WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Animal
Control claims they usually go back to the sewer after they finish
the crossword."--Anonymous Coward (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Simplistic but insightful. And if by “finish,” you mean
give up, I can relate. Maybe he also looks at his horoscope, reads
Doonesbury and checks to see how far out of first place the Mets
are—THEN goes back to the sewer [or bed.] At least that's how I
read the paper. )
SECOND
PLACE
"Now
why would you just assume
it's a male?"--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once, during live coverage of a police chase in
L.A., the news guy offering breathless commentary kept referring to
the “suspect” as a “he” and then off handedly said “or it
could be a woman, for all we know.” This cap reminds us that rat
is not gender specific and a woman can be anything she wants to
be—good or bad.)
THIRD
PLACE
"...and
what's worse is the Bureau of Labor Statistics just announced that
93% of rats have just given up looking for work."--Tim H
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe the
remaining 7 percent are just too stupid to come in out of the rain. )
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
No,
I don't think it's him. The rat asshole motherfucker who bombed the
Boston Marathon must be much larger."
--Jim
Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Let's not forget
even a small rat can do substantial damage. This was the painful lesson from the disastrous rein of George
W. Bush.)
Winters
to Mets for two batboys and a broken
bat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhS6wp0MeE&feature=share--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Oh, so you
expect us to cut-and-paste the web address into our command line? To
save everyone the trouble I did. It's a ridiculous tribute to
Jonathan Winters who is seen in this YouTude video wearing a Mets
cap. Noted.)
"You'd
sell a rat's asshole to a blind man as a wedding ring."
--
RB
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is so asinine and gross
that I Googled it. Turns out this the actual name of a 1996 compilation album that includes no artists I've ever heard of. [And certainly no Dylan!] Is the rat dead or alive? That would make a
difference.)
"I
didn't realize we were still getting the paper."--Steve_O
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very smug but
let me ask all you anti-newspaper types this: If you are trying to
housebreak a puppy, would you want it to take a dump on your lap top?
Something to think about.)
"It's
your wife. Should I ask her which rat?"--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Okay, so the
guy just had sex with a woman who didn't know he was married until
his wife called and asked to speak to a rat. Remarkably, she is
unconcerned about the huge rat reading the paper in the living room.
This is a difficult premise to swallow, is all I'm saying.)
He's
in my chair--T. Lessclassic (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A nod to a previous contest won by a little girl who never
entered another contest. Tells you all you need to know.)
"What
do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a cartoon, Mr.
Disney?"
"What
do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a play, Mr.
Steinbeck?"
"What
do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a role model, Mr.
Trump?"--Steve_O (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Casting a wide net, Steve_O entered these three lame caps in
rapid succession. If only someone had asked him: What do you mean
that this gives you a great idea for a caption? Remember it's
quality, quantity.)
"All
I got out of him is that his last name is Rizzo."--Kathy H
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here again we
see a instance where a link would have been appropriate but sadly
Kathy let us down. )
"I
knew we should have listened to Keith and Mick when they said 'You
got rats on the West Side'."--Kathy
H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Here again
we see a instance where a link is completely unnecessary! Who among
us can read the line and not hear “beg bugs uptown.” The Stones
have become their own cover band. Kathy let us down.
)
"It's
Art Spiegelman. He's suing us for copyright infringement."--smuck
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A reference to an artist who did for rats what Karl Rove did for
W. And if you are wondering why I am still obsessing about the worst
president in the history of civilization, the opening of his "library" in [where else?] Texas, has encouraged revisionist history suggesting that he wasn't all that bad...yada yada.
I cringed when I read that he lives the pampered life of an idle millionaire. This ineloquent bumbling idiot also gets six-figures for a "speech." To
me, he'll always be the scum bag who cost many thousands of people
their lives and countless more their jobs. Just an arrogant, incompetent, dishonest phony. Nuff said.)
