Note: You people had two weeks to explain why some women's ridiculously long arm is reaching into this bar to tickle a guy's face with her long nails. In that span of time Christmas came and went, show blanketed much of the country and NY Jet head coach Rex Ryan was exposed as a foot fetish freak. An exciting time filled with many distractions. We got a handful of worthy caps but I think we are all glad to see this one go. That is also the way I feel about this dismal year. 2010 was awful on many levels. I am glad to turn the page.
Since this is the last contest of the year let me say thanks to all of you who have contributed caps these past months--except the really awful ones. According to the stats provided by Google, this blog gets about 1,000 visits each week. I appreciate the attention and resent the obligation but this is like a puppy I have to
WINNERS
FIRST PLACE
"Hide your good alcohol - it's the Ghost of Christmas Pabst." --Damon (JUDGE'S COMMENT: You warmed my heart with this one Demon. It's seasonally appropriate, bizarre and somewhat confusing. PBR is also a great value priced beer typically served in dive bars that also offer pickled eggs and Slim Jims. So this also reminded me of my youth.)
SECOND PLACE
"It's the first of the three that will visit Ol' Ebenezer tonight; the Ghost of Handjobs Past." -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Impressive and seasonal but wouldn't "Handjobs yet to come" have worked better? )
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Lifeguards in ice rinks and trucks in small kitchens
Pirates as tellers and traffic jam bitchins
Street corner creatures and bees without stings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
.
Large copper doorknobs and husbands on ceilings
People as puppets expressing their feelings
Brides on groom’s shoulders with tampons and strings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
.
Vanishing horses and ducks wearing glasses
Large hands accosting men sitting on their asses
Centaurs in doorways and Indian slings
Try to write captions for these fucking things --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: How can we NOT honor this? Sure, it seems unrelated to the cartoon and it trashes the 25-word limit. [That's why it's not a top winner]. Still, the author of this is well versed in anti-cap culture and rhymes "kitchens" with "bitchins." And maybe it does fit the cartoon. It could be the delusional rantings of JohnnyB a drunk drowning his sorrows in a bar because he enters the contest every week yet never wins. Happens all the time.)
"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she wafts into mine." -- NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I'm shocked, shocked to find that dumb word play is going on in here! Of all the terrible puns submitted, this was the best.)
"Steve, it looks like your night with shining arm whore has arrived." --H. Pye (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Roll your eyes if you like but this one's a keeper. There is certainly an aura surrounding the arm that makes it shine. Also, any nun will tell you long painted nails are a sure sign of a slut. So, with her long arm, she has been retained to rescue him from his despair--like a knight in shining armor. Get it?)
Look! Earl's gettin' hammered and nailed at the same time.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that if your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Similarly, if your only level of humor is shallow, unsophisticated and obvious, you tend to be an anti-capper.)
"I hear she's 'all field, no hit.'" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but baseball scouts would actually say "all glove, no stick." But your metaphorical point is well taken. Fifty-four days until pitchers and catchers.)
"Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint 'atmosphere'. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"-- Nick (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It warms my heart to see someone offer a verbatim quote from "It's A Wonderful Life." Makes me crave a flaming rum punch.)
Brian Cashman is visited by three spirits the morning after Cliff Lee signs with the Phillies. Gin, absinthe, and George Steinbrennier. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another baseball cap [get it? baseball cap?] So the Yankees failed to acquire one of the game's top pitchers. As a Mets fan I am crushed--not. I was hoping they would sign him and he would suck and/or get arrested. If any of that happens now, it will still be good, but not AS good.)
She wears the chain that she forged in life. She really wasn't that bad a person. --JohnnyB . (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really? Then tell us Johnny: why does she have such a long arm? This too is seasonal and Johnny is like the Tiny Tim of this contest. God bless us, every pun!)
Christ, what a lost soul! --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Look hard and there is a seasonal angle here too.)
"Please thank Elastic Girl for returning my cock ring." --Grandpa (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And she is returning it to another guy? It's not clear. This is either kinky or illogical. And why is it that cock fights don't take place in cock rings?)
"Biggest Wet Willie. Ever." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Longest" would have worked better. And why the bold face type Kathy?)
"Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pull that finger!" -- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why not? Her butt is down the street so if she cuts the cheese who will care? Lets think these things through people! )
"Tell her she finished off the goddamn goldfish!"--Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is stupid but not completely illogical. It references those little cheddar cheese crackers shaped like fish. People in bars often reach for them. It's kind of a free-for-all.)
If only Buckner's arms were that long.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only Jim had a clue. Bill Buckner was undone by weak ankles and arrogance. He was hobbled but he stayed in the game because he wanted to be on the field for the last out. More troubling this suggests that his disastrous error in the '86 Series was somehow unfortunate. To me this awful cap is like some moron wistfully saying "If only Bush had another eight years in office." Yeah, if only.)
Major Nelson knew he crossed the line when he finally slept with Jeannie. Now he couldn't go anywhere, anywhere to be free from her. --Sidney S (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a bit of a reach. [Wait for laughter.] Still, Jeannie was kind of a scatter-brained so if Tony asked for "a little head" she might have turned him in to a pygmy.)
"Buddy, I sure hope you've got protection."--Jared S.
SEVEN MINUTES LATER:I want to revise my previous entry to:"There's protection in the bathroom."--Jared S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure Jared, and I want Morgan Fairchild to make me a sandwich and rub lotion on my back..You realize these are unrealistic expectations and that both these caps suck--right?)
"Hey guys, Dr. Reed Richard's daughter, Renee, is here to clean the flies off glill with her post-op, stretchy, tranny arm. Cool!" --Stan Ree (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Wow this is awful. Still it is a reference to a tennis player who sacrificed his balls for the love of the game.)
The whiskey sours here are obscene.--Barfly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rif on "the hours here obscene." Fine. But the trick is to somehow tie it to the cartoon.)
From the sound of it, I think I know the perfect Christmas gift for your brother. It's a book called "Rapture Ready." There's a case of them on the remainder table at Borders next door. Rose Radish (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Daniel is listed in the credits for Jon Stewart's new book "Earth: A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race" We bought it as a Christmas gift for two people on our list. Anti-Cappers will love this book--and I mean that as a compliment.)
“You can talk about the genius of Dylan all you want . . . but I’ll bet he’s never composed a lyric about something like that.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes he has. Includes the line "She can take the dark out of the nighttime...And paint the daytime black." Look it up.)
Chill, it's just a metaforearm. --Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Creative and surprising good for someone who has struggled lately. But a metaphor for what Kon-man? This is half-baked.)
"I guess I just wanna stem the worrisome decline in the nation’s Anti-Cap judging. Or something." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And you plan to do this while polishing a bar stool with your fat lazy butt? I like your style.)
This begs a clever quip, but there are few words less pun-worthy than arm. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There within lies the challenge. Other people figured it out. Don't curse the darkness, light a match.)
Penalty, defense number 53, illusional hands to the face, 10 yards, first down. Time out New York.--Punchline Judge (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I like the football theme but something related to the new blow-to-the-head rule may have worked better. Also the only NFL team that actually plays in New York is the Buffalo Bills.)
"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she wafts into mine." -- NAMBY (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I'm shocked, shocked to find that dumb word play is going on in here! Of all the terrible puns submitted, this was the best.)
"Steve, it looks like your night with shining arm whore has arrived." --H. Pye (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Roll your eyes if you like but this one's a keeper. There is certainly an aura surrounding the arm that makes it shine. Also, any nun will tell you long painted nails are a sure sign of a slut. So, with her long arm, she has been retained to rescue him from his despair--like a knight in shining armor. Get it?)
Look! Earl's gettin' hammered and nailed at the same time.--Rocko (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's been said that if your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. Similarly, if your only level of humor is shallow, unsophisticated and obvious, you tend to be an anti-capper.)
"I hear she's 'all field, no hit.'" --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Nice try but baseball scouts would actually say "all glove, no stick." But your metaphorical point is well taken. Fifty-four days until pitchers and catchers.)
"Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint 'atmosphere'. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"-- Nick (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It warms my heart to see someone offer a verbatim quote from "It's A Wonderful Life." Makes me crave a flaming rum punch.)
Brian Cashman is visited by three spirits the morning after Cliff Lee signs with the Phillies. Gin, absinthe, and George Steinbrennier. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Another baseball cap [get it? baseball cap?] So the Yankees failed to acquire one of the game's top pitchers. As a Mets fan I am crushed--not. I was hoping they would sign him and he would suck and/or get arrested. If any of that happens now, it will still be good, but not AS good.)
