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WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Well.
Obama did promise us trains."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
This is better than it seems. Apart from being a quasi-classic,
President Obama is indeed a staunch proponent of high speed rail.
While he has earmarked more than $11 billion for bullets trains and
the like, these projects have been stalled by conservatives who see
mass transit as some type of Communist plot. There is no denying that
Obama DID promise us trains.)
SECOND
PLACE
“Well
built with her headlights on? I’ve got two of those,
pal.”--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like someone would call a
bar and provide such a description. Still, you got to like the
ambiguity. He could be talking about the trains, the women or, for
that matter, himself.)
THIRD
PLACE
“Yeah,
so they come in here and ask for gin and tonics.
I set ‘em up and
say, ‘24 bucks., please.’ Then I tell
them that we don’t get
many subway cars in the bar.
And then wiseacre No. 3 pipes up and
says, ‘Well, at
these prices, it’s no wonder.’ “But,
they’re still here!”--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Once, when I was a reporter in NYC, I went to an after-work
cocktail party in some big-ass nightclub. It was open bar from 6 to
8pm, so I was pounding down the drinks the way a journalist should. I
ordered yet another cocktail at the instant the open bar became a
cash bar. The bartender put down the drink and said, “That'll
be...” [I forget how much, but it was a lot more than free.] I said
“Um...I'll be right back.” I left and went home to Staten
Island. Bought a beer on the ferry for $2. This reminded me of that,
is all I want to say. )
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"All
they keep syaing is, 'La
via del tren subterraneo es peligrosa.'"--Tim
H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An online translation tool says it means “The
underground railway is Dangerous." I don't get it, but I think
it's kind of classy to have something in a foreign language here
so… )
"It
takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry, and it takes two
trains to make you want to start shooting up the place."--NJtoTX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: I never understood that line from Dylan anymore
than I understand this one: “I ride on a mail train, baby. Can't
buy a thrill.” Still, it's Dylan I want to encourage that.)
53 comments:
Whispering "Yeah, It's fucking weird. They're both trying to pick up the same chick."
Please come and pick them up. They've drunk one too many Long Island Railroad Iced Teas.
They're here at all hours since Uber came along.
"When is the Number 2 coming?"
Jim Cavanaugh
"I said we don't serve subways, and they said it's O.K., they just wanted a drink!"
"Hello? ... 'Bud Light Tow to Go' ... Yah ... I've got two!"
"Now ther'e doing karaoke! ... First 'The 'A' Train', and now 'Empty but Loaded' times two!"
"It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry, and it takes two trains to make you want to start shooting up the place."
"They say they just finished basic training."
"It's getting bad! ... Now ther'e demanding handicap ramps, and railway coupling condoms!"
"No, they're not here."
"They asked me to call a cab, that's why."
"Stella?"
They just got word they've been transferred to the No. 7 line out to Citi Field.
"They suck at picking up women at the station, too."
"All they keep syaing is, 'La via del tren subterraneo es peligrosa.'"
"They say they're tired of passing Zabar's every day and not being able to go in."
"MTA? Pelham 2 is dead. I need you to come pick up Pelham 1 and 3."
"Well. Obama did promise us trains."
“Yeah, so they come in here and ask for gin and tonics.
I set ‘em up and say, ‘24 bucks., please.’ Then I tell
them that we don’t get many subway cars in the bar.
And then wiseacre No. 3 pipes up and says, ‘Well, at
these prices, it’s no wonder.’
“But, they’re still here!”
"They say that they're not getting any sleep because of all the bedbugs."
"The subway guys are here ... I'm waiting for the priest and rabbi ... To complete the joke!"
"Idiots are in here crying that both towers of World Trade Center got knocked down or something."
...need a bunch of ambulances! subway cars crashed into the bar and there's a lot of people hurt, bad! Oh my god, please hurry!
They can't remember if the Bronx is up and the Battery's down or vice versa.
...yes, two of them, off their rails, they seem loco, demanding that she ride coach. Send a car.
"Yeah, and they try to pay with Metrocards and they try to tip with old-dated tokens."
"...and they keep playing The Tracks of My Tears on the juke box."
"IRT Broadway–Seventh Avenue clunkers, what the hell do you think? We'd get the classy trains in here?"
"We have to stop meeting like this-!"
"Just a couple of guys from the wrong side of the tracks."
Car 54? Yeah, 1 and 3 are here; where are you?
"They're getting lubricated."
"I'm calling about a 'Not in Service' ... We're sorry, the number you have called, is not in service!"
The 1 train killed a guy at 137th street. The 3 got some woman in Crown Heights.
"If I hear 'Over the rainbow' one more time I'm gonna scream."
"Ya gotta speak up - with all the clanging going on in here I can't hear a thing!"
"She's gotta nice face, but rail thin."
"You call it drinking. They call it training."
"Why couldn't the third rail have gotten them?"
"We're going to need a bigger Kong."
"They say they're tired of the commute."
"I tried to cut him off but apparently he's a bar car."
"Number 1 had a bumper sticker that read ... 'BABY ON BOARD '! ... We're looking!"
"The bar is sagging a bit - lucky it is light rail."
"Take the A train."
"Yes, officer, I can definitely see track marks on both of them."
“Well built with her headlights on? I’ve got two of those, pal.”
"They're both totally shitfaced, but I'm not stupid enough to tell them that they can't drive."
Yeah only two more big ticket items left on sail
Hey lady do you want to see our 5 dollar foot longs?
whispering on phone:
"Yeah, he's here with his buddy. They're both disguised, but I can tell that they're both A trains. I'd know that stank anywhere."
"They say they have changed jobs and now work for San Francisco teats."
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