Monday, December 13, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #268



Note: You people had two weeks to explain why some women's ridiculously long arm is reaching into this bar to tickle a guy's face with her long nails. In that span of time Christmas came and went, show blanketed much of the country and NY Jet head coach Rex Ryan was exposed as a foot fetish freak. An exciting time filled with many distractions. We got a handful of worthy caps but I think we are all glad to see this one go. That is also the way I feel about this dismal year. 2010 was awful on many levels. I am glad to turn the page.

Since this is the last contest of the year let me say thanks to all of you who have contributed caps these past months--except the really awful ones. According to the stats provided by Google, this blog gets about 1,000 visits each week. I appreciate the attention and resent the obligation but this is like a puppy I have to clean up after take care of. Kind of keeps me on my toes. Happy News Years, anti-cappers. Lets all hope their are brighter days and better caps in the months ahead.

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE
"Hide your good alcohol - it's the Ghost of Christmas Pabst." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You warmed my heart with this one Demon. It's seasonally appropriate, bizarre and somewhat confusing. PBR is also a great value priced beer typically served in dive bars that also offer pickled eggs and Slim Jims. So this also reminded me of my youth.)

SECOND PLACE
"It's the first of the three that will visit Ol' Ebenezer tonight; the Ghost of Handjobs Past." -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Impressive and seasonal but wouldn't "Handjobs yet to come" have worked better? )

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Lifeguards in ice rinks and trucks in small kitchens
Pirates as tellers and traffic jam bitchins
Street corner creatures and bees without stings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
.
Large copper doorknobs and husbands on ceilings
People as puppets expressing their feelings
Brides on groom’s shoulders with tampons and strings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
.
Vanishing horses and ducks wearing glasses
Large hands accosting men sitting on their asses
Centaurs in doorways and Indian slings
Try to write captions for these fucking things --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: How can we NOT honor this? Sure, it seems unrelated to the cartoon and it trashes the 25-word limit. [That's why it's not a top winner]. Still, the author of this is well versed in anti-cap culture and rhymes "kitchens" with "bitchins." And maybe it does fit the cartoon. It could be the delusional rantings of JohnnyB a drunk drowning his sorrows in a bar because he enters the contest every week yet never wins. Happens all the time.)


"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she wafts into mine." -- NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I'm shocked, shocked to find that dumb word play is going on in here! Of all the terrible puns submitted, this was the best.)

"Steve, it looks like your night with shining arm whore has arrived." --H. Pye (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Roll your eyes if you like but this one's a keeper. There is certainly an aura surrounding the arm that makes it shine. Also, any nun will tell you long painted nails are a sure sign of a slut. So, with her long arm, she has been retained to rescue him from his despair--like a knight in shining armor. Get it?)

Look! Earl's gettin' hammered and nailed at the same time.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that if your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Similarly, if your only level of humor is shallow, unsophisticated and obvious, you tend to be an anti-capper.)


"I hear she's 'all field, no hit.'" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but baseball scouts would actually say "all glove, no stick." But your metaphorical point is well taken. Fifty-four days until pitchers and catchers.)

"Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint 'atmosphere'. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"-- Nick (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It warms my heart to see someone offer a verbatim quote from "It's A Wonderful Life." Makes me crave a flaming rum punch.)

Brian Cashman is visited by three spirits the morning after Cliff Lee signs with the Phillies. Gin, absinthe, and George Steinbrennier. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another baseball cap [get it? baseball cap?] So the Yankees failed to acquire one of the game's top pitchers. As a Mets fan I am crushed--not. I was hoping they would sign him and he would suck and/or get arrested. If any of that happens now, it will still be good, but not AS good.)

She wears the chain that she forged in life. She really wasn't that bad a person. --
JohnnyB . (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really? Then tell us Johnny: why does she have such a long arm? This too is seasonal and Johnny is like the Tiny Tim of this contest. God bless us, every pun!)

Christ, what a lost soul! --
JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Look hard and there is a seasonal angle here too.)

"Please thank Elastic Girl for returning my cock ring." --Grandpa (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And she is returning it to another guy? It's not clear. This is either kinky or illogical. And why is it that cock fights don't take place in cock rings?)

