WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Your
wife's stroke is even worse than yours."--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Works better if
you assume the doctor is a golfing buddy of the man barging in to the
O.R. I'm not a fan of needless, extra or extraneous words that are
basically unnecessary, but this might have more of an edge if it
began with something like “Hey Brad, guess what?” Then finished
with “I'm just kidding buddy. Catch you on the back nine.” That
would make it more flippant and less, I don't know, clinical.)
SECOND
PLACE
Coincidentally,
the guy we're working on also had a really bad stroke.
--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
Same premises as the winner but the tense screws it up. The golfer
probably still has a really bad stroke.)
THIRD
PLACE
"If
it's a Titleist Pro 3, it's mine."--Satireguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Golfers
are very dedicated and highly territorial, is the message here. Upon
reading this on their iPhones many golfers would have a mild guffaw.
In fact, this cap could successfully accompany the image in a golf
magazine.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Carry
The
New York Times,
shoot a few holes, blow their minds."--Anonymouse
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: As everyone who is cool knows, this is a line from an early
Dylan song called “I Shall be Free No. 10,” which appears on the
1964 album “Another Side of Bob Dylan.” It is immediately
preceded by a line that says “Out
to the country club and the golf course.” So it kind of makes
sense. It's a complexing and confusing little song is all I'm
saying.”
"Coincidentally,
the surgeon in charge also did a really bad slice."--smuck
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Get it? Slice? This would also work if it was a pizza joint
instead of a hospital.)
"Code
... FORE!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: These puns write themselves. Not unlike a guy named Wiener
getting involved in a sex scandal.)
"I
shot an 88 in my pajamas. How an 88 got in my pajamas I'll never
know."--Satireguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe you
should parody something Harpo said – if you get my drift.)
"Is
this the M*A*S*H-ie unit?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: This is based on something from the original movie, you
know, “The pros from Dover.” Remember?)
"Radar,
put a mask on!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Sometimes it's hard to tell which member of the H-family is
the, um, most talented, shall we say.)
"He
say's, "That's not your ball.""--Don Don
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A quote within
a quote gets single quotation marks! But this is not nearly not as
sucky as many of the others.)
"How
could you.....wait, I'm saving this one for the real
contest."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Feel free, but they won't even acknowledge you let alone
mock you.)
We're
all thrilled you are enjoying your golf vacation, al. Now putt out
and get back to work.--bomeguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: It's not work if you love what you do, or don't get paid.)
52 comments:
It'll just take a quick sec to check if that's his ball or mine, Doc.
"I lost my ball between the first and second holes ... Oh ... You found it!"
"Code ... FORE!"
Coincidentally, the guy we're working on also had a really bad stroke.
"Coincidentally, the surgeon in charge also did a really bad slice."
What club should I use for a tight lie between the spleen and pancreas?
"I shot an 88 in my pajamas. How an 88 got in my pajamas I'll never know."
"Stubborn appendix. May I borrow your sand wedge?"
"Take a drop and call me in the morning."
"Psychotherapy is down the hall and to the left."
"We just extracted a hybrid 3 iron from this gentleman's colon! ... He said something about, ... Well then ... 'Stick This Up Your Ass!"
"Not for nothing, but I drive for show and I putt for dough."
"Is this the M*A*S*H-ie unit?"
"FORE-ceps!!"
"Radar, put a mask on!"
Someone call a 'Code Green'?
"I'll be back in four hours. Keep billing."
"We found one of your balls, but we can't find the other one."
"Im his caddy. Tee time in 45 minutes. Looks like it' going to be ... Hit the ball and drag Fred ... Hit the ball and drag Fred ... Hit the ball and ....dr...F....
"You made a hole in one of your wife's eyeballs."
"We ordered an 'Ultrasound', not 'Play a Round'!"
I think we need to consider a more generous conference allowance.
"Your wife's stroke is even worse than yours."
"NO! I asked for a go-fer!"
"Sure, it's safe to play all eighteen. We don't expect your wife to come out of the coma anytime soon."
Tell Trump for the last time there isn't going to be a Sloan Kettering Memorial golf course.
"Carry The New York Times, shoot a few holes, blow their minds."
"Sorry sir, this is naughty patient/angry doctor, you want the role-play room down the hall."
"This guy had a 12 hour erection. Go play with your balls somewhere else."
"If it's a Titleist Pro 3, it's mine."
"Can't you wait until we're finished and off the gangrene?"
"I'll be back to putt out tomorrow."
"Look, Bernice....I just want you see me without my bag over my head."
Dude, you just missed a tracheostomy hole in one by inches!
I'd say conservatively that you've got a good fifteen feet left to sink it into his new colostomy.
"This is the Door Open. You're looking for the British Open. Putz."
"I'm sorry, sir, but golf is not allowed in the operating room."
"Hey, I didn't make the rules. It's play it where it lies."
"If things go badly, he wants to be buried next to his 'Mashie Niblick'!"
"If he doesn't need, I'll use it."
"I guess I'm early for my 'Club Foot' surgery!"
We're all thrilled you are enjoying your golf vacation, al. Now putt out and get back to work.
"How could you.....wait, I'm saving this one for the real contest."
"Mind if I filet through?"
Jim Cavanaugh
"No, you may not play through the 'fairway'."
"It's rough."
Ah, Four, and a hole in one.
My slice met your slice.
"No you may not 'play through this hole'."
"You had a two stroke penalty as soon as you opened the door."
"He say's, "That's not your ball.""
"Keep the clubface open all the way to the ball and let your hips close the clubface at the vortex and finish with a reverse "C" follow through."
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