WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"The
meowers here are extreme."--pg13 (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A heavy handed variation on the classic “The hours here
are extreme.” Sure it's clumsy and desperate, but not entirely
illogical. While no one actually calls cats “meowers,” “barker”
is an actual word, most typically used as part of “carnival barker”
[“barker channel” is also a common expression in the cable TV
business.] I also recall frat guys [among others] describing
unattractive women as “barkers.” So, by extenstion, a guy who is
a real pussy could be described as a “meower,” I suppose. It's a
crule world but who can deny the nimble thought process .)
SECOND
PLACE
"Tell
asswipe I'll be late for work. I'm having a cat scan."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: The take away here is the is a sickly man who hates
his boss. Still, “asswipe” is gross and nasty even by anti-cap
standards.)
THIRD
PLACE
"Same
ole, same ole. Oh, and Whiskers ate those fucking birds."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A reference to the privious week's content. Two
issues: The birds were not fucking and “ole” should only be used
when preceeded by “ye.”)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
Another
peeping tom--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why would anyone be compelled to spy on this guy?
Recently a friend casually
observed “If it's on YouYube, there is someone beating off to it.”
Now I can't get that sick thought out of my head while watching Abby
Cadabby and Mrs. Sparklenose with my graddaugher.)
"Yes,
I want it published in the Times."--Kathy
H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This linked to something that made it relevant
but I can't rememebr what. )
"Just
tell Mr. Chase that it's Tony and that I finally found Big Pussy
..."--Janet
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very dumb. But Sunday used to mean “The Sopranos”
in my house. I miss that.)
"When
I said I hoped to see a huge pussy, I was thinking more of Evrolet
Girl."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure, a throw-back
reference, but still very troubling. Apparently this man does not
have YouTube access.)
"The
cat ate the real contest."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very stupid. Cats don't eat contests.
There...I said what everyone was thinking. Happy now?)
58 comments:
"Yes, it's working fine, except that The Cat Channel is appearing in my window instead of on my TV."
"I think it may be my disgusting, fish-smelling feet which is attracting these huge cats."
For some unknown reason, my allergies are acting up.
Stare all you want cat. My dog is getting me more beer.
OH NO ... Not another cat cartoon ...... deja mew.
"He only stares, when I'm on hold!"
"The apartment? ... You might say ... I have a 'Cats Eye View'!"
Another peeping tom
"Oh ... And he's marketing again! ... 'Garfield, a Tail of Two Pussies'!"
"Well, Obama did promise mange."
"Ok, ready? LBJ...I think it would go something like this..."
"Room Service! ... There's been a mixup! ... I ordered the 'Tom Yum Goong' ... Not the 'Thom Kat'!"
"I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat!"
"Yeah, I named him Fido just to mess with his head."
"Tell asswipe I'll be late for work. I'm having a cat scan."
"Just waitin' to get grabbed by a claw and thrown up in the air until I'm dead. You?"
"The drinks are ready and the dogs are going to war."
"Well at least this time it's not a pink elephant."
"That one on the internet was a lot funnier. I'll upload it, anyway."
"Yeah. Cat's outta the bag. Again."
"I can't decide. Should I listen to Cat Stevens or watch Cat Ballou."
"Yes, I want it published in the Times."
Remind me not jack off with Fancy Feast again"
"Just tell Mr. Chase that it's Tony and that I finally found Big Pussy ..."
This whole "Grumpy Cat" meme is out of control
"Remember when you said we're gonna need a bigger cat?"
http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?id=377
I don't know. I guess he wants some of my Nutty Salmon
"No. You're just blowing this thing way out of proportion. Speaking of which...."
"Well, I call it a footstool, but sourpuss here calls it an ottoman. Go figure."
"Yeah...at the window...Betty Buckley...again."
"I just let out a tremendous fart and then the room went dark."
"This stupid framily plan. I guess if I'm lucky, he kills "mister hamster" next door."
"There's almost as much shit on TV as there is in my yard."
"Ever since he showed up in the window my posture has been heading south."
"Manager? ... Any units available on a higher floor?"
"Hello, Cat Control? Send over your best man."
It looks like my cat got into Mark McGwire's secret stash.
I think I may have a solution to your giant bird problem.
"The meowers here are extreme."
Hello, is this EVROLET GIRL? I think I found your cat!
-- Schewlly
"And it has this strange legend ... 'Objects In This Window May Appear Closer Than They Are'!"
"Also the TV's on the blink! ... I think its a 'Katzenjammer'"!
"Damn you, Gov. Cuomo!!!"
"Go ahead, Al. She's been spayed."
"The cat ate the real contest."
"I think we're going tohug it out."
"On second thought, hold the anchovies."
I gotta go, my ride is here.
"You follow the rabbit. I'll backtrack the girl. I'll meet you around the other side of the hill."
"Good. I've got a personal grudge against that rabbit, Jim."
...Yeah, he's a Japanese rescue cat named Fuckushima.
"Hey, Schrödinger, your superposition to a large-scale system appears to have worked on a quantum level... He just got out of the box, how the hell should I know when it happened."
"I want to speak to the fucking horticultural genius who sold me the catnip."
"We're going to need a bigger dog."
"Busy? Crazy busy! No time to judge that damn contest."
"We're going to need a smaller cat."
"He’s eliminated the rat problem and started on the rugrat problem."
"Meh. I wait now for Katz."
"Hello TEPCO?"
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