"Biggest Wet Willie. Ever." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Longest" would have worked better. And why the bold face type Kathy?)

"Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pull that finger!" -- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why not? Her butt is down the street so if she cuts the cheese who will care? Lets think these things through people! )

"Tell her she finished off the goddamn goldfish!"--Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is stupid but not completely illogical. It references those little cheddar cheese crackers shaped like fish. People in bars often reach for them. It's kind of a free-for-all.)

If only Buckner's arms were that long.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only Jim had a clue. Bill Buckner was undone by weak ankles and arrogance. He was hobbled but he stayed in the game because he wanted to be on the field for the last out. More troubling this suggests that his disastrous error in the '86 Series was somehow unfortunate. To me this awful cap is like some moron wistfully saying "If only Bush had another eight years in office." Yeah, if only.)

Major Nelson knew he crossed the line when he finally slept with Jeannie. Now he couldn't go anywhere, anywhere to be free from her. --Sidney S (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a bit of a reach. [Wait for laughter.] Still, Jeannie was kind of a scatter-brained so if Tony asked for "a little head" she might have turned him in to a pygmy.)

"Buddy, I sure hope you've got protection."--Jared S.
SEVEN MINUTES LATER
:I want to revise my previous entry to:"There's protection in the bathroom."--Jared S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure Jared, and I want Morgan Fairchild to make me a sandwich and rub lotion on my back..You realize these are unrealistic expectations and that both these caps suck--right?)


"Hey guys, Dr. Reed Richard's daughter, Renee, is here to clean the flies off glill with her post-op, stretchy, tranny arm. Cool!" --Stan Ree (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Wow this is awful. Still it is a reference to a tennis player who sacrificed his balls for the love of the game.)

The whiskey sours here are obscene.--Barfly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rif on "the hours here obscene." Fine. But the trick is to somehow tie it to the cartoon.)

From the sound of it, I think I know the perfect Christmas gift for your brother. It's a book called "Rapture Ready." There's a case of them on the remainder table at Borders next door. Rose Radish (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Daniel is listed in the credits for Jon Stewart's new book "Earth: A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race" We bought it as a Christmas gift for two people on our list. Anti-Cappers will love this book--and I mean that as a compliment.)

“You can talk about the genius of Dylan all you want . . . but I’ll bet he’s never composed a lyric about something like that.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes he has. Includes the line "She can take the dark out of the nighttime...And paint the daytime black." Look it up.)

Chill, it's just a metaforearm. --Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Creative and surprising good for someone who has struggled lately. But a metaphor for what Kon-man? This is half-baked.)

"I guess I just wanna stem the worrisome decline in the nation’s Anti-Cap judging. Or something." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And you plan to do this while polishing a bar stool with your fat lazy butt? I like your style.)

This begs a clever quip, but there are few words less pun-worthy than arm. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There within lies the challenge. Other people figured it out. Don't curse the darkness, light a match.)

Penalty, defense number 53, illusional hands to the face, 10 yards, first down. Time out New York.--Punchline Judge
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I like the football theme but something related to the new blow-to-the-head rule may have worked better. Also the only NFL team that actually plays in New York is the Buffalo Bills.)

"*$!*#! Facebook. This 'poke' someone thing is out of control!" -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So...You are unwilling to publish a "dirty word'...here?)

The disembodied hand of alinla chooses another anti-cap winner. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if! This assumes facts not in evidence. )

“Yep, it’s the long arm of the New Yorker . . . looks like we have a new lifeguard for next week’s contest.”---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We don't do rescue here. We do recovery. By the time you hit "publish," it's too late for me to haul your ass out of the drink. Know that before you go in.)
"Everytime Al mails it in, an angel gets it's wings.Attaboy, Al" --JJJJimmy S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Done and done! )

182 comments:

Utellme said...

"Ya' see, Hal. I told you Stretch Armstrong's now a hooker."

Utellme said...

"It's the long arm of his ma."

Anonymous said...

"Few too many, you crazy bastard! How the heck am I?"

Rob

Glenn said...

"Bastard. Most guys only get touched by 4-fingered hands in comics."

Glenn said...

"He's been touched by Her noodly appendage."