She wears the chain that she forged in life. She really wasn't that bad a person. --JohnnyB . (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Really? Then tell us Johnny: why does she have such a long arm? This too is seasonal and Johnny is like the Tiny Tim of this contest. God bless us, every pun!)
Christ, what a lost soul! --JohnnyB (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Look hard and there is a seasonal angle here too.)
"Please thank Elastic Girl for returning my cock ring." --Grandpa (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And she is returning it to another guy? It's not clear. This is either kinky or illogical. And why is it that cock fights don't take place in cock rings?)
"Biggest Wet Willie. Ever." --Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: "Longest" would have worked better. And why the bold face type Kathy?)
"Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pull that finger!" -- Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Why not? Her butt is down the street so if she cuts the cheese who will care? Lets think these things through people! )
"Tell her she finished off the goddamn goldfish!"--Walt (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is stupid but not completely illogical. It references those little cheddar cheese crackers shaped like fish. People in bars often reach for them. It's kind of a free-for-all.)
If only Buckner's arms were that long.--Jim Cavanaugh (JUDGE'S COMMENT: If only Jim had a clue. Bill Buckner was undone by weak ankles and arrogance. He was hobbled but he stayed in the game because he wanted to be on the field for the last out. More troubling this suggests that his disastrous error in the '86 Series was somehow unfortunate. To me this awful cap is like some moron wistfully saying "If only Bush had another eight years in office." Yeah, if only.)
Major Nelson knew he crossed the line when he finally slept with Jeannie. Now he couldn't go anywhere, anywhere to be free from her. --Sidney S (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is a bit of a reach. [Wait for laughter.] Still, Jeannie was kind of a scatter-brained so if Tony asked for "a little head" she might have turned him in to a pygmy.)
"Buddy, I sure hope you've got protection."--Jared S.
SEVEN MINUTES LATER:I want to revise my previous entry to:"There's protection in the bathroom."--Jared S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sure Jared, and I want Morgan Fairchild to make me a sandwich and rub lotion on my back..You realize these are unrealistic expectations and that both these caps suck--right?)
"Hey guys, Dr. Reed Richard's daughter, Renee, is here to clean the flies off glill with her post-op, stretchy, tranny arm. Cool!" --Stan Ree (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Wow this is awful. Still it is a reference to a tennis player who sacrificed his balls for the love of the game.)
The whiskey sours here are obscene.--Barfly (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A rif on "the hours here obscene." Fine. But the trick is to somehow tie it to the cartoon.)
From the sound of it, I think I know the perfect Christmas gift for your brother. It's a book called "Rapture Ready." There's a case of them on the remainder table at Borders next door. Rose Radish (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Daniel is listed in the credits for Jon Stewart's new book "Earth: A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race" We bought it as a Christmas gift for two people on our list. Anti-Cappers will love this book--and I mean that as a compliment.)
“You can talk about the genius of Dylan all you want . . . but I’ll bet he’s never composed a lyric about something like that.”---blw (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Yes he has. Includes the line "She can take the dark out of the nighttime...And paint the daytime black." Look it up.)
Chill, it's just a metaforearm. --Konrad (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Creative and surprising good for someone who has struggled lately. But a metaphor for what Kon-man? This is half-baked.)
"I guess I just wanna stem the worrisome decline in the nation’s Anti-Cap judging. Or something." --Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: And you plan to do this while polishing a bar stool with your fat lazy butt? I like your style.)
This begs a clever quip, but there are few words less pun-worthy than arm. --Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: There within lies the challenge. Other people figured it out. Don't curse the darkness, light a match.)
Penalty, defense number 53, illusional hands to the face, 10 yards, first down. Time out New York.--Punchline Judge (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I like the football theme but something related to the new blow-to-the-head rule may have worked better. Also the only NFL team that actually plays in New York is the Buffalo Bills.)
"*$!*#! Facebook. This 'poke' someone thing is out of control!" -cta (JUDGE'S COMMENT: So...You are unwilling to publish a "dirty word'...here?)
