WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"No, squeeze her from the bottom up, like she's a toothpaste tube!" --NJ-to-TX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes it's crude, nasty and painfully idiotic but it is also somewhat flawed. This assumes that there is some advantage to the technique suggested. It also assumes the octopus can understand English. Even so, it made me chuckle a mild but unmistakable chuckle. Some weeks that's all it takes.)
SECOND PLACE
What the fuck do you expect me to do? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really, what can this poor guy do but scramble for the cel phone camera and get this thing up on YouTube. Diving in to help would be laudable but ultimately futile. This works even better if you see the woman as a symbol for all those who struggle in vain; the tentacle as a metaphor for something evil [any thing you like], and the guy as a total self-absorbed asshole.)
SECOND PLACE
What the fuck do you expect me to do? --boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really, what can this poor guy do but scramble for the cel phone camera and get this thing up on YouTube. Diving in to help would be laudable but ultimately futile. This works even better if you see the woman as a symbol for all those who struggle in vain; the tentacle as a metaphor for something evil [any thing you like], and the guy as a total self-absorbed asshole.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Maud! ... The car keys! ... THROW the car keys!" --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If memory serves the actress who played title role in the Bond film "Octopussy" was named Maud so this may have historical significance. Why she was ever allowed to have the car keys is the real question here. )
"You were right- a wring worth two months salary definitely shows better." --Shelly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Often the need to spew forth a pun overwhelms the desire make sense. Anti-caps can also be used to vent pent up anger. This suggests that the guy is taunting the woman for demanding expensive jewelry. If her phone rings he can tell the caller "she's a bit squeezed for time right now." He is not marriage material but he is very clever.)
"What war on women?"--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once again this can be seen as topical political commentary if you get the symbolism. Hence: The guy speaking is some Fox News jerk off like Hannity or O'Rielly, the octopus represents oppressive backward policies advanced by idiot scumbags like Rick Santorum, and the woman, of course, is a woman. When she washes up dead, Rush Limbaugh will wonder why she'd go swimming in such revealing attire. "Maybe the slut was asking for it." he'll opine. I think I've made my point.)
"Should I take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? And what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? When he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin?" --Captions by Shakespeare (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Just want to thank who ever posted this for trying to class up the joint. It didn't work but we acknowledge the effort.)
It wasn't right, but all Matt could think about were those breasts landing right in his hands. --Glenn (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Not to be gross but we're left wondering if these body parts will still be attached when he gets a hold of them. And thanks for pointing out that it wasn't right.)
Octopi Wall Street takes a vacation. --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Twisted but the symbolism is unmistakable: Some get squeezed while others watch helplessly. You don't have a problem with that, do you? )
"Here! Catch my jewels, Verne!" --Sam Antic (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You can just hear her saying this when you look at the image. )
Feels oily, you crazy bastard! How are you coming with the clean-up?--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Poking through some old posts on this blog I see Jim's been with us since 2009. Seems longer.)
(Roger Corman's remake of 'Monsters from the Ocean Floor') ... FASTER! BIGGER! LOUDER! more SUCTION! --Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Don't drag Corman down into our snake pit.)
"Mikaaaaa!"
"Aaaaaaal!"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I wish I could save her from the clutches of that nimrod Joe Scarborough.)"Sylvia! Al's all caught up judging the contests! Where should we go to celebrate?"--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Anyplace where octopus is not a health treat and the captions are better than this one.)
alinla thinking...
"This would never happen on Staten Island's South Beach." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: How would I know? I don't live there anymore.)
"You keep him busy while I get him a refund from the psychiatrist in #326." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "You can go for years without an octopus in a New Yorker cartoon then you get two within weeks--what's up with that?!?" That, I'm guessing, is the query that rattled around the head of devoted anti-capper Damon. Like many others, he noticed that they had an octopus on a shrink's couch not too long ago. Unlike everyone else, Damon channeled his bewilderment into an Anti-Caption. For this he gets a well earned Third Place nod. )