JohnnyB said...

She wears the chain that she forged in life. She really wasn't that bad a person.

Glenn said...

"Do you smell fish?"

Richard H said...

"He's haunted by the fasciae of his victims."

Grandpa said...

"Please thank Elastic Girl for returning my cock ring."

Tim H said...

"I forget. What time is in when the big hand is on the barfly?"

Kathy H said...

"Biggest Wet Willie. Ever."

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, number A's the one who stole my drink."

Rich

Marlin P. said...

You didn't tell me Charlie was the new Handaconda Judas goat.

Satireguy said...

"Holy Christ! I can't believe what I'm seeing. Joe's wearing a tie."

JohnnyB said...

It's a little known fact that ghost arms can extend down the block but can't pass through walls; they hafta come in the door.

Anonymous said...

Tell my wife I cant' come home 'cause someone's got me in an arm bar.

Jim Cavanaugh

N. Hawk said...

"Leave it to Disney to fuck up our little Edward Hopper moment"

Anonymous said...

If only Buckner's arms were that long.

Jim Cavanaugh

JohnnyB said...

Christ, what a lost soul!

Damon said...

"Hey, Johnny - does she do drains?"

Arnold H. said...

"That arm's got a aura! It's got a aura!"

Foster said...

"See, I told you there's an arms race."

Tim H said...

"Whoa! And I was gonna order two fingers on the rocks."

Kathy H said...

"I knew it! I knew that Frank Cotham was a rummy!"

Anonymous said...

"Take your fucking dragon back to China where it came from!"

Jan

Anonymous said...

"Buddy, I sure hope you've got protection."

--Jared S.

Anonymous said...

I want to revise my previous entry to:

"There's protection in the bathroom."

--Jared S.

boneguy said...

I was about to ask, "What the hell ever happened to Patch Adams?

Kathy H said...

"I understand it took 12 manicurists 8 hours to do her nails."

 Konrad said...

I'm not sure why Daniel sent the giant, squiggly-armed woman to pick the new judge but I'm glad to see that illiterate idiot, alinla, finally get the boot.

Utellme said...

"Rea-eech out, reach out and touch some-whu-uh-un!"

Anonymous said...

"It's the first of the three that will visit Ol' Ebenezer tonight; the Ghost of Handjobs Past." -cta

Anonymous said...

"See! that's why I insist on the buddy system. It keeps us out of arm's way!' -cta

Anonymouse said...

"The moving finger writes, and, having writ, moves on."

Anonymouse said...

"Look, I'm just trying to drink to forget. To forget that alinla apparently has never heard of Africanized honey bees -- killer bees, to you and me. Or, that he somehow mixed up the brilliant link by Eric G. to the 'Send a Wire' bit from Blazing Saddles with Anonymouse's New York Times link to a story about beekeepers.

"I guess I just wanna stem the worrisome decline in the nation’s Anti-Cap judging. Or something."

Stan Ree said...

"Hey guys, Dr. Reed Richard's daughter, Renee, is here to clean the flies off glill with her post-op, stretchy, tranny arm. Cool!"

Priorities man said...

"Neat, an arm! Has anybody seen the damn bartender?"

Sam Antic said...

"I think it's going to be more like a hand-career."

Colon Powell said...

"That reminds me...I'm overdue for a prostate exam."

Anonymous said...

"Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pull that finger!"

Anonymous said...

"I told ya—my wife's the biggest pub crawler around."

Rich

Anonymous said...

"Don't tell me. The Ron Howard version of War Of The Worlds?"

Rob

Anonymous said...

"I did hear that Eve and the serpent had gotten together."

Anonymous said...

"It's the long arm of the law, Jake."

Bev

Anonymous said...

"Tell her she finished off the goddamn goldfish!"

Walt

Nick said...

"Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint 'atmosphere'. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"

Sidney S said...

Major Nelson knew he crossed the line when he finally slept with Jeannie. Now he couldn't go anywhere, anywhere to be free from her.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry. She just stopped by to grab a beer.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Look! Earl's gettin' hammered and nailed at the same time.

Rocko

Satireguy said...

"I told you we shouldn't be drinking that crazy homebrew."

