New Yorker Anti-Caption Contest #388

WINNERS

FIRST PLACE

"Your wife's stroke is even worse than yours."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Works better if you assume the doctor is a golfing buddy of the man barging in to the O.R. I'm not a fan of needless, extra or extraneous words that are basically unnecessary, but this might have more of an edge if it began with something like “Hey Brad, guess what?” Then finished with “I'm just kidding buddy. Catch you on the back nine.” That would make it more flippant and less, I don't know, clinical.)

SECOND PLACE

Coincidentally, the guy we're working on also had a really bad stroke. --Angus Podgorny (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Same premises as the winner but the tense screws it up. The golfer probably still has a really bad stroke.)

THIRD PLACE

"If it's a Titleist Pro 3, it's mine."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Golfers are very dedicated and highly territorial, is the message here. Upon reading this on their iPhones many golfers would have a mild guffaw. In fact, this cap could successfully accompany the image in a golf magazine.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"Carry The New York Times, shoot a few holes, blow their minds."--Anonymouse (JUDGE'S COMMENT: As everyone who is cool knows, this is a line from an early Dylan song called “I Shall be Free No. 10,” which appears on the 1964 album “Another Side of Bob Dylan.” It is immediately preceded by a line that says “Out to the country club and the golf course.” So it kind of makes sense. It's a complexing and confusing little song is all I'm saying.”

"Coincidentally, the surgeon in charge also did a really bad slice."--smuck (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Get it? Slice? This would also work if it was a pizza joint instead of a hospital.)

"Code ... FORE!"--Dr Sumguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: These puns write themselves. Not unlike a guy named Wiener getting involved in a sex scandal.)

"I shot an 88 in my pajamas. How an 88 got in my pajamas I'll never know."--Satireguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Maybe you should parody something Harpo said – if you get my drift.)

"Is this the M*A*S*H-ie unit?"--Tim H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: This is based on something from the original movie, you know, “The pros from Dover.” Remember?)

"Radar, put a mask on!"--Kathy H (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Sometimes it's hard to tell which member of the H-family is the, um, most talented, shall we say.)

"He say's, "That's not your ball.""--Don Don (JUDGE'S COMMENT: A quote within a quote gets single quotation marks! But this is not nearly not as sucky as many of the others.)

"How could you.....wait, I'm saving this one for the real contest."--Anonymous (JUDGE'S COMMENT: Feel free, but they won't even acknowledge you let alone mock you.)

We're all thrilled you are enjoying your golf vacation, al. Now putt out and get back to work.--bomeguy (JUDGE'S COMMENT: It's not work if you love what you do, or don't get paid.)