Note
to al: Used as adjective AND noun is called ambiguous.--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: A reference to a comment I made. I always appreciate caps
that suggest someone is paying attention even if it is a poorly
written erroneous cap that reveals the Anti-Capper to be a
turd-brain. [Sorry, but this W. thing has really put me in a foul mood.])
60 comments:
"It's the doorman. Did you order a pizza with extra cheese?"
"Ma's dead. Round up the usual suspect."
Stop procrastinating Nathan and build me a better mouse trap.
"It's your wife. Should I ask her which rat?"
Yes dear, I did read that Hurricane Sandy drowned 99% of New York's sewer rats. What about it?
"Should I add that he replaced our artwork with scenes of his favorite landfills?"
He's in my chair
Note to al: Used as adjective AND noun is called ambiguous.
"All I got out of him is that his last name is Rizzo."
Timmy won first prize for his "Wonders of Radiation" entry at the school science fair!
"He's our new cleaning lady ... Cheap ... But not the quickest rodent in the rat race!"
"It's Art Spiegelman. He's suing us for copyright infringement."
"I knew we should have listened to Keith and Mick when they said 'You got rats on the West Side'."
"Don't bother him. He's still bummed about Annette Funicello."
"He said that USA Today is O.K. But he'd really like to read Good Mousekeeping."
"So I can't believe what an an animal you were last night, and you can't remember a thing?"
He doesn't know it yet, but he's an exact match for Dick Cheney's heart transplant.
"It's time for you to start treating my mother like a human being."
"It's Ann A. Graham. I can't find the Arts in the Star. Rats!"
"...and what's worse is the Bureau of Labor Statistics just announced that 93% of rats have just given up looking for work."
"I didn't realize we were still getting the paper."
"We have a phone with a cord and your rat is reading an actual newspaper. What fucking year is this?"
It's Larry David. He says if we cook it, it tastes just like Palestinian chicken.
"His name is Ben and he's all growed up."
"It's Bejing ... They say their 'Rat of the Year' is missing!"
"He wants to do a porno remake of 'Ratatouille' ... And call it ... 'Ratatushie'!"
"I'm ordering a new chair. I kept telling you this one was getting, y'know, ratty."
"Ratskeller University? ... I'd like to report an identity theft involving my son Willard!!!"
"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."
"I take it back, Sal. Maybe you weren't the one who gave me the plague."
"This morning I saw a rat reading the paper in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."
I know it's been tough on him, but Walt Disney died in 1966.
Winters to Mets for two batboys and a broken bat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhS6wp0MeE&feature=share
"He's got a Boenher, and he's reading 'Porn News' ... I'm calling 'Terminex'!"
"The cat called in sick again."
"The police are on the phone. Someone told them all about our illegal activities...But who? Who would tell them?"
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a cartoon, Mr. Disney?"
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a play, Mr. Steinbeck?"
"What do you mean that this gives you a great idea for a role model, Mr. Trump?"
"They traced the call and it's coming from inside the hamster cage!"
Yesterday's paper? I think it's lining his cage.
"Him? Just a little device I use to spell the word 'arithmetic.' Remember: A Rat In The House Might Eat The Ice Cream."
Please let Mr. LaPierre know the Senate vote for the gun bill wasn't even close.
"They shot one dead, but the other rat is still hiding among us."
"Animal Control claims they usually go back to the sewer after they finish the crossword."
"He misses Annette."
"PETA was here. They were really upset about all that testing your dad did before he retired, so they did that to him."
"It's the exterminators. They can't make it until Monday."
"Do you want to tell him or should I?"
"He's Norwegian ... I'm calling Racestreet Fish to see if they have any 'whale meat'!"
"The lab says it's not one of theirs."
Cheney; Self-Portrait
Jim Cavanaugh
"Now why would you just assume it's a male?"
"They miss him in Boca Raton."
"Louis says Splinter shit in the conference room again."
"It's not a small world after all."
"I'm crossing a pie with this rat ... That way we can leave this stinking cartoon and hit #378!"
My brother called. He's sailing over to show us his new pet rabbit.
"You liked the crunchy sausages that were on your plate? What crunchy sausages?"
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