Satireguy said...

"Hey, Johnson! What's the matter? Can't you pick your own nose?"

Anonymous said...

"You gonna just sit there with your dick between your legs?"

Dan32

 Konrad said...

Yeah, I read about her in a new-wave magazine. That girl is pretty kinky; the girl's a super freak.

Sir Umen said...

"Ever hear of Q-Tips, Asshole?"

boneguy said...

Now as far as her pudenda goes, she definitely gives the giant Chevrolet girl a run for her money.

Gary P said...

"Now normally, I'd think that was weirder than shit, but after 13... 16 beers, it looks pretty normal.

C'mon, I'm ready to drive home."

Tim H said...

"Apparently, he has some schmutz on his face."

Anonymous said...

"Say what you will, but if there's an arms race, I want her on my side."

(nod to Foster)
---blw

Anonymous said...

“Of course he’s sitting in a bar looking depressed . . . do you have any idea what it takes to keep something like that in bling???”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“She’s not real happy about his bar tab . . . it’s cost her an arm . . . and, eventually, a leg, I would guess.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

"Wow, look at that. It gives whole new meaning to the term 'being given the finger'."


---blw

Gary P said...

"Uh, oh. That's Haidre. They're still trying to find all the parts of the last guy she took home. But what a way to die, man.

Anonymous said...

“You can talk about the genius of Dylan all you want . . . but I’ll bet he’s never composed a lyric about something like that.”

---blw

Kathy H said...

"Next time, just say 'Give it up for...' instead of 'Let's have a big hand for....' "

Anonymous said...

"Anna's about to put the ole squeeze on Burt."

Caitlin

Satireguy said...

When Lola did the hokey pokey, she often scared the bejesus out of the bar patrons.

nighthawks said...

"Edward Hopper? I thought it was a Tom Waits album cover."

Anonymous said...

Hopper '42
Waits '75

Cliffy said...

abNORM!!!

John Dumberer said...

so then he tells her her smile is Disarming...

Art Confederation said...

I know he is Constitutionally allowed to bear arms, but don't think he might be Overcompensating a bit

Thirsty Howell said...

He's on his fourth fucking smoke break, that weak-tit of a bartender Better be blowing more than smoke rings

DR Sumguy said...

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than an upper extremity."

Austin in PA said...

Ever since the Abyss aliens discovered alcohol, they've really gone downhill.

Austin in PA said...

Brian Cashman is visited by three spirits the morning after Cliff Lee signs with the Phillies. Gin, absinthe, and George Steinbrenner.

High Ball Brow said...

"Begone, Burt, we agreed domestic disputes will never disrupt our little hamlet."

Anonymouse said...

"Hopper? I hardly knew 'er."

Tim H said...

The New Normal

Kathy H said...

"I swear, I had a premonition that this was gonna happen to Radosh."

Satireguy said...

"I just never pictured Arm-ageddon beginning this way."

Tim H said...

"That's it. No more Zima® for me."

irksperhurts said...

"She singlehandedly dug a carpal tunnel."

Richard H said...

"I told you joining FourSquare would come back to haunt you"

Richard H said...

"You need to update your privacy settings."

Richard H said...

"OK. No more drunk tweeting about your late wife."

Anonymous said...

He's the town drunk; always looking for a hand-out.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

This begs a clever quip, but there are few words less pun-worthy than arm.

Zippity Duda said...

"Kes, look at the bright side. A memorial plaque will be installed where you sat."

Anonymous said...

The whiskey sours here are obscene.

Barfly

gene 'carpal' tunney said...

spend that much time in a bar, you're
sure to come in contact with some "at wrist" behavior

Anonymous said...

Ale House Saloon; Nail Salon; it's a common mistake.

Jim Cavanaugh

NAMBY said...

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she wafts into mine."

Al Kahallik said...

Bill, listen, I never thought I'd say this. I admit I'm powerless over alcohol, and that my life has become unmanageable.

 Konrad said...

Sure it cures a sour stomach, why else would he be gettin' the arm and hammered?

 Konrad said...

Quit starin' an' mind yer own beeswax.

 Konrad said...

Fuck him and the whore he rode in on!

