WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Yeah,
I swallow."--pg13 (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A thinly veiled reference to oral sex made more biting –
so to speak – by the presence of what appears to be two women. The
spit-versus-swallow debate has raged since the time of the cavemen.
Further proof that distasteful caps rule the roost here. )
SECOND
PLACE
"Oh,
we'll have our critics, but, frankly, two ugly white chicks building
a nest atop a black man's schwanzstucker is neither desperate nor
racist"--desperate, racist girl (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Very imaginative. Good use of the what I assume is the
German word for cock. The tree limb does resemble the business end of
a well-endowed black man. And building a nest on his bad boy is not
racist, but frankly it does seem a bit desperate.)
THIRD
PLACE
"It's
been five years since he said he was migrating out for a pack of
smokes."--Steve_O (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Five years is a bit extreme. But let's all agree he's not
coming back.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"Lesbian
love nest? More like lesbian dysfunctional relationship nest.
Bitch."--smuck (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Clearly they have issues but you just know they are going to
strip down to bra and panties and make out. Sorry, that's just the
way guys think. )
"Now
remember, Big Bird's safe word is "armageddon".--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Fans of Sesame
Street – and their grandfathers-- know that the show begins with
“The word on the street.” Now I understand why.)
"When
my mother gets back, let her spit regurgitated worm into your mouth.
She'll be offended if you don't."--Jess
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Better that than
her tuna casserole. )
"As
a last resort, maybe this will finally boost your egg
production."--LR (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Doubtful, but any port in a storm.)
Funny,
ever since I moved in I've lost my taste for balut.--boneguy
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: The link takes us to gross imagery that I'm still trying to
get out of my head. My advise: Don't click the link.)
"Don't
look now Carrie, but there goes Rhymin' Simon."--boneguy
(JUDGE'S COMMENT:
I kind of get it. Carrie Fisher was indeed married to Paul Simon for
a like an hour-and-a-half back in the 80's. Maybe this suggests it
was a fly over marriage. Whatever. The album “There Goes Rhymin'
Simon” is a classic.)
"I
said I liked the Nets. N-E-T-S.."--Tim
H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This
gets props because I was born in Brooklyn. But it is beyond trivial.
You can like your Nets even more when they resume playing next fall.
I'm still a Knicks guy.)
"You're
kicking me out of the nest?! I'm being Tebowed!"--Dex
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another NY
sports reference. Tim Tebow is the best failed QB we've seen in a
long time. Goodbye NFL, hello arena football.)
"No
Mr. Bond, she expects us to fly."--REX (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: What? Who is she talking to? A long way to go to keep a
classic alive. That much I respect.)
"A
lost merkin for Evrolet girl means free housing for us."--Shelly
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Another classic reference. Google tells us merkin
is a “pubic wig” originally worn by prostitutes after they shaved
downstairs. Awkward,
inaccurate and confusing, but in fairness it expanded my vocabulary
by one word. )
"You're
on my egg."--Little Girl Older (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: The enduring influence of a little girl who won this contest
some time ago. She is probably a sophomore at Stanford by now. )
Oh,
the cuckoo is a pretty bird that wobbles as she flies.--Holden_C
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: From Bob
Dylan’s “High Water (for Charley Patton),” included on his
brilliant 2001 album “Love and Theft.” It barrows from he 1927
song "The Coo Coo bird.” Dylan’s rendition, “The Cuckoo,”
is included on the bootleg album “Live at the Gaslight 1962”[which
I have, of course]. For the last time people: Don't try to out Dylan
me!)
"There
were 69 comments when the captioner wrote this. He actually thought
that was funny."--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Drugs, I
guessing. Hallucinogenic drugs. No problem. I don't judge lifestyles,
just captions.)
Not
an entry. hey alinla, the attached link is to a site devoted to
pictures of old Brooklyn. thought you might like it.--Brooklyn
pix
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Very much appreciated. A random recollection from my
Brooklyn youth: At age 10 I delivered groceries for Sam, a Jewish
shop keeper. [Which, by the way, paid more than this gig]. One day I
noticed he had a faded blue number tattooed on his forearm. With the
curiosity of a child, I asked, “Is that your phone number?” He
smiled slightly and told me it was from a long time ago, back in the
old country. It took me years to realize what that number actually
was. Obviously, it stayed with me.)
