Monday, August 30, 2010

The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #253


























WINNER (TIE)
No one can talk to a virtual horse, of course
.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Unless of course that virtual horse has voice recognition software. This is obscure yet funny, somewhat profound yet completely pointless. Reminds us old-timers of a day not long ago when "virtual" actually meant something.)

"You're fading fast in the gallop poll."--dwilk (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like Rocko, dwilk is a perennial powerhouse in this contest and this is a classic example of why. A cringe worthy pun that is too awful to be dismissed and too dumb to be merit serious consideration. )

SECOND PLACE
"No wonder. You got that from the Saddle Lady of the Lowlands." --Dylan (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another terrible pun but this is, I believe, our first Dylan-inspired cap.I'm the kind of fan who not only knows (almost) all of the words to Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands, I also know Bobby stayed up for days in the Chelsea Hotel writing this long winded song for his ex-wife Sara.)
.Lowlands
HONORABLE MENTIONS
What happened to your horse?- Sheila K. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Ths was the first cap posted in a week that saw a [one week] record 117 entries. It is not even remotely funny but it was first. Good enough for me.)


Cartoon "motion" lines and clouds are needed to indicate how fast your horse bolted out from under you. Damn that lazy-ass Wilson!- Optimus Sub-Prime (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So begins one of several caps poking fun at the legendary, if jaded, artist Gaham Wilson who rendered this half-baked image. Maybe drawings that are incomplete reflect his disdain for these do-it-yourself cartoons. Or maybe he just gets paid the same whether he draws one horse or two.)

Quit yer bitchin'. Gahan Wilson doesn't give them captioners much to work with, either. --Eric G (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You tell 'em Eric! Capping a lame cartoon is not unlike riding an invisible horse--or a lame horse for that matter.)

"Just wait. One day Wilson will hand in a blank sheet of paper and claim its a group of invisible people."--Anonymous. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Or a polar bear eating vanilla ice cream at a Tea Party rally.)

"You'd better find it soon. We've got at least ten more New Yorker cartoons to do this year." Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A statement on how these things tend to have a recurring theme--I'm guessing.)

I warned you not to ride by the Rawlings plant, Amigo.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This suggested that the horse was skinned, gutted and converted into baseball gloves without its rider's knowledge. I believe they actually use cowhide, but this does have the twin engines of irony and humor.)

"Look. Ruby and me ain't puttin' up with your shenanigans again. We're goin' to that Equus audition, with or without you. Capische?" --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Mrs. al in la put in a plug for this one. When she explains it to me I'll let you know why.)

No, Mr. Bond, you can switch off stealth mode; I said, "There's Pussy Galore!" not "There's a posse at da door!" Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Wow! This is beyond awful. May be the worst Mr. Bond cap EVER! I hope you are happy Konnie.)

"OK, you've got an invisible horse but how did you make your reins and stirrups disappear, too?" Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You know, that's a pretty good question. I guess it's the willing suspension of disbelieve. [Get it? Suspension?] )

"Now that she's gone, I always thought that your horse was a total bitch. Too soon?" Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's just something you say when a couple is splitsville. You could even say "That bitch was a total horse." The English language is very versatile is all I'm trying to say.)

"Wow, you're hung like a horse." --Grandma (JUDGE'S COMMENT: See? The horse has no body and hense no dick, so this is not a compliment. At least that's how my wife explained it to me.)

"Shoot! Now we'll never make al in la's famous post-Emmy Awards® Soirée!" Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This assumes that if there was such an event you'd make it past security. )

"The horses here are unseen."-- Dex (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I knew someone would go there.)


"Are you going to a French cocktail party...because it looks like you could use a Horse Do'Over." (get it everybody "hors d'oeuvres" -- "Horse do over"...stick a frilly toothpick in me, I'm here all week!!) --Jeff_T (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Jeff! This s a rare instance when the explanation is welcome and necessary.)

"Still happy about picking a horse named 'Tebow'?" --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Got it. Bible thumping Broncos QB. So?)

