The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #308

Note: After looking at this stupid cartoon for far too long I finally got it: The two guys are in some kind of slacker paradise where you just sit around all day and eat doughnuts the size of car tires. You can't see it in the image but on the other side of the cave is a big screen TV [you have to admit they look like they're watching a game or something.]

In fact it might not be a cave. It's someone's den done in rustic tones. I'll bet there's a pool table, a kick ass sound system and cold beer on tap. And of course both these guy are stoned off their asses. That why there's eating doughnuts. They could call the movement Occupy Space. Just a random thought.
WINNERS

FIRST PLACE.
After hunting the O to extinction, Omagnonman would soon follow --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A narrative cap that somehow manages to be both stupid and deep. The very nourishment that sustained him brought about his demise. Keith Moon and countless others come to mind. This gives pause for reflection but even so, the letter O is alive and well so it makes no sense. It wins because it's half way decent and may possibly be a dig at Oprah's crappy magazine.)

SECOND PLACE

"I can't believe I ate that hole thing." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice little pun that recalls an old Alkaselter commercial. This also has a philosophical element and a hint of irony. Many a drunk has awakened to say the same thing. )

THIRD PLACE

"These awe wheelie wheelie dewicious." --One Milwion Yeaws B.C (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Empty calories if you ask me.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Some cream cheese would be nice." --Richard H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sometimes the most obvious observations are as dull as dish water. While this proves the point it is slightly funny if you hear it said in a female voice that has a Jewish inflexion. Try it you'll see.)
"I don't think Trog said, 'Let's eat.'. He said something about having invented the toiLET SEAT." --Bob Fossil (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And that was some feat. Bob entered this twice with each entry coming many hours a apart. This leads me to believe he is either battling demons we can't begin to understand or is a prolific stoner. Either way )
How does it feelHow does it feelThat I should have knownNot to marry JoanWhose beard has grownAnd feeds me rolling stones? --Utellme (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can almost hear Al Cooper's haunting organ riff right after that last word. And yes, the song resonates like a bell. Dylan actually rhymes "juiced in it" with "used to it." He is a genius is all I'm saying.)
"Is this the wheel life?Is this just fantasy?Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This song came on the radio today I smiled. Freddie was also a genius--but in a different way than Dylan.)

“They’ll stone you at the breakfast table, they’ll stone you when you’re young and able. But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned. (BURP)”---The Hibbing Harbinger (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The cavemen are not really getting stoned and if you do decide to get stoned at the breakfast table there's a good chance you'll just crawl back into bed and sleep til noon. I think I read that someplace. That's how I know.)
Early man quickly realized the dangers of eating the consonants of HOLLYWOOD signs, settling into a steady diet of O's, although it would be thousands of years before they would come to realize that Y had functioned as a vowel. --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So I guess intellectually they had a vowel movement. And by the way, genius, there is only one HOLLYWOOD sign and having seen it many times, I can tell you it inspires no awe.)Nice of Noah to leave this 40 day old bagels behind wasn't it Harry? (note to Al- like they always say third time's a charm..) --Blonde (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Remarkable the author of this mildly amusing cap post it thrice before declaring it up to snuff . There is in fact an eatery chain called Noah's Bagels and there's a tale about a ark skipper by the same name. So this gets props. Harry was once a co-judge of this contest but he left when something better came along. That will never happen to me.)

our meal, our existence, this contest -- all pointless. --tp (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Comrade, such talk is dangerous!)
"Your wife cooks circles around my wife.""That's because you're married to alinla. Where is he, by the way?""I dunno'. By the time he judges Contest #307, our marriage will be legal in 14 states." --Bob Fossil (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A long way to go to take a poke at me for being slow with the goods. But why do you fancy me someone's wife? I'm an accommodating guy but I think I 'd rather pitch than catch.)
When you're done there we really ought to go look for alinlabrea.-- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I am touched that my absence caused even a mild stir. As it happens, for most of the first five years that I lived here, I was only a block from the LaBrea Tar Pits. a smelly and overrated little park . But don't look for me there. I didn't even go when I was nearby.)