Monday, December 12, 2011

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #315














WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."-- smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Cold hearted yet slightly topical. After the first round of carnnage, the Yankees traveled to the shaken school to play an exhibition game. Predictably they kicked the shit out of the VT team but still managed to make them feel good about themselves. A medaphor for the Anti-Cap I believe.)
SECOND PLACE
"I see Gitmo in his future, as in gitmo' pussy than he knows what to do with. You rock, Green Giant!" --Also Grandma (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Crude but there may be political commentary here. Still, if he doesn't know what to do with it, what's the point?)
THIRD PLACE"I bet it turns his tongue bright red." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And if he is eating a Chinese guy he'll be hungry again in a half hour. This stuff writes itself.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"First it's the Jets, now the Giants. I hate this fucking city."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only the Knicks had the sense to sign this guy you'd have something to cheer about. Any one notice how the Rangers thumped the Flyers in the NHL's Winter Classic? Nice.)


Ho! HO! Ho- my ass !! Looks like he's carb loading again!! --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Since this was entered around Christmas you gotta like the holiday theme.)
Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sence but I think we have to let Johnny be Johnny or he'll ditch us again.)"Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do." --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if. Still I include this because I may be the only fan Johnny has here.)
Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level. --Austin (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A knock against Tim Tebow. I only hate him because I hate the Denver Broncos.)
"Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a
cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: They won't be happy, Just validated.)
“Alas, my love, you do me wrong,To cast me off discourteously.For I have loved you well and long,Delighting in your company.Greenjeans was all my joyGreenjeans was my delight,Greenjeans was my heart of gold,And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.” ---Henry VIII (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A lot of thought went into this. Reminds me of that old Neil Young song: "Homegrown's alright with me...")
"Green Giant outbit Evrolet." --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Evrolet woman never bite anyone, Glenn. The only thing you are demonstrating is your slaveish devotion to this contest. Nuff said.)
"Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."---Green with Envy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The signature tells us all we need to know.)
Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Thanks Jim. For the first time in three years we bought a tree. And for the first timne in my life I bought a gift for my granddaughter. God bless us everyone [especially you, Jim].)

125 comments:

Anonymous said...

"First it's the Jets, now the Giants. I hate this fucking city."

Sarcoughagus said...

"Oh great, another episode of Veggie Tales."

Rich Lather said...

"I knew Little Green Sprout was going to grow up to be a dick."

Blonde said...

Ho! HO! Ho- my ass !! Looks like he's carb loading again!!

Damon said...

"Michelle Obama's healthy eating campaign? Epic fail."

Colander Powell said...

"Look Honey, it's a broccoli eating a Bush."

Dex said...

"I can see your niblets."

Blonde said...

Better cover your tender vegetation Mother 'cuz he's our boy 's not lookin too "holly jolly" today!!

Damon said...

"Hey asshole - go away. We have multivitamins now."

Damon said...

"First gators, now this guy. I'm sick of foreigners getting all of The New Yorker's green jobs."

Dr Sumguy said...

"It's not the eating, it's the shitting that bothers me!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Look's like the end for JGG. He's eating Carl Icahn!"

boneguy said...

It was Simpson's idea to test our new ad campaign for fire roasted vegetables using the local nursing home.

boneguy said...

Looks like the Hulk's commitment to vegetariansism is wavering.

Steve_O said...

"I need my protein because an hour from now I plan to be fucking the legs off that Evrolet girl!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"This could be the end, sobbed Baron Von Recklinghausen, cradling (a verb) his scrotum, which was gently swaying to the Andrew Sisters version of "Under Here", and pausing only occasionally to scratch his itching left armpit while his sapphire painted hammer toe nails, brimming with Caciocavallo Podolico Cheese, rotated slowly toward the gibbous moon that hung in the brooding sky like a tobacco-stained nail paring."

smuck said...

"This latest incident has left a damaged and frightened Virginia Tech wondering, 'Why us?' Back to you, Bob."

Dr Sumguy said...

"They say his stools are also green --- and BIG!"

Blonde said...

Hmmmmm- doesn't look so damn jolly today- Musta been something he ate!!!

boneguy said...

I've got a message from his urologist reminding him to have his peas tested.

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's pissed because he got canned!"

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Soylent Green is people."