Faux-philly, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you doing that?--Jim Cavanaugh [A FEW MINUTES LATER] FILLY not PHILLY.--JC (JUDGE'S COMMENT: After offering up a great take on a classic, JC came back to correct his misspelling. I am deeply moved.)

I told you all that horse trader had to offer was vapormare. boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And we end this contest where we began: A terrible yet somewhat thoughtful pun. This contest is one perpetual circle jerk of wisdom and irony. Or something.)

117 comments:

Anonymous said...

What happened to your horse?

- Sheila K.

Abhishek Duggal said...

This is what happens when you watch Inception!

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, the saddle costs more than the horse."

dwilk

JohnnyB said...

See? You went all the way through the desert without naming him Now he's run off and you can't call for him.

JohnnyB said...

¿Dónde está su caballo?

Anonymous said...

Cartoon "motion" lines and clouds are needed to indicate how fast your horse bolted out from under you. Damn that lazy-ass Wilson!

- Optimus Sub-Prime

Satireguy said...

"They say you're the one with the horse with no name."

Anonymous said...

Tim H said,,,

[Horse thinking...] " ¡Estos vaqueros locos!"

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"Look. Ruby and me ain't puttin' up with your shenanigans again. We're goin' to that Equus audition, with or without you. Capische?"

Gary P said...

"Why the long face?"

Satireguy said...

"OK, you've got an invisible horse but how did you make
your reins and stirrups disappear, too?"

Richard H said...

"When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and forget that it was me who stole your horse."

Richard H said...

"The important thing is you're back in the saddle. Now let's find your horse."

Anonymous said...

"Now that she's gone, I always thought that your horse was a total bitch. Too soon?"

Gary P said...

"So they hanged you with an in visible rope an' whacked the horse an' the horse ran off and... Why am ah talkin' to a dead man?"

Damon said...

"Next time, ask `em to show you the HorseFax."

Gary P said...

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Shit. Okay, then just fuck you."

JohnnyB said...

"Well, we know it wasn't a black guy that stole your horse; this is a New Yorker cartoon."

Anonymous said...

Tim said...

"Well, I reckon we can visit that one-horse town now."

mort drucker said...

Ah, Sancho, my boon companion! Surely this art a sign of from God and not more allegorical delusion or spreading syphillis.

mort drucker said...

It may be the lawless west but the second law of thermodynamics still applies!

mort drucker said...

Even with a horse and good lighting you still creep people out.

mort drucker said...

That's some cloak of invisibility you got there, Fred. Must impress the ladies real good to see you ride into town like that.

mort drucker said...

On second thought, I'd give this peyote
a 7.5 on the Don Juan scale.

Anonymous said...

Did the Mets take the collar again?

Rocko

Grandma said...

"Wow, you're hung like a horse."

Harry said...

"I have no idea where we are."

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"Dang it! And I thought one-horse-power was slow..."

boneguy said...

Whaddu mean we don't need no stinkin'vages? Speak for yourself cabrón.

Anonymous said...

"Looks like we're shyyyyy one horse."

Rob

Anonymous said...

Anonymouse said...

"Shoot! Now we'll never make al in la's famous post-Emmy Awards® Soirée!"

Anonymous said...

"First time, pilgrim?"

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"The horses here are unseen."

-- Dex

Anonymous said...

“I’m not kidding, Paco, it’s much more than just an image thing. You really need one to do this job.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“So, are you ‘A Man Called Horse’ or are you not ‘A Man Called Horse’??? . . . I’m confused.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“You’re right . . . she ain’t much to look at, but you love her and that’s what counts.”

---blw

Anonymous said...

“I’d be careful if I were you . . . ‘bout two weeks ago, a feller’ with angel wings, a halo, a white robe and not much else came lookin’ to rustle a horse that looked just like yours.”


---blw

Anonymous said...

“So you went and bought a horse from Oakland . . . I told you, Amigo, there is no there there.”

---blw

David D. said...

"You think that's bad? Just the other day, I saw a guy with no HEAD."

John Wang said...

Now me personally, I perfer the appoloosa, But your wife is gonna love that new-fangled Sybian. Nice boner by the way!

