New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #414

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Yeah, it's kosher. But when you drag it into the oven, be careful."--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Tasteless, offensive and not at all funny. It's also obscure in a way that assures no one but the most devoted Anti-Cappers will understand it. Still, it is the only true Anti-Cap in the bunch. Shame on the rest of you people for not coming up with shit like this!)

SECOND PLACE

"They've made it harder to lose."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Because it is so big and people frequently lose their remote controls. Now do you begin to understand why it is so hard to maintain interest? )

THIRD PLACE

"This baby can rewind all the way back to the Big Bang."--LR (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Reminds us that “rewind” is not a feature to be trifled with. Noted.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

I know al's last wish was to be buried in the thing he loved the most.--boneguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This makes no sense, you can't watch the remote if you lose your TV in the cushions of your couch. Besides, as a [social] media tycoon, it is well documented that the thing I loved most is called “Rosebud.”)

It's no longer a contest. It's simply a psychological study to see who's stupid enough to enter. (Winner!) -- (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Researchers here at Anti-Cap HQ used two groups of lab rats to conduct a study. The rats that submitted multiple entries and obsessed over who won ultimately became bitter and condescending. The rats that didn't give a shit about the contest lived happier, healthier lives.)

alinlalaland- If you don't have time to write a clever response, just pick 1st, 2nd, and 3rd and post without comment. That's all we're asking! We only need the tiniest piece of positive reinforcement! Thanks.--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: First, you're right: The comments are “clever.” But commenting is the easy-breezy part. Sifting, sorting cutting and pasting, that's the pain-in-the-ass part.)

Press 'Recall' and Al might come back.--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Would have been much better if it said “hit return.” There is no “recall key” – at least not on my keyboard.)