WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"OK maybe you're
right; in order to be anatomically correct, we should
switch."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This also
occurred to me. Not funny but slightly perceptive. Interestingly, an
electrical “outlet” is something that you plug in to. The take way: Sexual
suggestions often involve contradictions.)
SECOND PLACE
“If our work is going to
involve a bit of the old in-out, let’s do it at my place.”--Shelly
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: One of a handful of references to the
classic-yet-troubling film “A Clockwork Orange.” Alex, the main
character, refers to sex as "the old in-out." [Yes, I realize it was
also a book – but I never read it, so...] Like boys in junior high,
Anti-Cappers find a sexual reference in everything. It's just the way
we roll.)
THIRD PLACE
Well I don't think this is
what a hamburger is all about.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: Not funny, even by JohnnyB-standards. A reference to
In-N-Out, a fast food chain known for its low prices, long waits and
tomatoes much thicker than they need to be – in other words a
fitting metaphor for this contest. )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So you took a job holding someone's out box? This references a bizarre 1970 song from the Canadian one-hit wonder, R. Dean Taylor. The song, which featured police sirens at the beginning and end is about a fugitive who, as you may have guessed, is from Indiana. It left many people scratching Their head, so the Dylan influence is obvious)
"Yeah, I'll go out with you...and even fuck your brains out. But first I need a signature."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a statement on the effect of bureaucracy on promiscuity. No, it is not funny but it is crude and slightly crafty. I have also wondered why someone would want their brains spilled out during a sex act.)
"And the first thing
that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right
down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage."--Alex
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another Clockwork Orange reference. The speeded by
sex scene is a classic. Even before he is reformed, Alex is a
likeable psychopath—you know like Tony Soprano.)
"The papers here are
a ream."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A huge reach for a classic but
this does sound a little little “The hours here are obscene”
so... )
Shut up, Bob, everyone
knows your box is a clip-on.--JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: JohnnyB also
goes hunting for a classic. The provocative part comes when we wonder
what the box is clipped on to. That why Johnny grinned sheepishly
when he posted this.)
"I hear it's alinla's
homage to March ("In like a lion; out like a lamb.")
because that's when he plans on judging this particular Anti-Cap
Contest."--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: “Plan” is not a word
often associated with me. I also hate when people throw in a
semi-colon just for the hell of it.)
No, you tell al the anti
cap workload distribution doesn't reflect reality.--boneguy (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: I have no idea what boneguy is trying to say here but I'm
rather deflect reality than reflect it...or embrace it. Does that
make sense.)
"I don't know what
you think you're doing, but I've got all the anti-cap submissions
from Contests #357-#360 . . . either way, I think we'll be here
awhile . . ."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: At least I didn't
declare everyone a winner, as Radosh once did. If you are wondering I
will tell you: the only paying job I have these days is sitting here
writing and editing on my laptop. Sometimes, like last night, I plop
down in my chair after dinner and [except for an occasional potty
break] work til sunrise. Taking time out to make fun of Anti Cappers
is a luxury I simply can not afford. Hopefully that will change once
I find employment that is not the same –more or less-- as doing
this. Hope that helps. )
48 comments:
"OK maybe you're right; in order to be anatomically correct, we should switch."
“If our work is going to involve a bit of the old in-out, let’s do it at my place.”
“Let’s switch- my box is used to a lot of IN traffic.”
"Where the hell is Burger?"
New York magazine says that eating out is in, but eating out by the Taco Bell drive-in is out."
I left a perfectly good job as a casino cigarette girl for this.
No, you tell al the anti cap workload distribution doesn't reflect reality.
"Because if mine said "In," and your's said "out," that would constitute sexual inuendo not suitable for the New Yorker."
"Just 147 more years of this to pay off my B-school loans."
"I hear it's alinla's homage to March ("In like a lion; out like a lamb.") because that's when he plans on judging this particular Anti-Cap Contest."
"Yeah, I'll go out with you...and even fuck your brains out. But first I need a signature."
Did you get the memo that for fiscal year 2013, In is out and Out is in?
"Stop calling me 'box'"
"Who are you calling stacked?"
“You know how it is with these mid-level management types. It’s the ol’ ‘in-and-out’ every day . . . So what are you doing here, sport?”
---blw
“I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis.” ---Jack Twist
"We're doing the corporation's work. It's a person and it's got feelings, too."
---Justice Antonin Scalia
"Indiana wants me, but I can't go back there."
Couldn't they hire black people to do this?
No, this is a New Yorker cartoon.
Where are your glasses?
Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your box is a clip-on.
"The papers here are a ream."
"He's indecisive on this one- must be a closet issue."
"This is a piece of cake. When I was under T.A. Winchler, I did the In & Out on both desks."
"I think it'd make more sense if you were holding the `out' pile, Mr. Romney."
don't mess with mr in between
"My innie smells more than your outie!"
"I can't hold it any longer."
"What do you think T. and A. stands for, doofus? The path to my clam goes through Wincheler."
Well I don't think this is what a hamburger is all about.
This isn't so bad. When I started here the only open position was for a human footrest.
When the Tea Party set out to repeal the Thirteen Amendment, I should have paid more attention.
"Hey! Wanna unionize?"
"Let's spice it up a bit... We,ll change it to 'Poles' and 'Holes'!"
There must be a better way for a sex therapist to teach patients how intercourse works.
He's certainly not shy about letting everyone in on his sexual preference.
“I don’t know what he does either, but they say he’s a ‘job-creator’.”
---left coast wayne
"WHO are you calling a squeeze box?"
"It'll be our secret. But I, for one, am GLAAD to be out!"
"Remember "Hold"? Now that was a dead-end job!"
"And the first thing that flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have her right down there on the floor with the old in-out, real savage."
"I am not going to miss this when we go paperless."
I hear they're laying off and unfortunately, you're "Out"
"I don't know what you think you're doing, but I've got all the anti-cap submissions from Contests #357-#360 . . . either way, I think we'll be here awhile . . ."
---blw
"Well, if you're not really holding it up with your hands, then how... oh."
"If we take it outside, then we can trade on it."
"I'll fart if you will."
Jim Cavanaugh
"Money Out, Voters In."
"I got hogs OUT IN the mud.
"Sorry, just bored."
"I gotta pee."
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