Anonymous said...

"Hey there, handsome!.........not you, Mort."


Carstairs

Jess said...

DRUNK NO. 1: "We don't get many metaphors in here."

DRUNK NO. 2: "At these prices, I'm not surprised."

Austin in PA said...

Still not pretty. Another round?

Austin in PA said...

Worst. Gay bar. Ever.

Gary P said...

"His name's Elmo. I know for a fact he's not ticklish."

Anonymous said...

1st Man at Bar: "They don't allow sidearms in here."

2nd Man at Bar: "I have the right to bar arms."

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymouse said...

"Thank God Congress is finally taking up arms control."

LV said...

"I think Abe Vigoda's time is finally up."

Slack-a-gogo said...

I guess a simple "I'M WITH STUPID" t-shirt wasn't enough.

Gary P said...

"I don't think the acid we took was any good. I'm not getting off at all. Does Charlene's arm look weird to you?"

Appt in Samarra said...

"Drink up, Bill, the Glam Reaper found you."

Steve_O said...

"Man, I gotta lay off the absinthe!"

Steve_O said...

"Man, I gotta lay off the absinthe!"

Anonymous said...

That alARMistinla. He's startin' to fret over the lack of decent caps.

imalegmanmyself

boneguy said...

Best AA meeting ever.

Anonymous said...

"Imagine life without Mary Palm and her five daughters."

Zack

Satireguy said...

Much to his barmates' surprise, Wilson turns down the world's biggest handjob.

Anonymous said...

Give the hostess a big tip. Don't sleight the hand that meades you.

Jim Cavanaugh

Walt said...

His giant ghost girlfriend has ten fingers, but he can only masturbate.

Anonymous said...

"She sure as shit ain't here to play the piano."

Dan32

Glenn said...

"Hey! How come Santa granted his Christmas wish?!"

Anonymouse said...

"I understand her father is the Sargeant-at-Arms of the Senate."

Damon said...

"Hide your good alcohol - it's the Ghost of Christmas Pabst."

Damon said...

Leon: "Around here, if you're not wearing a hat, you get a gigantic finger up your ass."

Barfly: "Why does a ghost care about hats?"

Leon: "Ghost?"

Damon said...

"A reach-around from beyond the grave. It's the nursing home all over again."

Eric G said...

"This smite hurt a bit."

Eric G said...

Those bitches from the WCTU will go to great lengths to prohibit you from drinking.

Anonymous said...

"This could get hysterecal."


Rich

Steve_O said...

"I think I recognize her. She was in a fisting video you simply would not believe."

Steve_O said...

"It looks like Elastic Girl has developed super nagging powers."

Brache Wynd said...

this is my new Beau, Elle!

Farrah Faucet said...

Water you looking at,Pfister?

Fryingpan Smeltsin said...

In Soviet Union, informant is fingered.

David D. said...

"Oh that? That's nothing. Other day, I saw an arm TIWCE as long at least."

-----

"Man, I gotta quit doing LSD."

-----

"Man, I gotta quit drinking furniture polish."

-----

"Seriously, is there EVER going to be a black person in a New Yorker cartoon?"

-----

"Why is there never a lifeguard around when you need one?"

Steve_O said...

"No wonder Fred drinks so much. His wife is a fucking freak!"

Anonymous said...

"Who says size doesn't matter? Not the New Yorker. Coffee cups, pencils, doorknobs, arms. What will they think of next? Fucking 'yawn!'

Gary P said...

"See that? Nail fungus."

mike ropenis said...

if her arm is that big, he must be like a hotdog in a hallway!she's gotta be VIGIORMOUS!

Tappy Hedren said...

"I said 'beer' tap not 'ear' tap."

Punchline Judge said...

Penalty, defense number 53, illusional hands to the face, 10 yards, first down. Time out New York.

Bones McCoy said...

Without any semblance of skeletal rigidity, I find nothing humerus here.

Richard H said...

"Great to see you back, Bernie. The old haunt's really missed you."

Anonymous said...

"Don't tell me I have a whole 'nother fucking week to think of something stupid to say."

Jan

Anonymous said...

Anonymouse said...

"I hear she's 'all field, no hit.'"

