WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"...and
yet, nothing seems to fit me."--Tim
H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Clearly this is a tribute to the classic B.
J. Thomas hit “Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head.” The lyrics
include these lines: “Just like the guy whose feet are too big for
his bed. Nothing seems to fit. Oh, raindrops keep fallin'...” It's
not just Dylan stuff that I know, you realize.)
SECOND
PLACE
I'm
shedding scales.--Toren (age 5) (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There is no
way to varify this entrant's age, but I find it hard to believe
anyone would try and lie their way into the winner's circle. This
contest was once won by a 4 year-old, so Toren is not our youngest
winner. I'm also not sure why this is supposed to be funny or ironic
or anything but it's important that we attract a new generation of
Anti-Cappers so...)
THIRD
PLACE
"Worm
is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."--Dex
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of a little bit funny. Crack does make people
bone thin, but there are also some negatives repurcussions as well. )
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Fusilli,
you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"--nonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Sure whatever. Keep the classics alive at any cost. Being
called “bass trud” is probably worse that being called a
“bastard.” )
The
devourers here are picean.--JohnnyB
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice one Johnny. To quote J.B.: “I
don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on.”
)
37 comments:
Guess who's the new VP for Corporate Transparency?
Of all the places to open an undersea diner!
"Yeah? Well maybe you're too fat."
"Pisces. What's yours?"
"I had a hit song a few years ago, but it's been slim pickings ever since."
"Following my Gastric Bypass, I've never had very high regard for therapists. I owe my health, my mental survival, to my friends and loved ones. ... Salmon Rushdie!"
"I can't keep anything down, even water!"
"Fusilli, you crazy Bass turd! How are you?"
Hi I'm Abe Vigoda
"And then I told him, 'Hell, yes, I want to get boned...'"
"Worm is just like crack--one bite and you're hooked."
"Filletio. Not what I expected."
Gezundheit!
"Last thing I remembered, was being wrapped in a newspaper, and thrown on Luca Brasi's porch!"
Last week dyslexia. This week anorexia.
Sorry, Charlie, the Star Kist people don't want to eat your flesh.
"To make matters worse, insurance didn't even cover the cat scan."
"No one cared ... Until, I missed a couple of car payments!"
"...and yet, nothing seems to fit me."
"Dunno- last thing I remember was her saying.''I have a bone to pick with you!'
"Retired. ... Spent 20 years being tossed in the 'Pike Place Fish Market'!"
I'm shedding scales.
The devourers here are picean.
Technically, it doesn't meet the standard definition of over-fishing.
"It all started with a coin toss ... Heads or Tails!"
"I don't think that Far Side is funny anymore."
"I brought a couple of riblets- do you mind?"
I tell ya Gil, I try to let women see my inner sole but they see right through me.
"Yeah, the residuals from my Diver Dan days just ain't cutting it anymore."
"I've decided to become a catwalk model."
"Yeah, I lost a few pounds, but it was mostly water weight."
"She told me she was really into boners."
"My doctor said he had to cut out all the radioactive particles that I must have picked up around Japan".
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"Mmm, tuna spam!"
Applebee’s. Applebee’s is where we go when we die.
"I did a parasite cleanse and well, who knew?"
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