The disembodied hand of alinla chooses another anti-cap winner. --Austin in PA (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As if! This assumes facts not in evidence. )
“Yep, it’s the long arm of the New Yorker . . . looks like we have a new lifeguard for next week’s contest.”---left coast wayne (JUDGE'S COMMENT: We don't do rescue here. We do recovery. By the time you hit "publish," it's too late for me to haul your ass out of the drink. Know that before you go in.)
"Everytime Al mails it in, an angel gets it's wings.Attaboy, Al" --JJJJimmy S. (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Done and done! )
164 comments:
"Ya' see, Hal. I told you Stretch Armstrong's now a hooker."
"It's the long arm of his ma."
"Bastard. Most guys only get touched by 4-fingered hands in comics."
"He's been touched by Her noodly appendage."
She wears the chain that she forged in life. She really wasn't that bad a person.
"Do you smell fish?"
"He's haunted by the fasciae of his victims."
"Please thank Elastic Girl for returning my cock ring."
"I forget. What time is in when the big hand is on the barfly?"
"Biggest Wet Willie. Ever."
"Yeah, number A's the one who stole my drink."
Rich
You didn't tell me Charlie was the new Handaconda Judas goat.
"Holy Christ! I can't believe what I'm seeing. Joe's wearing a tie."
It's a little known fact that ghost arms can extend down the block but can't pass through walls; they hafta come in the door.
Tell my wife I cant' come home 'cause someone's got me in an arm bar.
Jim Cavanaugh
"Leave it to Disney to fuck up our little Edward Hopper moment"
If only Buckner's arms were that long.
Jim Cavanaugh
Christ, what a lost soul!
"Hey, Johnny - does she do drains?"
"That arm's got a aura! It's got a aura!"
"See, I told you there's an arms race."
"Whoa! And I was gonna order two fingers on the rocks."
"I knew it! I knew that Frank Cotham was a rummy!"
"Buddy, I sure hope you've got protection."
--Jared S.
I want to revise my previous entry to:
"There's protection in the bathroom."
--Jared S.
I was about to ask, "What the hell ever happened to Patch Adams?
"I understand it took 12 manicurists 8 hours to do her nails."
I'm not sure why Daniel sent the giant, squiggly-armed woman to pick the new judge but I'm glad to see that illiterate idiot, alinla, finally get the boot.
"Rea-eech out, reach out and touch some-whu-uh-un!"
"It's the first of the three that will visit Ol' Ebenezer tonight; the Ghost of Handjobs Past." -cta
"See! that's why I insist on the buddy system. It keeps us out of arm's way!' -cta
"The moving finger writes, and, having writ, moves on."
"Look, I'm just trying to drink to forget. To forget that alinla apparently has never heard of Africanized honey bees -- killer bees, to you and me. Or, that he somehow mixed up the brilliant link by Eric G. to the 'Send a Wire' bit from Blazing Saddles with Anonymouse's New York Times link to a story about beekeepers.
"I guess I just wanna stem the worrisome decline in the nation’s Anti-Cap judging. Or something."
"Hey guys, Dr. Reed Richard's daughter, Renee, is here to clean the flies off glill with her post-op, stretchy, tranny arm. Cool!"
"Neat, an arm! Has anybody seen the damn bartender?"
"I think it's going to be more like a hand-career."
"That reminds me...I'm overdue for a prostate exam."
"Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT pull that finger!"
"I told ya—my wife's the biggest pub crawler around."
Rich
"Don't tell me. The Ron Howard version of War Of The Worlds?"
Rob
"I did hear that Eve and the serpent had gotten together."
"It's the long arm of the law, Jake."
Bev
"Tell her she finished off the goddamn goldfish!"
Walt
"Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint 'atmosphere'. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?"
Major Nelson knew he crossed the line when he finally slept with Jeannie. Now he couldn't go anywhere, anywhere to be free from her.
Don't worry. She just stopped by to grab a beer.
Rocko
Look! Earl's gettin' hammered and nailed at the same time.
Rocko
"I told you we shouldn't be drinking that crazy homebrew."
"Hey, Johnson! What's the matter? Can't you pick your own nose?"
Yeah, I read about her in a new-wave magazine. That girl is pretty kinky; the girl's a super freak.
Now as far as her pudenda goes, she definitely gives the giant Chevrolet girl a run for her money.
