50-game suspension for taking steroids."
"Apparently, he still has issues with his parents, the Jolly Blue Giant and the Jolly Yellow Giant."
"Don't you find it ironic that his right foot just obliterated the Jimmy Choo store?"
I understand the Kool-Aid man is rampaging down in Harlem.
"It looks like the fundamentalist vegetarians have won."
"Oh, yeah, he's awesome in the paint, but I hear he dogs it on defense."
---left coast wayne
"He didn't start the fires. They would have had to have been detonated from inside the buildings."
"They say from outer space, he looks like Pac-Man, kicking and slingshotting around Manhatten Zip Codes!"
"Apparently the company decided to go with a red giant this year."
"He's got no deeck!"
"All I'm saying is that it takes a big man to carry an Anti-Caption Contest for two full weeks."
Ho! Ho! Ho! Green Apocalypse.
Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level.
"My whole world view is going to be turned upside down if he doesn't turn out to be Muslim.
Jim Cavanaugh
"He's got good taste in men."
“You know, you never forget your first time . . . and, I’m sorry, but he’s no Lou Ferrigno.”
---blw
“Growing up, my family was always partial to Birdseye Frozen Vegetables . . . so, you can see, this little tableau is of little meaning to me."
---left coast wayne
"`Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. It's hard to hear because the microphone keeps screaming for help."
"Honey Look! He just vomited a rabbi! He's both bulimic and rabbinic!"
"At this point, I might start singing Greensleeves, but he ain't got none."
"They found Lil' Sprout with pea-brain all bashed in."
"Another tragedy caused by Michelle Obama's Healty Eating campaign."
"Don't worry - the tornadoes will get him."
"He thinks that guy is a microphone. Good voice, don't you think?"
"When I need fertilizer, I go to the sperm bank."
"Whatever happened to the Purple People Eater?"
“It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be indigestion that kills the Beast.”
--Carl Denham, Jr.
Nuclear accident in Brussels is what I heard.
"It's not exactly the bird's eye view you'd expect."
"Nipple slip."
"That reminds me—do you have any Jolly Ranchers?"
"He's green?! Damn, I knew I was color-blind!"
"...and that's why we don't allow colored people."
Him: "According to Wikileaks, this is how pea soup is made."
Her: "Don't you mean Wikileeks?"
"He looks a little green under the collards."
"Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this."
"Oh, he's good all right. But if Simon were still around, he would trash him. Kind of pitchy."
---left coast wayne
“You’ll have to admit---Kim Jong Un is filling the void rather dramatically.”
---blw
“Sure, Newt et al . . . blame Obama for this one, too . . . well, they have a point, I guess . . . the big boy is eating only the 1%.”
---left coast wayne
"There isn't a giant alive today who isn't ready for the old slingshot attack."
...Fly ball. Deep to left. GONE! Another one eaten alive by the Green Monster!
Thank God we're architects.
"Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."
---Green with Envy
"When you said your father was a vegetable, I pictured more drool and coma."
"That settles it. I'm not voting for Bloomberg."
"Surprisingly, our State Farm policy doesn't cover Acts of Vegetables."
"I get it; Jolly Old Saint Nip."
Jim Cavanaugh
"It's about time the garbage got picked up around here."
"Well, on the bright side construction should pick up a bit when he's done."
---left coast wayne
"Well, there goes the 4 Basic Food Groups!"
"He's been like this, ever since Chick Pea left their pad ... ahh pod!"
"I always knew it was a food pyramid scheme."
" He's the Hairy Bikers' replacement for Meals on Wheels!"
"The ass always looks greener on the underside of the tunic."
Jon
“Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.
Greenjeans was all my joy
Greenjeans was my delight,
Greenjeans was my heart of gold,
And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.”
---Henry VIII
"You had that same look just before you had explosive diarrhea in the kitchen that day."
Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.
Jim Cavanaugh
"His mother was the Evrolet woman."
"That poor guy shouldn't be all that concerned . . . soon he'll be riding a bicycle in heaven."
---left coast wayne
Lumps in the Groin and Scrotum. Click www.gofastek.com for more information.
Cindy
www.gofastek.com
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