"I
can see Al ... Regurgitate ...Right Now!"--Dr
Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An inside
look at how Anti-Captions are rendered. Thanks, man. )
67 comments:
"Pterodactyl Short Sale"!
"Did you lock the car?"
We're still lesbian.
"No Mr. Bond, she expects us to fly."
"So, how do you like Long Branch?"
I just re-read the CC&Rs and it definitely says no blackbirds.
"So, you had to go for the 'Manure-Pedic' mattress!"
Are you hungry? I'm about to regurgitate some really choice earthworm .
"I can see Al ... Regurgitate ...Right Now!"
Okay , Now THIS is the last straw!
"Thank God our furniture fits."
"I wanted a lofty retreat like Adolf & Eva's place in Berchtesgaden."
"My son started seeing a shrink a couple of weeks ago."
"All you do is tweet all day."
"Yeah, I swallow."
"The boughs here are obscene."
"The best part is being able to shit on his windshield."
"What do you mean you just joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-day Saints?"
"I tawt I taw your putty tat!"
"This time I'll be the Hairy Woodpecker and you'll be the White-breasted Nuthatch."
"You're on my egg."
"So, Mom, when does the bough actually break?"
"Now remember, Big Bird's safe word is "armageddon".
Every time I try to show someone the rest of the house, they die.
"The Nest, by Jimmie Spheeris. Check it out."
"We just peeps"
"Oh my God, that's the loudest squawk I've ever heard! By the way, what did you do with the 3 giant eggs that were here?"
Funny, ever since I moved in I've lost my taste for balut.
"A lost merkin for Evrolet girl means free housing for us."
"It's been five years since he said he was migrating out for a pack of smokes."
"I think the acid is kicking in."
"It's a good thing we didn't buy the ottoman with the set, after all"
"I said I liked the Nets. N-E-T-S.."
I call it Post Tsunami Contemporary.
"You're kicking me out of the nest?! I'm being Tebowed!"
"Looks bad ... FEELS GOOOD ... Nikki and Nora in their new giant pussy pad!"
"Well, Obama did promise cheep housing."
"Well, it's in our price range and you can't beat the view of the park..."
Not an entry. hey alinla, the attached link is to a site devoted to pictures of old Brooklyn. thought you might like it.
"They say you have to lay a few eggs to make an omelette."
"I can't believe you've got shingles."
"It's genetic ... My aunt Mary was a 'Red-Breasted Mattress-Thrasher!"
"Would you prefer your eggs cooked or fertilized?"
"Did you say incubate or masturbate?"
"Your fledgling flight is scheduled for tomorrow ... Did you take your lithium?"
"You raise a child in this type of environment and what did you expect?"
"The cup of bees is a nice visual too but do you know what you are going to say when she gets here?"
"I was about to say, 'mind the ginormous plasma' ".
"A Bird in the hand is worth two in my bush."
"Don't look now Carrie, but there goes Rhymin' Simon."
"A bird in the bush is worth two in the hands."
"No more couchsurfing...ever!"
"Now that your battered problems have been resolved ... The F.A.A. Has OKed your AM fledging flight!"
"He doesn't say much but he's a good provider."
"It's so 'Ethereal' ... Kinda like being on the 'Starship Enterprise' ... And finding 'The Captain's Log' under the sofa, was totally weird!"
"It's so 'Ethereal' ... Kinda like being on the 'Starship Enterprise' ... And finding 'The Captain's Log' in the porta potty, was totally weird!"
It's 20% twigs, 80% shredded pre-nup.
"Excuse me, but didn't you say raised branch?"
"There were 69 comments when the captioner wrote this. He actually thought that was funny."
This bird-brain has no clue about human-keeping, does he?
"Hey there, Elle Cóndor."
Oh, the cuckoo is a pretty bird that wobbles as she flies.
"Frankly, Edna, this place is for the birds."
"Robin says it's a good starter home."
"As a last resort, maybe this will finally boost your egg production."
"After the kids moved out, the treehouse was just too much for me to take care of"
"Two Girls. One Nest."
Post a Comment