Eric G said...

I'm not impressed. Wonder Woman has an invisible jet. And a nicer ass, too. But, it does get lonely out here, so I suppose you'll do.

Eric G said...

I guess you bleached it real good with your voluminous ejaculate in that giant cup of coffee a few weeks back. It's good to see your penis is back to normal, at least.

clevon_L said...

"Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whompin' and a-whumpin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course."
"You spare the women?"
"Naw, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six Dance later on."

Blu_Tarsky said...

"Holy shit!"
"There were blanks in that gun!
"Holy shit!"
"Maybe he had a heart attack."
"Holy shit!"

holden_c said...

"Let's stop here. I gotta call a man about a horse, if you know what I'm saying"

NAMBY said...

"Claude Reins?"

Anonymous said...

"Your mom should have put in another quarter."

Anonymous said...

I'm beat. How are you holding up?

Jim Cavanaugh

Most people call me ...jim said...

Cattle-lack I've heard of.....But Horse-I-lack is just fucking stupid, Clem

Joshua said...

"We've got to finagle you a new horse."

J. Arness said...

"Festus, after all that rubbing alcohol and squaw puss last night at Bury My Hog At Wounded Knee, I'm guessing that's where you'll find your horse."

Anonymous said...

"You gonna just sit there on your fucking saddle while I ride off into the sunset?"

Rob

Anonymous said...

"Not only your horse is gone, so is The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #252!"

Eric G said...

Quit yer bitchin'. Gahan Wilson doesn't give them captioners much to work with, either.

Eric G said...

We are the cowboys who say, "Ni!"

F. Jones said...

"Hey, don't worry. Ford's offering 1.9% on a new Mustang."

Gary P said...

"I really didn't want to saddle you with this problem, Pancho."

JohnnyB said...

I'm tired of this one-horse town.

JohnnyB said...

You are one amazing motherf***er, Mr. Blaine.

Anonymous said...

Tim H said...

"Well, it might cost ya a few extra sawbucks, but you oughta look into getting one of them there Lipizzaner stallions. They're real pretty, and they won't disappear on ya all the time."

Anonymous said...

C'mon, Poncho. We've got to get to Frye's before they close. What's holding you up?

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

Is that some kind of new-finagled ride?

Anonymous said...

Faux-philly, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you doing that?

Jim Cavanaugh

boneguy said...

I told you all that horse trader had to offer was vapormare.

Anonymous said...

FILLY not PHILLY.

JC

Anonymous said...

No one can talk to a virtual horse, of course.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"Did you check under the saddle?"

Rob

Anonymous said...

I warned you not to ride by the Rawlings plant, Amigo.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

Giddy down.

Rocko

Anonymous said...

"What's next—you gonna pull a fuckin' rabbit out of your hat?"

dwilk

Anonymous said...

"Last guy I rode out with was all hat and no cattle. This is weird."

--Dex

David D. said...

"I told you: I'll buy an electric flying saddle when they make one that you can have sex with. Until then, I'm sticking with Bessie."

 Konrad said...

Yer anti-grav saddle seems ta work purty slick, Slim, but you best be sure, 'cause them Bonney boys ain't goin' fer no Hopi Changey chit.

 Konrad said...

Yeah, yo're keepin' up ok, but at this pace, we'll be outta beans by Brisbee... And did I mention the gawdawfulfuckin' SMELL?

 Konrad said...

No, Mr. Bond, you can switch off stealth mode; I said, "There's Pussy Galore!" not "There's a posse at da door!"

 Konrad said...

Stop your dad blammed bitchin'! Least you ain't gotta ride that boney fucker from aways back.

NAMBY said...

"Tastes great. Less Philly."

Anonymous said...

Though you're still in mid-air, I think it's safe to assume that the lightning-quick horse thief was a Negro.

- Shelby Steal

Isaiah Mustafa said...

"Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse."

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"You've heard of horse latitudes? Well, looks like you've got a case of horse altitudes."

Anonymous said...

Tim H said...

