WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
"Let's
play snooker until Florrie gets here with the rolling pin. Oh, wait,
never mind. I thought this was the Andy Capp contest."--Angus
Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This falls into that huge category of
contemporary humor known as so-bad-it's-good. Andy Capp is a drunken,
ill-tempered braggard with bad manners. The Anti-Cap is a contest
that attracts those with strikingly similar characteristics. This
would be perfect if it wasn't so not-funny, which is, of course, the
point.)
SECOND
PLACE
"Moobs,
nipple sensitivity, gynacomastia, loss of libido, erectile
dysfunction, hair loss, low testosterone, couple of other things.
You?"--NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Good use of hard-to-spell
words and a biting commentary on the rigorous restrictions placed on
pharmaceutical advertising. Well played.)
THIRD
PLACE
Te'o's
girlfriend's got nothin' on you. --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
So...you somehow believe the football player's make-believe
girlfriend makes for razor sharp commentary. This is included only to
call attention to Johnny's infinate capacity for lameness. A classic
example of the type of muck that dissaudes interest. Nuff said.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
Gaham
Wilson toasts Gaham Wilson!--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: The veteran
cartoonist has been resting on his laurels for some time. And don't
give me any shit about people in glass houses...I have no laurels to
rest on.)
"Gahan,
you sly devil; you're adorable."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: I didn't realize this was any good until I saw a cap
praising it [see below]. Adorable is not a word often used to
describe him or his work.)
Nice
work, Satireguy. You did it with class.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
I don't agree but what do I know?)
"But
the cardboard filled windows
And old men on the benches
Tell you
now that the whole town is empty." --NCB (JUDGE'S COMMENT:
Not a word of this cap is evident in the cartoon but it is from the
Dylan song "North Country Blues" which appears on the 1964
album “The Times They Are a-Changin'” So it's got that going for
it.)
Well,
you may be the devil or you may be cardboard
But you’re gonna
have to serve somebody--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Could be a cry for
help. The lyrics of “Gotta Serve Somebody” also say “You may be
rich or poor, you may be blind or lame...” As such, it is the only
Dylan song to include the word “lame,” also the opperative word
for Johnny's caps –see how it all comes full circle?)
"I
feel victimized by these faces at my haunts." --Bil H
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Pretty good but it takes a few seconds to get it—I
hate that in a joke.)
"Sure
a bartender's mentality can be appreciated; like morphine or
cortisone."--Don Jr. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Kind of an inside joke.
The bartender's mentality refers to someone who swings by and makes
an off handed remake with the intent of being funny, topical or
cutting. It can also be appreciated like a pimple on your gonads.)
"You
don't have big shoulders. You have broad shoulders.--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: This offers evidence that NJ-to-TX actually
watched the video I made of myself while ice skating last week. I
appreciate the loyalty even if it yielded yet another cap notable only for what it's not: Interesting.)
"I
said I figured I'd do a more recent one and, you know, work
backwards—when I got around to it. Now they got to scroll way the
fuck down to check if any are judged. Ain't I a stinka?"--Anonymous
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: If you find scrolling down too much effort you
have the work ethic of navel lint—I'm not judging, just observing.)
Are
you any good at judging humor contests?"--Steve_O (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: This contest is to humor what something that's not funny is
to something that's funny. [Yeah, I know, I know...I'm just
mailing it in.] )
68 comments:
Set 'em up, Joe
"That neon sign in your window? It's supposed to be readable from outside!... Did you hear what I said? Joe?... Joe?...You okay? I wasn't trying to be a dick. Talk to me. Joe.
"Somebody call 9-1-1!"
"Well, Barry, we certainly took care of that Mitt guy. Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh...."
"A pint of OB, please."
Whaddya know, cut-off by a cut-out.
"He's Paying!"
"Here's looking at you kid!"
"And a 'Freddie Fuddpucker' for my friend!"
"Yeah, they thought you were all about New Ideas. Who knew you were all about New Wide Ears?"
"The shame of it is: We're about 50 years too late for The Twilight Zone."