"Now normally, I'd think that was weirder than shit, but after 13... 16 beers, it looks pretty normal.
C'mon, I'm ready to drive home."
"Apparently, he has some schmutz on his face."
"Say what you will, but if there's an arms race, I want her on my side."
(nod to Foster)
---blw
“Of course he’s sitting in a bar looking depressed . . . do you have any idea what it takes to keep something like that in bling???”
---blw
“She’s not real happy about his bar tab . . . it’s cost her an arm . . . and, eventually, a leg, I would guess.”
---blw
"Wow, look at that. It gives whole new meaning to the term 'being given the finger'."
---blw
"Uh, oh. That's Haidre. They're still trying to find all the parts of the last guy she took home. But what a way to die, man.
“You can talk about the genius of Dylan all you want . . . but I’ll bet he’s never composed a lyric about something like that.”
---blw
"Next time, just say 'Give it up for...' instead of 'Let's have a big hand for....' "
"Anna's about to put the ole squeeze on Burt."
Caitlin
When Lola did the hokey pokey, she often scared the bejesus out of the bar patrons.
"Edward Hopper? I thought it was a Tom Waits album cover."
Hopper '42
Waits '75
abNORM!!!
so then he tells her her smile is Disarming...
I know he is Constitutionally allowed to bear arms, but don't think he might be Overcompensating a bit
He's on his fourth fucking smoke break, that weak-tit of a bartender Better be blowing more than smoke rings
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than an upper extremity."
Ever since the Abyss aliens discovered alcohol, they've really gone downhill.
Brian Cashman is visited by three spirits the morning after Cliff Lee signs with the Phillies. Gin, absinthe, and George Steinbrenner.
"Begone, Burt, we agreed domestic disputes will never disrupt our little hamlet."
"Hopper? I hardly knew 'er."
The New Normal
"I swear, I had a premonition that this was gonna happen to Radosh."
"I just never pictured Arm-ageddon beginning this way."
"That's it. No more Zima® for me."
"She singlehandedly dug a carpal tunnel."
"I told you joining FourSquare would come back to haunt you"
"You need to update your privacy settings."
"OK. No more drunk tweeting about your late wife."
He's the town drunk; always looking for a hand-out.
Rocko
This begs a clever quip, but there are few words less pun-worthy than arm.
"Kes, look at the bright side. A memorial plaque will be installed where you sat."
The whiskey sours here are obscene.
Barfly
spend that much time in a bar, you're
sure to come in contact with some "at wrist" behavior
Ale House Saloon; Nail Salon; it's a common mistake.
Jim Cavanaugh
"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she wafts into mine."
Bill, listen, I never thought I'd say this. I admit I'm powerless over alcohol, and that my life has become unmanageable.
Sure it cures a sour stomach, why else would he be gettin' the arm and hammered?
Quit starin' an' mind yer own beeswax.
"Hey there, handsome!.........not you, Mort."
Carstairs
DRUNK NO. 1: "We don't get many metaphors in here."
DRUNK NO. 2: "At these prices, I'm not surprised."
Still not pretty. Another round?
"His name's Elmo. I know for a fact he's not ticklish."
1st Man at Bar: "They don't allow sidearms in here."
2nd Man at Bar: "I have the right to bar arms."
Jim Cavanaugh
"Thank God Congress is finally taking up arms control."
"I think Abe Vigoda's time is finally up."
I guess a simple "I'M WITH STUPID" t-shirt wasn't enough.
"I don't think the acid we took was any good. I'm not getting off at all. Does Charlene's arm look weird to you?"
"Drink up, Bill, the Glam Reaper found you."
"Man, I gotta lay off the absinthe!"
"Man, I gotta lay off the absinthe!"
That alARMistinla. He's startin' to fret over the lack of decent caps.
imalegmanmyself
Best AA meeting ever.
"Imagine life without Mary Palm and her five daughters."
Zack
Give the hostess a big tip. Don't sleight the hand that meades you.
Jim Cavanaugh
"She sure as shit ain't here to play the piano."
Dan32
"Hey! How come Santa granted his Christmas wish?!"
"I understand her father is the Sargeant-at-Arms of the Senate."
"Hide your good alcohol - it's the Ghost of Christmas Pabst."
"A reach-around from beyond the grave. It's the nursing home all over again."
