New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #413

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Well why not. It's not much different than how social security works.” --james (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Biting social commentary with a germ of truth. Every politician knows better than to screw with Soc. Sec. And even geezers who want the government out of their lives want their damn check. This reflects a mind-set that, hopefully doesn't take hold.)

SECOND PLACE

"Don't worry, honey. He's a 'good guy with a gun.'"--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Topical—but also a little wimpy. Hate to sound like a gun-nut, but let's say you encountered some drunken asshole Dodger fans in the parking lot, and they wanted to fuck with you because you had the audacity to wear your Mets jersey to Dodger Stadium? Won't it be nice to go all Bernard Getz on their asses? Just sayin')

THIRD PLACE

"Hey, I recognize this guy! He's an old comedian from the Catskills! So, I guess this is a schtick-up!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: In Anti-Cap land, the only thing that can stop someone from coming in third with a bad pun, is someone coming in third with a good pun. Thank you Kathy. You have certainly earned turd place.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"It's probably drug-related."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe this is a reach, but pg13 appears to be making a statement about the inevitable issues that will arise as stoners reach their golden years.)

"He's not messing around. He's fluent in Ebonics."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe this is a reach but pg13 appears to be making a racist slur. It is, however, tasteless and mean and hence bad enough to merit a mention.)

"I thought he said the first blowjob was free."--(JUDGE'S COMMENT: Almost the winner. It does look like this is exactly what the guy reaching for his wallet is saying and, yes, the old gal behind the gunman looks like she's ready for business. [If you have issues, just close your eyes and pretend it's Angela Lansbury.] Still , the gun makes no sense here. If the guy is unwilling to pay-up or at least take her out to dinner...well I think we all know how it works. Still, pretty good.)

"That a Magnum 44K, the most powerful retirement plan in the world."--Dirty Old Harry (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A plausible Plan B for those who have no pension. Also, I'm a big Clint Eastwood fan and this cap left out the word “is,” which is something I always do. So...)

"Don't worry, it's loaded with anti-caps."--pg13 (JUDGE'S COMMENT: No, they won't kill you, but if you get hit with enough of them at once, you'll wish they did.)