Anonymous said...

Anonymouse said... "You know how they say 'If You See Something, Say Something'? Well, I'm saying something."

H Fenton Mudd said...

Star Trek XXV: The Gorn employs the intergalactic Phantom Reach to fuck up Kirk's refreshingly ice-cold Bud Light

Austin in PA said...

The disembodied hand of alinla chooses another anti-cap winner.

Anonymous said...

"The bracelet goes well with the neckless."

Dan32

Anonymouse said...

"Holy Christ! Another week in this hellhole!? Where's my shop steward?"

Anonymous said...

"Ho Ho Ho."

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Why does it say BAR on the outside and RAB on the inside?"

Brian

Anonymous said...

"Relax, you noob. It's just the 5:15" -cta

Anonymous said...

"Did that just scare the shit out of you? I can't help noticing your bar stool." -cta

Anonymous said...

"She's looking for a good man..icure. I don't know why she came here, though. Didn't she see the file on this place?" -cta

Anonymous said...

"It's one of them extraterrestrials looking for an extra testicle."

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"Shit, another week of Ms. Gloopy Arm."

Anonymous said...

“Yep, it’s the long arm of the New Yorker . . . looks like we have a new lifeguard for next week’s contest.”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

Lifeguards in ice rinks and trucks in small kitchens
Pirates as tellers and traffic jam bitchins
Street corner creatures and bees without stings
Try to write captions for these fucking things

Large copper doorknobs and husbands on ceilings
People as puppets expressing their feelings
Brides on groom’s shoulders with tampons and strings
Try to write captions for these fucking things

Vanishing horses and ducks wearing glasses
Large hands accosting men sitting on their asses
Centaurs in doorways and Indian slings
Try to write captions for these fucking things

Anonymous said...

Refrain:

When al's barbs bite
When his words sting
And my caps are sad
I simply remember the times I have won
And then I don't feel so bad

Jim Cavanaugh

One minute Manger said...

No Al, No Al
got no winners,No Al
Hanging with Trannies
A-bys-ma-el
(may be smokin' a turd in purgatory for that one!)

Jess said...

Oh, anti-cap, it's usually crap
Lame in everyway
It's no fun, to see a pun
that reeks like fish decay, Hey!

Gary P said...

"Watch, watch! She's going to pop his head open."

JJJJimmy S. said...

"Everytime Al mails it in, an angel gets it's wings.
Attaboy, Al"

Sarg said...

"Army wife."

Gary P said...

(radio announcement)"...she should be considered armed and dangerous."

Anonymous said...

"You and what arm...........y?"

PB

 Konrad said...

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you're high.

 Konrad said...

I'm all for arm, but not for finger, at least not in ear, mate.

 Konrad said...

She comes in every fuckin' night; gives some guy a wet willie and if he likes it, takes him home and wets his willie.

H. Pye said...

"Steve, it looks like your night with shining arm whore has arrived."

Glenn said...

"I am truly amazed at the things the big guy can do with his dick."

Rex said...

"He must have that new ear wax removal app on his iPhone."

Tiny Tim H said...

"God bless us, Evrolet."

Rose Radish said...

From the sound of it, I think I know the perfect Christmas gift for your brother. It's a book called "Rapture Ready." There's a case of them on the remainder table at Borders next door.

NAMBY said...

"It's been almost two weeks. I'm going to take a piss. Call me if she pokes him in the ass."

 Konrad said...

Yo no creía que el largo brazo de la lay podría llegar a él aquí.

Utellme said...

"She thinks she can get Bukowski to stop drinking."
"She's reaching."

 Konrad said...

Chill, it's just a metaforearm.

Anonymous said...

"Annie likes to keep her men at arm's length."

DW

Glenn said...

"So, like, what if Elastic Man married the 50 Foot Woman, and then they had a baby, and then and it grew up to... pester old loser men in fucking bars!"

Anonymous said...

"*$!*#! Facebook. This 'poke' someone thing is out of control!" -cta

Eric G said...

Welcome to the Arm n' Hammered Bar.

Anonymous said...

He's having second thoughts about the arms reduction treaty.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Slide over and give her some elbow room, asshole.

Rocko

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