"He
was my first Afro ... I guess the 'Jig is Up'!"--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Very stupid, but not without ironic
merit. “Jig,” of course is short for “jigaboo” which
the Urban Diction describes as the “funniest
sounding racial slur known to man.” Perhaps that's why we so seldom hear it. It's a thin line between funny and don't-go there-man! If you said this on TV you wouldn't have a Chinaman's chance of keeping your job. So maybe
its okay to use for its humor value.)
SECOND
PLACE
Sure,
I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes.
(If I'm not mistaken, this was the very first anti-cap I ever
entered. I offer my insincere apologies for the fact that it won't be
my last.)--Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So?
Who keeps track of such things? And insincere apologies are as common
as they are infuriating. What's impressive is the unfounded hubris.)
THIRD
PLACE
"Fucking
Arab spring."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Makes sense. Spring
is a season and a device. What that has to do with a barber shop
chair – who knows?)
HONNORABLE
MENTIONS
"I
never joke about my work, 007."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Because people who make jokes are at least trying to be
funny – unlike the author of this cap. )
"Christ,
what an asshole."--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A
rare instances of a classic cap used verbatim in the service of
humor. This linked to something, but who has time to drill down?)
"Flew
ceilingly, you crazy barber. How are you?"--Di Kweed (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Reaching for a classic is like reaching for the meaning of
life --- a fool's errand.)
"No
Mr. Bond? I expect he will fly"--Di Kweed (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Much better than the previously cap but still not
particularly good [frankly].)
No
Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A
cautionary tale about vanity if we assume the aging spy refused
to have his hair colored and was promptly jettisoned through the ceiling.)
"Fuck
the pig and the horse he rode in on!"
--Because I think it's
my funniest anti-cap to-date, and I'm not sure which contest you'll
judge next.--Hypocritical Idiot (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Noted, but back
seat judging is still frowned on.)
"There
goes Al ... That's it for the Anti-Caption Contest!"--Dr
Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If history has taught us anything: Those thrust sky-ward may crash through the
ceiling, but they fall back to earth. )
"He
just sat in that chair, sometimes from sundown to sunrise, writing
and editing ... and whining."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If by whining you mean the consumption of Merlot or Chardonnay, you have offered great insight and a slight sapling error. If you mistake an astute observation for a gripe
or complaint, you should sit in a spring-loaded barber's chair and wait for
launch.)
It's
much like entering the anti-cap contest. There's about a 50-50 chance
that anything will happen.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And the
winners will envy the losers. Once again we see the need for
validation is more important that the creative outlet provided for
you on this humble little blog. You sicken me. )
What
a shame. al was our best customer.--boneguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: If by “best” you mean least likely to laugh at your
stupid jokes, you nailed it. )
"Anyone
else care to complain about the lack of anti-cap contestant
winners???"
---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Well...I'm waiting. )
52 comments:
It was Neil Armstrong's last wish.
What a shame. al was our best customer.
It's for the best. The guy was an Atlanta Falcons fan.
"Whoops ... All he wanted was 'A Little off the Top'!"
"He did say he wanted ... 'BANGS'!"
"Next."
"Between that hole in the ceiling and this dangerous-looking spring, it's no wonder I have no customers."
"That's our Pink Floyd. Sends 'em to the dark side of the moon on the final cut."
"Meet my partner, Todd Sweeney."
"What are the odds? Just as he was cutting the tag off his new chair base, a coiled piece of Skylab space junk falls right through onto it."
"I never joke about my work, 007."
"'JEWASTRO' ... Next!"
No wonder he's the barber to the stars.
"If you fucking tired of this job, just quit. You don't need to abuse your contestan...I mean clients."
"Anyone else care to complain about the lack of anti-cap contestant winners???"
---blw
“I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis . . . I suppose this is a start.”
---Jack Twist
Does my reflection make me look hunchbacked?
Most people get outta the chair as soon as he gets to .."the monkey chased the weasel..."
Spring came early this year.
Shave and a lift off ... two bits.
"See what happens to the friends of Eddie Coil?"
"Damn! ... That's the third Brazilian wax landing strip runway overshot, this month!"
"Uh, oh, Harold Camping's new Rapure date was right and we're still here."
It's an unusually aggressive promotion for the new Tarantino movie, "Wormhole Unchained".
"There goes Al ... That's it for the Anti-Caption Contest!"
"It's only fair after his last check bounced."
Oh, oh, are we gonna fly
Up in the barber chair!
I guess we'll be a trio now.
Sure, I believe in the father, and in the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes.
(If I'm not mistaken, this was the very first anti-cap I ever entered. I offer my insincere apologies for the fact that it won't be my last.)
"He just sat in that chair, sometimes from sundown to sunrise, writing and editing ... and whining."
"Don't you worry, Mr. Patron-guy, that bald spot I accidently just shaved into your head when that chair spring broke will grow in pretty fast. Sore-ry!."
"Flew ceilingly, you crazy barber. How are you?"
"No Mr. Bond? I expect he will fly"
"With my 'Permanent Wave' ... They never come back!"
"Hey, Figaro, I told you that chair had a hair-trigger!"
It's much like entering the anti-cap contest. There's about a 50-50 chance that anything will happen.
Fuck if that doesn't happen every time Wernher von Braun comes in for a trim.
“Apparently, he had a higher calling . . .”
---left coast wayne
"He'll be back next week"
"So ... The last thing I said was ... 'This won't Hurt a Bit!"
"All I said was ... I heard you got picked for jury duty!"
"Geez. And your first customer, ever. What are the chances?"
No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye.
Jim Cavanaugh
"He was my first Afro ... I guess the 'Jig is Up'!"
Last time he cheats on the Evrolet girl!
"Flyaway hair?"
JIm Cavanaugh
"I don't care if his skull was crushed as long as his hair looks good."
“Ahh . . . spring is in the air.”
---blw
Next time you might warn him about the free Brazilian.
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