International Harvester said...

"Make that two latttes and a cup of herbicide."

Glenn said...

"Green Giant outbit Evrolet."

JohnnyB said...

Is he from UC or Xavier? I can't tell the players without a uniform.

David Macharelli said...

"Do you supposed his dick looks like broccoli, too?"

boneguy said...

I think we've found our sperm donor.

boneguy said...

Hey dude, contact your physician if you stay enraged for more than four hours.

Austin said...

Man, that thing does not like Duane.

Austin said...

It's not one-horned, flying or purple at all! This is just so not how I envisioned it.

Dr Sumguy said...

"Honey, when he starts eating you, can I watch?"

Glenn said...

"Too soon after 9-11, too soon."

Evil Mark said...

I'm not worried. He seems to be singling out the Pakistanis, Indians and Thais. They should pass right through...

Dom said...

"Honey, I can see nipple."

JohnnyB said...

Just our luck, all the superheroes were in the bar when he stomped it.

smuck said...

"I blame Obama."

Anonymouse said...

"Damn! Where's my camera?"

Tim H said...

"What scares me the most is not him, but that everything else is in black and white. I mean, WTF!"

Kathy H said...

"Apparently, The New Yorker has an end-of-the-year surplus of green ink."

boneguy said...

I just got this text from my friend at Moody's: "I'm downgrading the frozen vegetable sector..what could be the harm?"

Dr Sumguy said...

"Urban Renewal!"

Glenn said...

"I guess we really do taste like shit."

Anonymous said...

"It's OK. He's green. He's a movement."


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Looks like your corporate big boys are overreacting a bit to the OWS movement, wouldn't you say?"


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Don't worry. JohnnyB is back. He'll know what to do."

JohnnyB said...

I say Rocker is STILL on the 'roids. Whadda you think?

Anonymous said...

When will dinner be ready?

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I'm afraid this is about as green as The New Yorker is ever gonna' get."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Oh, he was fine for awhile at corporate headquarters in Le Sueur, Minnesota, but then he got the notion that the grass was greener here in Manhattan . . . not only the grass, apparently.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“And where are all the Super Heroes when you need ‘em??? Probably drunk in some bar.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be envy that kills the Beast.”


---Carl Denham

AW said...

This is what happens when you piss off urban vegetarians.

AW said...

"Boy, he's steamed."

LR said...

"He treats people like chervil or gerbils- either way, you're doing time in his poopenshaft."

Anonymous said...

"I bet it turns his tongue bright red."

Anonymous said...

Call Nipsey Russell and tell him I got him booked as this guy's Q-tip.

Tim H said...

"He's mad because he faces a 50-game suspension for taking steroids."

Anonymouse said...

"Apparently, he still has issues with his parents, the Jolly Blue Giant and the Jolly Yellow Giant."

Kathy H said...

"Don't you find it ironic that his right foot just obliterated the Jimmy Choo store?"

JohnnyB said...

I understand the Kool-Aid man is rampaging down in Harlem.

Satireguy said...

"It looks like the fundamentalist vegetarians have won."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, yeah, he's awesome in the paint, but I hear he dogs it on defense."


---left coast wayne

Glenn said...

"He didn't start the fires. They would have had to have been detonated from inside the buildings."

Dr Sumguy said...

"They say from outer space, he looks like Pac-Man, kicking and slingshotting around Manhatten Zip Codes!"

Satireguy said...

"Apparently the company decided to go with a red giant this year."

Grandma said...

"He's got no deeck!"

Also Grandma said...

"I see Gitmo in his future, as in gitmo' pussy than he knows what to do with. You rock, Green Giant!"

Tim H said...

"All I'm saying is that it takes a big man to carry an Anti-Caption Contest for two full weeks."

Satireguy said...

Ho! Ho! Ho! Green Apocalypse.

Austin said...

Yeah, maybe he can play in Florida, but this is the big time now and I just don't think he has the intangibles to be a starter at this level.

Anonymous said...

"My whole world view is going to be turned upside down if he doesn't turn out to be Muslim.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"He's got good taste in men."

Anonymous said...

“You know, you never forget your first time . . . and, I’m sorry, but he’s no Lou Ferrigno.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Growing up, my family was always partial to Birdseye Frozen Vegetables . . . so, you can see, this little tableau is of little meaning to me."


