WINNERS
FIRST
PLACE
We've
obviously been drawn into a black neighborhood.--JohnnyB
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A skillful combination of a tacky racist comment
with a brilliant pun in the service of a quasi-classic. When J.B's on
top of his game, it 's like watching Willie Mays play centerfield for
the Giants. Unfortunately, when he is off, it's like watching Willie
flounder around in right field for the Mets in '73.)
SECOND
PLACE
"I
think it's the alternator."--reid
savid (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This cap works because it's one of those
things people reflectively say when the car won't go. Still, the
first two words are anti-Anti-Cap.)
THIRD
PLACE
"Had
a sign that read 'NO RADIO' ... The thief left a sign that read, 'GET
ONE'!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Back in NYC, I had
a removable radio that would slide out of the dash board. Naturally I
kept it under the passenger seat for easy access. I was right. It was
stolen. Not even a thank you note.)
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
"I'm
thinking that there's a good Metropolitan
Diary
story in this."--Anonymouse
(JUDGE'S
COMMENT: There is no such thing as “good” Metropolitan Diary
story. More likely, it's a story about a cab driver who had the
courtesy to call 911 after slamming into a pedestrian. “He even
used the napkins from his Taco Bell bag to stop the bleeding.”)
"It's
a metaphor for the Anti - Cap Contest."
-- Jim Cavanaugh
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: A blind man employed as a parking valet
somehow seems more fitting.)
Time
to move to la, mrs. al.--boneguy
(Mrs. al in la's
COMMENT: What's that have to do with the price of tea in China. If
you are going to be esoteric you can't be the only one who gets the
joke.)
"Now
everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels
have stopped. Must have been an idiot wind."--NJ-to-TX
(JUDGE'S COMMENT: “What
's good is bad, what's bad is good. You'll find out when you reach
the top, you're on the bottom.” A Dylan song I know off the top of
my head as though I was reciting the alphabet. “Blood On The
Tracks” is a fucking masterpiece. )
"Strangest
thing. First I put my beer bottle on a piano, and then this
happened!"--Tim
H (JUDGE'S
COMMENT: At least you're following. Another quick, yet admittedly
bland, story: I was at a party years ago and met "Weird
Al" Yankovic. After we chatted briefly I said, “Well, I'll let
you mingle.” To my surprise he said “No. Wait. Hang with me. I
don't know anyone here.” Turns out he's real shy.)
Don't
worry, we're in a New Yorker cartoon. There's black people to
fear.--JohnnyB
(JUDGE'S COMMENT:
Awkward, obvious and clunky...also marred by the fact that the second
sentence is grammatically wrong [should be “There're”]. In other
words, Willie Mays in '73.)
"It's a metaphor for the Anti - Cap Contest."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
His obit said he left behind a beautiful late model Chevy and four adorable subcompacts.
ReplyDelete"Had a sign that read 'NO RADIO' ... The thief left a sign that read, 'GET ONE'!"
ReplyDelete"Too bad ... 2.66% for another 14 months ... He woulda made it!"
ReplyDelete"Well at least we didn't get a parking ticket."
ReplyDelete"Get in the car. We're gonna be late for the Tigers game."
ReplyDelete"I think it's the alternator."
ReplyDelete"This neighborhood is a little sketchy."
ReplyDeleteGM had a hard time describing to me what exactly this recall was for.
ReplyDeleteTime to move to la, mrs. al.
ReplyDelete"Roll over. Play dead. Who's a smart car?! Who's a smart car?!"
ReplyDeleteCheck to see if it has Gaza plates.
ReplyDelete"If you think that's a dirty undercarriage, just wait until I take my pants off."
ReplyDelete"Don't worry, to bite you on the ass the rat would have to stand on its hind legs."
ReplyDelete"So much, for long term valet parking."
ReplyDeleteWe've obviously been drawn into a black neighborhood.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, we're in a New Yorker cartoon. There's black people to fear.
ReplyDelete"I'm really getting sick of those "Another Earth" people."
ReplyDelete"Strangest thing. First I put my beer bottle on a piano, and then this happened!"
ReplyDelete"That's exactly how Joie Chitwood died."
ReplyDelete"I believe the expression 'wheels up' is only used in aircraft flying."
ReplyDelete"I hear that it slipped out of Evrolet Girl's hand."
ReplyDelete"The last thing I remembered, was blowing the chauffeur!"
ReplyDelete"I got the rent down to $950 plus utilities plus free parking."
ReplyDelete"You're in good hands with Allstate......titwise."
ReplyDeleteUber? More like Unter
ReplyDeleteI'll get in and you push.
ReplyDelete"I can't wait to see the CARFAX® Report on this sucker."
ReplyDelete"Go over there and ask that group of black men for help."
ReplyDelete"Now everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped. Must have been an idiot wind."
ReplyDelete"It belongs to that couple with the upside-down sofa."
ReplyDelete"I understand that Russian-backed Ukrainian rebels did it."
ReplyDelete"I hate to tell you this, but you're in a handicapped spot."
ReplyDelete"I told you that when de Blasio moved out, this neighborhood would go downhill."
ReplyDelete"Maude, where's my car?"
ReplyDelete"Looks like a 1952 Smash Rambler."
ReplyDelete"I told you to leave the car running facing south, not facing earth."
ReplyDelete"Consider yourself lucky. It would have killed Princess Di."
ReplyDeleteJim Cavanaugh
"I told you this cartoon would go to hell once they let black people in."
ReplyDelete"They're probably dead, let's go eat."
ReplyDelete"You've heard of the neighborhood called DUMBO? Well, this is the neighborhood called DUMPO."
ReplyDelete"I'm thinking that there's a good Metropolitan Diary story in this."
ReplyDelete"I called AAA and they said to call ∀∀∀."
ReplyDelete"It looks like another case of autocide."
ReplyDelete"His last words were, 'Did I pass my driver's test?'"
ReplyDelete