"This smite hurt a bit."
"This could get hysterecal."
Rich
"I think I recognize her. She was in a fisting video you simply would not believe."
"It looks like Elastic Girl has developed super nagging powers."
this is my new Beau, Elle!
Water you looking at,Pfister?
In Soviet Union, informant is fingered.
"Oh that? That's nothing. Other day, I saw an arm TIWCE as long at least."
-----
"Man, I gotta quit doing LSD."
-----
"Man, I gotta quit drinking furniture polish."
-----
"Seriously, is there EVER going to be a black person in a New Yorker cartoon?"
-----
"Why is there never a lifeguard around when you need one?"
"See that? Nail fungus."
if her arm is that big, he must be like a hotdog in a hallway!she's gotta be VIGIORMOUS!
"I said 'beer' tap not 'ear' tap."
Penalty, defense number 53, illusional hands to the face, 10 yards, first down. Time out New York.
Without any semblance of skeletal rigidity, I find nothing humerus here.
"Great to see you back, Bernie. The old haunt's really missed you."
Anonymouse said...
"I hear she's 'all field, no hit.'"
Anonymouse said... "You know how they say 'If You See Something, Say Something'? Well, I'm saying something."
Star Trek XXV: The Gorn employs the intergalactic Phantom Reach to fuck up Kirk's refreshingly ice-cold Bud Light
The disembodied hand of alinla chooses another anti-cap winner.
"The bracelet goes well with the neckless."
Dan32
"Holy Christ! Another week in this hellhole!? Where's my shop steward?"
"Ho Ho Ho."
Rob
"Why does it say BAR on the outside and RAB on the inside?"
Brian
"Relax, you noob. It's just the 5:15" -cta
"Did that just scare the shit out of you? I can't help noticing your bar stool." -cta
"She's looking for a good man..icure. I don't know why she came here, though. Didn't she see the file on this place?" -cta
"It's one of them extraterrestrials looking for an extra testicle."
dwilk
"Shit, another week of Ms. Gloopy Arm."
“Yep, it’s the long arm of the New Yorker . . . looks like we have a new lifeguard for next week’s contest.”
---left coast wayne
Lifeguards in ice rinks and trucks in small kitchens
Pirates as tellers and traffic jam bitchins
Street corner creatures and bees without stings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
Large copper doorknobs and husbands on ceilings
People as puppets expressing their feelings
Brides on groom’s shoulders with tampons and strings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
Vanishing horses and ducks wearing glasses
Large hands accosting men sitting on their asses
Centaurs in doorways and Indian slings
Try to write captions for these fucking things
Refrain:
When al's barbs bite
When his words sting
And my caps are sad
I simply remember the times I have won
And then I don't feel so bad
Jim Cavanaugh
Oh, anti-cap, it's usually crap
Lame in everyway
It's no fun, to see a pun
that reeks like fish decay, Hey!
"Watch, watch! She's going to pop his head open."
"Everytime Al mails it in, an angel gets it's wings.
Attaboy, Al"
"Army wife."
(radio announcement)"...she should be considered armed and dangerous."
"You and what arm...........y?"
PB
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you're high.
I'm all for arm, but not for finger, at least not in ear, mate.
She comes in every fuckin' night; gives some guy a wet willie and if he likes it, takes him home and wets his willie.
"Steve, it looks like your night with shining arm whore has arrived."
"He must have that new ear wax removal app on his iPhone."
"God bless us, Evrolet."
From the sound of it, I think I know the perfect Christmas gift for your brother. It's a book called "Rapture Ready." There's a case of them on the remainder table at Borders next door.
Yo no creía que el largo brazo de la lay podría llegar a él aquí.
"She thinks she can get Bukowski to stop drinking."
"She's reaching."
Chill, it's just a metaforearm.
"Annie likes to keep her men at arm's length."
DW
"*$!*#! Facebook. This 'poke' someone thing is out of control!" -cta
Welcome to the Arm n' Hammered Bar.
He's having second thoughts about the arms reduction treaty.
Rocko
Is Bigfoot Real or mock? For around 400 a long time, there have already been reporting’s of a guy like beast that is certainly entirely covered in hair.
[url=http://www.is-bigfoot-real.com/]sasquatch[/url]
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