"It's funny how your horse skidaddled when I mentioned Brokeback Mountain."

Anonymous said...

"See, that's the problem with the Pinto . . . Ford don't make 'em anymore."


--left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

“Well, you know what they say, Pedro . . . out of sight, out of your mind . . .”


---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"I guess the song was right, Paco . . . 'The Ol' Gray Mare She Ain't What She Usta' Be' . . . and you ain't no picnic to look at either. . ."

---left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"Still happy about picking a horse named 'Tebow'?"

D. Scholl said...

"Sorry, I just prefer sandals."

G. Trudeau said...

"Hey, that's George HW Bush's old horse!"

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"Look. When we get to the border we've got to camouflage these...Whoa! You're way ahead of me!"

Anonymous said...

“Unlike the stereotypical image of the untamed and lawless West, mi amigo, you really don’t see all that many ‘hold-ups’ around these parts.”

--left coast wayne

Anonymous said...

"Just wait. One day Wilson will hand in a blank sheet of paper and claim its a group of invisible people."

Dylan said...

"No wonder. You got that from the Saddle Lady of the Lowlands."

Steve_O said...

"So who is this 'Ghost Horse Whisperer' that we're going to see? And does she have a rack like Jennifer Love Hewitt?"

Austin in PA said...

Did you hear about the plane crash that killed the President of Poland? Investigators recovered the black box and they're calling it pilot error. Apparently, right before the crash, he stopped pedalling. CNN is calling it the worst aviation disaster since "Iron Eagle: 3."

Austin in PA said...

If you stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, you could be on a horse, too.

Wilbur said...

"So Mr. Ed fucked George and Marion Kerby's dog, Neil, who was actually female? Whatever!"

Grant said...

"This ain't my first time at the invisible rodeo, partner."

Anonymous said...

Tim H said...

"Did you know that 1 in 7 home kitchens would flunk inspection? I know. I'm jus' trying to take your mind off your horse."

Anonymous said...

Kathy H said...

"Who do you think you are? Richard III?"

Jeff_T said...

"Are you going to a French cocktail party...because it looks like you could use a Horse Do'Over." (get it everybody "hors d'oeuvres" -- "Horse do over"...stick a frilly toothpick in me, I'm here all week!!)

otto racecar otto said...

Horse blanket sure
Blank Horse shit no way

c.w.t.b.c said...

This invisible hose idea has got more legs than that talking horse on 'green Acres' and you sure don't look like Col. Potter

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, pal, but Wilson puts the cartoon before the horse."

Rob

Larry said...

"What did the Itty-Bitty-Horsey Committee say about it?"

Steve_O said...

"Your tantric yoga class is really starting to pay off, Clem."

Steve_O said...

"When are you going to spring for a horse, you cheap fuck?"

Damon said...

"You'd better find it soon. We've got at least ten more New Yorker cartoons to do this year."

Rick said...

"Eight Belles is looking a lot better than the last time I saw her."

 Konrad said...

I hate a show-off, especially a motherfucking mutant show-off.

Anonymous said...

You named him Clawed Reins?

Anonymous said...

"You're fading fast in the gallop poll."

dwilk

Gary P said...

"You do know 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse' is only an expression. But then, so is 'What's holding you up?'"

Spoonerism said...

"Do not try and find the horse. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth...There is no horse."

Anonymous said...

First a flock of geese and now this. God is telling us something, amigo.

Jim Cavanaugh

Anonymous said...

"I'm so hungry I could eat a......shit!"

dwilk

NAMBY said...

"It's the invisible horse of the free market."

LR said...

"Oh, I'm sorry, the correct answer is 'Miss Kitty', not 'Miss Pussy'- tho' I miss it no matter whatcha call it. So, ya lose everything, and, thanks for ridin' the Cash Cab."

 Konrad said...

Really, the worst? I'm so proud.

It is an honor to be one of the mentioned again.

Thanks...?

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al in la

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Los Angeles, California, United States
BORN: Brooklyn RAISED: Staten Island WHERE AT NOW: Los Angeles, California WHY: We will one day know.