"But the cardboard filled windows
And old men on the benches
Tell you now that the whole town is empty."
"And a drink for my Russian urologist friend, 'Dr Kutyourcuntout'
"So they told me he already judged Contest #357, but I said no, he just archived it. So it's just a facade, right? Right.....???"
Well, you may be the devil or you may be cardboard
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody
Don't need a shot of whiskey from you, Mr. President
I need a shot of love
I dreamt that the only person left after the war was me
I didn’t see you around
"The ears here are easily seen."
"Like I always say: You can tell a class joint by its coasters."
"All I can say is that this Happy Hour is aptly named."
"You think you're flat? Taste my beer."
"Only my ex-wife was a better listener. Course that was after I killed 'er."
"I have a real drinking problem what with no fingers on my right hand."
I swear I saw your legs in the last dumpster I dove into.
Oh come on. Who doesn't get a little soggy when they have a drink?
You're asking me to cut it out?
"Well, if it isn't Charlie the Prince of Wales 'imself. Looks to me like Mum's going to live to be 100. Sorry, don't mean to nag. And speaking of nags, 'ows old Camilla?"
"You don't say much, but I do like the cut of your jib."
---left coast wayne
"I know ... I ain't much fun since you stopped drinking!"
"Are you staring at my club fist?"
Don't look now Jug-Ear, but you're about to get the hook.
"You think you taste like cardboard? Taste my beer."
"I feel victimized by these faces at my haunts."
"In fact, I'll bet you're screwing my wife right now."
"Nosferatu? The fuck kind of name is that?"
"And here's to my 'Cosa Nostril' tumor!"
"I said I figured I'd do a more recent one and, you know, work backwards—when I got around to it. Now they got to scroll way the fuck down to check if any are judged. Ain't I a stinka?"
"According to the sign ... Ty Jaun Ahn will return in 15 minutes!"
"I'm glad that you and I are finally having a conversation about gun control."
"So...if you're really the judge, why is it you never actually judge anything?...Are you even listening to me?"
You'd really give all this up to be a gun range target at Quantico?
So this job pays shit to what you were making as head target?
"Yeah, keep an eye on the Quvenzhane kid. She's goin' places."
"So a priest, a rabbi and a cardboard cutout of an imam walk into a bar. Stop me if you've heard this one before."
"Let's play snooker until Florrie gets here with the rolling pin. Oh, wait, never mind. I thought this was the Andy Capp contest."
Darrel violates the 'Singles Bar' code!
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=526426740715942&set=a.237223479636271.67874.155328717825748&type=1&relevant_count=1
Oh my God, what have you done with Al?
Gaham Wilson toasts Gaham Wilson!
"Jigger. I want a jigger of rum."
"Ok, you prefer the easel back. Me? I'd rather see you hanging from the wall."
"Gahan, you sly devil; you're adorable."
Nice work, Satireguy. You did it with class.
"Moobs, nipple sensitivity, gynacomastia, loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, hair loss, low testosterone, couple of other things. You?"
“Perhaps you find me . . . too cutting in my remarks?”
---blw
“You bartenders . . . all so one-dimensional . . . or is it two?”
---left coast wayne
"While you're out working I've been stapling your wife."
So it's true you've been a Tetraplegic since the steamroller
accident ?
"Are you any good at judging humor contests?"
"I look at you and see a stand-up guy . . . to a point, that is."
---blw
"It's true. People look fatter on TV."
"You're rather unresponsive . . . may I call you al?"
---blw
"Alls I'm saying is that us guys with dorsal fins gotta stick together."
"You and Christina Applegate would make a nice couple."
Jim Cavanaugh
"Guys like you puzzle me."
Te'o's girlfriend's got nothin' on you.
"Sure a bartender's mentality can be appreciated; like morphine or cortisone."
"Now "this" is making a joke of my life."
"O.K. One more. But then I have to go ice skating with my granddaughter."
"You don't have big shoulders. You have broad shoulders.
Post a Comment