---left coast wayne

Damon said...

"`Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. It's hard to hear because the microphone keeps screaming for help."

Dr Sumguy said...

"Honey Look! He just vomited a rabbi! He's both bulimic and rabbinic!"

Kathy H said...

"At this point, I might start singing Greensleeves, but he ain't got none."

Steve_O said...

"They found Lil' Sprout with pea-brain all bashed in."

Steve_O said...

"Another tragedy caused by Michelle Obama's Healty Eating campaign."

Damon said...

"Don't worry - the tornadoes will get him."

Glenn said...

"He thinks that guy is a microphone. Good voice, don't you think?"

Anonymous said...

"When I need fertilizer, I go to the sperm bank."

Quinn the Eskimo said...

"Whatever happened to the Purple People Eater?"

Anonymous said...

“It won’t be airplanes . . . apparently it will be indigestion that kills the Beast.”

--Carl Denham, Jr.

JohnnyB said...

Nuclear accident in Brussels is what I heard.

Anonymous said...

"It's not exactly the bird's eye view you'd expect."

Anonymous said...

"Nipple slip."

Anonymous said...

"That reminds me—do you have any Jolly Ranchers?"

Anonymouse said...

"He's green?! Damn, I knew I was color-blind!"

Glenn said...

"Occupy Wall Street, you son of a bitch!"

Glenn said...

"This is just like when those sharks ate those Snickers eaters!"

Steve_O said...

"...and that's why we don't allow colored people."

Anonymous said...

Him: "According to Wikileaks, this is how pea soup is made."

Her: "Don't you mean Wikileeks?"

Anonymous said...

"He looks a little green under the collards."

Glenn said...

"Just one crossbeam falling into the shape of a cross, and the religious nuts will be quite happy about this."

Anonymous said...

"Oh, he's good all right. But if Simon were still around, he would trash him. Kind of pitchy."


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“You’ll have to admit---Kim Jong Un is filling the void rather dramatically.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“Sure, Newt et al . . . blame Obama for this one, too . . . well, they have a point, I guess . . . the big boy is eating only the 1%.”


---left coast wayne

We won't get fooled again said...

"There isn't a giant alive today who isn't ready for the old slingshot attack."

NAMBY said...

...Fly ball. Deep to left. GONE! Another one eaten alive by the Green Monster!

boneguy said...

Thank God we're architects.

Anonymous said...

"Angry? Of course, he's angry. alinla just posted the winners of Contest #314. You'd be angry, too . . . he wasn't referenced once."


---Green with Envy

smuck said...

"When you said your father was a vegetable, I pictured more drool and coma."

Glenn said...

"That settles it. I'm not voting for Bloomberg."

Broccolini Scallopini said...

"Surprisingly, our State Farm policy doesn't cover Acts of Vegetables."

Anonymous said...

"I get it; Jolly Old Saint Nip."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"It's about time the garbage got picked up around here."

Anonymous said...

"Well, on the bright side construction should pick up a bit when he's done."


---left coast wayne

Dr Sumguy said...

"Well, there goes the 4 Basic Food Groups!"

Dr Sumguy said...

"He's been like this, ever since Chick Pea left their pad ... ahh pod!"

Anonymous said...

"I always knew it was a food pyramid scheme."

Dr Sumguy said...

" He's the Hairy Bikers' replacement for Meals on Wheels!"

Anonymous said...

"The ass always looks greener on the underside of the tunic."

Jon

Anonymous said...

“Alas, my love, you do me wrong,
To cast me off discourteously.
For I have loved you well and long,
Delighting in your company.

Greenjeans was all my joy
Greenjeans was my delight,
Greenjeans was my heart of gold,
And who but my Mr. Greenjeans.”

---Henry VIII

Glenn said...

"You had that same look just before you had explosive diarrhea in the kitchen that day."

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas, mr. and mrs. al.

Jim Cavanaugh

Steve Boop said...

"That green mother-fucker is gonna die. He just picked up Chuck Norris."

Glenn said...

"His mother was the Evrolet woman."

Anonymous said...

"That poor guy shouldn't be all that concerned . . . soon he'll be riding a bicycle in heaven."


---left coast wayne

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