New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #439

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Well. Obama did promise us trains."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is better than it seems. Apart from being a quasi-classic, President Obama is indeed a staunch proponent of high speed rail. While he has earmarked more than $11 billion for bullets trains and the like, these projects have been stalled by conservatives who see mass transit as some type of Communist plot. There is no denying that Obama DID promise us trains.)

SECOND PLACE

“Well built with her headlights on? I’ve got two of those, pal.”--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Like someone would call a bar and provide such a description. Still, you got to like the ambiguity. He could be talking about the trains, the women or,  for that matter, himself.)

THIRD PLACE

“Yeah, so they come in here and ask for gin and tonics.
I set ‘em up and say, ‘24 bucks., please.’ Then I tell
them that we don’t get many subway cars in the bar.
And then wiseacre No. 3 pipes up and says, ‘Well, at
these prices, it’s no wonder.’ “But, they’re still here!”--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Once, when I was a reporter in NYC, I went to an after-work cocktail party in some big-ass nightclub. It was open bar from 6 to 8pm, so I was pounding down the drinks the way a journalist should. I ordered yet another cocktail at the instant the open bar became a cash bar. The bartender put down the drink and said, “That'll be...” [I forget how much, but it was a lot more than free.] I said “Um...I'll be right back.” I left and went home to Staten Island. Bought a beer on the ferry for $2. This reminded me of that, is all I want to say. )

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"All they keep syaing is, 'La via del tren subterraneo es peligrosa.'"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: An online translation tool says it means “The underground railway is Dangerous." I don't get it, but I think it's kind of classy to have something in a foreign language here so… )

"It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry, and it takes two trains to make you want to start shooting up the place."--NJtoTX (JUDGE'S COMMENT: I never understood that line from Dylan anymore than I understand this one: “I ride on a mail train, baby. Can't buy a thrill.” Still, it's Dylan I want to encourage that.)